The Illustrated Usk Observer and Raglan Herald

AGRICULTURE. I THE agricultural show this year will be held at York, and the proceedings were commenoed on Thursday and Friday (although the general show is not until next month) in the trial of grass-mowing machinery. The visitors were few and quite of the agricultural class. The judges were Mr. John Coleman, of Eacrit, York, Mr. Caldwell, Wilts, and Mr. Kay, of Darlington, and these gentlemen had considerable work to fully master the peculiarities and merits of the various machines. The competitors were of considerable standing, as the names of Burgess and Key, Brentwood, Essex; Brig- ham and Bickerton; Kearsley, Ripon; Barnlett, Samuelson, Cuthbert, &e., will show. Tha dy- namometer of the Royal Agricultural Society was used for testing the "puli" of each machine. On both days the work done was deemed very satisfactory, and at the conclusion the first prize of X20 was awarded to Mr. Barnlett, of Thirak; the second, of < £ 10 to Mr. H. Kearsley, of Ripon. The combined machines of Bar- gess and Key were highly commended, and that of Messrs. Samuelson and Co. was commended. A new double-actioned haymaker by the Reading Ironworks Company was awarded a prize of .£5. THE superintendent of the Statistical Office of the Cattle Plague Department prefaces the returns of the last week with the following remarks:—"A farther reduction in the namber of attacks of cattle plague is manifested in the present return. During the week ending 30th June the number of attacks officially re- ported in Great Britain was 260 viz., 254 in England, threein Wales, and three in Scotland. Thenumber-viz., 260—shows a decrease of 145 on the previous return. Correcting the total, by adding an estimate of attacks commencing during the week, but which may be sub- sequently reported, the number for the week will be 312. The following 22 counties have from the com- mencement remained free from the disease viz., Westmorland, Monmouth, the six counties of South Wales, Montgomery, Merioneth, Carnarvon, Angle- sey, Wigtown, Bute, Argyll, Banff, Elgin, Nairn, Ross and Cromarty, Sutherland, Caithness, and Orkney and Shetland. The last columns of the table (pp. 2 and 3) show what other counties have been free from disease during each of the four weeks pre- ceding this return, so far as information has been received. In 64 counties, one riding of Yorkshire, and the Metropolis,' no oases have been reported as occurring during the week. Seven counties show an increase of 14 cases; and 15 counties, the 'Metropolis,' and the three ridings of Yorkshire show a decrease of 159 cases. In the aggregate more than 50 (50.7) in every 1,000 of the ordinary stock of cattle in Great Britain have been attacked, and to every 1,000 attacks, whose results have been reported, 861 animals perished. Up to the date of this return 5,002 sheep have been reported as attacked by the disease, being an increase of 537 since last week. The mean tem- perature of the week was 4.8 deg higher than the average of the corresponding week during 50 years; the thermometer in the sun registered 162.9 deg. at the Royal Observatory, Greenwich, on Wednesday, 27th Jane."

Laudanum and. Alcohol.—An inquest was held ill Broad-street, Bloomsbnry, the other day, on the body of Elizabeth Dixey, 50 years of age. Deceased died at her lodgings, from the effects-of laudanum, which with alcoholic drinks she was in the habit of taking, as she said, to drown her sorrow for the deser- tion of her husband, and his cohabitation with another woman. The immediate cause of death was pal. monary apoplexy, and tha jury found a verdict to that effect.

SPORTS AND PASTIMES.. A HUNDEED AND NINETY-ONE miles in three hours forty-three minutes is not bad travelling. A case of emergency occurred last week when that distance was donef from King's-cross to York. The engine should henceforth be called Black Bess. A FOOLISH wager has been made at a wine-shop on the Quay d'Orsay, which has resulted in death. At a breakfast. where the conversation turned on the quantity of drink which a person could take, a brick- layer, named Floreatin, made a bet that he would drink twelve glasses of wine while the clock of the Tuileries was striking twelve. He drank three glasses before the clock had struck three times. At the next glass he stopped to breathe. At the seventh he began to drink more slowly, but, making an effort, he drank off the eighth glass. He then turned very pale, and breathed with difficulty. His friends wished to stop the wager, but he said he would go on come what might, and swallowed the ninth glass. He had barely emptied the glass when he fell down senseless. A surgeon was sent for, but, in spite of all his efforts, the foolish man died in three hours. THE following humorous programme was sold at the Dramatic Fete on Saturday :— "POLICE.—ARREST OF A DANGEROUS GANG.-Miss Lydia Thompson, Miss Lydia Maitland, Miss E. Baf. ton, Mrs. Stirling, and many others, all well known to the public generally, were brought before the sitting magistrate at -BsaM-street, charged with obtaining money under false pretences; they were also accused of violence and of using strong language. "The prosecutor, Mr. Lavender Kydd, of Ken- sington-gardens, stated, that on the previous Satur- day he had visited the Crystal Palace accompanied by a friend. Incautiously he had taken a large sum of money with him, of which fact Miss Lydia Thompson had become aware. The result of his imprudence was very soon apparent, for happening to pass near that desperate young person, he was seized by her and immediately struck — all of a heap, if he might so express himself. While in this condititin he was shown a needle-case, and before he had time to make his escape five shillings were ex- tracted from him for the article. He had since been informed by his sister, to whom he had presented hia purchase, that it was not worth half-a-crown. The complainant went on to state that having made his escape from Miss Thompson, he was hastening to the door, when Mrs. Stirling stopped him, showing her teeth in so dangerous a manner that he was com- pelled to give a guinea for a. baby's cap, although he could assure his worship that he had not the slightest use for it. He was next assailed by Miss Bufton, who shot such a glance at him as to render him insensible to anything that happened afterwards. Upon re- covering consciousness the following morning he found himself very unwell and his money all gone. The pain about the region of the heart was still very acute. "Sergeant Farren, of the 0-(lympic)-Division, said that when she took the accused into custody, they were surrounded by gentlemen using shocking lan- guage. She distinctly heard 'pet' and 'darling' pro- ceed from the lips of one of the gang, although she could not say which of the prisoners had spoken the words. The prisoners, in defence, said that they did it to assist a number of brothers and sisters who were living in the country. Miss Thompson, who seemed ignorant of the danger of her position, saucily remarked that it was all fair in fair time! "The worthy magistrate said that the plea which the prisoners had set up induced him to discharge them this time, but he warned them he should not lose sight of them in future. The dangerous gang left the court with their friends, being heard to say that they would do it again next year."

THE DRAMATIC COLLEGE ANRVAL FETE AND FAIR. There are three excellent reasons why this now firmly-established festive anniversary at tach ennual recurrence increases in attraction, in pecuniary success, and in the numbers and enjoyment of its participants. In the first place, its object is most admirable; in the second, it serves as a famous holiday for the actora themselves, who enjoy it quite as much as the visitors and in the third, th- ments become more varied, the fun more hilarious, and the crowding and pleasant bustling mors exciting every year. On Saturday last the opening of the Fair took place under the "happiest anspioos "-na.mely, those of the efficient and dignified herald, Mr. Robert Romer. The day was beautiful, being clear and bright, without being too warm, and the palace and grounds seemed as if dressed in their best for this particular and important occasion. The crowd streamed onwards through winding paths bordered with the brightest and gayest of flowers, or across lawns of velvety green, towards the grand entrance of the palace, whither they were invited by the noisiest and the most discordant of musical invitations. Prominent amongst the attractions of the Jete is the exact counterfeit presentment of Richardson's travel- ling theatre, which Mr. Nelson Lee annually sets up at the corner of the transept. There is a picture by an eminent hand in a shop window in the Strand of Richardson's booth in its glory, with Edmund Kean dressed as Harlequin in the front, and striking right and left with his sword of lath. Any one who has seen that picture will at once recognise the fidelity with which LJr. Lee has preserved all the Richardson touches and costumes and "properties." And with good reason, for if we are not mistaken he was himself the immediate successor of Richardson, and for a long time sustained the dying glories of the movable theatres. There is the old clown-none of your modern Shakespearian jesters," but a real fully plastered, properly coloured, decidedly white and red clown, who tumbles conscientiously, properly perse- cutes pantaloon, and invites the gaping crowd to "Be in time," with the old-fashioned but never-failing inducements. Richardson was always strong ia his band and his ballet, and these Mr. Lee has not for- gotten. His musicians make more noise than all the other bands in the fair put together, and his ballet on the platform, which is given for nothing, never ceases, from morn "till dewy eve." The drama, too—" of thrilling interest "—is Richardson all over. There were two, which were performed alternately on Saturday namely, The Mysterious Monk, and The White W'dnsss, one of which we "did" coBSciGHtiously from bsgiDiiipg to end, although we should not like to be too positive as ta which. It was intensely interesting, and the ex- citement never flagged for a moment. The action was rapid, the "situations" were striking, the dialogue at once terse, vigorous, and colloquial. Next to, perhaps rivalling, the theatre, was Pro- fessor Toole's Chinese Exhibition, which attracted crowds of visitors and excited shouts of laughter. Is is quite sufficient to say that the subject of the professor's lecture was China, and his main illustration the Giant Chang, personated by Paul Bedford. To indicate the style of the enter- tainment, Mr. Bedford was most carefully costumed, and made up as ft mandarin of much dignity. The correctness of his Pekin accent, in speaking the language of his whilom native land, was much admired of by the audience. The lecture of the professor was most admirably delivered, and his liberality in the way of presents-of plate and other articles of vertu-wes highly appreciated by the fairer portion of his audi- ence. When the crowd poured out of the Toolian Pagoda they almost astquickly poured into "The Hall of Momus," where all the talent of all the music halls in London might be enjoyed in a concentrated form We were particularly struck with the German song of Mr. Macarthy, and the skilful piano accompaniment of Mr. Wilson, both of whom received warm and general applause. Bat, so far, we have not got beyond "the fun of the fair," and have yet to describe its most im- portant part, that is to say, its commerce, presided over by all the beauty and- grace and talent of our metropolitan theatres. The anxiety of the public to see the ladies of the drama by daylight approaches to a phrensy, and exercises a most beneficial influence on Drices at the fancy fair. Mrs. Stirling, with a keen eye to business, had opened a shop in a moat eligible position," and must have been completely cleared off before the evening. Her stall was always surrounded bv a crowd, and her eloquence never failed in securing purchasers, and in reconciling them to the scarcity of change. At the opposite corner Miss Lydia Thompson opened with great spirit in the morning, and for some time did a famous trade, but towards the afternoon the prin- cipal" having disappeared, and her place having been filled by another less fair," tha crowd I were awfully disappomtedj and the interests of the charity suffered accordingly. The public should not be taught to believe that attractive names may appear in the bills but their possessors be absent from the fair, as there can be 1:0 doubt but that the wish to see our popular actresses by daylight is, after all, the great attraction of this annual festival. The younger ladies should follow the laudable examples set by Mrs. Stir- ling and Mrs. Mellon, neither of whom left her post for a moment, but worked for the charity as if it was a matter of special pecuniary benefit to herself. Towards fear o'clock in the afternoon the crowd became tremendous, the fan fast and furious, and the trade the very madness of competition. It was a carnival without the masks, a, saturnalia without the sin. The people moved about in solid masses, the throng being too dense to permit of individual circula- tion the gongs roared, the brass brayed, and the "touters" at the diiferent booths shouted their loudest. Everyone looked happy, and none more so than Mr. Webster, the Master of the Dramatic Col- lege, who evidently calculated on a liberal addition to its funds as the result of this year's fete and fair.

DROWNED IN A DRAIN. In the sad accident which occurred recently at Hastings, when Henry Winter, one of three men working in a drain, was swept away by the sudden influx of water from the storm, the others had an awfully narrow escape; and one of them, John Wilson, tells a sad story of the night's ad- venture. He says :—• "We had opened the drain just in front of the bank, and about eleven o'clock at night I went down first and crept in; but I was soon glad enough to come out, for the air was that bad I couldn't breathe it. So we all three waited a bit, and then, taking our shovels and lanterns, down we went, and got into the drain—three feet across so that we had almost to crawl along it. Poor Harry Winter went in first, then Lawrence, and I went last; and then we got to work. It was no wonder as the people complained, for the drain was in a terrible state, and there were loads upon loads of soil in it; and what we wanted to do was to shovel it all back into the big culvert, which was a foot wider than the one we were in, and joined on to the iron pipe which runs down the beach and empties into the sea. "It was a queer, awkward job; for we had to work bent down upon one knee by the light of our lanterns, and to shovel the dirt right under us-me pushing it back to Lawrence, and he shovelling it to Winter, who sent it into the culvert, where there was enough flow of water to carry it out into the sea. We got on very well though, for there was very little water where we were at work. which was some distance back from the hole where we came down; when, all at once, I heard the noise of water, and a terrible feeling of fear came over me, for I knelv there was some- thing not as it should be. I knew directly that it must be water pouring in from the surface drains, and I shouted back to Lawrence and Winter— Come out; there's some- thing wrong;' but before the words were well out of my month, down came the water with a sudden rush. There was no time hardly to think, before it was upon me, and there I was down on my knee in that muddy place, fighting, struggling, and panting to get out. It was awful; for I couldn't get my breath, and there was the water roaring and rushing along, tearing down out of the small drains which emptied into the one we were cleaning, and even dashing from the street gutters down the opening by which we got into the place. Almost directly the drain was three- parts full, and the water tearing over me, so that I was struggling for my breath, and feeling so confused and stifled that I thought all was over, and that I should never get out. When I was under our drain the water came with such tre- mendous force that it bent me down, and I t -was almost gone while to make it worse, my great sea-boots werelKftcL with water, ana sccnfecr to keep me back. The water grew deeper and fiercer every moment, and I felt that faint and exhausted that I could hardly stand against the rush; but by God's mercy, blinded, half suffocated, and con- fused, I got to the opening, and then lent Lawrence a hand. Just then I turned round and looked down the black place where the water was running along, and just above it I could see the glimmer- ing of poor Winter's lantern, when, 'Harry! Harry!' I shouted, and the poor fellow either shouted, Halloo or All right!" I can't say which, for I was too confused; but I shouted again, 'Look sharp, or you'll never get out alive.' And he didn't, for-neither Lawrence nor me could hear or see any more of him, though I kept on shouting to him, I dare say, tyenty times. It was a dreadful time, and I was horribly frightened; but I ran lower down to where one of the man-holes opens into the brick culvert; for I knew he had been driven back by the water, and I thought that, perhaps, he would try to get up one of them, though the chances are that he could not have breathed for the foul air. There were some men close by, and I called to them to help me, but they would not come, and at last I man-, aged to get the trap up and let myself down, when I found the water was up to my middle; and then I knew that it was all over with poor Winter, for he could not get out at the bottom of the great iron pipe where it empties in the sea, on account of the wooden-hinged flap which covered the mouth to keep the sand and shingle from washing up and stopping it. This flal) was then about six inches open, and I ran down to it in the dark with my lantern, and began to low&f the chain, thinking I could get my poor mate as he came down. But no sooner did I let go than the flap new up, from the pressure of the water, and away it rushed into the sea, some of it dashing up many. feet into the air. 1 could not see much, it was that dark, for it was a terrible storm, and had come on so sud- denly; but I got all the help I could, and as soon as the water was a bit lowered, we went right up the iron drain and the brick culvert, which is the continuation up the town and then we searched the drain where we had been at work, and again right up past the junction with the culvert, in case he might have been carried the other way; and then the small drains opening into the larger ones, in case he might have tried to crawl up either of them but we could not find him, and I can't help thinking as he must have been carried out to sea by the water when I opened the flap which covered the mouth of the pipe. Poor fellow being last, he had so poor a chance of getting out; and then, too, he was a taller man, and the place was so small that we had almost to creep, and with such a tremendous and sudden rush of water against one, it was con- fusing and exhausting; and, besides, he had so much farther to come. And so we've gone. on searching in the drains and on the beach, for his friends' sake. We go down on the shore, and have used drags from out of the boats, but haven't found him yet, though I feel sure as hQ'11 bevashed up by the sea, though some people think yet as he's stuck in one of the small drains, and so several places have been opened. He's left a wife and one little one; and I can't help thinking of our narrow escape, and how it would have been if I had gone, for I have a wife and eight little ones. He was a fine young fellow, though, and, reckoning from the time he joined our benefit society, I should say he was about s?ven-and-twenty. It has been a sad upset, and 1 haven t got over it yet, for there's a fortnight's work to do to that drain, stopping it with concrete, and altering it, but for the life of me I don't feel as though I could go down the hole again. And I can't see as any one was to blame, for no one could tell as such a terrible storm would come on, all at once, and flush every channel and drain; but, perhaps, if I had been at the mouth of the hole when I saw the rain coming, I might have warned them both in time." Both of the survivors and their wives seem much overcome by the affair, which has left such an impression upon their minds that they could hardly speak of it unmoved; and in this case a too common feature seems wanting: there is no carelessness on the part of employers or em- ployed no display of a want of foresight, for, to use Wilson's words in narrating, in a quiet, thankful spirit, his awfully narrow escape, who could foresee such a storm f-The Working Man. n

EXTRAORDINARY ROBBERY BY A SERVANT GIRL. At the Derby Police-court, on Monday, a respectable- looking young woman, who gave the name of Norah Grice, was charged with stealing £ 19 18s. 4d. Inspector Fearne made the following extraordinary statement to the Bench:—He said that the prisoner lived as domestic servant at Mrs. Lloyd's, who keeps the Christian Knowledge Society's Depot, Friar-gate, and who also sold the articles made by the inmates of the Midland Institution for the Blind, at Nottingham. The Rev. S. Fox, of Morley, was the local secretary to the dep&fc, which was managed by Mrs. Lloyd. On Saturday evening Mrs. Lloyd deposited between .£19 and X20 in a cashbox upstairs. On Sunday evening Mrs. Lloyd went to church, accompanied by the pri- soner, the house being looked up. At the church doors they separated for the purpose of Bitting in separate pews. The service being over, they met again at the church door and walked home to. gether. When they got to the house prisoner tried to unlock the door, and on putting the key in she said, Oh dear, there ia something amiss with the lock." The door, however, was unfastened, and on going into the house, the window leading into the gar- den was found open. They then went upstairs, and found that the cash-box was gone, containing X19 18s. 4d. Detectives Yessey and Spibey were called in, and after hearing Mrs. Lloyd's statement, they went away, and consulted him (Fearne), and he then gave it as his opinion that the robbery had been committed by some one connected with the house. About ten o'clock on Sunday evening Mr. Welbourne called at the polioe-station, and asked for them to go again to the house, and they did so. Mrs. Lloyd then said that the passage bell had rung, and she told pri- soner to answer it, and the latter said it was of no use, as it was a "runaway" ring. The prisoner then leSt the room, and in a few minutes afterwards the bell again rang, and the prisoner rushed into the room to Mrs. Lloyd, and said, "Oh! dear, the bell rang. I opened the door, and some little dirty fellow threw this purse of money into my face; and this is the money of the poor blind." The purse was opened and found to contain lis. 3d. He (Fearne) again questioned prisoner about being at church, and she said she had been there, and even went so far as to tell him the text. She also asked him how he dare insinuate that she had committed the robbery. He told her he should take her into custody, when she said she would tell all about it. She then said that she went into the church with her mistress, came out again, and went to the house, and committed the robbery; and that in addition to the X7 lis. 3d. already given up he would find the remainder buried under a tree in the garden, amounting to J211 7a. Id. He (Fearne) went and found the money as described. He wished to ask for a remand, in order that the Rev. Mr. Fox might be present. The girl, who had nothing to say, was re- manded. -4

EXECUTION OF TWENTY-ONE SER- GEANTS. AT MADRID. Shocking Scene. A Madrid letter in the Temps gives the subjoined that city* I eould have wished to write this letter in a cheer- fnl strain, but find it impossible. I remember that at a certain time military exeoutions were very frequent in Spain, and the Charivari used to sum up its news from that country by conjugating the verb fusilier. The tradition seems to be still respected, and the logic of revolution appears destined to remain eternally the same. At noon, two days back, twenty-one young fellows of the army engaged in the late insurrection, almost all of handsome appearance, were taken eut of the prisons, and after being tied together two by two, were placed in carriages with the windows wide open, and escorted by a nu- merous body of troops to the place of execution, a spot selected in the vacant ground between the Sala- manca. Palace and the Champs-Blyeeis. One of my friend* iq havine five houses buds not a hundred paces S the spot ;8 the masonry and scaffolding are in course of erection, and afforded excellent positions for viewing the scene. There was a preliminary ceremony of military degradation; a promenade under the flag then a discourse, which I could not hear, but which lasted two hours, during which time these unfortunate men must have already suffered a thousand deaths. An enormous crowd which had followed the procession was kept at a distance by the troops. At last the 21 victims were ranged in file, at about a yard's distance from a low clay wall, with their backs to the soldiers, and then the discharge took place. Nearly all of them fell. At that moment the Hermanos de la Caridad, or Brothers of Charity, rushed forward to save at least a few, but were repulsed by the troops, and the firing recommenced, and continued. The firing went on, and more than 200 shots were fired — what a sight! I saw one man raise himself three times, and fall again on his knees with his arms extended in a direction from which a piercing voice was heard to shriek, in the midst of the massacre, 'Federico! Federioo The soldiers then approached the corpses, turned some of them over with their feet, and, still perceiving some signs of life here and there, discharged a last shot point blank. All was then over. The bodies were thrown upon tumbrils, and the regi- ments filed off, some to an air of the Norma; some of o one of the Semiramide. Thirty more are to be shot in a day or two—soldiers also; the rest will come after. Let us hope the Queen will show some compassion."

THE NEW MINISTRY. (From Friday's Gazette.) At the Court at Windsor, the 6th day of July, 1866, present the Queen's Most Excellent Majesty in Council:— This day the Most Noble Richard Plantagenet Campbell Temple Nugent Brydges Chandos, Duke of Buckingham and Chandos; the Right Honourable Henry Howard Molyneux, Earl of Carnarvon; Robert Arthur Talbot Cecil, Esq. (commonly called Viscount Cranborne); Sir Stafford Henry Northoote, Bart.; and Gathorne Hardy, Esq., were, by her Majesty's command, sworn of her Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council, and took their respective places at the board accordingly. Her Majesty in Council was this day pleased to de- clare the most noble Richard Plantagenet Campbell Temple Nugent Brydges Chandos, Duke of Bucking- ham and Chandos, Lord President of her Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council, and his grace took his place at the board accordingly. Her Majesty in Council was this day pleased to deliver the Great Seal to the Right Hon. Frederick Lord Chelmsford, whereupon the oath of the Lord Chancellor of Great Britain was, by her Majesty s command, administered to him, and his lordship took his place at the board accordingly. Her Majesty having been pleased to deliver tne custody of the Privy Seal to the E.ght Hon James Howard, Earl of MalmeBbury, the oath of Keeper ot the Privy Seal was this day administered to him, and his lordship took his plaoe at th1e^rdto°°?S°nt ^he Her M.je.tjC»! Right Hon. He y Robert Arthur Talbot Cecil narvon; the R ght Hon^ Cr £ mborne). the EigM Hon.mEdward Henry Stanley (commonly palled Lord qVar,lfi^ the Right Hon. Spencer Horatio Walpole; and the Right Hon. Jonathan Peel, to be her Majesty's five principal Secretaries of State, they were this day, by her Majesty's command, sworn her Majesty s Pnn- oipal Secretaries of State accordingly. Her Majesty having been pleased to appoint tha Right Hon, Benjamin Disraeli, Chancellor and Under- Treasurer of her Majesty's Exchequer, the usual oath was this day administered to him. Her Majesty in Council was pleased this day to declare the Most Hon. James, Marquis of Abercorn, K.G., Lieutenant General and General Governor of that part of the United Kingdom called Ireland. Her Majesty in Council was this day pleased to appoint the Right Hon. Sir Stafford Henry Northcote, Bart., President ef the Committee of Council for Trade.

FACTS AID FACETIAE, -+-- Conjugal Conundrum.- Which is of greater value, pr'ythae say, The bride or bridegroom ? Must the truth be told F Alas it must. The bride is given away; The bridegroom's often regularly sold. A crusty old bachelor says that Adam's wife was called Eve because, when she appeared, man's day of happiness was drawing to a close. Jones, directing Brown's attention to the fla.shy equipage of a noted corn doctor, was answered by his friend that it was an illustrated edition of Banyan's "Progress." You walk more erect than usual, my friend." Yes, I have been straitened by circumstances." A man's character is often treated like a grate- blackened all over first to come but the brighter after- wards. Are these pure canaries ?" asked a gentleman of a bird-dealer, with whom he was negotiating for a gift for his fair." Yes, sir," said the bird-dealer, con- fidently I raised them 'ere birds from canary-seed." A young lady, while on her way to be married, was run over and killed. A confirmed old maid savagely comments She avoided a more lingering and horrible destiny." May is considered an unfortunate marry ing month- A girl, on being asked to unite herself in the silken tie, tenderly hinted that May was an unlucky month for marrying. Well, make it June, then," honestly replied the swain, anxious to accommodate. The damsel paused a moment, hesitated, cast down her eyes, and with a mod eat blush said, "Wouldn't April do as well ? A West end music-seller wai lately overpowered by a fastidious young lady who wanted to pnrchasa "Mr. Hood's—a—song of the-a gentleman's under- garment An Irishman, on being told to grease the wagon, returned in an hour afterwards, and said, I've greased every part of the wagon but them sticks the ivheels hang on! At a revival not long since, an old lady prayed fer- vently "for the joung lambs of the flock." A "lady in black," not to be outdone by her sister, responded, and blandly asked who was to pray for the old ewea r" This set the congregation in a roar. The gentleman who borrowed an oyster-knife with which to open an aocount at a bankers, is anxious to meet with a patent corksorew to draw a cheque. A countryman visiting Dartmoor observed that a gang of men (convicts) were working on the moor, each wearing a bail and chain. He asked one of them why that ball was chained to his leg P "To keep people from stealing it," was the reply; there are so many thieves about here." There are ties which never should be severed," as an ill-used wife said when she found her brute of a husband hanging in a hayloft. The people live uncommon long in Vermont. Thsra are two men there EO old that thr-y have quite for- gotten tvho they are, and there is nobody alive who can remember it for them. They are fond of titles in the east. Among his other high-sounding titles, the King of Ava has that of" Lord of Twenty-four Umbrellas." This looks as though he had prepared for a long ?"eign! An old lady in a steamboat asked the man who came to collect the fare if there was any danger of being blown up, as the steam made such a horrid noiee. Not the least," said the sharp collector, unless you refuse to pay your fare Ode to Dunkellin.- ^Fer s7"s'riaTTy" no~{ ellin*" What mischief you've maaagad to do, For the cabinet's out, And I fear there's no doubt We'll be ruled by the Derbyite crew r Dunkellin, Danlialiin, Oh why this rebellin' Against the old friends of your aire ? A wretched seceder, With Grosvenor for leader, And cunning low pulling the wire! What nonsense your prating Of renting and rating, And value of houses and land! You proud young patricians Are seldom logicians, But talk—when you don't understand. Your talent you've shown in Reform Bill postponing, But Dizzy will ride on the atom- Old ties you may sever, Bat yet you will never Arrest the sura course of Reform. Each jubilant Tory Is^now in his glory, You've gladdened the heart of the foe And vengeance so pleasant Reigns sweetly at present In the breast of the renegade Lowa* And Elcho and Horaman r (That bilious and cross man) Exalt at the loss of the bill; Themselves able deeming By plotting and scheming To fetter the popular will. In vain their declaiming, And ministers blaming For talking of burning, their boats;" Era the triumph much longer, A measure far stronger May be thrust down Adullamito throats —From the Owl." An old Scotch clergyman, who had an old tailor for his man, was ana day riding home from a neighbouring parish, where he had been assisting in the celebration of the Saorament. "John," cried he, how does it come, do you think, that my young brother there should have such great assemblages of people hearing him, when I, for instance, although preaching the same sermons I ever preached, am losing my hearers daily?" "Bless ye, sir," answered his sage valet, "it's just wi' you as it's wi' mysell. I sew just as weel as ever I did; yet that puir elf —— has taen my business maist clean awa'. It's no' the sewing that'll do, sir; it's the new cut; it's just the new out." The common phrase, Give the devil his due," was turned very wittily by a membar of the bar of North Carolina on three of his legal brethren. Daring the trial of a cause, "Hillman, Daws, and Swain" (all distinguished lawyers), handed to John Dodge, the Clerk of the Supreme Court, the following epitaph Here lies John Dodge, who dodged all good, And never dodged an evil; And after dodging all he could, He could not dodge the devil! II Mr. Dodge immediately sent back to the gentleman tha annexed impromptu reply: Here lies a Hillman and a Swain! Their lot le-t no man choose They lived in sin and died in pain, And the devil got hia dues (Dews.)" Around the stern of the Great Eastern, to prevent the telegraph cable from fouling the screw, a frame- work of iren bars has been fixed, which, from ita resemblance to a certain article of fashionable attire, has been christened a crinoline guard." Now, crino- Jino, aa is well known, is a fabric of hair-a hair cloth; and the earliest of the present style of petticoat-sup- ports were made of that material, whence the namo. But when a demand arose for a cheaper artiole to serve the same end, the too-well-known system of steel hoops was introduced, the original name being retained, although a gross misnomer; and the result is, the application of this misnomer to a meohanioal contrivance. The "crinoline guard" is likely to be handed down to mechanical posterity, while all relating to crinoline as an article of dress will soon be forgotten. Imagine, then, the bewilderment of those who, a generation hence, want to know how the" crinoline guard" came by its absurd name S