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OU R SHORT STORY

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fSocial and Personal a

OVER THE NUTS AND WINE OVER…

Newyddion
Dyfynnu
Rhannu

OVER THE NUTS AND WINE OVER THE NUTS AND WINE QUI?S AO CRANKS FROM BOTH HEMI- SPHERES. 1 A Selection of Jokes and Funny Anecdotes for tne Mental Becreation of Old and You ng. Lack of meney wrecks mere married people than lack of love. Herd-so: Is your youngest at the safety- pin age?" Mrs. Saidso: "No; safety bicycle." "The better half," says the married cynic, is so called because she usually gets the better of the other half." Lea: Great heavens, old man, I have suf- j fered three days and nights of sleepless agony I from this aching toothache. Perkins: Why j don't you get it pulled? Lea: I would; but I'm afraidl it would hurt. She: "Tell me when you were in the army were you cool in the hour of danger 1" He: i "Cool? Why, I shivered!" Chunk: Doesn't a New Woman make you feel fairly mad' Quiverful: "Yes; ibufc she's not so bed as a new baby." Exchange of Confidence.—M'.r. J'inkj;: "I don't know how you will feel about it, sir, but the fact is thait my wife, your daughter, is a dreadfully hard woman to live with." Mr. Llinks: "I can sympathise with you, sir, I married her mother." Proliably a man never feels so small as when his wife comes, to him and says-: "My dear, Johnny can't wear your cast-off dlothes any more. They're too little for, him." No," he said, I don't think marriage is a failure." "Are you a married man?" asked a sad-eved woman across the table. Not ¡ much; I'm a divorce lawyer." Come, dear, kiss my cheek and make ;t up," she said forgivingly. I'll kiss it," lie answered, "but I don't think it- wants any more making up And he was right. A case in point.—Wade Do you believe, with these scientific fellows, that disease can be communicated by handshaking?" Butcher: "I dunno; there's the grip." Watts: "Do you think anyone can be as stingy as old Fox and be a- Christian?" Potts "Oh, possibly. I should not be surprised to bear of the old man saving his soul merely from motives of economy." Wife: "Henry, dear?" Husband: "Well?" Wife: "I want to make a bargain with you. If you will let me have 22 this afternoon I will let you do £ 3 worth of grumbling about my extravagance." "Doctor," said the sufferer, supinely, as he dropped into the dentist's chair, "my nerve is completely gone." "Oh, no, it isn't," was the cheerful reply. "Wait till I get a firm hold, and you'll realise your mistake." He Agreed With Her.—Mrs. Scrapeleigh: "Bah! I've made a different man of yon since I married you." Mr. Scrapleigh "t believe you have. Very different, indeed. So diffe- rent that now I can't eee what in the worid ever possessed me to marry you." It is recorded of a young fop who visited one of the Koihscliilds 'that he was so proud of his r. alaeliite sleeve buttons that he insisted upon exhibiting them to his host. 'Hie latter looked a.t them and said "Yes, it is a pretty stone, I have a manitel-piece made. of it in the next room." "How 011 earth did Hunker get out of his engagement with Miss Eldter after he fell in iove with Miss Scadd's ?" "It was done by a judicious selection of a birthday present." '"Whait did he send her ?" "He sent her a book entitled 'How to grow old gracefully,' and she ont his letters and ring back immediately." "You ought to take some rest," said the sympathetic friend. "Can't you go fishing, or something like tha.t?" "Well," rf (plied Me, Weary, "I'm going! duck-hunting pretty soon." "Where?" "Up Bold-street. My wife has sesn a duck of a 'bonnet that I have to go in pursuit of." First Pedestrian (regarding passing cyclist): Jove! that cyclist i« a fine-looking young fellow.—Second Pedestrian: Young fellow ?— young lady, you mean.—First Pedestrian Non- sense I say it's a young man '—Seco-nd Pedes- trian No, it isn't—can't you see the cycle is a lady's, not a gentleman's wheel 1" "If a gir-I ig anxious to marry-" began the maid. "Yes?" said1 the woman af the world, encouragingly. "If she is anxious to marry and marry well, from the point of view of society, I suppose she would prepare her- self as she would for a profession ?" "Cer- tainly." "There are some things that she should cultivate assiduously, and others to which shs need devote little attention?" "There are." "Well, what would you advise her to cultivate particula.rly?" "A wealthy relative who is likely to die soon." The question, of umpires' decisions recalls an occasion when Shrewsbury w.a.s given out by a palpable mistake on the part of the umpire. A friend went up to him and said: "I say, Shrewsbury, I feel wild about that beastly, un- fair decision." "Aren't you angry?" "Oh, nc," replied Arthur, smilingly. "It is true, I ought not to have bee a given out, but there -a re many occasions on which I ha ve been given in .when I ought to have been out. You can't get infallible umpires, and I find that the bad luok and good are evenly balanced." "I say, old man, what's that awful row going on next door?" "Oh, that's the Omphale Club. The ladieg are having their first whist party of the season." "No, Herbert," she said in a low tone, "it is impossible. I fea.r to trust my future with you." "And why?" "r have watched your conduct closely. It lacks the mark of such devotion as my soul craves." "Do I not come to see you four nights -in the week?" "Yes; but I have detected a. calculating selfishness in your nature which I fear." "What do you moan?" "You have nevsr yet failed to leave in time to catch the last '|be- "But that is only common sense. "I know it is, Herbert, and, therefore, it is not love. &

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