Papurau Newydd Cymru
Chwiliwch 15 miliwn o erthyglau papurau newydd Cymru
11 erthygl ar y dudalen hon
......-LITERARY EXTRACTS.
LITERARY EXTRACTS. IDIK CAPE-TO-CAIRO RAILWAY.—Mr. Stead con- Elues in the October Windsor his interesting account pjf Mr. Rhodes's undertaking. No practical proposal, r. Stead points out, has ever been made yet to con- tract the Cape-to-Cairo line. All that is at present 10 negotiation is the construction of the northward (Extension of the Bechuanaland railway to the gold And coal regions of Rhodesia, which it is necessary to tap in the interests of the colonists themselves. Even if there were no Cape-to-Cairo Grand Trunk line in the air, the building of the railway to the gold region of Gwelo and the valuable coal field of the Jiafungabusi district would be indispensable. for the Bechuanaland Railway Company, we are further informed, needs coal. At present it has to Carry its fuel as well as its freights from the Cape to Rhodesia. Hence its cars return empty. When the Mafungabusi area is tapped, where 70 miles of coal- beds lie waiting the pick of the miner, not only will the railway find fuel, but it will also find mineral to fill the cars at present returned empty. The hundred miles from Buluwayo to Gwelo are all surveyed and pegged out ready for the constructor. From Gwelo to Mafungabusi, a distance of 150 miles, another Section is surveyed, and will be taken in hand I at Once. Beyond Mafungabusi there are over 150 miles to cross before the line will reach the Zambesi. This fiver it is proposed to bridge just outside the Portu- guese frontier, about 500 miles east of thto Victoria Falls, where a short bridge of a quarter of a mile Will carTY the lines across the one great river it will meet on its northward way. Mr. Rhodes hopes. to Cross the Zambesi in five years' time. FRANCE'S CONSCRIPT ARMY.—Are these armed mul- titudes as formidable as mere arithmetic would have 11. think? France, for instance, prides herself upon being able to put in the field millions of trained men. What does this boast amount to ? Upon the outbreak of war, in these days of rapid mobilisation, much—perhaps all—would depend upon the troops first in the field. And these troops, upon whose behaviour in the brunt of sudden battle the salvation of their country might depend, would be—not a body of well-trained fighting-men, leavened with veterans, and relying on their leaders with glad confidence- lJut a crowd of half-taught lads, lacking in thews as well as training, and led—or driven—to battle by officers whom either they have never seen until the day of conflict, or whom they know-dnd hate. As for the reserves, suffice it to say that officers of the active army refuse to regard them seriously, and consider them merely in the light of civilians playing at soldiering. The officers of the reserve (for the most part promoted privates) have received no military education worthy of the name. The non-commissioned officers and men consider I the month they have to serve every other year a hateful episode. Awkward in their unaccustomed uniforms, they do not even look like soldiers, and it would take months of training to convert them into such once more. In point of efficiency thev are, of course, far inferior to our volunteers. But behind these stands yet another line of defence —the territorial army and its reserve—an army com- posed of men who have a faint recollection that they once were drilled. There is something pathetic, as well as absurd, in picturing these middle-aged citizens in time of war, clad in antiquated uniforms, handling unaccustomed weapons, and painfully, if Conscientiously, struggling to acquire a knowledge of new regulations and modern drill. To sum all up, it may be true that Providence is still on the side of the big battalions, but chiefly, we think, when those battalions are well officered, well trained, and animated with all the virtues of the soldier.— Trooper 3809," by Lionel Decle. SIR WALTER SCOTT AND ABBOTSFORD.—Scott had painter's as well as a poet's eye for scenery indeed, he compared a planter to a painter for the exquisite I delight afforded by such employment. The planter," he said, is like a painter laying on feis colonI s—at every moment he sees the effects coming out. There is no art or occupation comparable to this it is full of past, present, and future enjoyment." When the Laird was in Edinburgh attending to his Official duties, he sighed for Abbutsford, and took the liveliest interest in all that was going on there. He writes to the land steward: "George mufet stick in a few wild roses, honeysuckles, and sweetbriars in suit- able places so as to produce the luxuriance we see in the woods, which nature plants herself. Get out of your ideas about expense; it is, after all, but throwing away the price of planting. If I were to buy a picture worth £500 nobody would wonder much. Now, if I choose to let out £100 or £200 to make a landscape of my estate, and add so much more to its value, I certainly don't do a more foolish thing." It is pleasant to see from the Laidlaw MSS. with what alacrity and iteai Bcott's noble friends helped him with kind con- tributions. The of Buccleuch sent bushels of acorns; the Earl of Fife presented seed of Norway pines; a box of fine chestnuts came from Lisbon—the box was sent on from Edinburgh to Abbotsford unopened—and before the factor heard of them they were peeled and rendered useless for planti ng. Confound the chestnuts and those who peeled them," exclaimed Scott, the officious block- heads did it by way of special favour." Scott told his friend Morritt that he never was so happy in his life as in having a place of his own to create. He was perpetually buying land from the needy, greedy, neighbouring proprietors to add to his original pur- chase. It. rounds off the property so handsomely," he says in one of his letters. There was always a Corner to round off." For these neighbouring lands he paid far beyond their market value. On one occa- sion when a friend remarked that for a certain tract tie had paid an exorbitant price, Scott replied good aaturedly, with a shrug of his shoulders, Well, Well, it only is to me the scribbling of another volume more of nonsense." Abbotsford meanwhile from a rustic, cottage in the wizard's hands grew into a fairy palace. The furniture and decorations were of the most gorgeous and princely description, the wainscots of eak and cedar, the floors tesselated With marbles or woods of different dyes, the oeil- ings fretted and carved with the delicate traoery of a Gothic abbey, the storied windows blazoned With the rich-coloured insignia of heraldry, and the walls garnished with the time- honoured trophies, while scattered through the man- sion were rare specimens of art, and sumptuously- bound books, gifts from King George and other friends. His antiquarian tastes were visible every- where. Except his wife's boudoir every room was a museum. Over one mantelpiece hung the sword of the great Montrose, on another Jay the pistols of Prince Charlie. Nor was religion or sport iorgotten. She beautiful marble heads of nuns and confessors, End antlered heads of noble stags adorned the hall, while Maida, the famous staghound, kept sentinel Over the Omnium Gatherum. Such was Abbotsford, Which of all the creations of his genius will probably he the first to perish.— Sir Walter Scott, by James Hay. YAW DYCK.—la an article on the recent celebra- tions in Antwerp of the" Third Century" of Van Dyck, M. Octave Maus gives, in the Magazine of Art, ft "ivid description of the gorgeous procession. He Bays:—Antwerp, where these traditions are held in peculiar honour, has many times distinguished itself by the magnificence of its processions. It was enly natural that it should commemorate with all possible splendour the three-hundredth anniversary of the birth of one of the greatest painters of its School and the commercial capital threw itself heart and soul into this artistic demonstration. It achieved it in the most triumphant way by adopting, Dn the suggestion of M. Auguste Possemiers, the scheme of a procession of which the subject was to he Art through all ages up to the time of Van Dyck. To realise it effectively, the Municipality appealed to those societies which, since 188a, had shown a Kecial skill in representing by living figures every nd of episode of history, manners and Brtistic inventions. From among these it selected— SB it had done in 1802 for the Landjurseel," and in 3S94 for the torchlight procession of the Great Exbibition-ten societies who were to compose the different groups, while a special committee of artists and members of the Municipality decided on the general design. The societies which had the honour Of being chosen were those of the Vriendenschaar, the Leopold, the Verbroedering, the Hoop en Liefde, the Morgenstar, the Jouge Vlamingen, the Albert Grisar's Kring, the Klauwaarts, the Jouge Fontein- isten, and the Vondels. A sum of a hundred thousand francs, to be distributed in prizes and rewards to those associations which should particu- larly distinguish themselves was voted by the town Council. The committee of consultation and Superintendence was further strengthened by the Addition of the most distinguished musicians at Antwerp, that they might agree with the members of the procession as to the measures to be taken to give the musical part of the performance an artistic and archaeological value. TJIus organised, the arrangement of the profession, under the collabora- tion of the most distinguished architects, painters, aad sculptors of the city, could not fail to be both Splendid and artistic, thoroughly correct in its details, and magnificent as a spectacle. The several marches round, all favoured with beautiful weather, roused the throng, collected from all parts, to indescribable enthusiasm. In fact, it was a great delight for men of the best taste to a e thtse various groups of figures, dressed in stuffs ot every hue, making their way 0nder the glorious sunshine along the streets of Antwerp, and the cars, decorated each in the style of the period to which it belonged, With its banners, its orchestra, and ita out-riders. What added to the excitement was that this unwonted magnificence was displayed for the glorification of Art, and the Srtistic purpose of each group found a symoathetio gnpoose in hearts that beat in unison. "[lI. J), "r .R\ WOMEN DETECTIVES.—Under the heading of "They Make Good Detectives," a contributor to Cassell's Saturday Journal writes thus :—" A great deal of good detective work is done by women, but not any of them are officially employed at New Scotland Yard. That may come in the future. More than one, however, is working fairly regularly for the department, but who they are none but the authorities know. They are paid by fees, and frequently receive as much as £10 for a single case. Such secrecy, however, is used in their employment that even their receipts are signed in fictitious names. Women detectives are largely employed by private inquiry agents, and for shadowing a suspected person they would be hard to beat by the cleverest male rival. Much of the evidence procured for divorce cases is obtained by them and just ns it is well to set a thief to catch a thief,' it is advisable to set a woman to catch a woman. They are very clever, too, in such work as writ-serving. You see, no man has any suspicion of a pretty, demure woman, and when, perhaps, he is preparing for a a little flirtation, he finds himself, 'served' before he knows where he is. I don't think it is a lucrative calling, and, certamly, it is an unpleasant one. I know one or two women detectives who make from JE200 to £300 a year, but the work is very precarious. They may make £10 in a week—and, indeed, I know a case where a woman made £100 out of one job-but then they may be many weeks or months without making a penny. To any of your readers whose ambition may lie in this direction, I should certainly say Don't." Ronm.Ù WORK.—Albert Robida is the subject of an appreciative article by M. Octave Uganne in The Magazine of Art. In concluding an enthusiastic review of Robida's work, the writer says :—Robida has just come to the front as an architect: it is he who has planned the Old Paris," which will be one of the wonders of the International Exhibition of 1900. Here will be restorations of the most curious buildings of the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries— dungeons, towers, barbicans, posterns, streets remini- scent of Rabelais all the work of this strange artist, embodied, constructed vitalised. Near the Pont de l'A.lma a broad stage may already be seen supported on piles, and extending along the shore over the Seine. There, next spring, will rise the buildings chosen for reproduction to give us an idea of old Paris," and there lords and citizens in costumes of the' past will meet the visitor as he enters by the Porte Saint-Michel, and do the hon- ours of the Pre-aux-Clercs, the Pont-au-Change, the old Louvre, the Grand Chatelet, and what not more. A master who is able at once to reconstitute the past so accurately and picturesquely, and to give us such startling visions of the future, certainly deserves to be made known to readers of The Maga- zine of Art; for we rarely find combined in one man so much creative power and such a fertile imagination. LONGFELLOW'S ADVICE.—Madame de Navarro gives some charming pictures of Longfellow in "A Few Memories." She says that every conversation with him led to good result. His first advice to her was See some good picture—in nature, if possible, or on canvas—hear a page of the best music, or read a great poem daily. You will always find a free half-hour for one or the other, and at the end of the year ,your mind-will shine With such an accumu- lation of jewels as to astonish even yourself. "The poet was fond of a good, amusing story, and had many to tell of his own experience. He was particularly delighted at the ingenuity of an enterprising vender of patent medicine, who, vaunt- ing the marvellous effects of his drug, no doubt in the hope of inspiring the poet, invited him to write a verse for the label, promising him a percentage on each bottle, and a free use of the medicine for him- self and family. On one of his birthdays he was astonished at seeing a waggon containing a piano drive up to his house, followed by a strange young lady in a carriage. The young lady informed the housekeeper that she wished the piano to be put in a room where it would sound well,' as she had com- posed a piece of music in honour of the poet's birth- day,and meant to play it to him on her own instrument. Longfellow was a great lover of music, and Wagner appealed to him strongly. We heard several operas together in Boston after my engagement there. He generally arrived before us, armed with flowers, and full of delightful anticipations. On one of these occasions someone sent a magnificent bouquet to our box. Not knowing the donor, I did not take it np. He insisted on my doing so. Put down my simple ones,' he said, and take up these beauti- ful flowers. It will gratify the giver, who is no doubt in the house. Try never to miss an opportunity of giving pleasure; it will make you happier and better.' Kindness was the keynote of his character. No convenience to himself was too great if a good turn to anyone was at the end of it." A HORSE PALACE.—It is evident that the Emperor of Germany does not expect the "horseless age "to arrive very soon. He has under construction, in the outskirts of Berlin, what is to be, probably, the most splendid stable in the world. Outwardly it looks like a palace, and inwardly it has many of the ap- pointments and characteristics of one. Certainly horses were never more palatially lodged than they will be here. The stable is being erected by the Imperial architect, Herr Ihne. It occupies a superficial area of more than two acres. There will be roomy and com- fortable box stalls for 270 horses, and carriage house space for more than 300 car- riages. In the centre of the whole will be a two- storey building where the Imperial coachmen, grooms, stable-boys, and so forth, with their families, will be lodged. Eighty families will have quarters in the building; the drivers or coachmen will be at least 50 in number. The stable will be provided with horse elevators, telephones, and electric lights, and the walls of the carriage-houses and other portions of the building will be beautifully decorated with paint and gilding by the best decorative artists in Berlin. The cost of the stable is estimated at seven millions of marks, or more than £200,000. Three years will be employed in its construction. CRIPPLES AT WORK.—In an article on Work and Play in Crutch-Land" in the Quiver, Miss D. L. Woolmer gives an interesting description of the various trades carried on at the Home for Crippled Boys, known as Woolsthorpe House, Kensington: Amongst the orders executed in Woolsthorpe for Royalty, she states, was a large doll's house sent to I Siatn by the direction of the King. Low enamelled tea-tables, presses, bookcases, and a handsome otto- man box were in process. In each department, work has to be suited to the strength and capacity. A head may be full of intelligence, though it is set back on the shoulders like that of a fledging hedge sparrow, and the limbs beneath it may be of fair strength. Ono such stunted figure belonged to one of the few apprentices strong enough to stand and work the press in the relief stamping and copper-plate printing room. Defects in arms and loss of fingers are not a bar to the manipulation of visiting or printed cards, nor to obtaining good wages in this calling. The relief stampers sit two and two, an adept and a learner, at each press, along a counter: the one stamps addresses or crests, plain or in colours, the other looks on and lays out the sheets to dry. One lad has the attractive work of filling in the gold and silver as required. Under the law that governs Nature, every living thing must produce something useful or beautiful in order to gain her smile of contentment. Poetry can discern a plant rejoicing in its own flowers and fruit. It needs little imagination to ob- serve a face chastened and prematurely aged by Buffering light up with pleasure over an irreproach- able specimen of copper-plate writing, or an artistic device stamped and finished off in three different Colours. The harness and saddlery department also offers opportunities for decorative taste. Twenty- three boys are employed in the leather room. The designs on blinkers and bridles are less likely to be lost on them than on their high bred wearers. Horses^probably are better able to appreciate the well- stuffed collars. The Drive in Hyde-park sees the harness that comes from this Home, but knows little of the makers. The tailoring department is perhaps the most useful to the community, for it under- takes all the mending and making be- sides turning out high class work. The skilled craftsmen, in the four trade taught in the institution, have seldom any difficulty in obtaining situations. Ex-pupils who have risen to be master engage assis- tants from amongst their successors in Woolsthorpe. The photographs of old boys that adorn the walls are illustrations of its history. Of each there is some- thing to tell. To their teachers and friends, they must be a part of the evidence that labour bestowed on boys whose need is their only claim is not in vain. "'There is one with his wife and six children." Six children ?" Yes, that is no rarity. One or two old boys have eight; but I never heard of any crippled children amongst them. That one maintains his parents but you are not going to put that down ?" This was to arrest an entry in a note-book. Numbers have done the same. One supports a blind father. This one has his own shop; he manages it himself, and is succeeding well. You can see his face looking through the window. His wife and children are at the door." One of the instructors might well declare that this Home had saved the public in poor rates alone an untold sum. Left untaught, most of the lads would have gone to the Union. Now, instead of • being paupers, they increase the nation's wealth.
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I AM astonished to hear you say that Fraleman told you all these things: I gave them to him in strict confidence." Yes, but he says you told them to him during your late voyage to America." So I did. But what's that got to do with it ?" Every- thing. You can't expect a man to keep anything to himself on his 1l ocein voyage, can you ?" U- -J*
HOME HINTS.
HOME HINTS. SOME HINTS ON CARVING.—The carver should never stand, but should have, if possible, a chair a little higher than an ordinary dining-room chair, or have a cushion on the seat, as it is much less tiring to carve when well above the joint. There should be as little gravy as possible in the dish, all skewers and string used in cooking should be carefully re- moved, and the knife be as sharp as it is possible to get it in these days of degenerate steel. The carver should never alter the position of the dish. Large birds, like geese and turkeys, have their heads on the carver's left. Small ones in brace or couples should be placed across the dish, heads away from the carver. A leg of mutton the thickest part away from the carver, a saddle of mutton the tail end towards him and a rib or sirloin of beef the backbone end to the right. In carving a leg of mutton put the fork firmly in at the top and cut rather thick slices through to the bone. With a sir- loin of beef cut the under meat across in rather thick slices, and the upper part in long thin slices, being careful to cut well to the bone. A fillet of veal or beef, piece of round or silverside is sliced across with the guard of fork up. Be sure loin of either veal or mutton is jointed before cutting. In carving a chicken find joints and remove legs and wings first, cutting a little breast meat off with each wing. Then separate the breast on either side, and putting your knife under the merry thought" bone, raise it and divide from breast. The breast is considered the best part, and should be given to the most distin- guished guest. If there be stuffing or seasoning to serve, remember to put a little on plate of each per- son served, and also a little fat. Steak is cut across in slices about an inch wide. A GOOD COLD MEAT SALAD.—Make a dressing of two teaspoonfuls of anchovy sauce (or mutton ketchup), chop two shallots or small onions very small indeed, and add a teaspoonful of chopped parsley. Mix all together with two tablespoonfuls of salad oil or good cream, a dessertspoonful of Tarragon vinegar, a little mustard, pepper, and salt, Put all in a wide-mouthed bottle, and cork. Cut your cold meat (which is better and more suitable if beef or fowl) in nice slices of equal size. Prepare by washing and drying a lettuce, tearing the leaves in small pieces, and dip some in the sauce. Arrange in salad bowl, and pour in the remainder of sauce. WILD PLANTS AND COOKERY.—It is perhaps not generally known that many of the ordinary wild plants make pleasant and wholesome dishes. With the object, therefore, of adding to the culinary mate- rial of those able to secure such plants, the follow- ing hints may be found both interesting and useful to my readers. The commonest and perhaps best | known of all is the dandelion, with which I may mention chicory or wild endive. The young leaves are seasonable for salads from early spring to early summer, whilst for cooking they may be used even later. To serve as a vegetable prepare them thus Cut of the coarse ends of the leaves, choosing the tender ones; wash well, throw them into boil- ing water duly salted, and let them simmer for half an hour. Take the greens out with a strainer, put them into cold water, squeeze them in the hands and chop them. Stir in a saucepan a lump of better and a dessertspoonful of flour, put in the greens, turn them about with a wooden ladle, and when the butter is absorbed season with salt, pepper, and nut- meg, and moisten suitably wtth gravy. Just before dishing up thicken with a tablespoonful of cream and garnish with crisp fried sippets. This plant has also a strong fleshy root which makes a palatable dish somewhat resembling salsify. The roots are at their best towards the end of June and on to October. To cook them the following way is excellent: Scrape and boil in water, with some vinegar to taste. When quite tender, but still firm, lay them on a cloth to dry trim them. dip two or three pieces at a time in batter. Fry and serve sprinkled with very finely- chopped chervil and a garnishing of sliced lemons. In many parts of Germany the roots are gathered late, dried, roasted, ground, and substituted for coffee by the poor.. Other plants, such as rocket, rampion, corn salad, or lamb's lettuce, together with the common nettle, can be used with great advantage, cooked in the same way as the dandelion leaves or as roties." These latter are made thus: Having previously boiled the leaves in salt and water, strain them in a colander to extract the great part of the moisture. Put them in a stew- pan with some cream, the yolks of two eggs, plentiful seasoning, and some spice. Spread this mixture on neat slices of slale bread, and fry quickly in hot butter or lard. Garnish the dish with chopped hard- boiled eggs seasoned with oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, and sprinkled with finely chopped parsley. Rampion, lamb's lettuce, and the young dandelion are the most suitable for, salads. They should be well flavoured with any favourite sweet herb, such as basil, &c., and if possible some chopped fillets of anchovies in brine. This special combination produces a peculiarly pleas- ing nsult.-Hural World, SAVOURY PASTRY.—Roll out some puff pastry very thin and stamp it into small fanciful shapes, or into little rounds, squares, diamonds, or fingers, then place them together in twos or threes with a good sprinkling of finely grated cheese, ham, or tongue, &e., between press very gently together, brush over the top lightly with beaten egg, and bakfc in a well- heated but moderate oven. Serve very hot, neatly arranged on a dish paper and tastefully garnished with sprigs of fried parsley. NOUILLES WITH CHEESE SAUCE.—Form the paste into small egg shapes, cook as directed above, and drain well on a sieve. Then have ready a sauce pre- pared as follows: First make in the usual way about a pirt of good thick white sauce, then when boiling add to it two large tablespoonfuls of finely-chopped jparboiled onion, another ounce of butter, a season- ing of white pepper, and 4oz. of finely-grated cheese, and stir constantly until boiling point has again been reached, after which lay in the nouilles, draw the pan on one side, and simmer gently for about 20min. When done enough, dish up neatly on a very hot dish, and pour the sauce over sprinkle the surface with a mixture of finely-minced parsley and sifted egg yolk, garnish round the edge of the dish with slices or quarters of cooked tomato, or with daintily- cooked button mushrooms, and send to table as hot as possible. Or, if preferred, tomato sauce may be substituted for the cheese sauce, and the dish may be garnished with small slices of fried ham and hard- boiled eggs cut in quarters.—Marie, in the Agricul- tural Gazette. USE FOR LEMONS.—The juice of a lemon taken in hot water on awakening in the n-orning is an excel- lent liver corrective, and for stout women is better than any anti-fat medicine. Glycerine and lemon- juice, half and half, on a bit of absordent cotton is the best thing in the world wherewith to moisten the lips and tongue of a fever-parched patients. A dash of lemon-juice in plain water is an excellent tooth- wash. It not only removes tartar, but sweetens the breath. A teaspoonful of the juice in a small cupful of black eoffee will almost certainly relieve a bilious headache. The finest of manicure acide is made by putting a tablespoonful of lemon-juice into a cupful of warm water. This removes most stains from the fingers and nails, and loosens the cuticle more satis- factorily that can be done by the use of a sharp instrument. BORAX.—When washing red-bordered toilet covers, add a little borax to the water, as it prevents fading. SPINACH. — For cooking spinach, never use a tinned saucepan..Neither should this vegetable be passed through a wire sieve, for a hair one is neces- sary. UNBLEACJIED calico shrinks very much in washing, so if possible have it washed before use, otherwise allow one inch and a half over in every yard for shrinking. To MAKE SHORTBREAD.—Work half a pound of butter into one pound of flour, add a pinch of salt, and six ounces of castor sugar. Knead all together, roll out, cut into shapes, and place on a tin. Bake slowly. >. MEAT that has begun to turn may be quite restored by washing it in water in which a teaspoon- ful of borax has been dissolved, having first cutaway every part the least bit tainted or discoloured. RE-COOKING SAUSAGES. To re-cook sausages as follows insures a very excellent and tasty dish. Take the cold sausages and divide in half lengthwise. Work together a little mustard, flour, pepper, and salt; spread this on the cut side of the sausage and fry till a light brown. ISINGLASS is very strengthening, and so I advise your taking it, if you are in delicate health. I knew an old gentleman who derived great benefit from taking half a teaspoonful in his tea at breakfast, and in his soup or milk at bedtime. For this purpose the fine white isinglass should be used, as it dissolves very quickly. BAKING EGGS.—This novel way of baking eggs is popular where it has once been tried. First prick several holes in the large ends of the eggs, so as to allow the escape of confined air, aa it expands from the heat. Place on a small tin and bake in a moderately hot oven for ten minutes. WHITEWASH, if you wish it to be good, should be prepared as follows Stir six pounds of whiting into cold water, avoiding all lumps. Steep three ounces of glue it cold water for 12 hours, then heat it until it is dissolved, and pour into the whiting while hot. The wash must be of a consistency to be applied with a brush. EcCLES CAKES.—Line a plate with light pastry; mix together 4oz. of currants, half & teaspoonful of grated nutmeg, a piece of candied lemon-peel, chopped fine, and loz. of brown ugar. Set these ingredients on the pastry, cover with another piece of paste to fit the plate. Close the edges and mark them neatly with the back of a knife; make two slits in the top crust, and bake a nice delicate colour. Remove from the plate for serving.—London Journal, i "J j. r
THE WOMAN'S WORLD.
THE WOMAN'S WORLD. PLAID goods in combination with plain make pretty autumn dresses for girls. APRONS of linen in solid colour trimmed with white are in favour with school-girls. THE girl who dresses stylishly must (says a writer with large ideas) have a large collection of stocks— belts, ties, sashes, fronts and vests. Then, there are her hats to go with different gown., her parasols, sunshades, and umbrellas; her shoes, slippers and boots her world without end of hosiery her jackets, wraps and cloaks; her veils and handkerchiefs, and then the myriad of costly trifles from the jeweller's, including shell hairpins, jewelled hatpins, studded vinaigrettes, lucky charms, gold buckles, fans of ivory and pearl, shirt studs and cuff links, skirt pins, chatelaines, cardcases, mono- grammed purses, stockpins and brooches for her hair. After which the most money to be paid out for any one thing will be for jewels. To get a true likeness of yourself from your mirror, it should be draped in pure white muslin. The true tints of the complexion, the expression of the counte- nance and eyes, the correct colour of the hair, will be then accurately reflected. This is one of the milliner's oldest secrets. Many of the most artful of them drape the glasses in the softest drapery of pure white. It is done with the view of giving the fair patronesses the best view of themselves possible, administering in this way a little subtle flattery, thereby disposing easily of a greater amount of goods. WHITE silk lace may be cleaned by spreading it out upon white paper which has been covered with calcined magnesia, placing another sheet of paper upon it, and laying it away for three days between the pages of a large book. Shake off the powder, and the lace will be clean and white. AMONG her most favourite treasures and remini- scences of the past the Queen keeps the brooch which once belonged to Robert Bruce of Scotland. This relic, a memento of her ancestor's chequered career, was presented to her Majesty during her visit to the Marquis of Breadalbane at Taymouth Castle in 1842, by the head of the clan Macdougall, Admiral Sir John Macdougall, K.C.B., of Dunollie. The story of its capture from Bruce by the Macdougall of his day is thus told Between the Holy Pool and Tyndrum, Dalrce, or the King's Field, is passed, where Robert Bruce, after his dis- comfiture at Methven, encountered Macdougall of Lorn, and was obliged to yield to superior numbers. Bruce was compelled to make a precipitate retreat backwards by Loch Dochart, and at Loch-an-Our, where there is an extremely narrow passage between a rock and a lake—another Thermopylae—he himself undertook to cover the retreat of his men. In the skirmishing, three of the Macdouglls made a simul- taneous attack upon Bruce, whose undaunted presence of mind and herculean prowess soon rendered him superior to his agile foes, one of whom, however, springing at his neck, dispossessed him of his cloak or plaid, which, in the hurry of the moment, was left in the dying grasp of the clansman. Hence Bruce's brooch remained as a trophy in the family of Mac- dougall. COLLARS and cuffs of linen and lawn are much worn with tailor-made costumes and plain woollen gowns. These accessories are plain, or are deco- rated with hemstitching, little pleatings, or orna- mental stitching. Linen plastrons are with masculine shirt pleats. GIRLS should attire themselves according to their circumstances, and should, above all things, avoid all extremes of fashion, as well as all eccentricities of Style. Only quiet colours should be worn either at church or in the street, and wherever they go they should endeavour to be unconscious of their personal appearance. ROUND shoulders and hollow chests are due (the London Journal avers) to the relaxation of the muscles of the back and no amount of straightening up will remove the cause. When the muscles of the back become weak from loss of energy, the muscles of the chest naturally pull the shoulders forward. To restore the body to a perpendicular position, the muscles of the back must have their energy restored. Lying flat down and stretched out at full length is the most restful position the human body can take, because it requires no effort whatever to maintain this position. The Japanese under- stand this, and they make good use of their know- ledge. Instead of having their house full of stiff- backed chairs, they spread soft rugs, skins, or cushions on the floor or low platforms, upon which they recline when resting, reading, or whiling away the time. In this way they stop the waste of the energy necessary to keep one in a bolt-upright posi- tion. The blood circulates more freely, because there is no tension on the limbs. This reduces rtie labour of the heart to a minimum. The energy thus saved goes to restore tired or weakened organs or to the invigoration of the brain. EXERCISE is imperatively necessary to the attain- ment of the desired goal. A monotonous round of household toil is not exercise. Exercise is exertion of the body conducive to health." This means the attainment of supple joints, firm flesh, and vigorous circulation. A daily course of free gymnastics, in loose dress, is invaluable to the beauty-seeker. No apparatus is needed, although the simple pulley con- trivances are excellent. Fifteen minutes, night aud morning, spent in intelligent exercise of the entire body will develop marked results within a few weeks. The woman of to-day shares with her brother, man, God's free air and sunshine. No longer trammelled with long, confining skirts is she impatiently im- prisoned behind the bars of sex traditions. Clad in short, but modest, costume, she is none the less womanly, and, certainly, more companionable, as she shares in a measure his outdoor sports. If coarse-minded or ill-mannered, long srirts will not refine her, nor shorter ones corrupt mind or morals. Physical and mental culture have joined hands in home, school, and college to evolve the blessed new woman, the fitting mother of a hardier race. THE fashion of going without gloves at the seaside and in the country made a difference in the sale of gloves during the summer, and tradesmen have been (says the Evening News) grumbling very much at the falling off in custom. Now, however, they should have cause to rejoice, for most people are hurrying into gloves again. Glove-makers say that women's hands are spreading—judging by the increased de- mand for large-size gloves. The fact is not to be wondered at, considering the rage for outdoor exer- cises, such as golfing, rowing, &c., which naturally tend to broaden the hands. There is comfort in the vain, however, in the knowledge that the petite is not always the most beautiful. The Greeks conceived no beauty without size, and the large proportionate hand, developed by healthy means, is far more to be admired than the palm which grows contracted by being forced into a glove at least a size and a half too small. WHEN a girl is not as sure of affection as she is of the shining of the sun in the heavens, it is well for her to pause, to give herself all the benefit of the doubt. She should wait until she is able to say with truth when she gives her word, I would rather be your wife than do or be anything else in the world." If there is in the farthest corner of her heart one little doubt that the full revelation of love has come to her the chances are that it has not. That is not to say that doubts never arise in love. The happiest engagement in all the world is often not without a haunting fear attendant upon it. Indeed, it often happens that two singu- larly honest and earnest young people have periods of exquisite self-torture during the engagement time and the more mature and experienced they both are the more likely this is to happen, for them each sees more clearly than in early youth the perils that may come. Each realises that though love is the greatest solvent of difficulties, it is not the only one—that there are sure to be the gravest strains upon human nature in the delicate adjustments of married life. THE quiet girl never wears high colours in the streets; you do not see her flaunting in brilliant checks when they happen to be in style. When high hats are in she does not pile hers so high that it sweeps the cobwebs from the sky. She does not wear the longest train to her tea-gown, nor the greatest number of bangles when bangles reign. But because she does not chatter and giggle, and make herself conspicuous at matinees, does not announoe her convictions on all occasions and on all subjects, and profess her admiration at every hand's turn, it must not be sup- posed that she has no ideas or convictions or enthusiasms. She is quiet because she has no power to make herself heard, to change her condition, or because she is maturing that power. In the mean- time it is the quiet girl who marries earliest, who makes the best match, who fills the niches which her more brilliant sisters leave vacant; who manages the servants, runs the sewing-machine, remembers the birthdays, listens to the reminiscences of the old, and often keeps the wolf from the door.
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PATRICK comes to the Morgue to claim A lost rela- tive. Official:" Has he an, peculiarity by which to can be recognised." Pat:" Yes. be is dnsb." j I.
READINGS FOR THE YOUNG.
READINGS FOR THE YOUNG. (From the Christian Globe") PROTECTED. In a violent storm at sea, the rigging of a vessel had become entangled at the mast, and the mate told a boy to go up and right it. A gentleman on the deck said: Don't send that boy up. He will be dashed to death." I know what I'm about," said the mate. The boy raised his hat, as a sign that he accepted the order, and then slipped away for a minute or two. Soon the watchers saw him rising hand-over-hand, till he reached the top and got to work. As he swung in the storm, the passengers wrung their hands expecting to see him fall! But the work was done, and he came down in safety. Why did you go down in the forecastle before you went, up ?" asked someone. "Ah 1" said the boy, I went down to pray. My mother taught me, before I undertook anything hard, always to pray." 0 What is that you have in your vest?" asked the man. Oh, that is the New Testament," he said I thought I would carry it with me in case I really did go overboard." How well the boy was protected Christ within, Christ beneath, Christ above, and Christ all round Christ Himself, having been in the tempest, is ablp to deliver all who put their trust in Him. THE KITTEN'S LEGS. It was a jolly little kitten—just a soft, round ball •f white, with a black tail; but it did not want to be made a football of. Two small boys were kicking the poor little kitten up and down the lawn. Just in time to save its life their father came out and stopped the cruel fun. A little cold water revived it; but the kitten's mother was afraid to trust it near the children after this, and she hid it in the copper. It was allowed to stop there for a week or two, then someone found it and took it out; but the little thing could not walk. It had lost the use of its legs, and they had grown so weak they would not support it. In fact, one day when I saw it try to scratch its ear, it rolled over on its back instead. When the kitten got into the garden again, and tried to use its legs, they were very weak, and it kept falling down and rolling about; but it kept on try- ing, and now it is able to run so quickly that the children cannot catch it, and I saw it actually climb- a tree the other day. You will find it is just the same with your soul's strength. Every time you try to do something that is difficult, to please Jesus, you are making your soul stronger. Every time you say "No" to temptation you become stronger to say No again! But if you never make any effort, you will soon lose what little strength you may have got. now TO BE REALLY GOOD. Do not play with religion. Be much in earnest About it. It is not an amusement. The man with the passion of religion in him does not allow every petty trifle to interfere and to break his endeavours to perfect himself. Religion is something to absorb you, something to which you must give your most ardent thoughts, and your most strenuous endeavours. Even as an intellectual matter religion is a vast sub- ject, which demands that you should give it your best thinking. But religion is more than that. It is goodness inspired by the noblest motive above all, in- spired by love. Many men lead moral lives merely to satisfy their instincts. Immorality is not pretty or gentlemanly. But religion is morality touched by God, and set on fire by God. A moral life without religion is like plants grown under artificial light. They are pale and ghastly curiosities, not healthy plants with the varied and glorious colours which the kiss of the sun would give to them. To be really good you must bring yourself out into the light of God, into the sunshine of His love. To work out the pro- blem of religion you must be at your best. The thing you are to succeed in must be the ruling passion of your life. AN EASY TIME, THEN. When the brooms will sweep up all the rooms in the house, And the comb does up grandma's back hair, When the needle and scissors, and thread, by them- selves Cut and make all the dresses we wear; When the dish-rag does up all the dishes at will, Without even a scold or a fret, When the brick scours all the knives and forks— Which, to me, is the finest thing yet! When the hands, by themselves, practise all the day long, And don't have to count, One and two When the can fills the lamps, and the chimney- cloth Makes them shine bright and clear as though new— Then what a jolly good time we will have, Without any work the whole day! Let's educate brooms, combs, and other things, quick I And we'll do just nothing—but play! s THE SACRED EMPEROR. The native religion of Japan, as R. B. Peery says in his Gist of Japan," taught that the emperor was a direct descendant of heaven, who ruled by divine right; the provision lords were his ministers, and hence loyalty was a plain duty. This principle thus became the foundation-stone of Japanese ethics, and one's {duty to, one's lord paramount to all other duties. A man's duty to his friends, to his wife and children, and even to his parents, is counted as nothing in comparison with his duty to rulers and country. There are many instances in Japanese history of men who, having slain their own parents, children, wives, for the sake of their prince, were praised. At the time of the great tidal wave not long ago in Northern Japan, when the waters were rushing furiously into one home, a husband and father turned a deaf ear to the cries of his wife and chil- dren, permitting them to perish that he might save the emperor's picture; and he was applauded for the act. A fire recently demolished the beautiful new buildings of the middle school in Saga. The library, laboratories, and scientific apparatus were mostly destroyed, and many of the students lost their cloth- ing and books. The loss in buildings alone was some £5000. Yet the thing the loss of which they lamented most deeply was a photograph of the emperor which could easily be replaced for a few yen. HIS FACE WAS HIS OWN. Professor Blackie used to form a very picturesque feature in the streets of Edinburgh, with his long hair falling in patriarchal ringlets over his shoulders. He very much enjoyed telling this racy anecdote on himself: One day he was accosted by a very dirty little boot- black with his Shine yer boots, sir ?" The pro- fessor was impressed by the filthiness of the boy's face. I don't want a shine, my lad," said he. But if you'll go and wash your face I'll give you sixpence." A' richt, sir," was the lad's reply. Then he went over to a neighbouring fountain and made his ablutions. Returning, he held out his hand for the money. Well, my lad," said the professor, you have earned your sixpence, Here it is." I dinna want it," returned the boy with a lordly air. Ye can keep it, and get yer hair cut!" THE ARAB HORSE. An Arab cannot dispense with food altogether, like the legendary camel of traveller's tales, but his needs are few, and he will maintain his health and spirits under conditions which horses would never be able to endure. Indeed, not only can he put up with hard- ships at a pinch, but he actually deteriorates under the generous regimen which is considered necessary for other horses. This has been proved over and over again by purchasers who have refused to believe the usual three feeds of corn to be supereroga- tory and the morning hour of walking exercise in- sufficient. There is probably no being so-obstinately conservative as an English coachman, and, even when he finds an Arab grow utterly unmanageable, he is not to be convinced that the simple cause is lack of exercise and exuberance of feeding. The fact is, an Arab is naturally so high spirited and so difficult to tire that even a single feed of corn is excessive unless he is being subjected to exceptionally hard work. He will answer every requirement as a hunter if his diet be restricted to hay or even to grass, and in the summer time he is most satisfactory if he has the run of a paddock, where he can choose his own food and exercise. So far, the quality of the normal Arab in everyday life.
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THE detective plays a game of "catch as catch can. A YOUJIO man who went to the Isle of Man during the fair holidays, asked the landlady of the boarding- house what the meals would consist of. She told him that he would have fowl once a day, on an average." The young man thought for a moment, then said: That will do very well, but for one thing." The landlady asked him what that was. The young man said When you bring me fowl, will you I Wise it on a plate, not on an .eraae."
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FUN AJSD FANCY.
FUN AJSD FANCY. A STAVYRN teetotaler and arenthusiastic fishersnan had a good stretch of the Dee to fish in, and engagwl ihe services of an experienced boatman. But night a't.r ni;!ht he came back with empty creel, and at ifmMli departed in disgust. When he was gone the boatman was approached and asked how it was that a fairly expert tisherman bad such a run of ill luck. A weel," said the man, he had no whuskie, and I took him where there was nae fush." GLOOMILY the inventor made another trial of his airship. Vain were its efforts. It would not rise. I know what holds it down," he groaned. It's got seventy-live patents on it" Yps," said the florid lady, "I made my will several years ago, and it was one of the wisest things I ever did." '"Why?" the meek-looking woman asked. "Do you expect to drop off suddenly No but it's such a satisfaction to go and change it whenever I get mad at any of my heirs." A OBNTLEMAN was at a Scotch hotel for some time, and, when the bill was presented, he noticed that he had been charged with a bottle of wine of a brand of which he had no recollection. He com- plained of the overcharge to the proprietor, who blandly remarked: Very well, sir, I'll take it off. You see, the girl who got the bottle from the cellar forgot to whom it had been served, so I charged it a^ivinst, every guest in the house. All who didn't have it will object, and the one who did will pay." Well, but aren't you afraid that someone who didn't have it will pay too?" asked the gentleman. No." was the reply, -i I'm afraid they won't." But thirteen guests paid for that bottle of wine. TilE men employed in a London warehouse had a cat which was an especial pet. So that pussy should not go hungry from Saturday afternoon till Monday morning, arrangements were made with a catsmeat- man to pass three skewers of meat through the aper- ture in the door provided for the reception of letters. II Every Monday morning the cat was found to be mad with hunger, in spite of the fact that three empty skewers lay there. One Saturday, pressure of work necessitated overtime, and towards evening, when the C'ry of Meat, meat" was heard drawing nearer and nearer, the front door was closed, and two or three p;iirs of eyes watched for the appearance of the cat's allowance. Three empty skewers were shot through I No wonder pussy went hungry. That "meat man deserved the pummelling he got. MY dear," said Mrs. Tenspot to her husband, "what is the size of the earth?" "Oh, there's enough to go round," replied Mr. Tenspot, who is an expert at concealing his ignorance." iSIIE Indeed, it's not an easy thing for a girl to get a husband." He Why, a pretty girl can make her choice of four out of every five men she meets." She: But it's the fifth that she wants." ALWAYS," said paterfamilias at the breakfast- table, "always, children, change the subject when anything unpleasant has been said. It is both wise and polite." That evening he found several of his dower-beds despoiled, and the tiny imprint of slip- pered feet silently bearing witness to the small thief. Johnny," he said to him, did you pick my flowers ?" Father," said Johnny, did you see a monkey in the City to-day ? We had a "Never mind that. Did you pick my flowers, sir?" Father, what did grandmother send me?" Johnny, what do you mean ? Did you pick my flowers ? Answer me, Yes or No." "Yes; but I thought I would change the subject." IT was just past midnight. John," whispered his wife, in a hushed voice, Ji hn, wake up, there is a burglar downstairs." John jumped from his bed and hastily rushed out of the room. Mrs. John goes to the door, and, hearing nothing, calls out, John, where are you?" "Here I am," came a voice from above. What are you doing up there in the attic ?" Confound you, woman, didn't you say there were burglars downstairs ?" MRS. StJTn repeatedly reminded her husband that the silver was hers, the furniture was hers, and so on, until poor Smith almost wished he had married a girl without a penny. The other night Mrs. Smith awoke to hear strange voices in the lower part of the house, and, vigorously punching her husband in the ribs, called, John, get up! There are burglars down below." "Eh?" inquired Mr. Smith, sleepily. Bur- glars-do,wnstairs!" shrieked Mrs. Smith. Bur- glars ?" said Smith, as he turned over. Well, there's stolhing of mine there Two men discussing a book that had just been offered to them by the newsboy. First man: That's a great bcok, sir—a master-piece of work." Second Man 1 wonder how it is selling ? First Man Selling like hot cakes. Never saw anything like it. You see, I am the publisher, and ought to know." Second Man: Your information delights me. I am the author." First Man (with fallen counte- nances) Well—that—is—it hasn't had much of a sale yet, but I think it will have. Big risk, you know, bringing out this sort of book." A MENAGERIE recently paid a visit to a provincial town, and amongst the cages of animals exhibited was a heterogeneous group labelled, "The Happy Family," consisting of a lion, a tiger, a wolf, and a lamb. When the keeper was asked confidentially how long a time these animals had really lived together, he answered About ten months but the lamb has to be renewed occasionally." FRIEND: Has your daughter really learned any- thing at the cooking school?" Mater: "I don't knew. The things she says she knows how to cook are so expensive that we can't afford to try them." GRIMES: "We had a burglar alarm put into the house, but it didn't work." Willis: Didn't go off, you mean?" Grimes: Oh, it went off all right. But it didn't alarm the burglar in the slightest. It only frightened my wife ha!f out of her senses." OF the Dublin gallery boys a famous baritone, in his reminiscences, tells some facetious tales-one of Faust, in which he played "Valentine." After the duel, Martha," who rushed in at the bead of the crowd, raised his head and held him in her arms, during the first part of the scene, and cried out, in evident alarm Oh, what shall I do ?" There was a death- like stillness in the house, which was interrupted by a voice from the gallery calling out: Unbutton his weskit!" CIHCHLY Look he-, old man, why don't you offer me back the JE5 I let you have a year ago ?" Harduppe Oh, I would if I hadn't been afraid of hurting your feelings." In what way?" Why, I didn't like to give you the impression that I thought you needed the money." SINCE you've been courting my daughter, young man," said the old gentleman, severely, I find my gas-bill has considerably increased." Perhaps it is the fault of the meter, sir," suggested the young man timidly. Yes, it is," agreed the old gentleman. You're the meeter, and you meet her too often THEY had been engaged about fifteen minutes, and she nestled her head a little closer under the shadow of his monumental shirt-collar, and whispered And now what are you going to call me, Algernon ?" Birdie," he whispered, rapturously, while his voice trembled with tender emotion. "Always and ever, nothing but Birdie." And she fairly cooed with de- light. He kept his word, although, with the grow- ing precision of middle age, he has become specific, and does not deal in sweeping generalities any more and so it was that, the day before yesterday, a neigh- bour, going in the back way to borrow the axe, a cup of sugar, and the washtub, heard him call her an old hen." A CERTAIN individual in the South a short time ago was charged iwitb being found on licensed premises during prohibited hours. According to the police, he had given a wrong name and address but they had been Successful in discovering his whereabouts. The defence was somewhat ingenious, and smartly conducted, up to a certain point. It is a pure case of mistaken identity," said the defendant's solicitor. I have here a photograph of the man wanted by the police. My client was not in the boose in question at all that night, as you must admit." That's it," interrupted the defendant; they mistook the other fellow for me." There was a moment's silence, after which the chairman suddenly asked: When the sergeant found you with the glass in front of you, why did you not explain that you were not wanted?" I did blurted out the defendant. And the court roared. HOUSEWIFE: But you have had a good many situa- tions in a short time ?" Servant: Yes but that I shows, ma'am, how much competition there is to secure my services." STRANGER Pardon me, but you look very much like a man 1 know." Mr. Highoff: That may be; j but you must excuse me, for you look exactly iiid a vaa I don't want to know."
AMERICAN" HUMOUR.
AMERICAN" HUMOUR. -Tosii BILLINGS wrote Law iz the great Edict, sin i iz nz mutch the necessity of heaven az ov earth. It iz not foresight that makes one man so naitch stronger than another it iz knowing the tru v-aluo c 'hings az they occur. Traih doesn't require any varnish but a lie, that "ws the wood, is a very weak device. The man who lives only for himself, looses at least tv. '-thirds ov all the pleazzures ov life. Friendship, up to a certain point, iz stronger than money; but, unfortunately, that point iz soon rt-H-lied. No man ov pure genius ever yet worked for munny, or for fame he works az lightning duz, bekauze he c m t keep still. ,ife, at the longest, iz but the beginning ov life, th-1 vestibule ov eternity. Thoze most entitled to it are the least anxious to live their lives over again. Luck iz the lazy man's logick. Thare is more ov equity in politeness than law. Continued prosperity iz very apt to make a man a phool or a raskall. A joke that makes enny one unkomiortable iz not « joke: it iz an outrage. Look out for the man who iz allwuss preaching -morality; sum dark nite he may beat yu. To be a firm teleaver in ennything, it isn't best to kno too mutch. Lazy people are never more buzy r,or happy than when they are stealing the time ov others. Good laws execute themselves bad laws are their own executioners. Thare iz one thing that no woman haz ever yet been able to do korrectly, and that is, to throw a stone at a mark. Mi dear boy, if you would win in life's game, be honest and urgent; this pair of kards will beat fours ov any other kind. BENEVOLENT INDIVIDUAL My poor man, are you not afraid to be on the crowded streets of a great city, and sightless?" Blind Man Oh, I'm all right. But I tremble for the poor fellows who are a little deaf-always in danger of getting their heads smashed with a club." Eh? Why?" They can't hear a policeman when he says Move on ROW. Mr. RICHFELLO I understand that Miss Beauti intends to give a masked ball." "No wonder, poor child—with such a complexion." REPORTER: The Daily Catchall wishes to print your picture in to-morrow's issue. Will you let us have a photograph?" Imported Star: "Certainly. Marie, where's that portrait I had taken on my wed- ding-day ?" HOSTESS Now don't forget, Mr. Funniman, you must begin telling funny stories the moment the guests are seated, and keep it up until the meal is over." Mr. Funniman (friend of the family): I'll do my best, my dear madam, but why do you wish it?" Hostess You see, all our guests have been to Europe, and I don't, want them to begin exchang- ing seasick notes, and folderol about the Prince of Wales until we get through." OLD HENPECK: Nonsense! The idea of talking about marriage! You and my daughter haven-t been engaged over six months." Young Man: Do you believe in long engagements, sir ?" Old Henpeck: Certainly, my young friend, certainly. The longer the engagement the shorter the marriage." LOBBY LOUNGER The new play didn't go very well, even for a first night." Leading Man (wearily,: "No, it had been rehearsed so many times we all got tired of it." MOTHER That is a handsome piece of bronze yon have selected for Miss Bangup's wedding present; but why do you leave on the price-mark?" Daughter: The bronze is very heavy, and I do not want the dear girl to injure herself carrying it around to the stores to find out what it cost." AN Irish priest had laboured with one of his flock to induce him to give up whisky. I tell yon, Michael," said the priest, whisky is your worst enemy, and you should keep as far away from it as you can." "My enemy, is it, father?" responded Michael; and it was your riverence's self that was tellin' us in the pulpit only last Sunday to love our enemies." So I was, Michael," rejoined the priest; but I didn't tell you to swallow them." JACK So you spent last evening with the colonel How did you enjoy yourself?" Bob: "Bored to death!" Jack: Well, I'm surprised The colonel is a notoriously entertaining fellow." Bob: I know it, but he spent most of his time telling jokes that he had read." Jack: Well ?" Bob: Well, I had written most of them myself." Jack: Oh, I seel No wonder you were bored THE PHOTOGRAPHER Here, sir, are the cabinets that your son ordered of me." Father (regarding one): The picture is certainly very like him. And he has paid you?" The Photographer No, air." The Father: That is still more like him." JOBSON tells me he is on the brink of matrimony.* Jobson is so lacking in energy. All he needs is little push." WIFE: Where is your game-bag?" Hunter: Filled with rabbits, my dear, and so heavy that I gave it to the porter to carry home. Here be comes now. But where are the rabbits I shot ?" Porter: "Please, sir, they didn't have any rabbits, so I got eels instead." MOTHER: I don't like the look of that boy I new you playing with on the street to-day. You mustn't play with bad little boys, you know Son: Oh, he ain't a bad little boy, mamma He's a good little boy! He's been to the reform school two times, and they've let him out each time on account of good behaviour MRS. DIX When my husband and I quarrel we never allow the children to witness it." Mrs. Hiz Why, how in the world do you manage it ? Mrs. Dix: "We always send them out-of-door, so they can hear nothing." Mrs. Hix: Oh, now I under- stand. I've often wondered why your children were on the street all the time." IT seems to me, Martha, that it is nothing bat reckless extravagance putting that solid mahogany furniture in the nursery. I went in there a few moments ago, and the children were playing leap frog over the parlour table." No, it isn't anything of the kind," protested his wife, coolly. The polish on that furniture is altogether too new. I haven't yet been able to make anyone believe that it was inherited from my great grandmother. It will be all right after itTs been in the nursery a few weeks." MRS. SMITH: "I'm afraid I shall have to stop giving Robby that tonic the doctor left for him." Mr. Smith Why, isn't he any better ?" Mrs. Smith: Oh, yes. But he slid down the banisters six times this morning, broke the hall lamp and two vases, a 1, a jug, and a looking glass, and I don't feel an if I could stand much more." ELLA To think that it is two years since we met and you know me all at once. Then I havent changed much, after all I" Bella: Oh, I knew yoa by your bonnet. Who would have thought there was so much wear in it ?" JONES called up his first wife at the seance last night, and what do you think he said to her ?" aid Smith. "Goodness knows!" replied Brown. "He asked her if she would give his second wife her recipe for mincemeat. I HATE to see a man part his hair in the middle; it is so effeminate." Oh, I don't know," retorted Willie Walnut, a manly man always takes woman's part." WHAT is a stethoscope, and what is it used for asked the professor of the class in anatomy. The lrtethoope, answered the pupil at the pedal extremity of the class, is a sort of microscope used by a doctor for the purpose of looking into the chest of a patient with his ear." =
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DURING the painting of a row of houses, one of the workmen was painting the window of the second story, when he overturned a can of drab paint on to the coat of an old gentleman, who was passing under- neath. The old gentleman began to abuse the painter for his carelessness, when the foreman of the job touched him on the shoulder, and said Beg pardon sir; but where must I send the bill to 1" The gentle- man turned round in surprise, and remarked: What bill ?" Why," said the foreman, you can't expect us to let our men waste their time and paint water- proofing people's jackets without charging them for it., can you ?" Collapse of old gentleman. JINKS (nervous of a growling dog): "Does your dog bite ?" Wagster: Not much. it swallows mMfe of it* food whole."