The Rhos Herald

Christmas Conundrums. Say exactly how many peas there arc in a pirn;?—One (p). What is the difference b-atween a soldier and bombshell ?—One goes to war, and the other goes to pieces. What sort of men are always above board? —Chessmen. When are the streets of a town most greasy?—-When the rain is drip pi;, g. What is the difference between a school- master and a postage stamp ?-The one liciia with a stick, and the other sticks with a lick. Why are the pages of a book like the days of man?—Because thv are all numbered. Why is a king like a book *?-Bec.;iuse. he has pages. What is yhat which is lengthened by being cut at both ends?—A ditch. When is an alderman like a ghost?—When he is a'gobbling (goblin). What is the best prescription for a poet?— A composing draught. What is the difference between a spend- thrift and a pillow ?-^One is hard up and the other soft down. Why is a sailor, when at sea, not a sailor? —Because he's aboard. Why is it better for a man to have two losses than one?-—Because the first is a loss, and the othr is again. If the Queen changed a sovereign what I "I building would it represent?—rlne ltoyal. Ex- change. Why is gas like poetry?—Because the num- ber of feet required are regulated by the metre (meter). YT!iy is a lighted candle like an extinct fire?—It burn"; no longer. Which arc the nl o<,t contented birds?— Rooks, because they never complain without caws. What is the cheapest Christmas oreakfast r —A roll in bed. What is the easiest thing in the world to break?—Silence. Why is a shopkeeper ever reminded of Christmas?—Weights (waits) are always by him. My first is in pencil, but not in slate; I My second is in comrade, but not in mate; My third is in piano, but not in flute My fcurth is in stocking, but not in boot; My whole is a us-end article. Answer—Iron. Why is an egg overdone like an egg under- done?—Because it is hardly done. When do your teeth usurp the function of your tongue?—When: they chatter. Which is the greatest riddle in the world? I —Life, because we must all give it up. Why is a tramcar a safe place in a thun- derstorm?—Because it has a conductor. What knitting is every boy able to do with- out knitting needles?—Knitting his brows. Why is a starving man like a baker?—Be- cause he needs (kneads) bread. What is the d evence between a tube and a fixdish is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander. I Why is the letter E considered the most unfortunate of letters?—It is never out of debt and always in danger. Why are duels generally very short affairs? I —It only takes two seconds to arrange them. I What will a stone become when thrown into water?—It will become wet. Why is the letter C like frosty weather?— It makes old people cold people. I. Why is an old coat like an iron kettle?—K represents hard-ware. Which two fish were married?—John Dory I and Anne Chovy. What did the bridegroom give to the bride? —Her-ring. I Where did they spend their honeymoon?— In W('h)al-es. t What did the bride say to the bridegroom j before stai*ting?—Stur-Geon. | Why did the bridegroom sue for a divorce? —Because lie had. had quite enough of An- Chovy Sauce. The riddle of riddles-it leaps ai-d it skips; 'Tis seen in the eyes, and it cheats on the lips It seldom is found, though oftentimes read. 'Tis sometimes a feather, and now and then lead. If it meets with its match 'tis happily caught. If money can buy it—it's not worth a groat! —The answer to this ingenious construction is-a. Heart! What is there apparent in a caustic speaker that fit" !:lim better than his opponents ?-- His attire (satire). What animals have only one leg between them?—A pnir of postdiorses, which have only the postilion's leg between them. I What word is there of five letters that, by taking away t.wo leaves one?—.Stone. What two fish represent a part of the human foot?—The eel (heel) and the scle. j What part of a railway train is like the j best of a joint of meat?—The tender part. j What tree has are no effect upon?—Ashes, as when burned, they are ashes still. What proof have we that Moses wore a II wig?—He was sometimes seen with Aaron and sometimes without. I What is it gees most against a farmer's grain?—A reaping machine. What do we often catch but never see?—A passing remark. passing YOTTIork. I I What is the difference between your last wil-I and testament and a man who has eaten as much as he can?—One is signed and dated, the other dined and sated. In what part of a church do they ring the belles ?-At the altar. What reason may a postage stamp be said to be an unfortunate thing?—Though it sticks to its duty to the very letter, it always I gets its head punched, its face disfigured, and a good licking. What is the difference between one who walks, and one who looks, ii,,jst airs? -One steps upstairs, the other stares up steps. What does an iroa-clad vessel of war. with four inches of steel plating and an her guns on board, weigh just before starting on a cruise?—She weighs anchor. Why is a hare that lias young ones like the Prince of Wales?—Because it is a hare a parent. Why do men build an oven in a town — They cannot build a town in an oven. Who killed a fourth part of all the people j in the world?--Cain when he killed Abel.1 Why is a good man like a bright jewel?— All his action; brilliant. Which is Mi* way to make a coat last? —To make the trousers and vest first. What is pretty and useful in various ways, "ho' it tempts some poor mortals to shorten their, days? Take one letter from it, and then will appear- What youngsters admire every day in the- year; Take two letters from it and then without doubt You will be what it is if you don't find it- 6ut.—Glass. J REVOKED. f I thought Grisclda smiled on me, i And, oh, I felt love's piercing dart. | When Christmas came, most willingly I I gave the gentle maid my heart. But, ah, how quickly did I pass Into a state of gloom, alack What woe was mine, for, cruel lass! I She sent my Christmas present back. THE USEFUL BURGLAR. Rueful Rufus: "I am in luck! Just asked a man for a penny, an' he said he'd give me a quid if I'll come to his house to-night an' steal a box o cigars an' a necktie his wife has given him for Christmas!" 'TWAS EVER THUS. A lady wanted a fat turkey, and the sales- man showed her a beautiful bird with an un- broken breast-bone. The lady thought the bird looked bony, and asked to see another. Taking the bird away, the shopman broke the breast-bone and brought the bird back. "Ah, that's a much uetter one," said the lady. "I suppose it's more expensive." The salesman said it was, and the lady paid.

What do Americans do with their meat?— They eat what they can and can "hat they J can't. Why are soldiers who go an for- ?n service, and then return, apparently the happiest of men?—They go away and come home in tran- sports. What is it which, if you even name it, you break it?—Silence. Who is the oldest lunatic on record?—Time out of mind. Why is an empty purse like two true lovers?—Because in it yourU find no change. Why is a thump like a hat?—Because it is felt. Why is a gardener dissipated?—Because he is continually raking, and hoes (owes) a great deal.

-4. NAGGING UMPARDOXABIJE. — The average Ihssband is in his element when he is declar- ing to an audience of friends that he is afraid of his wife. He enjoys the idea. The clever woman knows better, though, than to boast about her position as dictator in the family. She agrees with her husband, pets him-and does as Ihe pleases. He is familiar with the whole process, understands it perfectly, acknowledges the fact that he is managed just right, and so everybody is happy. There is a tremendous difference between the woman who thinks for herself, and expresses her own opinions, and the woman who nags. Nagging it unpardonable. CARE OF VESTIBULE nLEs.-Nothing looks worse than the neglected, uncared-for ap- pearance of the tiles at the entrance .f a house. Some tiles are more easily kept nice than others. New tiles should be scrubbed with hot water and soft soap—plenty of the latter—then well rinsed, and rubbed nearly dry. Then a little soft soap should be smeared on the surface with a dry flannel; not enough to make it slippery, but just to give a finish, and a third dry cloth rubs it well in. Old tiles which have been neglected must be cleaned with methylated spirit two or three times a week; then, when the grime and discolouration are removed, hot water and soft soap will do their part. WORTH KNOWING.—Fruit acids are excel- lent to relieve a rheumatic condition of the system. If your feet ache after dancing, soak them before you get into bed in hot bay salt and water, dry them, and rub briskly with a rough towel. Sleep as many hours as you find necessary to recuperate your strength and, as nearly as possible, take half of these hours before and half after midnight. The teeth should be brushed at the morning toilet, and always at night just before retir- ing, because then the process of decay is more constant than at any other time, on ao- count of decomposing food which may b8 lodged in the interstices.

0- USEFUL RECIPES. COFFBB JELLY.—This is a most delicious sweet, and quite inexpensive. Take one tea- cupful of strong coffee, dissolve in a little gelatine. Put on the fire one pint of milk and six ounces of loaf sugar. When nearly on the boil, pour in the coffee and gelatine. Let all boil together for ten minutes, then pour in a wetted mould, and leave in a cool place until set. WKLSH DIsH.-Fry some fresh herrings in the ordinary way and at the same time have some Spanish onions peeled and cut in round slices; put into a frying pan with flour, salt and pepper sprinkled over them, then add enough hot water to cover them, put a tin or plate on the top, and let them boil slowly for about twenty minutes. To serve, pile the fish in the centre of the dish, and onions round, with the liquor they were boiled in. FORCXMKAT BALLS.—Take 2oz. of fresh breadcrumbs, a heaped tablespoonfnl of ) chopped herbs (thyme, parsley, basil, and marjoram), if liked, lioz. of finely minced beef suet, pepper and salt. Mix well together with two, whole eggs. Form into balls, and boil or fry a pale golden colour. STEWED STEAK.—Take a piece of steak, beat it well, then fry it a nice brown. Have in a saucepan some good stock, put the steak in the stock. Slice four large onions into the pan, and fry them a nice brown. Then put them with the steak. Take from the sauce- pan a little of the stock, put into the frying- pan, and dredge a little flour, pepper and salt to taste. After it has boiled up return to saucepan with some carrots sliced very fine, and atew gently for two hours.

fvKDDlSETHG^EIG*!| fg A oes genych f j| i Beswch neu Anwvd ?} 1 p A"ch llwyr welffia. Hi 0 werth anmhmadwy i Blant. y jl Prisiau, is; neu 2s6d. || Ga-atyq&d yn y Pris- I MAP Y RHOS A'R Uyfr Achau 74 MLYNEDD YN 01. &ae y Map stfr Lkfr yn <kfyd($prol iawsi i jkd yn @mlyn Råes X". Hsaes Rea. Pris y Map a'r Llyfr. 1/6. Y Map yn unig, I/- l'w ca.1 yu SWYDDFA-R 'HERALD,* BIBLE 80CIETTS PUBLICATIONS -5 English and Welsh Bibles and Testaments Sold at the maryellouBlly Cheap prices of the Society. A Large Stock always on hand at R. MILLS & SONS, Herald Office, Rhos. ilillgnzjl) TO MOTHERS. MRS. WINS LOWS Soothing Syrup FOR CHILDREN TEETHING Has been nsed over 50 years by millions of mothers for their children while teething with perfect RU(lIJf-S. It SOOTHES the child, softens the gum., allays all PAJX. cares WIND roT.io, and i. the 0. remedy for MAKRHfEA. Sold by all Chemists at 1/1, per bottle. TO JOG YOUR £ MEMORY. I j GOOD PRINTING la an essential to-day. You are measured by the quality of your OiTiCB STATIONEBY, CiBdULABS, and Advertisement Matter geonrally. Have you ever thought of this ? ) !)!)!Mm!<!fr R. MILLS A SONS PRINTERS &o.j Herald Office, Rhos. rAiMPO^JT TO MOTHERSlJ mm Every rr,other who values the Health and y CJeannaess.ot her child should use A HARMSOH'S A f "RELIABLE ¥ A NURSERY POMADE. A I Wr One application kills all 1"its and Verain, A beautifies and strengthens tht Hair. r xn Tins, gd. Postage id. mr 0E0- BAB8IS0M, CHEMIST, BROAD ST. BEADING, f D. Evans, Chemist, Rhos Rowlands & Co., Chemists, Ruabon