The Rhos Herald

FUN AND FANCY. I say, my man, have you seen a golf ball about?" "No, mum; but I've got one in me pocket as I brought from 'ome as I can sell yer." An English tourist asked a Hieland lassie whether it was customary for girls in her country to ge about barefooted. "Pairtly they do, and pairtly they mind their own business!" the girl answered sharply. "Did you hear that the daughter of that rich man in the next street had oeen driven from home?" "No! When did it happent" "Just after she got into the carriage." Stranger (to. native in Duke-street, Liver- pool): "Would you please tell me where I can find a large medical library in this city?" Citizen (solemnly): "Underground, sir; there you will find the greatest works of physicians." Young Doctor (breathlessly): "I am t-old that a gentleman who lives in this house has just broken a leg." Resident: "Yes. Are you a carpenter? Young Doctor: "A car- penter? No; I'm a surgeon." Resident: "We want a carpenter, not a doctor. It's a woodea leg." "Who is that man I hear talking in the kitchen, Mary?" asked a mistress of her cook. "Please, ma'am, he's—er—he's my. long-lost brother." "Then please be good enough to lose him again-as quickly as you can!" said the lady. "Good afternoon, Miss Brown! Going for a walk? May I go with you?" asked an elderly but ardent admirer of the lady. "Y f!, my doctor says that we must walk with an object, and I suppose you'll answer the purpose!" | "Things never happen just right," said the moody man. "The pianist in the flat above me has a sore throat, and the girl who is training to sing in grand opera has just sprained her wrist." "You seem to have a good deal of faith in doctors," said the friend of the sick man. "I have," was the reply; "a doctor would be foolish to let a good customer like me die." "That's a fine-looking old gentleman I Brown's father, isn't it?" asked a collegian of a friend. "Yes," was the answer; "but he is a champion at breaking his word "You don't say soT" "Yes—he stutters!" I Irate Passenger (who has managed tlo board a motor-bus that didn't stop): "Sup- pose I'd slipped and lost a leg, then whatt" Conductor (kindly) i You wouldn't have to do any more jumpin' then. We always stops for a man with a crutch." ■. • i "But I atn so »nworthy, darling," he mur- mured, as he held the dear girl's hand in his. "Oh, George," she sighed, "if you and papa agreed on every point as you do on that, how happy we would be." I Turnbull: "They have a big dinner party ¡ at Blanque's to-night to signalise the engage- ment——" Jenks (breathlessly): "Indeed! I WhicR daughter? Turnbull (continuing): "The engagement of a new cook." j Tramp: "Please, mum, me and my mate are shipwrecked sailors." Lady: "Fiddle- sticks! Neither of you was ever near the I sea." Tramp: "Quite right, lady. We was on a airship!" Bald-headed Gentleman (having his boot* polished in an hotel): "Confound it! yon take an abominably long time about it." Shoeblack: "Yes, sir; it ain't done so quick as when you 'as your 'air cut!" "I asked the young woman in front of me to remove her big hat, so that I could see the stage." "Did she do it?" "No; she said if she held her hat in her lap, she couldn't see I the stage herself." "An artist," said the man with pointed whiskers, "must not think about money." "I suppose not," answered Mr. Tompkins. Every time I buy a, picture the artist wanie enough to keep him from thinking jkbeut money for the rest of his life." ) Lord Roberts once promised to inspect the boys' brigade battalion in Glasgow, but at the last moment was prevented by illness. A local officer, was secured to fill his place, and in selling tickets for the ipspection it was thought only fair to let purchasers know that the distinguished fieldmarshal would not be present. One small brigade boy came up and asked for two tickets for his father and mother. The clerk said, "Do your father and mother know that Lord Roberts is not to be present?" The boy replied, with a look of self C(M self-confidence, "It's no Lord Roberts they're GÓmin to see, it's me." row The reecmenpltoly yeehs elod f a thleair rge anfnauctaol ry exicn urGsiloane- There was a programme of sports, and one the items thereon was the veterans' race. Only two competitors faced the starter, and,, pinch to the chagrin of one of the spectators' »t -least, the ? oldest ;pf the sprinters' won easily by yards. "Whilst helping the unsuc- cessful runner on with his coat, tie disap- pointed Spectator said: "A tost bob over fi i IPWlfel Tamv i A |e backed^ tae wiif easily*' "Ah, well," said Tarn, consolingly, "ye ochi tae hiv backed me fer a place!" Willie J; Papa is going to let you mar#; sister." Featherstdne: "How do you know,?" one: Q!V Willie: "He said, after all, you were better than nothiiig. A. motorist was'stopped by a policeman the light on the car being infulficieut. He gave his card to the constable. "G. J. Smith, read the man in blue. "Go on With you!" he exclaimed. "I want your proper name and address. We've too many Smiths about;ere. Now, look sharp! "Then," B*iia the motorist^ "if you must have it, ii's WMliam /■' Shakespeare, Str*tford-6n-Avon!" you, sir," replied* the polipsma* "Sor#y 'to hare troubled you And he «**•» fully entered the particulars in his book.

HOME HINTS. A gargle of salt and water t* a remedy for an ordinary sore threat. To prevent cheese from becoming mouldy or dry wrap it in a cloth •daiiip.».11 vinegar and keep is a covered riisit. Coarse-ground eoffee e^rznkled on a shovel- ful of burning coals wtf.l ffwvc oLciisive odours from a sick-room. Kerosene wilt soften boots mid Fhoc, that have been hardened b. ¥.ater. and will rcn- 1-1 der them as pliable as eeiy. I Every saucepan that has been used and finished with should be filled with cold v, aUr. a lump of soda put into it" and set to boll out. Brass trays should be washed with wcrm water and good yellow sea p. Rinse in clean water, dry, and j.'olisJi with a chamois leather A little UfXHM juice will remove stains. If shelves and floors of efosssts arc wiped with water whkilj is hot cayenne pepper, cld afterwards ^px-inkkd borax and alum, roaches aad &li4uc gn-e kept at bay. ,=. I After ironing linen, it near the fire or in the t-«n until pe.rfc-e.tljr <Jry, as the gar- --ients wiH be mnch stiver- tha#' if lei't to dry slowly. This hint i* especL.llj ^ei'ul with collars, ciiff.4, and petticoatH, Salted Filberts.—rAfter s'»e;3K«^ tfiiew^ boil the filberts for four minuter,' remove the outer skins, roll the N its JH clcrr melted butter, and then sprinkle them with ^all, i-iiid, if you will, » mfijikkm. of cay!QAA-e, and brown for tw. minute* h. the even. A very good complexion 1\fi'1 is found in butter-milk, but fresh plain water gruel is a vvliitejier of the, Apply this t9 hands and fat-e. ulloyvjng it to dry on, | alter which the skiii should' be wipeti oy,.Lr i with simple tincture of bmiz-oiu mixed \>yithj rose watet. Caramel Walnuts Sltelf and halve ,one pound of walt)ub,Put. :bali, a pound of icing sagar, a quarter of a poud 01 ground al- monds, and the white oi one egg into a basin and mix thoroughly.- Boll into little Oval balls and stick liaff a walnut on each Then dip the wahmb MSI/J. & glaze made of half a pound of brown augur, naif a uaeuo- f ill of water, and half a tea^poonful of bak- ing powder boiled till slight]/ brown. Tea-leavcsi ase invalik-ible- ¡i;õJ a means of cleaning varftishei jsaiwt, Whett sufficient leaves nave been i&td they should be placed in a tin,basis full of water, and soaked for half an foour. The tea, when strained, efcowtcl, fJ¡ed, instead of soap and water to clean the «far«w&ed surfaces. Condensed milk flrftt. be wwfulfor pud- di ugs and cold Aapci as chocolate, coffee, or eoeoanuk if ifeg sweetened ntilk is used, do not add much gjigar fo it till the dish is nearly fiftished ait can be tasted. When one Mves some from the dairy this milk is inv&lw&bjb f'r verjuired in haste. Wheatmeal Cake#.—-Boi| Jfe&lf a pint of new milk with a'■phuh M salt, Aiiid dissolve' in it a piece of butter a waliiut. Put the butter and milk o» tS» «u&i|eist vheatmeal to make a light-il soft <løuFk- licli out a quarter of an "inch tliiek., into small lound cakes. Bake in a HU¡k ovtv-i for ten m in ut., E. Serve hot with butter g< iw-i syrup. To remove the eicilwsit fwmi the inside of tea-kettles fill tht L« \<h Mith water and !J:.d to it a driwmnt: of Let it boil for an hour, when fur, 6r petrifird sub- stance found ou will be dissolved and can be e; aily removed. rinse the ketlie out well, theii boil out avm «r twice, before using the contents, To cook marrow kw paake some flour- and-wstter paste, roll it out and place a piece over the ends when, the uxair v is see;r and I'tie ft clofh tighiiv mer, plunge into uoiliiig vvu.te,r and.. »."••• .-Jt 8;1 hour.. Take off the paste f« •» rho bones ire !-P!lt to table and gcrv lapright in a napkin Kith slices of thy toast. easy to cook and forait ? '4^&&ou« dish. Leather goods, if tteir r,-tnee is to be preserved, should not' toe kept in places that are too dry, as tbe, beA-s w.-ill cause the leather to crack. Nor in clamp phwes that will lIli", it mouldy. To leather chair seats^. travelling bags, bo^e eovoiv, that h&vb become shabby or xuh ih^rn with the well-beaten White of al ê-1f,¡t;. Sole leather bags ard. best cleaned .1 81 ordinaryt rus- set shoe polish, cleaning ,;taem ijj sam.e way that shoes are 'alem/sd- The best way to grease «6sl«as frottl silk is first to scrape Of$$asaueh Øt jive grease j as possible, and th^i to the spots \\ith a « creani made Of' fiji# »'itii; lavendejf water. Next, lay. two tliMikn^sSes of I blottiag paper over tW «tajau> and iron it with a moderately-hot iraji til1 the spots are qtutcdry, movhtg iiifc paper onee or I twice. ?jfhe powder .ibould fuifflly be dusted /011 witli i cfeaii or briush. Haddock and .Tomsto<st—+ <$iiic# "ha«JUóc;k' by pouring botlm^ watvr it L^Avfe lor ait hour, ||«» tl1 ftkin 214 b6ikes and fiake tiw fan ounce oi butter |n a pais., m 'jtt tjuvAy » finely- chopped onion, psd tw«f add this fish and Cook for tea mis at* >i"R<iohing with pepj>er and i«alt and i'h<»]»»»«■! parsley. Serve with a border *4 fiievfy bollwd rice ftiid garnish with shce? t>f &?!('??- Milk SoUp.—Tak^ one -biz^A hiníp, one Epanish o«i<( t. t-jirrot. a w*p/«mfrJ of chopped < i ,iM 4? one ounce, of bu-i- a, sum ir>o 1 Prepare and < uf f 4 <' <L<t ^dife^ and bop is Jh' 4 o'; flour. witcf: p:i<ft oi i 1 M 5^1 fit »t« the remainder IK S-»Aw*{K Jiuttcn;. Stir and boil u u rt-w, 'lake out half a pint (>* fit1 "C -the vegetables are boi'i# mix with the milk i a liuxitaing the soup down, if necoNF-uy putf,. jot all, of thfe ^served ikfttor. w»» wMk.' uaid pepper, -'and ■ serve at- ..it -T L. «T—•4RIWC-M>C*R1 If» -■ "liter • wi& ;h'i!t*'hg '.11; I.ct. bat ",Mot of any" description, are put m a. large i a>in ksiiiaf water i* pointed ore* tIN. ,ül to greatly inw0i"-

OLD AND YOUNG SUFFER FROM KIDNEY E. I I 7 ivatits a bo.Nf D6a7t'.g Backache Kielizey Pt*1,"S- Doaies." Bis I lil llfii Doan's Pills can be taken safely by the f Slj youngest child (nee directions with each box), E3S5f | m J || aD(^ found a sure aud lasting cure, ffl I I lli* OLD AGE" I j yljffl M|VH At the other end of life, old folk often K /I M WLIM J suffer terribly from kidney disease and from |i\ raft MM MM a i the results that come from it. When past 'j/rv J l\ middle age, there is apt to be a very V I m jM \nflir3SS P noticeable weakening of the organs of the body, notably of the kidneys. If the La. VmYJ kidneys are weak or diseased, and therefore unable to filter uric acid and other impurities [ from the blood, such diseases as Rhen. JV matism. Dropsy, Stone, Gout, Lumbapo V and Sciatica are sure to follow, and the only way to cure them permanently is to HILDHOOD and old age both are care tjje kidneys. Doan's Backache Kidney exposed to special dangers from Pms win do this for you. Among the sure kidney trouble. signs of kidney disease are urinary- and CHILDHOOD. bladder troubles, rheumatic pains in the limbs and joints, watery swellings beneath What mother is there Who is not anxious ti,€ eyes and tound the ankles and wrists, that her little ones should grow Hp;heaUhy ringing noises in the ears, constant and hearty? tiredness ami headache. Kidney complaints are very conanon m Doan's Pills are made from medicines .children, and unless taken firmly ju hand which long experience has shown to be M the beginning are sure to prove disastrous. particularly efficacious in kidney disease; i Kidney disease is frequently inherited strengthen the kidneys, and keep them from father or mother or grandparents, so to their work; lhey car« the kidneys that parents who themselves suffer from and make to fit for work. it should keep a sareful watch upon their ou foIk VOUIlR folk a]ifce may suffer boys and girls, and at the first symptom of frem kl(3ney troubl(J8. old folk yoang kidney disease should give them Doan's Pills. |olk aLke wiU find Doan>8 Backache Kidney What are the symptoms? Among them puis tbeir best friend. are aches and pains in the limbs, headache, „ n,„ om „ w T Doan 6 Bsck«obe Kidnoj PilU (u-a 2/9 a box, or urinary and bladder troubles of aid sorts, 53$f0r g boxes. Tbev cannot be bought loom, but met commonly the not being alile to ouly in 06 2)9 bo-em. -may be had ,f tli d 01', post tree, dirEd from the oontrol the kidney secretions, a ceaoetant Oiford-Ht., Loi*fc>n, w. Ro-ire.e of trouble to mothers and children. Doan's, Refambert BCKACHIr:.KIDHE'Y L THE LIGHTNING. BINDER- For all classes andstzes of Papgi*St Music Lecture Notes* Sermons. Statements. Letters, Møgazines, Periodicals. &c. Perfectly tlght^ Immediately released, -I: If" ,,8 "11 rU'" .0" '/Wb >,r ?' .lUII Utt,U- .tfH,Ui1uøa'I,fH.Ht'NfJfjt .loo.- t' AWondêrÑ10 TIDY. Bound in Full Cloth: "Stfone Setel Spring Backs "'1IOW''8 to"" CáI4.tW.IIt# ¡.' Office Sbot

BABY'S DEATH FROM STARVATION. Remarkable evidence was given on Tuesday jftt an inquiry at Lambeth concerning the Ac,ati-I of Cornelius Michael Cooper, aged ight months, whose parents live at Lower Marsh, Lambeth. The mother said her husband, a labourer, ;;bad been out of work for seven weeks. Although her children had not had sufficient :food they did not apply for parish relief, not knowmg how to go about it. For the past .-Seven weeks witness had not had much to .at; the result being that she could not feed -rthe baby. Dr. Marcus H. Quarry, of the Lambeth /[Infirmary, said the child was emaciated, and -,Weigile,cl only one-third the normal weight. Death was due to exhaustion from want of Nourishment. The Coroner: This child has died from zlfh,eer starvation? Witness Yes. The coroner remarked that the mother did •Jiot present the appearance associated with ."I.;t'ant of nourishment, Dr. Quarry said that was so, adding that the child could not have been fed for a con- siderable time before it was brought to the infirmary. In summing up the coroner said that for a to literahy die of starvation as this ..Ðne had, without complications, was very jtfaie. The jury returned a verdict that the child .islied from sheer starvation, and expressed heir opinion that the conduct of the mother ;tfhould be reported to the N.S.P.C.C.

A GRIM SUGGESTION. Alderman Sir James Ritchie, sitting at the 4t0uildhall Court, London, on Tuesday, had be- -ifore him George White, a labourer, who pleaded guilty to a charge of stealing boots from A shop. The prisoner was practically caught jfed-handed. There was a further charge pre- ferred against him under the Prevention of Crimes Act, owing -to -his past record. Prisoner:6 first conviction was in 1894, and iJjt was stated that 'he had had many sentences ,*of for stealing, and had twice .jfierved terms of penal servitude for robbery .íth violence. The accused decked that he had never had a 4hnce in life, bir James I ought to send you for trial. -The utmost I can give you is twelve months' Ibard labour, and that I sentence you to. It is ,.quite inadequate—in fact, I think ni-jn like you flight to be put in a lethel chamber.

BRITISH SEAMANSHIP. ■An interesting description of the Baltic cruise «s»f the British armoured cruiser Cornwall is #ubli«bed in a Danzig newspaper (says "The 'A a*-y ') When sfoe visited Kiel a dense mist Tfreva,ile,d, and the harbour authorities, who had pbeen' advised that sfhe would arrive in the even- ing, did not expect her till next morning. When day broke, however, she was moored in her assigned positon. She had navigated the diffi- cult Kiel fiord in the darkness and mist with- out a pilot on board. This performance she re- lated at Danzig apd Swinemunde, according -i £ o the report-in both cases without a pilot. "From this performance," says the journal, ..#1"'6 are compelled to ask what would happen ::Jb the event of a sudden outbreak of war with They would have not the -aSM ^t difficulty i*1 bottling up the High Seas Jrltet jn Kiel or elsewhere."

CARTRIDGES AMONGST REFUSE. At the meeting of the Kensington Borough 00ouncil a report was received that a large •timber of caseg of cartridges had recently n found in some refuse collectcd by dust- flne-n and taken jfpr burning to the Council ^estructor. Fortunately, the cartridges were -discovered before going into the furnace. It 19as pointed out that great danger to the Xo workmen was involved. Mr,, Jarrctt said it was a serious matter, ^*1 steps should be taken to find out where Me cartridges came from. If the workmen ^»re injured or illed it would mean a great ■demand oji the Council for compensation. '.The surveyor was instructed to deal with the jAuitter.

I STATE INSURANCE. I ■ • FRIENDLY SOCIETIES' VIEWS. Bigt Court of the Ancient Order of "JpMfJer# dperied in Glasgow on Monday. The Chief Banger, Brother John Brown, of «>%»lasgow, in the course of his opening address, **ferred to the position of the order in con- nection with State compulsory insurance. He ovAti4ent in asserting that the High Court '♦fes prepared to oppose any Government under- taking io provide State insurance against eick- or, invalidity ifi opposition to the perma- friendly societies, which at present held ."IN The Government could not provide t6 ,8Íek bejjeftte #ith the same satisfactory results Was aj; ptjee^nt being done by the permanent societies. They were face to face with teaJiity,$n,d could and did impart a kindli- am} sbrotherliness into tTie work which no 4<ipartment could ever hope to do. The of the community would be besfcaserre^ it the scheme was such that friendly societies ..41Ould eÓ.ope.r.e with the State. BRITISH UNITED ODDFELLOWS. 6ir Walter Plummer welcomed the delegates "le forty-third annual legislative council of British" priited Order of Oddfellows at New-' »» Monday; He said that Mr. Chur- ■*p » IJ that the Government next year I Pf^poflg P1 insurance scheme against un- .P^J^e»t, sickness, and accident, and pro- •an • tor W?d°5vs and orphans, would cause -|,xiety to friendly societies. However, Mr. CJeorge had said that the friendly «ocie- would be safeguarded. dickering, of Leeds, said he ^niiau scheme of State insurance .K fraught with danger, and Mr. Lloyd George '!J« itakeft. tho friendly societies into his an<^ as^ed their opinion. The State Work the scheme at a smaller cost tile friendly societies had done.'