Papurau Newydd Cymru
Chwiliwch 15 miliwn o erthyglau papurau newydd Cymru
14 erthygl ar y dudalen hon
OUR SHORT STORY. I
OUR SHORT STORY. I UNREWARDED HONESTY. I By VINCENT EMS. Just by way of an introduction. You—whoever, whatever, and, wherever you ?c—?lr. Eli Maggit, the Jehu of the i?eu d Lion 'bus, Tarsea. There, that's done. Shake! Jump not to the conclusion, on the strength of the Jehu," that Eli followed in the stepe- of the Biblical gentleman of that name, and diove furiously He wouldn't if he could1, and he couldn't if he would, for if the ancient steed who drew the 'hus hadn't fallen to pieces under the strain, certain it is that the more ancient bus would. And Eli knew it. But—ju.-t to justify the Jehu touch-it mu-st be recorded that whenever Eli was asked, "Are you the driver of this 'busr his invariable" reply was, "I'm the Jehu of thi", 'ore affair, .sir. Any luggage?" Eli, very short, extraordinarily stout, very red-faced, clean-shaven in patches with blue that twinkled, clad summer and winter alike in a livery coat that had seen better days and a more definite colour, and wearing a stove-pipe hat made by a firm that had been out of business for over twentv years, was a. bit of a character—an institution, a necessity to Tarsea, almost, in these days of war. The younger Jehus— Eli wne of an age so uncertain that he had I no knowledge of it himself—had gone, and tio. if you came to Tarsea for a holidav, Eli would "drive vou to your rooms; and if you lighted -oil your Heart's Desire and indulged in matrimony, Eli would drive you to be married; and if you—well, if you died-the merest supposition, of course: touch wood and it will be quite all right—Eli would drive you to the cemetery. And in all theee things Eli would be rigidly honest. He wouldn't—as was the imquitous practice of young Bill Gimp, of the rival Mitre 'bus, now withdrawn—touch his hat and, with a babe-like expression, annex the tWo-shilling piece you might "tender him. as though that were the fare. You'd get a shilling change—from Ell. Eli, you see, thought of the future. He didn't want; when he'd pegged out and was hoping to get into heaven, to be stopped by an angel and asked, "What about all them tanners and bobs you did folks out of?" It would be awkward, and might involve a dis- appointment-a change of venue. So there vou have it. Eli was honest, and he prided himself on it. Honest an' law- abidin' On a certain Tuesday evening, his day's work done. Eli entered the bar-parlour of the Rod Lion, expecting to find Job Benton there, and was not disappointed. "'(}y, long 'ave you known me, Job?" asked Eli, when his legitimate thirst had been legitimately alleviated. an d -untidiiv whi,?- Job, a boatman, stout and untidily whisi- kered, also somewhat dour of expression, wa-s startled by the unexpected question. lie would have preferred the more usual, 'Ave another. Job?" But he puckered his forehead and thought. "Twenty years?" he hazarded. "Twenty-three," corrected Eli. "An' would you call me a 'onest an' law-abidin' man?" v "I wouldn't mind," said Job indefinitely, taking up his empty tankard and putting it down again. "Nor wouldn't nobody, a week ago," said Eli. "But—well, it's no good beatin' about the bush, so I may as well out with it. Fact is, Job, I've been tempted is, '•Widder woman?" queried Job, interested at last. "Widdors an' wimmen be a tged: lm past bcin' tempted by them, or they're past bein' tempted by me—one or t'other, or both. Any rate, it wasn't a woman, nor yet a widder—it was a man, a gent, as dia it. An' now I've been an' made myself liable for fourteen years' 'ard." "You wouldn't live all that time," said Job encouragingly. "I ain't so sure," said Eli gloomily. "But I'd 'ate dvin' in prison, seein* that I've set mv mind on bfin" found dead on the 'bus seat, faithful to death, as it says on old Gimp's gravestone, although it did come out .afterwards that 'c must 'ave 'ad a couple o wives for years. 'Ow was I tempted? It was like this. Tke gent came off the one- twenty, an' asked me if I knew where 'e could get decent, quiet rooms, with good cookin' an' so on an' so forth. I told 'im that 'c could go all over Tardea an' then 'e wouldn't better MJ-S. Green-" "She was the widder woman I 'ad in my mind," put in Job with a grin. "An' continued Eli, ignoring the thrust, ('e .-aid e'd take my word for it. We chatted a, bit till 'is luggage was brought out, 'an sort o' took to each other. 'E asKed me to be extrv careful with a tin box 'e 'd got, not to dent it, an' I told 'im what I've told scores of others—that I'm more careful with other folks' things than I am with my own, 'avin' been brought up with a con- science, an' kept it, although I did do a bit of porterm' on the railway before I took on with this 'bus. I suppose 'e must 'ave re- membered what I said, for 'e came down to the station last Saturday an' asked me if I would do im a great favour. 'E'd picked me out, e ?aid, because 'e felt I was to be 3he oat, 'E'd got to return sudden on ac- count of a telegram 'e'd 'ad, 'e wanted to leave a parcel, with me, to be given to 'is lister when she came down. The parcel was private,, extry special private, an' 'e'd get into no end o' law trouble if it ever came out that 'e'd parted with it for as much as a minute, but 'e hadn't got no choice; So 'e was goin' to take the risk an' leave it with me, to be took care of just as if it was my own. An', there bein' a law case on about it, a party of swindlers tryin' to do 'is pore sister out of it, 'e'd ask me to swear solemn I wouldn't let not a single soul know I waa the one 'e'd trusted with it. An' then 'e described 'is sister-short an' stoutish, an' wearin' long widder's weeds. She'd carry a red book an' a purple parasol, 'e said, and gave me this bit o' paper describin' 'er like, so as I couldn't miwtake 'er. Ail' she'd 'ave orders to give me five pounds when I 'anded over the parcel. An', says 'c, you needn't give it up till she gives you the five pounds. Well, Job, five pounds is five pounds in the.s.e days, so I said I'd take the parcel. Then we "went inside the 'bus, where nobody could eee us' an 'e took it out of 'is bag, an' .1 'id it under my seat." T rousers?" queried Job. N o—under my seat on the 'bus. Then 'e -went off, thankill' me over an' over again, an' wavniif me not to say a word to nobody. That was on the Saturday, an' on Monday there came a gent nosin' round, wantin' to know all sorts of things. Did I fetch Mr. Smith—that was the gent's name—from Mrs. Green's? Was 'is bag 'eavy? 'Ow many bags ad 'e got? And so on. I said I never fetched 'im, an' didn't know nothin' about '.s bags or what was in them, which, if it wasn't what you might call the truth, was actin" up to my solemn oath, any rate. I kept an eye open for the gent's sister, Job, but she didn't come, an' then, blow me. if that pup o' mine didn't ferret out the parcel an' tear all the paper off! There was gold watches, rings, bracelets, an' eaven knows what! I packed 'em up again a- best I could, an' then when I was down at the station I 'card that the gent what asked me all them questions was a 'tec, an' that 'e ■was after the other gent for pinehin' gold Watches, rings, hetceterv! An' I'd swore I didn't know anythin' about the gent's bags, nor what was in them I tell you. Job, the sweat fair ran off me like a river. An' now 'cre'fc me, Eli Maggit, what's prided 'imse!l on bein' onest an' law. abidin', with 'b oue what you might call full of stolen property 1 That's worth seven years' 'arÔ j without countin' the seven I'd get for tellin lies to that 'tec an' 'inderin' 'im in th execution of 'is dooty. An' then there 's the gent's widdered sister-an' the five pounds,' concluded Eli lugubriously. "What would you do if you wa,, me, Job? I'm in a fail muddle to know what to do." "If I was you, Eli," said Job, "I'd stand Job Benton a pint o' bitter, so as to wet 'is brain an' make it work. Much obliged. luck: There's only one thing foi you to do, Eli, although, of course, yoa could ch'.ick the stuff in the sea, or go t:: fcbe police an' give yourself up. The ilrst would be sinful waste, an' the second—well, I that ain't better talked about. Tour line in to watch for the widder with the red 'anky. chief "Red book an' a purple parasol," cor- rected Eli. "Wait for 'er," continued Job, "give 'er the parcel, an' get the fiye-no, that wouldn't do! I'd give 'er the things, but I wouldn't touch no money—not a 'a'penny. It might get you into trouble. 'Aiidin' over a innocen parcel wouldn't oe nothin' Takin' five pounds would. It 'ud prove you was in the swim, so to speak." "Much obliged, Job," said Eli. relieved. "It's a bit 'ard, of course, to be tempted with five pounds an' then not to handle the money, but what you've said is right enough. I knew your 'cadpice 'ad more in it than mine." You came to the right man when you came to me," vicl Job modestly. "Watch for this 'ere red widder, 'and 'er the parcel —makin' sure nobody ain't watchin', take no temptation money, an' then swear, if it corner to a pinch, that you know nothin about anythin'. That's your line." By the second train the next nlorning the gent's widowed sister arrived short, stout, carrying a red book and a purple parasol. She came into the station yard, looked round, sa,w Eli, and after a cautious glance round, went straight to him. "You've a parcel for me, I think?" she said. "Ye6'm," said Eli, "I 'ave, an' signifi- cantly, "I wish I 'adn't. If you'll get in the 'bus I'll drive round a quiet road an' 'and it over. There's been a bit o' fuss about that parcel," he explained, looking at her straightly. Eli drove to a quiet road. stopped the 'bus, jumped down, looked about him. saw that the coast was clear, and then retrieved the parcel from his steed's nosebag and passed it to the widow. "Thank you," she said. "I was to give you five pound-" "I ain't takin' it, mum," Mud Eli firmly, "an' if yoti wouldn't mind gettin' out of the 'bus now the business is settled I'd be obliged." The lady alighted, and Eli drove off—with a lighter 'bus and a lighter heart. "It'6 the first time I've been tempted," he muttered, "an' darn me, it'll be the last!" Two months later Job bought a new boat. Shortly afterwards it leaked out that he it was who had bought Bill Grummit's half- dozen bathing-machines. Then there was a donkey and a brand-new rubber-tired bath chair. "Come into a fortunequizzed Eli. I "Not exactly," said Job. "Fact i". I was tempted, Ba^ie ae you was, an' 'ad the luck to get a bit more out of it than you did. But," anticipating a quite natural question from Eli, "it ain't somethin' I could tell you about, so don't ask me." And therein Job spokp truJy. He had been tempted, and it was wmething that he couldn't tell Eli about. He'd been tempted to get his sister, who to I ii- the pirt of. th(, lived at Southlands, to lay the part of the widow. She was short, and i?he was stout, and if she'd given up wearing widow's weeds it didn't take her long to get a fresh supplv" nor to buy an eighteenpenny red book and a four-and-eleven-three purple parasol. Now and then Job goes—somewhere. Now nnd then his sister goes—somewhere else. They take with them a ring, a chain, a bracelet. And they return without them. Which is what the real red widow will have to do if, and when, ehe comes to Tarsea. But she hasn't been yet, and—as accidents will happen—it can be said at once that -ehe will not be able to come for two years and some odd months.
ILIGHTING BY VOLCANO.-1
I LIGHTING BY VOLCANO. -1 Most of us have considered the possi- bility of harnessing the tides for commercial purposes, and now comes the intelligence that famous Italian engineers are preparing one of the most amazing schemes ever sug- gested in- order to make Italy a. independ- ent as possible of foreign coal. These schemes are no less than to harness the many volcanoes which belch forth lire and smoke and steam, and convert their inex- haustible energy into electricity. Near Larderello, in Tuscany, the country is full of small volcanoes and cracks in the earth from which pour out constant jets of steam. Some years ago an Italian engineer conceived the idea of using these hot steam jets- to drive a small engine. Now_that small, engine has become a great central plant of many thousands of horse power, driving huge dynamos and supplying the electricity for many Italian towns. Naturally these are only small power sources compared with the terrific forces which are exerted by -volcanoes like Vesuvius and Etna, the two gigantic- volca- noes from which the engineers hope to draw sufficient electricity to do away with any exports of coal from abroad. It is unfortu- nate in one way that our tight little island has not these geographical pcciili;irltle-it the same time, doubtless the majority will consider it is a particularly fortunate loss!
ITANKS FOR HORSES.
I TANKS FOR HORSES. Now that the war is happily g'-ct', idlttg Are wanted for the use of ordnance in peace time. It may be mentioned that after the Napoleonic war,; we turned many guns into statues; from those captured at Waterloo were cast t'he lamp-posts on London Bridge. Numerous pieces which had done good ser- vice in the field, moreover, were u p-ended and half buried at strget corners, there to serve as kerb protectors. But kerb protec-, tors are not in demand nowadays. At the present time cordite is being used for fertilising purposes, and myriads of brass eartridgo-cases are undergoing conver- sicn into water-fugs, dinner-gongs, etc. What is to be done with aeroplane-pro- peller^? Mrany cost X20 apiece to make, but can now be bought for £2 each. The tank is not hopeless, adapted though it seems solely for the purposes of war. Soon after it was introduced a scheme was drawn up for ultimately utilising it on the towing- paths of our canals in place of horses. This ad to be abandoned because of the narrow- ness of the paths, etc.; but the idea bore fruit in France, where many tanks are now employed as tractors.
I RAILWAY AUCTIONS.I
RAILWAY AUCTIONS. One of the most wonderful sales that human beings can attend are those held under the aegis of the railway companies when disposing of lost property found In the trains on their particular system. These unconsidered trifles, naturally, in- clude hundreds of coats, blouses, shirts, pairs of trousers, and gloves, and, of course, thousands of umbrellas. It must be a cus- tom on the part of some travellers to change their collars, cuffs, ties, and socks and stockings in the train, for hundreds- nay, thousands—of these articles appear at the railway 6aies. The same remark might apply even to boots, for scores of pairs arc left behind. At a recent FAle at Waterloo there was one lot consisting of four nine-dnch-thick stone slabs. But probably the article which "takes the biscuit for its peculiarity among things left behind in the train was an Egyptian mummy. It may have been one ci the Pharoahs. If so, it was probably the very iirst time he had ridden in a train. Perhaps he liked the new sensation so well that lie refused to budge. However, the mummy was there all right, and he was never claimed. Isn't it wonderful what a forgetful people we are?
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Fishermen at Aberdeen having decided not to sail without a guarantee of 24 hours in port after landing fish, the owners arc laying up the vessels and paying off crews. Martial lav. resulting from the strikes, has been raised at Barcelona. After the general election in France it is understood that brcad-cards are to be re- introduced.
CLUB WINDOW. !
CLUB WINDOW. When the Prince of Wales arrives home from the States it is probable that he will take additional domestic responsibilities, for, in addition to his London residence, there is some talk of the Prince having a house in Scotland, near Balmoral. It is said that the heir to the throne is gathering up quite a lot of interesting souvenirs in Cana.da with which to embellish his London household, York Iiou=>e, and give it "cha- racter." A very responsible gentleman, by the way, is Chief Inspectdt Parker, of Scotland Yard, who is accompanying the Prince of Wales as police guardian. He has had a large experi- ence in all parts of the world, and this is not his first visit to the other side. He tells an amusing story he once heard of a Yankee attorney, who thus addressed a jury on behalf of a prisoner:—" Gentlemen," he said, "witnesses have sworn that they saw the accused fire his gun; they have sworn they saw Pete Jackson fall fiat; they have sworn that this bullet was extracted from Pete Jackson's body; but, gentlemen, in the name of justice I a-sk you, where is the evi- dence that the bullet hit Pete Jackson?" > Alfonso of Spain, who has had a great burden of trouble since he was old enough to look around and take an interest in things, played an important part in inter- national affairs during the war. His activi- ties cover a wide field and show the young monarch in many lights, e.g. aa the chival- rous friend of the wounded and captives, w hose personal correspondence totalled eome 2,000 letters a day, and as the fearless ruler who, in the face of pro-German advisers, un, hesitatingly .gave orders for the transport of iron pyrites through Spain for the French munition factories. There are rumours abroad of a disquiet- ing character regarding the health of Mr. j Lloyd George, who is said to be far more ] unwell than the nawspapers .have, for some reason, chosen to sa y. His load of responsi- bility, probably the" greatest carried by any one man in the world before, has at last proved too much for him, and many who have seen him at Deauville were shocked. The cheery photographs of him which ap- peared in the London newspapers were not taken at Deauville, for, though the other members of the party allowed themselves to be photographed, the Premier steadily re- fused all the requests of the camera man, lie was, and looked, too ill, # Mr. Lloyd George, one may add incident- ally, htus a "double" in Sir Clement Kinloch- Cooke, who bears a striking resemblance to the Premier. He was very embarrassed the other day, however, when two mothers at the entrance to Palace Yard held up their babies to him to be kiswed, under the im- pression that he was Mr Lloyd George. Sir Clement is fond of motoring, and relates an amusing comment made by an old coach- man, who was exercising superseded carriage horses. "Well, all I can say is," he grunted, "when the ladies went out with me, they used to take a pride in makin' themselvea look nice; but when they goes out in that bloomin' thing," pointing to a car, "they looks like patients out of one of them eye and ear hospitals!" The Shah of Persia will visit England, if he is not already in this country by the time these lines appear Of him it is said that he is fond of telling the following story concerning his great grandfather, the famous Nasr-ed-Din. In old age this ruler lost his good looks-a fact which (says the Shah) troubled him greatly. One day he studied his features in a glass attentively for some time and then, dismayed by his ugliness, began to weep At once the Court Fool commenced weeping aJso, and even when, after lamenting for two whole houre, the Shah dried his tears, the Fool continued weeping more violently than ever. Nasr-ed- Din looked at him in astonishment and aske-d him the cause of his sorrow. "I wept with reason," he said, "at beholding my ugli, the Lord of so many lands, the master of countless slaves. But I do not understand why you should thus despair." "If you, my Lord," replied the Fool, "wept for two hours after seeing yourself in the mirror for but an instant, is it not natural that I, who see you all day long, should weep longer than you?" Apparently Alsaoe Lorraine is yet to give further trouble to our French neighbours, in fact it is said that there is strong likeli- hood of very unlookod-for developments in regard to Alsace-Lorraine. An increasingly influential movement is on foot among the liberated population to set up an indepen- dent republic, over which France would exercise merely a protectorate. This, of course, is by no means what the French Go- vernment wants, and the trouble which is brewing may be serious. It It There is a great flutter in Whitehall among the flappers, for undoubtedly the flapper clerk is receiving her conge at last. Mr. Shortt, the Home Secretary, told an amusing story recently concerning these ornamental additions to Government offices (in the majority of cases, that is to say). A document was handed to her chief in wjiich there occurred the, to him, un- familiar word "Zemidar," which means, it may be explained, the holder of an estate under the Indian Government. The official puzzled over it for a minute or so, and, turning to his clerk, he said, "Miss Blank, pleaso go into the library and look up the word Zemidar for mft." The girl de- parted, and after some length of time her anxious chief went in search of the missing one. lie found her with the dictionary open at the "B's." "Why, whatever are you doing?" he asked. "Looking for that word you told me," was the reply. "I've forgotten what it was, so I'm searching through the book for it." >• A supposed scandal in an East Anglian county town has just had an unlooked-for ending. During the war two young clerks were given a very unpleasant time locally by reason of their failure to enlist, and their repeated exemption by the tribunal gave rise to a big outcry and a crop of ugly rumours. It has now been explained that both of them, so far from being shirkers, were secret service men engaged on work that was alike delicate and danger- ous. Not even their employer suspected the fact it It A stage Sherlock Holmes is Mr. H. B. Irv- ing, who has now entered his forty-ninth year, is a keen criminologist, and has spent a good deal of his time gathering evidence to prove that the historical villain Judge Jeffries waA not half as black as he was painted. This investigation once led to an nming episode. It occurred in Ipswich, during a theatrical tour, when Mr. Irving called at a town in which the famous judge was said to have resided. Since the days of Jeffries the house had undergone many changes, and it was now a stationer's shop, where tickets for the local theatre could be obtained. The shop assistant recognised Mr. Irving as soon as he entered, and bent for- ward eagerly. Mr. Irving said he had called for information concerning Judge Jeffries. "I'm sorry, Rir." said the assistant, glancing at ae booking-sheet before him, "but I'm afraid I don't know the gentleman. He hasn't booked any seat thie week!"
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This year Margate's summer rainfall IS the lowest recorded for 52 years. The Gas Light and Coke Company, Lon- don, have raised gas from 4s. 2d. to 4s. fid. Mixed dances ior British soldiers, and Ger- man civilians in Cologne have been pro- hibited. General Seely. Air Minister, has injured his knee by a fall, and is staying- at Brooke House, Isle of Wight. One of 85 miners summoned at Port Tal- bot, Glamorgan, for not paying income-tax earned £ 116 in three months. For registration purposes, the address of Uxbridge Workhouse has been altered to 1, Colham-house, Hillingdon.
[ALL RIGHTS RBSEBVBD.} Drawbacks…
[ALL RIGHTS RBSEBVBD.} Drawbacks of the I Fixture List. I THE ONE REDEEMING FEATURE OF THE WEEK-TO WEEK ARRANGEMENT. By THE "WANDERER." I From some points of view I am of opinion that the arrangement of the football fix- tures this season is not by any means ideal. The clubs, speaking generally, meet each other twice within eight days, and my main objection is that such meetings are too close together, the drawback being that the incidents of one game remain rather vividly in the memory of the players when the re- turn match is played the following week Consequently, if a couple of players get at loggerheads in the first match they are apt to restart at loggerheads when they meet each other a week later. Therein lies my chief objection to the present arrangement, lor I believe it will tend to more rough matches. I Comparing Two Results. But I must confess that last Saturday night I found a real point of interest in this week-to-week arrangement of the fix- tures, for I sat down and considered how the results of last Saturday compared with the results of the same series of games I played a week earlier, the only difference being, of course, that the home teams and 3.way teams had been switched over. We shall be able to enjoy this comparison of re- sults every fortnight throughout the season, and it will always be of interest to see how results of one week have been reversed the next. I Amazing Twists. There were some striking instances of this reversal last Saturday. To take things in order of' importance, we had Chelsea, win- ning at Everton on the opening day of the reason, a.nd then Everton winning- at Chel- sea last Saturday. Both teams had made c hanges, however, and the changes in the Everton side meant strength, while those of Chelsea meant weakness. Among the other strange turns must also be included the fol- lowing: Derby had failed to beat Man- chester United at Derby, yet they won with something to spare at Manchester: West Ham could only get a point out of Lincoln I at Boleyn Castle, yet they trounced their opponents by four goals t; one before fhp disappointed Lincoln supporters, I First Division Very Evert. One thing stands out quite prominently from the opening series of games so far as the First Division is concerned, and that is the fact that the competition is going to prove that the clubs are about as evenly matched as ever they have been in the his- tory of the competition. Life is too short to delve too far back into ancient history, yet I fancy it must be a very long time since, when three matches each had been played, no team was in the possession of the maximum number of points and no team had failed to secure at least one point. Yet that was the position last Saturday night when, as I say, the clubs in the First Division had played but three matches each. 1 Strange Coincidence. Apparently the Second Division is not quite so even, for we had two clubs with the maximum number of points—the Spurs and Bristol City—and at the other end of the table two unhappy sides—Clapton Orient and Coventry City-without a single point opposite their names. Yet in the re- cords of the two clubs at the top and the two clubs at the bottom there is .much food for thought, even though the points for column are identical. Tottenham Hotspur, for instance, had scored 13 goals in obtain- ing their three wins; Bristol City had accomplished the same feat with only four goals. At the other end of the table, four goals against had been sufficient to lose Clapton Orient their three games; but in losing an equal nusiter of matches Coventry had given away 12 goals. I A Bad Time for Wales. I The Southern League, too, seems likely to nrovide all interesting series of gallie, with the clubs fairly well matched, for last Saturday night no side had more than five poiute for throe games played, and only one —Newport County—had failed to obtain a uoint. It is much too early to judge with any sort of certainty, but in regard to the Southern League it certainly seems that the London clubs are likely to have a big say in the leading positions, while Wales will probably go through a period of trial in which there will be much adversity. I Crompton Out-and in-Again, I It was good news to hear that Crompton I was ready to turn out again for Blackburn Rovers, but equally disappointing to learn dterwards that he had been compelled to leave the field after a quarter of an hour's I play, and that he did not return. "Bob" may be getting on, but we can't afford to tose him altogether from the field ju&t yet, for the steadying influence on a team of an "old hand" is more than ever required this season. Even with Crompton away most of the game, the North End could not snatch « goal to give them the victory, and the proud Prestonians of yore are still on the hunt for the first win at the time of writing. It will come soon, though. Should We Allow Substitutes ? And, by the way, in addition to Cromp- ton, there were quite a lot of accidents last week-end which left clubs to peg along minus a player. I never see a match in which ten men—or nine, sometimes—try to struggle along and beat eleven without wondering if it is not possible to alter the rules so as to allow substitutes,—with cer- tain limitations, of course. It seems to me against the spirit of a contest that one team should be handicapped as the result of an accident, and worse still as the result, occa- sionally, of a deliberate foul. I know it is argued that any system of substitutes would be abused, but of this we could rest assured —that a team would still put in the field what it considered its best eleven, and you wouldn't find a member of that best eleven being withdrawn unless an accident ren- dered him unable to go on even moderately well. A player who was not hurt wouldn't go off to make room for another player, for even professional footballers have some sense of dignity, and the great majority of' them like to do well and please the specta- tors. For a man to sham injury and go off the field would be a confession of failure, wouldn't it? Still Worried About Wilson. I All Scotland is still tremendously inter- ested and excited over the future of Andrew Wilson, that fine ex-Middlesbrough centre- forward who played for Scotland in the "victory" Internationals. He is now a player of Dunfermline Athletic, but he evi- dently doesn't mean to be that for very long, and there are mysterious rumours I afloat about a change in his plans. The most insistent story is that he wants to join the Heart of Midlothian, but Middles- brough still want to say him nay. We must wait and see.
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There is industrial unrest in Japan. I Polynesian islandcrs sing European ditties. I A Mold boy was killed instantly by a barrel of beer which jolted off ? moior-lorrv. Coast of Brittany is strewn with wreck- age. New-York-'Frisco "air derby" is arranged. The Eoyal Scots Greys are to remain at Redford Barracks, Edinburgh, instead of I being sent to India, in response to a peti- tion from the community. j Lieutenant Maynard, of the American Air j Service, was the winner in the aerial Derby I between New York and Toronto, covering the distance in 7hrs. 45rJ-mins. J The Cunard liner CarOnia, which arrived I at Plymouth from New York, left that port, for Cherbourg, and thence to Tilbury Docks, London. She will be the largest ship that- has ever been docked in London.
OUR LONDON LETTER. I
OUR LONDON LETTER. I [From Our Special Co"espandent.] I London. Direct action lias been shelved for the time being both by the miners and by the Industrial Triple Alhancc. Everything ap- pears to be depending on the decisions of the Trade Union Congress, which meets in Glasgow next week. It is good to think that the extremists are likely to get the shock of their lives. The sane counsels of men like Mr. McGurk among the miners, Mr. J. H. Thomas among the railwaymen, and Mr. Ben Tillett among the transport workers have never been more valuable or more effective than during the deliberations of this week. Mr. Clynes and Mr. Hender- son have also both spoken out with courage and clearness us to the folly of any recourse to unconstitutional methods on the part of Labour. All these things have been so many nails driven into the coffin of direct action, and there seems every probability that the Trade Union Congress will complete the funeral preliminaries and conduct the funeral of that reckless policy. JOHN 'WARD'S RETURN. Colonel John Ward, the navvies' M.P., returned to this country from Russia on Tuesday. The gallant member for Stoke-on- Trent looked none the worse for his ex- poriences when I met him in Whitehall the next day. A shade older perhaps, but as straight and fine a figure of a man as ever. Colonel Ward's views of the Bolsheviks are not likely to be popular in certain quarters, and it is to be hoped he will be able to express those views to the Trade Union Con- gress next week. Nothing, he says in an in. tervicw, could be more atrocious than the tyranny with which Bolshevism suppresses all opposition to it. He talks of horrors that he has seen and of conditions he has experienced. His testimony is worth stacks of the stuff that has been written about the Bolsheviks by people who have never been nearer to Jiussia than Fleet-street;, and it is to be hoped that due weight will be attached to it by the Labovir ^ivVcmc-nt which Colonel Wrd has served so well. AND OUTPUT. .'fROUGHT AD VTPUT. I Mr. C. A. McCurdy, M.P., the Parliamen- tary Secretary, to the Ministry of Food, was responsible for an extremely practical sug- gestion in the course of a speech which he made the other day to the Consumers' Coun- cil. "If," said Mr. McCurdy, "we were to think in terms of commodities instead of in terms of money I think we should have a much clearer view. if, instead of saying' that the railwayman or the coat miner wants another 10s. a week, we said the railwayman or the coaJ miner wanted another suit of clothes, a new carpet, an extra pint of beer a day, and a new pair of boots, we should see at once that the first step towards giv- ing him what lie wants is that more clothes and boots and beer and car pets mutst be pro- dueed, and produced at once." I JOilS FOR GERMANS. I observe that efforts are being made to secure jobs for alien enemies who have been released from internment, and are to be permitted to remain in this country. The fact that they are permitted to remain may be taken as pretty conclusive evidence of their harmlessness, for all these cases have been investigated very thoroughly. We are no longer at war with Germany, and such Germans as arc adjudged fit to remain here have got to live somehow. At the tame time, it is a little nettling to the average Briton to find a society, called the Religious Societv of Friends, starting an employment bureau in their interests. There are plenty of men, first among whom come discharged and demobilised otiieers and men of the Services, who are looking for employment. Their number is, happily, decreasing, but it seems to me that it will be time enough to be so very solicitous for the Germans, how- ever inoffensive, in our midst when we have attended to aU those who have a prior claim, 0. ..( I BARXET FAIR. I Thursday last saw the opening of Uatfiot Fair. I went out to Barnet by motor omni- bus, ft fact sufficiently indicative of the changes that, have come about sincc the palmt days of this ancient fair. ftrtrnet ia, of course, a horse fair, but nothing like the number of animals that used to be dealt with was to be seen on Thursday. I was told that there were double as many as were entered for sale last year, however, and I should be glad to think that better times are ahead for this jolly institution, It need not be said that the majority of the visitors did not go to buy horses, but there were many cheap-jacks on the scene from whom they couid, and I daresay did, buy "pups." There was, indeed, a curloils mingling of town and country folk, and there was nothing more amusing than to watch some of the former trying to forget their dignity. I HOLIDAY ORATORY. I am glad to hear that the campaign which was conducted during August at sea- side resorts by the League of Nations Union in explanation of the constitution, and in exposition of the aims of the League is a great success. That well-known and racy writer and talker, the Rev. Kingscote Greenland, who was one of the speakers, told me that he had never spoken on a sub- ject which had aroused such interest. Con- sidering that the audiences consisted for the most part of people who were on their holi- days this is as surprising as it is gratifying. I have talked politics from the beach myself before to-day, but I always had a feeling that it was unfair to the holiday-makers, and that one was in the not very dignified position of competing for a crowd with nigger minstrels and Punch and Judy shows. Doubtless they never felt the com- petition. Anyway, it is useful to have thus t succeeded in educating public opinion on so r vital a matter.
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Miss Frances Turner, 19, of Rochester, 1 swam the Medway from Aylesford Bridge to I Rochester, a distance of ten miles, in eight minutes under four hours—the last two miles in complete darkness. Ir. Hoover has arrived in London from Paris, and has TTeen busily engaged at the American Embassy. Stall-holders at Breslau fruit market who refused to sell at the prices fixed by the municipality had their goods taken by the people and sold at lower prices A mammoth picnic took place in Glasgow, when over 200.000 school children were entertained in the public parks in celebra- tion of peace. Mr. E. C. Given succeeds Sir Benjamin Johnson, Director-General of Factories, Ministry of Munitions, who has resigned. It is said that the Royal Commission has reported against the proposed alteration of our coinage to the decimal system. Military police who are rounding up absentees drove up in motor-ambulances to coffee stalls near Waterloo and made several arrests. Knocked down by a motor-car in Crouch End, a child was carried dying into Horn- sey Cottage Hospital and placed in a bed I next to her mother, Mrs. Holiday, lying ill there.
EPITOME OF NEWS. I
EPITOME OF NEWS. I The projected flight to Amsfcerdam of B33, the airship, has been postponed. Wigan has given notice to tramway-car conductresses, "whose jobs -are to be given to ex-soldiers. In view of dancing, attempts are being made to introduce a soft collar with men's evening dress. Mr. Henry Ford, the American motor-car manufacturer, intends to build an auto- mobile factory at Aarhas, Denmark. Ex-Kaiser Wilhelm will probably leave Amerongen for his new residence at Doorn in January next. Lord Glanusk has returned to Glanuek Park, Brcconshire, from Norway, where he had a severe accident. Rev. Sydney Cooper, M.A., rector of Upper Hayfcrd, Banbury, has been ap- pointed Canon and Chancellor of Truro Cathedral. Rev. O. C. Legge Wilkinson, rector of Allington. near Maidstone, died frftm injuries sustained through being run down by a motor while crossing the road. Norwegian steamer Sif, of Bergen, 3,282 tons, with cargo of tons of wheat from Rosario, was totally wrecked off Utt- vaer on her way to Bergen. The crew were saved. Londonderry is still without electrie power, except at night, owing to the water shortage. Sir Godfrey P. Collins, M.P. for Greenock, has undergone a successful opera- tion for an injury to his knee. A lady of Lille, shopping in Park, recog- nised at the cash-desk a German officer who had been billeted at her house when the enemy occupied the city. He was at once -dismissed. One of the cables between Newcastle and Gothenburg is not working. The breakdown is probably due to an explosion. Private R. T. Cooke, South African In- fantry, of Bramley, Leeds, -was found desti- tute at Peterborough, and given a night's lodging. His dead body was later found in the river Nene. King Albert and Queen Elizabeth will leave Belgium on September 22 in an American warship to visit the United States. Finding a block kitten among the .gifts at a soldier's wedding near Buckingham, the couple took it with them on their honey- moon. Built and furnished for nearly £100,000, Marjlebone's new town hall, in Marylebone- road", will be opened next month. Driffield Council, Yorks, pays 2d. each for rat-tails, and as Bridlington pays for heads one member fears that catchers may get paid twice. Victor Jones, aged ten, and BVowden Davies, aged 13, who were knocked down by a train on the Rhymney Railway while on a blackberrying expedition, died in hospital. As a result of a League football match at Newcastle, 8 per cent. of the men of one shipbuilding firm were absent, and the majority left work at four o'clock. Yorkshire Wold farms, near Driffield, belonging to Mr. J. J. Calder, were sold chiefly to tenants, 2,371 acres fetching < £ 39.000. Colchester oyster fishery has opened, the, mayor making the first haul from a dredger' and then taking the customary gin and gingerbread. Dr. Charles Mercier, the authority on mental diseases, who has died, aged 67, at Bournemouth, was in his youth cabin boy, warehouseman, and clerk. Found senseless in the road at Waltham Cross with wounds in his head. a man ia lying unconscious and unidentified in Edmonton Infirmary. Frederick Ashdown, chauffeur to the ex- Empress Eugenie, was fined 108. 6d. at Aldershot for an unmuzzled dog in his charge, stated to belong to the ex-Empress. lister Hannah Hudson, who has begun her ministrv at the United Methodist Church, Pontypool, is the first woman preacher ap- pointed to a church in Monmouthshire. It was stated in Hendon Revision Court that a woman entitled to a vote wa.s 00 tired j of filling in forms that she did not wish to be bothered any mope. Her vote was allowed. James Harkin, foundry worker, was re- manded at Londonderry, charged with pointing a loaded revolver at a soldier g Hording Dorry walls during the Sinn Fein procession. revolver missed fire. In tie Hautes J'Tieiices, has t;1titlpri it commemorative tablet on Valentine House, the birthplace of Marshal Foch. In about five years Paris and Dieppe will be connected by canal. A Government Bill authorising the scheme will be introduced in the Chamber shortly. The captain, secretary, and members of the Bargoed Fire Brigade have tendered resignation to the Gelligaer Council, de- clining "to be further treated as serfs." J Thirty-five German prisoners have left Ashbv-de-la-Zouch for home, and before leaving they placed wreaths on the graves of two comrades in the local cemetery. Flights to Belgium are permissible pro- vided no goods are carried. The Shah of Persia has arrived in France. London tailors have decided that a fair margin of profi in their trade is 33 1-3 per cent. Hampstead's war memorial will be an en- dowment fund of £50,000 for the General Hospital. £li5 was paid at Tenterden, Kent, for a bed on which George II. is supposed to have slept. Prince of Wales at Ottawa laid tie foun- dation stone of the Victory Tower of the new Canadian Parliament building. Breton onion boys are to "be seen in Lon- don again. Entering a flat in Piccadilly-mansiona, Coventry-street, W., through the fanlight, thieves' got away with jewellery valued at £400, the property of Mr. J. W. Ilein. A pike weighing 161b. 6oz. was taken from the Kennet at Newbury. A violen* cyclone ha;s caused the devasta- tion of several villages in Friuli, Italy. A number of persons were killed and injured. Mr. Daniels, Secretary of the United States Navy, reviewed the Pacific Fleet of 22 warships off San Franciseo. Four thousand miles of twine, neatly wound up in 61b. bundles, are to be sold by the Ministry of Munitions Disposal Board. Sent for trial on a charge of bigamy, Grace Winifred Terry, 24, pleaded at Wool- wich that as her husband gave the false iiame of Simpson when he married her she thought she was entitled to marry again. Cardinal Bourne, Archbishop of West- minster, performed the ceremony of enclo- sure of the new Carmelite Convent at Ply- mouth. It i stated that the ex-Kaiser in his flight took £32,500 with him. Hounslow opened its retail market with ten stalls, mainly run by ex-service men. Lord Tredegar took six first prizes for hunters at Abergavenny show. Arrangements are afoot for re-opening the shipping service between Liverpool and Hamburg. During a recent power breakdown in Bel- fast, n newspaper firm bought a tank engine, and quickly linked it up with the dynamo. While playing with a dog at Lichfield the four-year-old child of Private Elliott, of the Royal Warwic.ks. fell into a tub of hot water and died later. The Chancellor of the Exchequer acknow- ledges the receipt of c£50 from an anony- mous donor as a contribution towards the expenses of the war. Unlined sheep efein vests could be had for from 2s. 6d. to 5s. 6d. and lined ones for 6s. at the of Australian Army surplus stocks Large numbers of troops lor the Curragh are arriving in Dublin from England.
FUN AND FANCY.
FUN AND FANCY. "There is a story in that woman's lace.* "Yeb; and she made it up, too." Ho: Since I met you I have but one thought." She: "That's -ne mo-e than I i, vou credit for." "Lady: "What is your aim in life, my good woman?" Good Woman: "Me 'usb.ind, gen'rally. Visitor: ''What lovely furniture Johnny: "Y es, I think the man we bought it from is scrrv row he sold it; anyway, he's always calling." "If I engage you. do you think you will know your pbee" "I think so, mum; I've known seventeen of 'em in six months." "Did Doris reject Jack when he pro- posed r" "Not exactly, but she put him in Grade 3, only to be used as a last resort." Patient: "Is this medicine to be used only for local application-" Doctor: Dear me, no: you can use it anywhere you happen to be." Irate Parent: "You can get rid of money faster than any man I know." Son: "True, dad: but listen. By getting rid of it quickly I save lots of time and time, you know, is money. "It's downright mean of you to refuse to lend me five pounds," growled Noc-oyne. "One friend should always help the other." "Yes," replied Toyler. "But you always want to be the other." Hortense: "I can onlv be a s ister to yon, Alphonse." Alphonse: "Then give me back mv presents." Hortense: "Why. Alphonse! Who ever heard of a sister being so silly?" Willis: "Thev say he robs Peter to pay Paul. Is that &0[" Gillis: "Only half true. He robs Peter." Telegraph Boy (handing Brown a tele- gram from his wife at the seaside): "Any answer?" Brown (without opening it); l "Yes, just fay Broke.' Rachel: "Here is your ring, Solomon. I can never marry you, for I love another." Solomon: "Vcre iss de man you lofr Y ot iss his name?" Rachel: "Goodness, Solomon! You won't kill him Solomon: N-o: I viU sell him der ring sheap." Magistrate (to priewncri: "I hope I shall not see you here again." Old Offender: "Not see me 'ere again! Why, yer ain't goin' ter chuck yer job, are yer?" "So our engagement is at an end?" said the blonde youth. "It is certainly at an h e liloiide -vouth. end," replied the fiickle brunette. "I sup- pose you will return the engagement ring" "I certainly will, if you will call around some night and pick it out." I He: "I have your permission to call this evening ?" She: I shall be very pleased; but don't forget that father switches off the light at ten o'clock." He: "That's kind of you I'll be there at ten sharp." Newly promoted and exceedingly lf-im- portant lance-corporal to too familiar private: "Don't you get Billin' me. Jest remember as I've got a 'andle to me name." Private: "Oh: you 'ave, 'ave yer? Well, the refuse-tub's got two!" "I grovel here before you in the dust!" observed the impassioned youth, as he sank to the drawing-room floor. "I don't know what you mean by dust," replied she, coldly. "I look after this room most carefully my- self every morning." "Marriage is a failure," said the Cynic, with a sneer. "No wonder," replied the I Philosopher. "Look how many inexperi- enced people go in for it." ..= Wife: "Richard. I wish you would take care of baby for an hour or two. I am going to have a tooth pulled." Husband: "Look here, dear, vou mind the babv, and I'll go and get a couple of teeth puued. I Wife: "What do they mean by wealth un- told?" Husband (sadly): "There's no such thing nowadays. Nearly everybody has to make an income-tax return." Greene: "Has hf* » lit of money?" .G-rà "No, but he has the Mxt best thing." Greene: "What is that?" Gray: "The ability to make people think he's rich." Pblice Magistrate (incredulously) You mean to tell me that this prisoner-this physical wreck—gave you a black eye?" Complainant: "Yes, yer honour, but he wasn't a physical wreck until he gave me the black eye." He: "And did you see Monte Carlo whilst you were at Nice?" She: "No papa called on him, I believe, but from his disappointed appearance when he returned to the hotel I think Mr. Carlo must have been out." Papa, I'm going to buy you such a pretty painted shaving-mug for a birthday present." "But I've got one already." "So, you haven't; I've just broken it." I "Truth crashed to earth will rise again," said the hopeful person. Yes," replied the cynic; "but it's liable to have to use a crutch for some time after."
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