Symud i'r prif gynnwys
Cuddio Rhestr Erthyglau

15 erthygl ar y dudalen hon



UP AND DOWN THE COAST. j NOTICE TO CORRESPONDENTS. CORms RAILWAY.—Letter received. GENTLEMEN AS DONT ACT AS SICH. What would we do in these dull times for amusement if it were not for the monthly, fortnightly, and weekly meetings of our local bodies ? There are people who do the reports of Boards of Guardians, Local Boards, Town Councils, Sanitary Authorities, &c. These people miss a world of fun com- pared with which the comicalities of Punch and Fun e funereal. Are not the following fair specimens First Member—I propose that we buy a dozen of these barrows. Second Member—I move an amendment (these mem- bers think they are sure to be right if they move an amendment, and the chairmen are seldom better ac- ■ quainted with public business than the ordinary mem- bers). I move an amendment that we do not buy any of these barrows at all. Not one. No, none. There. What do you know about barrows ? First Member-I know a good deal, and I know some- thing about you, too. (In a sneering tone) Who are you, air ? Tell me that, sir. You will not bully me. Second Member (excitedly)—I move an amendment. You are a fool, and you must be told so. First Member (jumping up)—Do you call me a fool ? I will tell you what you are. You are a great deal worse. Third Member-You are both fools. First Member-I am not afraid of him. Who is he ? Let him bring himself down to my weight and I'll Third Member—Mr. Chairman, I wish to- Second Member (ia aloud voice to First Member)—You sit down, sir. First Member (in a threatening tone) —Not 1. I will not sit down for a like you. Third Member—I wish to ask, Mr. Chairman, whether —(the rest of the sentence was lost) Second Member (still more loudly)—I move an amend- ment, Mr. Chairman, that no barrows will be bought. Third Member-I have a right to speak, and Second Member (drowning previous speaker's voice)—I have moved an amendment, and it is carried. First Member-Are you carried ? The- Second Member (continuing)—Let us go on with the business. Third Member (trying to speak in a loud voice)—Mr. Chairman Mr. Chairman, I Second Member (to Third Member)—Sit down, and don't interrupt me. You are always speaking. The Chairman (to Third Member)—What do you want to say ? First Member (to Chairman)—Allow me to explain (when this person, pointing to Second Member, inter- rupted). Second Member-Do you call me a person? You call me a person! I'll not be called a person by you. You are a great deal more a person than me. First Member-That's him. You hear him. He 3ays Than me." Speak one of the languages, man! Another Member—"Than me" is quite as good as "That's him." Third Member (to the Chairman)—I want to know who is the Chairman, and to whom we are to look for order ? First Member—My motion is that we purchase a dozen of these barrows, and I'll stick to it. Second Member (contemptuously)—What can he know about these barrows, he isn't a native ? First Member—Are you a native ? The Chairman-I think, gentlemen, we have had enough of this. I am told that this could be more than matched not far from my bit of a place if the reporters "took all down that was said." CONVIVIAL AND MAGISTERIAL. A correspondent writes to say that she (I speculate as to the sex) thinks it is too bad of me to make up jokes about magistrates, and to say they give themselves exten- sion of time. She says, bless her, that she is quite sure I mean no harm, but is afraid some people will think I am in earnest, and believe that some magistrates really did meet together, and grant themselves an extension of time. Now I assure my fair friend that the story about the extension of time was not a jokeatall. There was a con- vivial meeting, and the time was extended, and the police- man did go there, and was glad to go away again when he found what company he was in. I am not surprised that a lady is slow to believe that magistrates could do such a thing but there is the fact, and I am not responsible for it. Beer is King in some places, but there is a new spirit abroad that will take the head off him. There will be a trial of strength before next year sets in, and voters will be asked to decide whether the manufacturers of drunkards are also to be their judges. I hope my correspondent will believe I am not joking when I say that I am very anxious to retain her good opinion. When I publish my volume of extracts from these letters, what a nice page this little incident will make, with explanatory notes. Very. A CLAIM AND A COUNTER OLAIM. Some time ago I heard of a claim made for, let us say, 23s. The bill was made out for 46s., and the items were arranged in this way To going to the Bryn and back 22/- To making out this bill 23/- Total 45/- Allowed 23/- Total to pay 22/- The foregoing is pretty well for a bill, and would stand a chance for a good place amongst curious claims. In the claim already referred to there was no counter claim, and as the charge for making out the bill was allowed," no great difficulty arose as to payment. In a district not a long way from my bit of a place on the Coast, in the old times, a good man went to live at a certain house with a friend. If he did not fare sumptuously every day, he had his share of what was going, and seemed to be content therewith. Time passed on. The good man ate and drank, and was lodged from week to week. He never said a word about payment, nor did his host, until so much time had passed on that the matter at last became serious. Then the host made out a claim, to bed and board, so much; attendance, so much total, so much. We will say £30. When the good man received the claim he was much surprised, and looked at it in silence for a considerable space of time. There passed over his face a shade of sorrow. "Alas," he said. "I thought I was in the house of a friend, as a friend—a little paradise of generous affection and regard but I find that I am still in a grasping, greedy world. What a difficult thing it is to find true generosity. How seldom one meets the truly Christian spirit." His eye caught the offensive bill again, and he repeated the words thirty pounds, THIRTY POUNDS, THIRTY POUNDS, and each time he said them his face bore a more determined expression. He at last made up his mind, and after a pause he said, "Very well, I also can make out a bill. He sat down at his desk, and, would you believe it, every now and then he looked savage, clenched his hands, and ground his teeth (artificial). If you had seen him you might not have discovered he was a good man at all. When the bill was made out he gave it to his host and said, "This is my counter claim, and when you settle that I will settle this," and he smiled. Then the host read slowly and with a gathering sense of mistake the following itemsTo my injured good opinion of you, 210 to waste of time in stopping at this house, C5 10s.; to addressing not less than fifteen enve- lopes, Is. 3d.; to writing fifteen letters at Is. each, 15s. to going' with you to market for company, 5s.; to taking dinner with you when you had company, 5s. to reading prayers at morning and evening service in your house, £3 103 6d. to nursing your child on several occasions, 7s 6d. to listening while you talked, £1 10s.; to my company since I have been here, £4 10s.; to drinking beer with you for company, 21 to the great incon- venience I have suffered in meals not being ready at the right times, 93; to reading your bill, 5s. Total, £ 31 0s. 3d.. The host, when he had mastered this bill, was so as- tonished that he could not decide what to do for a long time, but after he recovered he saw that he was no sort of a hand at making out a bill, and freely admitted his inferiority. He thought once of going into the County Court with his claim, but what could he do with a counter claim like that ? After mature consideration he aban- doned the idea and paid the balance, and his guest or lodger-call him which you like-went on his way, feel- iner that his late host would not "do it again." The host gave himself a severe wigging, and made up his mind that next time he took a good man" into his house he would make some sort of arrangement which would prevent the possibility of having to pay him for drinking the beer he gave him and for eating the dinners be provided for him. homebody will probably venture to say the foregoing is a cram. Believe me, I could never have invented this fact. My imagination is not equal to the effort, especially in these hard times. PERRY WINKLE. The Coast.