Evening Express

LOCAL NEWS ITEMS. At Pontypridd Police-court on Friday Thos. Emmanuel, alias Williams, a youth of no fixed abode, was charged with stealing a, ponv, valued ait £ 13, the property of Mr. J. D. Williams, J.P., Llwyny.pia; also with stealing a saddle and bridle, the property, of Messrs. Morgan Bros., butchers, Liwynypia. Prisoner, who had already spent five years in a reformatory, admitted that on May 1 last he left gaol after. having spent six monithe in prison for stealing a horse, was committed for trial at the next quarter sessions. At the meeting of the Ysikrad District Council on Friday it was resolved to write the colliery companies at Clydach Vale and Fernhill asking them to provide a better water supply. 1896.—SPRING CLEANING.—Send Postcard to the Cardiff Steam Lsundr*. Dyeing, Osrpet and Window CJleaniqg Company (IdH*ted), .1, Minnji street, Oathays. Every Order prompt attention. Ked CIOSH Vans and Ladder Truths to All Parts Daily. National Telephone. 741. Penarth Offloe, 57 Winckqr-road. e4935 Messrs. Phillips and A. Martin, both of Barry, were ordered! by the local magistrates on Friday to pay-arrears, with costs, of their water-rate.—Mr. W. T. Llewellyn, collector, appeared to prosecute on behalf of "the district council.

DON'T LUNCH or DINE Without Asking for the New French Bread. Delicious eating, and easily digested.—Send postcard for ft. to call to T. Stevens, French Confectioner. 122, Queen-street, Cardiff. e5185 Invalids' Chairs, Mail Carts, Perams, on Hire by Week or Month.—Spencer's, The Cardiff Machine Depot, St. John's Churoh-square. e5328 Printed and Published by the Proprietors, "Western Mail," Limited, at the Offices, St. Mary-street, Cardiff, in the County cf Glamorgan- SATURDAY, JULY 4, 1896 GRIMM'S HOUSEHOLD STORIES. ? THE '■ ?' LATEST EDITION PUBLISHED AT Se., Is. 6d. FULLY ILLUSTRATED. WESTERN MAIL (LIMITED), CARDIFF. DRINK PHILLIPS & Co s PU RE TEAS. f ENGLAND'S HISTORY, AS PicraiusD BY FAMOUS PAINTERS. PART III. PRICE. 6d. SMALL BLOCKS, W E-4 S ? ? ? o-3 H'O U S b-4 I;Ø o ? Z 00 THE BEST. ClAEDirP HOUSEHOLD FUEL J COMPANY (LIMITED), DUMBALLS-ROAD. Glamorganshire Canal. THE "EVENING EXPRESS" LAFEST NEWS. THE "EXPRESS" FOR BEST SELECTION OF NEWS. ^———pM— f BUSINESS ADDRESSES. ?f?'.? THE ROYAL I STORES In the Hayes CARDIFF, IS IN Full Swing, AND ABLE AND WILLING TO SUPPLY ALL CUSTOMERS, LARGE AND SMALL. E55Ø -=- 'rl THE GREATEST BOON EVER OFFERED TO THE FOR HEADACHE AND NEURALGIA IT IS UNSURPASSED. GIVES INSTAN* RELIEF. NO HOME SHOULD BE WITHOUT 1% v NOTE THE ADDRESS MR. PH IL PHILLIPS. 24. ST. MARY-STREET. CARDIFF. PHIL PHILLIPS KHElIMiUO CURE. t BELTS, SOCKS,] WRISTLETS, NOTE ADDRESS:- IO- e° 10* 6° w SEND SIZJ!; OF WBIST ? END SIZ E OF WAIST SEND SIZE OF BOOTS L CARDIFFi .i, PHIL PHILLIPS TOOTHACHE CURE (REGISTERED) HAS BEEN TESTED FREE OF CHARGE BY RESIDENTS IN CARDIFF AND NE^' PORT, AND IN EACH CASE AN INSTANTANEOUS CURE WAS EFFECTED- J.I. PHILLIPS WILL VISIT OTHER LARGE TOWNS OF SOUTH WALES. ONE SHILLING PER BOTTLE. PER POST 18. 2D. SEND POSTAL ORDER. THIS TOOTHACHE CURE IS QUITE HARMLESS;MAY BE USED BY ADUl^ AND CHILDREN WITH PERFECT SAFETY; IT DOES NOT IN FLAM# THE GUM. BUT TAKES AWAY ANY INFLAMMATION CAUSED BY THE TOOTHACHE. Penarth STRANAGHAN and STEPHENS (Limited), Grocers. NewDort Ajreafcs: Messrs. CORDEY and CO., High-ebreet. SS SfS: Messrs. TAYLOR and CO. (LIMITED), Wind-.tree*. W«ston-super-Mare Agent: Air. NORMAN, 55, High-stieet. Tredegar Agent; Mr. U. J. PRICE, Manchester House. Bryamawr A gen t.s; Messrs. H. ?.Ul' and SON, Grocers, &c. Biaenavon: D. DAVIES and CO., 100, Bread-street. llfracombe: Mewe. HUSSELL and SON, 27, High-street Merthyr: Messrs. G. M. and R. GUNSON, 67 and 68, High-street. Aberavon: Mr. THOS. NICHOLAS, Central Supply Storee. Water-street* Hereford: Messrs. CLARKSON and SONS, 9. High Town. Monmouth: Mr. J. R. BARRELL, Grocer, Monnow-street. Brecon: Mr. W. TUDOR. Chemist. „ „ MORRISTGH M- L BEVAN, Chemist and Seedsman. Poet-office. PONTYPRIDD; ISAAC PROTHERO, Grocer, &c. ? 'Bristol: HENRY HODDER and CO., (Limited), Chemists, Broad-street. BATH: THE BATH DRUG STORES, 11, Abbey Church-road. Ebbw Vale: DAVID HUGHES, Grocer, Victoria-street. WHERE TO FURNISH OUR HOMES ECONOMICALLY, COMFORTABLY, AND ARTISTICALLY. T RAP NELL. AND (JANE'S, ? Who Sell well-made and reliable Furniture at prices that cannot be beaten by any houo the world. Our Showrooms are well stocked, and you can see what you are buy^ TRAPNELL AND GANE Will Sell during the Cardiff Exhibition a Special WOVEN WIRE SPRING MATTRESS FOR 11s. 6D. FULL SIZJ, And their celebrated EDDY STONE BEDROOM SUITE FOR 4 GUINEAS COMPLETE. T. and G.'s increasing trade in good middle-class Furniture have caused them to gi.1 special attention to this branch of their business, and they have produced a special tJIIiY made .PARLOUR SUITE IN BEST LEATHER CLOTH, 7 GUINEAS. Which is not equalled for style and price anywhere. { TRAPNELL AND GANE ? Are larye manufacturers of first-claw Furniture at medium prioe euitable X.RAW'-NO.BOOM, DINING-KOOM, BEDROOM, AND KITCHEN- And offer advantages to buyer* which cannot be obtained at establishments, capital and stock are small. ALL GOODS CARRIAGE PAID.. TRAPNELL AND GANE. GREAT FURNISHING ES TABLIS H X FlqT, 38 AND 41. QUEEN-STREET, CARDIFF. CATALOGUES FREE. ESTIMATES FREE. goof FIRE I FIRE I FIRE I .? THE HAYES tyM^ET BURNT OUT DAVID REES & Co, LTD., Beg to inform their numerous Customers that owing to the Disastrous Fire which demolish^ their Stock and Extensive Premises on Monday Night, Mr. Solomon Andrews has kin^ arranged to allow them the use of his FRUIT SHOP IN THE HAYES, ,i. Opposite the Free Library, t,' As Temporary Premises to carry on their business pending further arrangements. Tb*" .4 premises ARE NOW OPEN. BUSINESS WILL BE CARRIED ON IN ALL DEPARTMENTS AS USUAL UNTIL FCRT.HE3& NOTIC#- ALL GOODS WILL BE DELIVERED IN THE ORDINARY WAY BY OUR OWN VANS. I '? DAVID REES & COMPANY, LIMITED, take thik opportunity of thanking the., largenuo of friends who have sent their messages of sympathy on this occasion. I

Our Short Story, 1 JAKE. It was a grade crossing accident, the news- papers said. Jake only remembered that he had been running fast to cross the tracts ahead of the long line of freight cars. for had he waited the shrill blast of the factory whistle would have sounded before he reached the shop door, and there would have been a. fine to pay. It was true that he might. have started earlier, but little Floss had held out her baby hands and cried, "One more kise. daddy," and he had forgotten that time was a. valuable article with him before seven o'clock in the morning*. New he only remembered the awful blow, as the engine closed upon him, with its ter- rible breathing like some living monster, the clanging bells, the deafening roar. and the burning pa<in that seemed as though red hot coals were being poured upon him. He heard again the wild shouts of warning that had come too late, and then there was the noise of hurrv- in^ feet, the horses' mad gallop, the ambu- lance bell, and then the surgeon's careful hands. The room was quite dark when con- sciousness returned. In the dim light he could distinguish the white cap and apron of the nurse, and the serious boyish face of the hos- pital surgeon, who looked at him with anxious eyes. "Well, old man, how goes it: is she pretty bad?" "Bad," murmured Jake, "it's hell, doctor; would you mind teLiin' me the trouble?" "You were hurt: had to amputate your right leg. Here! keep quiet. The wonder is that you escaped with your life. Two wheels passed •ver you." As the reality of it all pierced his aching brain, it seemed to stun him, and he only scared at the doctor. His brain seemed on lire, and there was a. sensation in his throat which he didn't, quite understand, a horrible, choking, as though he must cry out that it was not true. How could he go limping through life—a, wreck of his former self, and what of little Floss and Nell, and his wife, too, who could never bear the terrible burden of care. Floss's blue eyes seemed to stare t at him, and he could feei little Nell's caressing ^hands—Oh, God—must he bear it. He turned his head and groaned. He could fee them— those little ones—ragged and tattered gar- ments, with pale, pinched faces—starving, and he, their father, only an extra burden upon the white-faced woman whom he had sworn before God to love and cherish and protect— his bitter agony found expression in another groan, so heartbreaking that it alarmed the doctor, who spoke hastily to the nurse. "He's m a. pretty bad way give him another drop of this, and be careful, its dangerous." Jake lay alone in his little room, and slowly the scene revolved again before his aching eyes. He cried out for death in his despair. I "If it had only killed me outright," he argued, "she could a-got somethin' from the road, and there's the insurance—but a leg. only a leg, they'll say. and a few hundred dollars that'll «ply put starvation off the longer, and the babies a-oryin' their life out for bread—what's a man to do a. man, bah. I'm not half a man. crippled for life, and the babies, and her— i <Sod bless her"—and the groan again came from [ his parched lipe, and that terrible choking sensation in his throat was worse a thousand times than the other pain. The doctor's keen ears caught the trend of his muttered words. "Poor devil," he said, and arranged the small glittering needle, and the solution which had the power to make him forget for a time at least. Jake scarcely noticed the doctor as be pierced his arm with the shining point—but he saw the little vial of morphia, tablets.and waited. "He seems to be resting." the nurse told the doctor, "t'here hasn't been a sound from him in three hours." "I gave him a pretty stiff dose; he was in mortal agony, and his groans disturbed the whole ward." The doctor laid his hand on the pulse and ( started back with a little cry. The fevered beating was stilled. The blood-shot eyes were closed. The choking, throbbing leaders were now. Jake was asleep. He would never -wake again. j It was a grade crossing accident the news- t. papers said. The labourer who had been picked up at the crossing died at noon. The railroad company waa to be censured. Jake's widow believed this. She sued the railroad company, and got a. judgment which helped a long way towards earing for Jake's babies. I But theredi ribbon andi the bronze medal Vof the Legion -of Honour, awarded for deeds of bravery and unusual heroism, does not mark the breast that lies under the little mound in ,the Holy Cross Cemetery. The societies which ■decorate heroes' graves pass by the modest monunveait which marks Jake's resting place. k«He wiw only a workman, and never did a par- ticularly brave or chivalrous deed, but the doctor who heard Jake's wild, ravings and missed) the little bottle of morphia tablets knows better. He doesn't say so. No man likes to admit to criminal carelessness. But he laid a. wreath of laurel on Jake's grave en Easter Day. "He was the bravest man I ever knew," he said.

SHAKSPEAREON CYCLING. The New York Herald" publishes the fol- lowing piece of excellent nonsense — Shakspeare. it would seem, must have known 1 something about the bicycle, for throughout his "plays he makes frequent references to the wheel. It must be that Hamlet's father had visitec1 a bicycle academy, wihere beginners on the wheel were plenty, for hie ghost said: "What a falling off waa there?" Thia most excellent description is paralleled lt>y another in the same play, in which refe- rence is made to an accident, the new woman TPf the early sixteenth century 'being evidently I 'the greatest sufferer. The First Player says — "Break all the spokes and fellies from her wheel" Advice to Coasters. Thera the Fool in "Lear" gives advice to |coaste». of the merits of which the modern rider may judge for himself. He says: — "Let go thy hold when, a great wheel run.? down hill, lest it 'break thy neck with following it." Even Cleopatra had her wheel. Antony ad- vices her to mount it and seek C^assar, when he ■•ays:— "Of Caesar seek your honour with your There were evidently bicycle thieves in tnose days, and owners had" to carefully guard their precious wheels. In the "Tempest," Alonzo tsaye to the King: — "We, too, my lord, "Will guard your person while you take your rest, And) watch your safety." In that rtame play Ariel undoubtedly heard the King and! his attendants coming on their r heels when she sang— "Hark! Now I hear them; ding, dong, bell." "Set the World on Wheels." The availability of wheels in dangerous ser- vice is illustrated in "Coriolanus," when the winded messenger says to Cominus: — "Spies of the Volace^ Held me in chase, that I was forced to wheel J Three or four miles about; else had I, air, Half an hour since brought my report." The tyre of which Shakspeare wrote was evidently filled with hair instead of air, and even its colour was of importance. In "Much Ado About Nothing" Margaret says: — "I like the new tyre within excellently, if the "(hair were a thought browner." Puck's prophetic remark about placing a girdle round the world ifl forty minutes is •fully equalled by that of Launce in "The vl'wo Gentlemen of Verona." when he says: — It "Then may I set the worldi on wheels." Surely tfcia prophecy has been fulfilled.

The Little English Liver Tonic.—Kernick's Vege- tabie PiN; dote, one small pill; Hd., 111. lid-> and 21. 3d. per box.-Of all store*. e58Q5 ONE OF THE WONDERS OF THE AGE is Spencer's New High Ann Hand Sewing Machine, W'Ítll walnut cover and full set of appliances, fot ■d22 1a.. 6d., caah. Ifasey retained if not approved. Be«t T*lue in Sewing Machines.—Spenojr'a Domestic f Ifactom Pepet, St. Joha't-equare, Cardiff. *6328

?- From Far and Near X COLUMN OF CHAT ON IFimESTItfG SUBJECTS. Items of News and Anecdotes Gleaned for the "Express" from N., S., El, and W. "The Bookman" says that one of the new magazines has paid a popular author JB150 for the serial rights of the new story running to 4,000 words. "From Whom all blessings flow," At a Primitive Methodist meeting in the suburbs of Northampton, on the announcement that Mr. Balfour that afternoon had withdrawn the Education Bill, the congregation in the chapel immediately rose and sang the Doxology. A daring robbery of gold was committed at Ooolgardie lately. A jeweller had on exhibition in his window a. specimen con- taining 72oz. of gold. One night a man smashed in the window with a brick, abstracted the specimen, and got clear awav before the jeweller could get into the Sftreet. "The Hospital" recommends the planting of eucalyptus trees on sewage farms because of their power of absorption and the healthy exhalation given off by their leaves. But it may be doubted whether such warm-country trees as the Australian eucalypti would thrive in a coler and changeable climate like ours. The richest unmarried woman in America, and probably in the world, is Miss Mary txanett, of Baltimore. Compared to the colossal fortune of Rockfelier, her little pro- vision of fifteen million seems dwarfed. She is sixty years old, and very old-fashioned and simple in her tastes. She inherited her millions, her father being a successful speculator, and she makes no attempts to increase her fortune. A sad story of the rise and fall of fortune on the Rand comes to hand. A man named Partridge, formerly a captain in the British Navy, and somt vears ago one of ths wealthiest speculators on the Rand, was recently found in the public streets of Johan- nesburg covered with seres and wounds, and dying of starvation. His condition was shocking ill the extreme, as he was in the last stage of helplessness and poverty. The Buffalo wheelmen are in for a hard time, if the new city bicycle ordinance is enforced to the letter. It prescribes that every person "by means of a bell or whistle sliail give proper and sufficient warning upon approaching a pedestrian, so as to enabh such pedestrian to avoid a collision. Another part of the ordinance prescribes a penalty of 25dols. for "any such person who shali fail or neglect to give such warning. Russians are fond of telling the story cf an answer given to the Emperor when his Majesty proposed to his future wife. "The Emperor, my father, has commanded me to make you the offer of my hand and heart," was the Czarewitch's quaint way of putting it. "and my grandmother, the Queen," replied the lady. "has commanded me to accept the offer of your hand; your heart I will take myself." It is said. on good authority, that the Emperor is passionately devoted to his wife, and that she is equally fond of him. It seems that the autobiography of the late Earl of Selborne, prepared for publica- tion by his daughter, Lady Sophia Palmer, will appear in more than one instalment. The iirst part, which is almost ready, carries the story of Lord Selborne's life down to 1868, when !he became Lord Chancellor. in one of the last chapters the writer speaks of Bishop Colenso, of Lord West bury, and of the death of Lord Palmerston. The volume has a dedication to Lord Selborne's children, I' and a good deal of it relates to his own family history. A new system of train signalling which I has been invented, and is at present being very much discussed, is that which auto- matically sets the signals so as to display a red half-disc. This half-dfsc continues to change for half an hour from red to white, the proportions of the two colours shown intimating to the driver, approximately, the time that has elapsed since the last train passed. As the trams go along the successive signals indicate whether it is losing or gaining on the forward train, and each time a train passes, a signal is thrown back tc red. In the course of a speech on the Eight Hours' Question delivered in the French Chamber of Deputies. M. Deschannel gave a very wide definition of Socialism. "If," said he, "Socialism is an aspiration cowards a better society everyone may call himself a Socialist. That is, in fact, just what Socialism is. Side by side with the science of riches, known only to orthodox economists. are rectitude, duty, justice. It is to put more humanity and more justice into social relations that true Socialsists strive, faithful in that to the principles of the French revo- lution. It is reported that arrangements have now been finally made for the issuing of a new evening newspaper, under the editorship of Mr. Henry Cust, formerly of the "Pall Mall Gazette." The report that the capital for the new venture is to be subscribed by Mr. (Just's political friends, headed by Earl Browniow, to whose title Mr. Cust is heir. is utterly incorrect. Mr. Cust's services will simply pass from one millionaire to another, and the new paper, for which the title of "The Mayfair Gazette" has been suggested, will be supplied with the sinews of war from the ample exchequer of Mr. Barney Barnato. A true and charming story is being told of a gift for the Royal bride. It seems that a poor old man, who is greatly interested in artistic needlework, is in the habit of paying visits to the Royal School of Art Needle- work, where he will linger fot hours in admira- tion of the designs. Recently h2 bought a small quantity of silk, and was given a silk- handkerchief on which the designer had drawn a graceful tloral spray. A few days later hj 'returned with the handkerchief exquisitely sewn, and requested the artist to trace the name "Maud" in one corner, as he had em- broidered it as a wedding gift for Princess Maud of Wales. "Woman" tells this little story about Madame Carnot, which gives some idc:i u: her wonderful large-heartedness. It appears that the brother of her husband's assassin, in spite of an excellent character, found it im- possible to gain employment anywhere after the murder. At last, after having nearly starved in Paris. ho "trapped" into Italy, where c succeeded in getting the post of porter in monastery. All went well until one day the Head of the Chapter discovered his name and anticedents, whe he as im- mediately dismissed. However, a gentleman who heard the story undertook to write tó) Madame Ca.rnot on Ccrrosier's behalf, and in return received a letter promising that he should have food and employment as lotig as she lived. It only remaines to be said that Madame Carnot was as good as her word and that her strange protege is now a thriving and respected shopkeeper fn Paris. It is somewhat singular to note how the notable brewers of malt liquor turn out to be the descendants of ancient families when their rise in the world is high enough to attract the attention of genealogists to Hunting up their pedigree. Sir Bernard Burke, the great Irish authority on the descent of oble familes., has iscovered that the Guinness family is descended in ste line from William of Wykebam, the great Bishop of Winchester, and another from Edward III. of England, through the noble houses of Stafford, Percy, and Mortimer. The Allsopps have been traced by the same expert hand as descendants of a considerable landholder holding a. village of the same name in the time of Henry I. So in each case we see that time and the brewing of beer have only contributed to restore to th* peerage those rightfully entitled by descent to take their place in noble company. Quite so

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OVER THE NUTS AND WINE QUIPS AND CEANKS FROM BOTH HEMI- SPHERES. A Selection of Jokes and Funny Anecdotes for the Kental Recreation of Old and Young; In autobiographies there is no such word as fail. Accident fnsurance agents class bicyoiinar 5S extra hazardous. Who paYoi the extra. rare- cyclists or pedestrians? Dusty Dales (the tramp): Look ye're, Rogers, do you believe in that there old sayin' wot says It's a poor rule that won't work both ways?' Restful Rogers (decisively): No. It's a poor rule to work at all. Limerick Lady (entering the kitchen): Bridget, didn't I see that policeman kiss you? Bridget: Well, ma'am, sure an' yez would not have me lay meself open to arrist for resistin' an officer, ma.'a.m. "Well. you may say what you please about our cocking class, Charlie, but there is one man who knows how to appreciate it." "Our family doctor, I suppose; but he only looks at it from a professional point of view." "I'm very glad I don't live in Ronle." re- marked old Mrs. Brownlow as they were re- turning from an evening visit to the Crystal Palace. Why' asked her husband. "I'm sure I could never learn to read by the light of those Romain caudles." FIRST POET: Don't you notice quite a decline in poetry in the newspapers? SECOND POET: You bet! I've had six pieces declined this week. I fell in love once on a time, She was a maiden strangely fair; Her eyes spoke volumes, but her charm Lay surely in her golden hair. Her tresses floated from her head In dainty wavelets, oh, so rich! But this is what kbpt puzzling me: I could not tell just which was switch- "I hear you had the circus in your town the ether day-" "Yes." "I suppose the children were wild?" "They were—and I doubt if we can ever tame 'em again. Bobbie's got to have a cage; and as for the baby, he won't sleep unless he's standing on his head." He pledged his heart, he pledged his love, He pledged bis promise sweeter, And then, to buy the engagement ring, He pledged his gold repeater. "Do you believe that Adam gave a name to all the animals?" "1 do, and I respect him for his selections. He did his work creditaMy." "Why?" Well, because there wasn't a Rover or a Fido in the whole lot." She: <;I'll never marry a man wfeose fortune hasn't at least tive ciphers to it. He: Oh, darling, mine's all ciphers." Died as He Lived The machinery of the big mill stopped with a Rudden and horrible jar and jerk, and the workmen puiledi out the crushed and bleeding form of one who was a stranger to them all. "Are you badly hurt?" inquired one.. I fear that I am," groaned: the unknown. "rUl dying." "Shall we send for your friends ? Quick, tell us your name." "Oh, never mind," he answered. "I am all alone in the world, and my name doesn't matter. Just eay that I died in-cog." And a grim smile iilum-ined his face as the spirit of the pro- fessional humorist took its flight with his last supreme effort. "Sits Down to Walk." The Western Indians, although not fond of work, do not approve of indolent white men. The "heap good white man," in their estima- tion. is the white man who works hard; and to sit by and watch him as he toils seems to afford them never failing pleasure. Some young "warriors" of the Blackfoot trilie sat in the shade one day, watohiag a group Of labourers who were constructing a grade for a branch railroad in Montana. They were commenting upon the workmen and their work, when a bicyclist, the first that they had ever seen, came riding along the newly-corn- pitted grade. He had got off the train at the last station, and waa going to the fort a little further on. The Indiana watched the wheelman without a word until he passed beyond a knoll which hid hiru from view; then they expressed their sentiments concerning him. "No good white mac," one remarked. "No," answered another, with great scorn, "heap lazy white man-sits down to walk!" I am g-Iad you have dropped in," said the hospitable moth to itS visitor from the next door. I was getting lonesome. I can offer you Jones's household pest exterminator, Por- sian insect powder, Japanese moth balls, and fresh camphor. What will you have? Name your poison." The young man on the rear seat had leaned slightly forward. Moreover, the young woman on the front seat had leaned just a little back. And there was more on the young woman's lips than microbes. Suddenly they were arrested by a. shout—it is said tha/t park policemen never arrest any one in any other way-.a, deep, full-bodied shcout that boded ill. "Hi! You! Where's your lamp?" They stopped and dismounted. With a burly I policeman in the road there was nothing else to do. "Where's your lamp?" the officer demanded. They examined the front of the wheel together. The lantern had gone out. "Wihy," said the young m&n, "why, I never noticed tliiat it wasn't lit. I—I must have imagined that we were in the parlour at home. When Volunteer officers were less conversant with. their duties than they are now, a oolonel got his men into hopeless confusion in Fleet- street by giving contradictory words of com- mand. Right wheel, left wheel!" he shouted. "Oh, d- it all, turn up Fetter-lane!" 'Before proceeding further with this duel," said one of the principals, I desire that the right arm of my opponent and myself be measured." This was done, and it was found that the other man's arm was two inohes longer. "Than," said' the objector, deci- sively, you will all see how manifestly unfair it is for us to fight with swords, unless I stand two inohes nearer to him than he stands to me." The ?eward of Industry. Pat was an industrious .workman, and hie employer was much interested in him. It had been a most unpleasant day—drizzling, saturating—but Pat kept faithfully at his work in the garden, and at the six o'clock hour he was about io lay down his gardening tools. He was by his employer, who said— "Pat. it's been a bad day." "It has tliat," replied Pat. "You must be pretty wet. Pat," suggested the employer. "Wet is ût?" said Pat. "Yis, I'm purty wet; but, Mr. 0-, oi'm not half as wet as oi am dry!" Fat received his reward. I Nell: How do you know she is in love with Jack? Belie: Because she told me he was perfectly horrid, and if she were in my place she wouldn't have anything to do with him." The Bicycle Lamp "Why is this?" aaoked the manag.er. "At tihe close of the first act you letft the hero pre- paring to light Ihis bricycfle lamp "Yes," the author interjected, "but it was the common sort of lamp." "I ese," remarked the manager, thoughtfully. "And so when you bead the second act, Two years later' "I merely allow #iane for the completion of the job." Strained "So you 1uad a chance to pay your respects to tlie Caar when you were in Russia. You must have caught oold up there, for you are fearfully ihoarae." "Yes, I tspske with Jiis M'ajeety. That's why I'm so coarse." "How's ibhiaft ? Did he give you that icy stare?" "No. You see, I thought I must address him (by ibis whole titae. Awtful job. Voice gave out repeatedly. Had to begin three days before the time set far tihe interview. Seemed funny, but there were lots of others going it the same time I waa." Did not Notice that the Light had Gone Out They were on a tandem, and a straight, smooth road stretched away before them through the park for a mile or moiv. There was darkness all about, thick, impenetrable darkness- which lay heavy ainonif the trees, and betrayed the fact that th", authorities had neglected the electric lights, counting on a n-uon that had failed to keep her engagiements. But thoy did not mind the darkness. La fact, they rather sought out the more shadowy portions. For there is something about a tandem, if it steers easily, which softens tit.:) iron-bound laws of custom. The riders are so close together, anyway. And if the one on the rear seat leans slightly forward, and tho one on the front seat leans just a little baik. there is no need to sigh for the best of ham- mocks.

Exhibition of Mail Carfo. Perambulators, Invalid*' Cbairs, all the Latest Deaigns for 1896. at Spencer** Dcmertie Machine Depot, St. John's Church-squwe, I Gbrditf. e5328

For the Ladies FROM THE KITCHEN TO THE BALL-ROOM. Our Lady Correspondent's Collection of Interesting Paragraphs for The Fair Sex. Cleaning a White Jacket. To clean a child's white jacket, place a pound or two of flour in the oven, stir it constantly till it is quits hot, but not brown. Place the jacket on a clean clot-li on the table, imk-el a. roll of new flannel, and with it rub the whole surface with hot flour. When the flannel is dirty shake it out and take more ar.d continue rubbing till the jacket is clean. Brush with a freshly-washed elothea trueh. In Measles. Measles is a complaint which usually falls to the lot of every child. The principle care is to keep the little patient warm, and to do this nurse's or mother's eyes must be constantly upon her to see that she stays in bed; otherwise, should she take cold, the com- plaint is apt to Btriko inwardly, and all sorts of complications arise. Provide the child with flannel nightgowns. A Good Lemonadê. This is a very good kind of lemonade to make for bottling. and will keep some time. Two or three teaepoonfuls added to a tumbler of cold water makes a very refreshing substitute for lemon sqi.ash. Take five pounds of loaf sugar and one quart of cold water, and let it boil gradually. When quite boiling pour it on to three ounces of citric acid and two drachms of essence of lemon. When this is perfectly cold bottle for use. The cost is wnall and all ingredients very caby to procure. For Sleeplessness. For sleeplessness eat two or three small oniors. If a person cannot sleep, it is because blood is in the brain; the remedy, therefore, is obviously to call the blood down from the head. This can be done by eating one or two small cnions, or a Mscuit. or a bard-boiled egg, or a piece of bread and butter. Follow this up with a glasa of milk, or even water, and you will fall asleep. Onions are also excellent things to eat when much exposed to the cold. A Pleasant Perfume. A very pleasant perfume, which is also a preven- tive to moth, may be made of the following ingre- dients Take of cloves, carrawa.y seeds, nutmeg, mace, cinnamon, and Tonquin beans each one ounce; then add as much Florentine orris root as will equal the other ingredients put together. Grind the whole well to powder, and put it into little bags among your clothes. This will retain its freshness for a long time and will daintily perfume the clothes. The Silver Teapot. The silver teapot will never be kept nice sijd bright inside unless treated as follows. Twice a week after using fill the pot with hot soda vatcr and let it stand a couple of hours, and then rinse in plenty of warm water. When the teapot is cleaned outside with plate powder, it should also be polished inside and w-11 rinsed before using. Any SUVLV teapot which is Vot constantly soaked thus will acquire a secfcme it on the inside from the tea, which is most unwhole- some. Testing the Oven. Every experienced cook who is uncertain as to how to bake the pastry, cakes, &c., should write out these rules clearly and paste them on the wall near the kitchen range: Have a piece of white paper and place it in the oven. If too hot, the paper will speedily blacken or burn up; if it is a deli- cate browij, the oven is right for pastry; should the paper turn dark yellow, cakes may be baked; and if only light yellow sponge-cakes and biscuits may be set in the oven at once. Stain and Polish for Floors. Of all stains and polishes to use for floors, the cheapest and most durable stain is permanganate of potash. Pour a quart of boiling water on half an ounce of permanganate of potash crystals. Apply this hot to the boards.. It will look red at first, but soon becomes a good brown. See that the boards are perfectly clean and dry, then with a large painter's brush apply the stain. When this is dry give a second coating if necessary. Wash the brush in soft soap and ecda, using plenty, o! warm water, dry it, and then give the boards coat of linseed oil, mixed with a gotd drying medium. When the all has dried in, begin polishing with the usual beeswax and tur- pentoue. Two or three rubbings with this will be necessary before a good surface is obtained. How Pique Gowns are Made. Pique, white duck, and serge gowns are usually made with a coat of some sort, which is worn over a shirt waist of silk or cotton. Insertions of white embroidery set on the edge trim the edges of pique coats very prettily, but they are quite as stylish made plain. Linen canvas, in a sort of a grey ecru tint, is also much used for these coat a.nd f-kirt, gowns. For dressy gowns chene silks come in for a large share of attention, and one new model shown haa bretelles and collar of velvet, trimmed on the edge with lace, which forms scallops. A narrow yoke of velvet extends across the front, and tiny ruffles of silk, with velvet folds above, trim the skirt.

TRAPPED- "It L; very ttmcult, indeed." said a Scotland Yard officer, "to recognise a man from a mere description of bun. The few particulars given as to height, build, complexion, and colour of bair one finds apply to very many people, and to identify one', man by them is no easy matteV. Of coarse, every effort is made to secure a photograph of the party v ented,' but if such cannot be obtained one has to proceed very, cauttcvsly before laying a hand on anyone as 4 wanted.* "I was engaged some time back to arrest a fellow wanted for the theft of a considerable sum of money from a bank in the provinces. It was thought that the thief would make for Ix>r.d<n. No photograph could be obtained, and a somewhat rough; descrip- tion of the youn7, fellow having been sent to me, I had to proceed upon: it as well as I could. "After a long look out I one day met a party who agreed with the particulars given. I followed him to sec if I could obtain any confirmation of my sus- p;cion that he was the man I wanted, but all in vain, and I was particularly puzzled by his looking half- starved, and being dreaeed in Very dirty old clothes, whereas he must only a few days before have had a lot of money in his pocket. I deterntined to play a trick upon him to see if he was the right man. Going behind him as he was walking down the street I sucdt.rly called cut ut a, most friendly, surprised tone, Hallo, West!' (the name of the party I was aittr). "Hearing the name, he immediately; turned round. He had identified timseli. and was in my hands in an instant. "The trick is a common one—I don't wfish to pre- tend that I invented it—and it meet often succeeds. There are very few wanted' folk who retain the:r presence of mind sufficiently not to fall into the trap."

FOR SAILORS' FRIENDS. FOREIGN ARRIVALS AND MOVE. MENTS OF LOCAL VESSELS. Alacrity arrived Bouen. Benefactor left St. Malo for Barry Roads 2nd. Collivaud arrived Oporta 3rd. Pontypridd left Las Palmas for Pomaron 2nd. Castanos passed Gibraltar for Rotterdam 2nd. La Barrouere left MIddlesborougU for Bo'ness 2nd. Tredegar arrived Drammen from Aarhuus 2nd. Starcross left Genoa for Cardiff 3rd. Mary Anning passed Constantinople for Gibraltar for orders 2nd. Rosehill left Grimsby for Cronstadt 3rd. Eugenie passed Dover for Cardiff 3rd. Newbiggen left Plymouth for Cardiff 3rd. Phillis Angel arrived Rotterdam 2nd. G. E. Wood left Sunderland for Stockholm 2nd. Oiymene, arrived Messina from the Tyne 3rd. Cvmmrodorion left Malttt for Sulina. Charles T. Jones arrived Marianople from Kertch 2nd. Alacrity arrived Rouen21id. March left- Baltimore for King's Lynn 1st. Rhyl left Newport for Bilbao 1st. Mark Lane arrived St. Nazaire 2nd. Ironopolis arrived Marseilles from Bilbao 2nd. Activitv arrived Havre 3rd. Saltwick left Teneriffe for Huelva 3rd. Slingsby left Aden for Java 2nd. Harrowby left the Tyne for Bilbao 2nd. HardwicK left Stugsuna for St. Nazaire 1st. Horden arrived Decido from Sharpness 2nd. Garonne left Bordeaux for Cardiff 3rd.

A BOON TO MANKIND! Sufferere from Gravel. Lumbago, Piles, Pains in the Back, Dropsy, Wlwd and Water Complaints, Diseases of Kidneys, Bladder Stone, Sciatica, Rheu- matism, and Gout, will find a positive Cure in Holroyd's Gravel Pills. Try a small Box, and if net satisfied your money will be returned. Price 15. lid., of all chemists, or post free for 12 stamps, from Holroyd's Mediaal Hall, Cleckheaton, Yorks. Don't be put off. If you cannot get them, write the proprietor, and a box will be sent next poet. Try one of Spencer's £ 1 9s. 6d. Wringer and Msiigle combined; very great assistance in spring cleaning -Speicer's Domestic Machine Depot, St. John's Church-square. Cardiff. e5328 "How is it that 'Clarke's Bload Mixture' has ob- tained such great popularity?" is a question which has perplexed many. The answer is, that it j. un- questionably the finest Blood Purifier that science uti medical skill have brought to light. Thousands of wsnderful cures have been effected hy it. For Scrofula, Scurvy, Eczema, Skin and Blood Diseases, Bad Legs, Pimples and Sores of all kinds, its effects are marvellous. Sold everywhere, at 2s. 3d. per Bottle. Beware of worthless imitation aad substi- tutes. el333 ?-?- BUSINESS ADDRESSES. j Bf !at. tePVRISHT, J- 74, QUEEM ST., CARDIFF

NO DINNER FOR MONTHS. SCANDAL OVER THE TREATMENT OF WORKHOUSE NURSES. At a meeting" of the guardians of the Wands- worth and Clapham Union some serious alle. gations have been made as to the treatment of the infirmary nurses, and a committee was appointed to investigate the matter. One of the members (Mr. H. B. Rogers) said that in addition to their proper duties the nurses had to undertake labouring men's work, and received the handsome remuneration of J610 a year, or jd. an hour. There was no proper sleeping accommodation, and one even had to sleep in the cellar, whilst the others could only dress in the oorridors or when standing on their beds. The meals were a scramble, and many went without their dinner because of the wretched arrangements. Mr. F. Haines also explained that one nurse had not had a dinner for four months because she would not take part in the scramble.

GENTLEMAN ARRESTED FOR SHOOTING A MAN WHO WAS SAID TO BE POACHING. The depositions have been taken of a man named John Cahill, who, it is alleged, was shot on Uhursday nigiht by Mr. Cecil Ball, of GeraMstown, Navan. It is stated that Cahill and another man were poaching, and that Mr. Ball, fired upon them. The first shot struck Cafhi'ii in the leg, and he was afterwards wounded) in the back and then in the stomach. Cahill was afterwards attended by Dr. Sul- livan, of Navan, who extracted eighteen grains of shot, and the injured man new lies in a pre- carious condition. The police arrested Mr. Ball and broufot him before Mr. Fitzherbert, a magistrate, who remanded) him for a week on bail.

ELECTRICAL ENGINEER AWARDED £ 400 FOR SLANDER BY A VESTRYMAN. The (hearing of th& case of Medhurst v. Kyffin was resumed on Friday in the Queen's Bench Division (before Mr. Justice Kennedy and a special jury). It was an action brought by Mr. Francis Hastings Medhurst. an elec- trical engineer, to recover from the defendant, a draper and clothier in the Hackney-road and a member of the Hackney Vestry, damages for alleged slanderous statements made by him to the effect that the plaintiff had bribed the chairman of the Electric Lighting Committee with a JS50 note to obtain the appointment of engineer to the committee. The main defence was that the occasions on which the defendant said the wordsi complained of were privileged. His Lordehip, in summing up, said that he ruled, as a matter of law, tha-t the occasions on which the defendant uttered the alleged slanderous words were privileged, and, there- fore, they ought to find; a verdict for the defen- dant unless they found that the defendant had been guilty of express malice. The jury found that the defendant had been guilty of express malice, and awarded the plajp- tiff £ 400 damages.—Judgment accordingly,