Barry Herald

LITERARY EXTRACTS. ISOME STORIES OF GAMBLING ASD GAMBLERS.—In tfcnnection with the largo profits made by jockeys, 4he story is told of three men who were natives of tile same parish. The first two were gentlemen's IOns; and of these one eventually earned £ 400 a par at the Bar and by literature, while the other became a hard working city clergyman on Y-327 a Jear. The third was the son of a groom and house- maid who had been servants to the parents of the first and second, and he made E2000a year as a jockey. A man is said to have started for Kempton Park in 'the May of 1890, with only £ 10 notes in his pocket. In the course of the morning ho was unexpectedly npaid an old debt, in the form of a £ 1000 note. Before the start for the Jubilee Stakes, wishing to back Arnphion, who started at It), to one, he gave, • fts he thought one of his £ 10 notes to a bookmaker, Baying, I want you to lay me the odds against &mphion, to this note in ready money." His surprise diay be imagmed when, on going to be paid after the -t'ace, the bookmaker, instead of giving him, as he expected, E130, gave him his own bank note for £1000 and a cheque for CI2,000, with an apology for not ,baving the full amount in ready cash to hand over. Davis, the bookmaker, who used to make a £100,000 book on the Derby, began life as a carpenter; and Barry Hill, who made a £10,000 book regularly "On every big racing event of the year, was at one time boots at a small hotel. The last-named gentle- ,man then took to thimble-rigging, and after that to Welshing. Once, when almost "cleaned out" at Doncaster races, being reduced to his own legs as a Conveyance, he went into a cottage to ask his way, and saw a E20 Bank of England note pasted over the øpace left by a broken pane in the window. This he p urehased for one shilling—he afterwards p&id its I full value—and it became the foundation of his for- tunes. In 1853 he thought he had squared" the jockey who was to ride in an important race but that jockey was compelled to win, and Hill dropped £ 20,000. Soon afterwards he lost, £ 40,000 among, as he said himself, the blacklegs of the Stock Ex- ohange." The illustrious Ur. Crockford, the pro- prietor of the famous London gambling-rooms, was at one time a ftshmonger; but between his gaming- rooms and his betting-book he had amassed a fortune of half a million before his death. The event is said to have taken place on the evening before The Princess won the Oaks in 1844. On behalf of himself and a party of friends he had backed the filly for a large sum CD his own name, and his confederates were horrified at the idea of all those bets being rendered void by his death. To provide against such a catastrophe in case of victory-in case of defeat the truth would iiave been told readily enough—Crockford's death -was kept a profound secret, and as soon as a carrier pigeon reached his house after the race bearing the word Princess," his body was dressed up in his clothes and propped up in a chair in the window in which he was accustomed to sit. Many people on their return from Epsom, as tbev drove past to their clubs, saw the old man looking," as they said "rather lively." By this means all the bets which in Consequence of his death had lapsed were duly ob- tained, each of the confederates getting the amount for which he had respectively stood in." One night, in Crockford's gaming rooms in London, Scrope Davies, a well-known gambler of the wnrly years of the century, was introduced to a Mr. H——, a young man who had inherited a large fortune, and was to "be married within a month. After talking for a time the two men began to play hazard, and Davies won all 'before him. By the morning the youth had lost everything he had in the world; and, throwing him- self on the sofa, he covered his face with his hands and cried like a child. "Listen to me," said Scrope Davies, touching him upon the shoulder. I will forego everything I have won to-night on one condi- tion, and that is, that you will take a solemn oath never to touch cards or dice again." The conditions were accepted and faithfully observed on both sides. Some years afterwards Scrope Davies, who continued ioganible ,lost everything he possessed, and in his dire necessity he wrote to Mr. II who had married ,the girl he loved, and waxed richer and richer, to the following effect: You begged me, should I ever Want a friend to come to you, as you considered all that you possessed belonged as much to me as to yourself. Without taking such exaggerated view of your obligations, I now ask you for some assistance to enable me to weather the storm." In reply he re- ceived a formal note to the effect that Mr. H-- regretted that he was unable to offer Mr. Scrope Davies any assistance."—Saturday Review. A ROYAL POACHER.—The hunting districts of Italy abound in stories of Victor Emmanuel. He was 8D indefatigable sportsman, and hunted down his game, says a writer in the Daily News, with the per- sistence and sagacity of a good hound, often leaving far behfnd him invited guests, equerries, beaters and keepers. On one such occasion, finding himself on entirely unknown ground, he descended the moun- tain side to ask the name of the surrounding peaks and to get a, drink of goat's inilk. To the old dame who made him welcome and gave him both drink and information, he said Can I do anything for you, good woman ?" Yes, indeed," she answered. You have a gun; maybe you could rid me of the polecat that eats my chickens and has even killed my Cat." And nothing else ?" asked the king. I see no one about the house. Are you quite alone here ?" ".There was a ^grandson," she replied, sadly, the only one left to me, and the king took even him away. AU the young fellows are taken for soldiers now. Some tell me 'tis not the fault of the king, and that he is forced to do it. But it is sorely hard on lone folk like me." What is his regiment ?"the king asked. "Oh, that I can't tell yoai," she t-aid, "but I have a letter from him in my pocket. The schoolmaster will read it for me next Sunday when I go to mass. Perhaps, now, you could even make out the regiment from it." The king conned the letter to some pur- pose, for he soon after gave all requisite particulars to one of his officers, with orders that the recruit, when found, should be sent back with his discharge to the old grandmother and the mountain farm. Moreover, before leaving that day lie shot the faina that had killed cat. and poultry, and the good woman gave him threepence-halfpenny for his trouble,, besides many thanks and blessings. A year later the king passed that way, and was again alone. A yoyth and the grandmother were at work in their potatoe patch, and the lad, in great astonishment, saluted, crying: "It is the king, granny It is the king You goose." returned the grandmother, laughing heartily, "It's only the old vagabond I gave my halfpence to for killing the polecat. It is that cacciatore—sportsman, or poacher,—that I was telling you about. Are you crazy, lad?" for the conscript continued to strike his temple with his earthy hand. Laughing, the king looked across the fence of loose stones till the crone began roughly to shake her boy by the shoulder, and to call him hard Xtames. Then, in mercy, the king volunteered an explanation. The grandmother was a trifle abashed for a moment, but when she brought out a jug of j milk the trio made merry together. SOLDIERS ON SKATES.—The Norwegian army has organised a corps of infantry which can cover a dis- tance of 80 miles in a day's march. This extraordi- nary record, which equals the performances of the best trained cavalry in Europe, is only possible be- cause every man ,in the corps is a highly skilful ekater, and when in marching trim is provided with a specially constructed pair of skates. The 'corps can be manoeuvred with extraordinary rapidity. The heels of the skates are so shaped as to enable the men to spin round, as if on a pivot, at the word of command. As a matter of Jfact, they can perform the right about fac quickly than any crack regi- ment of infantry. The evolutions of the corps are naturally fbnfined to he great fiords which indent the coast of Ifprway, gpd which, during the long winter season, a frozen solidly over. For patrol and scout duty these^solc^er skaters will be of the greatest ser- vice. Th^,men are the pick of a skating nation, and heir comtjfianfler was once the champion skater of this country. THE MATINEE GIRL.—Being much more composite than the ffiiglish public, the American public is also more cathftlic in its tastes. It has, moreover, a Curious iinnocence, or lack of moral discrimination, which is now and then very disconcerting. 3?eople tell you—and in a certain sense it it true- that the stage is dominated by "the matinee girl, the half-educated young woman, shop assistant, typewriter, telephone girl, or what not, who, if she have not a young man to relieve her of the ex- pense, devotes a considerable portion of her weekly earnings to theatre-going. The tastes of this fair Critic are naturally all for romance, sentiment, and cheap idealism. It is she who makes the popularity cf Drury-lane melodrama, and keeps Miss Ad*. Rptan (Tor example) enslaved to The Great Ruby." But ahe will also accept without blenching the crudest, tawdriest French realism and humour of the most questionable quality. In alluding to the plait of the American that he can obtain no hearing in his own country, Mr. Archer asks whetp lies the fault ? With Mr. Charles Frohman, some people tell me. But I -venture to differ. It is essentially the matinee girl that wills it so. Mr. Frohman is above all things a man without prejudices. French, German, English, American, all is grist that comes to his mill. He .merely gives people what they want, and he is quite willing to give them the best they will accept. It is the public which will not discriminate between native and foreign work, or, if it docs so at all, dis- criminates against the native work. Foreign jplays Come to it ready judged and ready "boomed an -American play has its reputation to make. in the face of a criticism which tends to be exacting, lest it should appear provincial. But the true provincialism Is that which is content to leave America a province of France, and iNew. Yorka jul^urb of laris.— William Archer, in the Pall mall Magazine,' THE BUOYS.— I Grey breaks the dawn over bluff Dundee, Grey hangs the mist on the plain, Gorman and Dillon, Fitzpatrick, Magoe, Brady, O'Brien, and Kane. Will the world doubt of what stock ye are bred ? 'Tis ye are the lads for the work— Wait till they hear how the fight has sped, Gilligan, Kelly, and Burke! Thunder of guns Stout gunner, well done But Patrick is waiting below: A run choose your cover! a climb and a run! Up, Dolan lip Carey, ye go o fierce was the shriek of the shell overhead, o fiercer the shrimmering steel! Ah. Pat, when they hear how the fight has sped, They'll guess how the Dutchmen feel. But what of the fallen ? Ay, brave and true, Who doubts of what breed are ye ? Ye have done the good work that was yours to do, Work of the years to be Better the grave 'neath your hard-won hill, With the love of them that mourn, Than the life of the Mocker, mocking still, 'Mid wrangle, hate, and scorn. So Gorman and Dillon, Fitzpatrick, Magee, 'Tis ye were the lads for the work God give us others as loyal as ye, Gilligan, Kelly, and Burke —R. Cornah, in The Outlook. LUCREZIA BORGIA'S DEADLY POJON RING.—Every one who has read any of the old romances will be fairly familiar with the history of the poisoned ring by which Lucrezia Borgia used to rid herself of in- convenient people, but modern science has been in- clined to smile indulgently at the story as a myth. The ring, however, was no myth, for one of the deadly ornameds has been discovered and its mechanism examinsd. The ring is a large and heavy cameo, beautifuliy carved with a figure of a cupid. The heavy setting looks as if it was solid, but it is not. There is a cavitv beneath the stone, in which was placed the deadly poison intended to be used upon anyone whom the owner of the ring objected to. Just bv the side, of the cameo is a small and almost invisible 9pike, fine as the smallest needle, and yet hollow throughout its length. By a spring in the set- ting this little spike could be protruded at will. In doing so a. drop of the poison hidden beneath the stone would be ejected from the point of the needle. When Lucrezia Borgia, or anyone else who possessed the ring, desired to use it, all that had to be done was to cause the spike to protrude and then shake hands with the objectionable person. There would be in- flicted upon such a one a tiny prick which might be hardly perceived at the time. The puncture meant death, however. Modern toxicology knows of many powerful poisons, but not even the science of to-day has been able to duplicate the poison with which the ring was charged. It is said of it that the person wounded by the ring perceived nothing wrong for 12 hours, at the expiration of which time he died sud- denly. The deadly properties of the poison took nearly a day to kill, remaining latent meanwhile. Whether this attribute of the poison is a myth or not is not known.—New York Journal. HONOURING HER SON.—Perhaps the first person to believe in the genius of Robert Louis Stevenson was his mother. She was devotedly attached to him throughout, his life, and realised his value to the world long before the world gave him a hearing. It was her lot to live to mourn his death, but she was comforted in her trouble by the sympathy of two nations. Some time after his death a great memorial meeting was held in Edinburgh. For his mother, says the author of Stevenson's Edinburgh Days," it was a gala day. She started for the Music Hall not too early, feeling sure of a seat with a "reserved ticket" in her hand. She had declined to sit on the platform, and preferred to be a simple unit in the audience. The crowd was beyond expectations. Mrs. Stevenson arrived to find every passage blocked, and a surging mass at the main entrance clamouring for admittance. She feared that she, with them. would be turned away but as a forlorn hope she appealed to a policeman. "It's nae use, it's fu' he said;' reserve seats were ta'en an hour agao by folks that had nae tickets, Ilnd they would na gang out." "I must get in!" cried Mrs. Stevenson, roused out of her usual calm. I've a right to get in. I am Robert Louis Stevenson's mother." "Aye, you've the best right," the policeman replied, and, turning to the crowd, he cried Mak' way, there. She maun get in. Slv/s Roabert Louis's mither." People who had thought themselves packed too tightly to move, some- how packed closer to let Mrs. Stevenson squeeze past. Breathless, hustled, and for once with her mantle j.n i bonnet a little awry, much against her will the crowd pushed her to the platform. There she hastened to take a back seat, and a few minutes later she heard the orator of the day, Lord Rosebery, say with an emphasis which the audience understood well, His mother is here." THE GAY GORDONS (Dargai, October 20, 1897.)— The following spirited poem is specially interesting, just now in these warlike times when the gallant re- giment whoses praises are here sung has again been distinguishin itself in the Transvaal. The verses are taken from a collection of stirring patriotic pieces and ballads entitled The] sland Race," by Henry Newbolt, dedicated to his friend, Mr. Robert Bridges, and published recently by Mr. Elkin Mathews: Who's for the Gathering, who's for the Fair ? (Gay goes the Gordon to a fight) The bravest of the brave are at deadlock there, Highlanders! march! by the right!) There are bullets by the hundred buzzing the air, The are bonny lads lying on the hillside bare But the Gordons know what Gordons dare When they hear the pipers playing The happiest English heart to-day (Gay goes the Gordon to a fight) Is the heart of the Colonel, hide it as he may. (Steady there steady on the right!) He sees his work and he sees his way, He knows his time and the word to say, And he's thinking of the tune that the Gordons play When he sets the pipers playing! Rising, roaring, rushing like the tide, (Gay goes the Gordon to a fight) They're up through the fire-zone, not to be denied; (Bayonets! and charge! by the right!) Thirty bullets straight where the rest went wide, And thirty lads are lying on the bare hillside; But they passed in the hour of the Gordons' pride, Torthe skirl of the pipers' playing A GOOD DEED CHARMINGLY DONE.—A small act of kindness sometimes thrills the heart of the beholder, especially if the act is performed without thought of observation and quite without the hope that it will be known and applauded. A physician of Minnea- polis sends to the Youth's Oompailion-" not for pub- lication," ho says, but simply that you may know it" —the story of a very touching deed of humanity, which it surely will do nothing but good to tell of. In front of the Masonic Temple in Minneapolis, in which building the physician has his office, a little cripple is accustomed to sell newspapers. He is a sufferer from infantile paralysis of a cerebral type, and also has a harelip. He seems at a sad disadvan- tage in this eager and bustling world. The other day a horse attached to an ash-cart was standing on the stret, opposite where the crippled boy stood on his crutch selling papers..Somehow the boy discovered that; the horse had a galled shoulder. As the doctor watched him from his window, the boy cast about for something with which to relieve the poor horse. Finding nothing else, he ripped Off from the top of i his crutch the cloth stuffed with felt which eased the > crutch to his own arhipit, and tied it with two strings i to the horse's collar, so that it would cover the place where the collar bore upon the raw shoulder. I < had just time," the doctor says, to see him finish the work and hobble away on his depleted crunch with a haste that made me think he feared the owner might catch him at it." J TUB BOER REPUBLIC OF NATALIA.—It is more than a matter of historical interest to recollect that Natal, the present theatre of warlike operations, was pro- i claimed a Boer Republic in 1839. It had been occupied by the Dutch farmers who trekked" from the Cape Colony in 1834, and, under Retief, entered the garden Colony in 1837. As the Cape Govern- ment had not sanctioned their departure, Retief and his party were claimed as British subjects by Sir George Napier, Governor of the Cape Colony; but in 1839 the Imperial forces under Captain Jervis quitted Natal by order of Sir George, and the colours of the I Boer Republic of Natalia were hoisted at Durban at the British troops sailed out of the harbour. In 1841 Sir George Napier announced the intention of her Majesty s Government to resume military oc- cupation of Natal, and the 27th Regiment and Royal Artillery proceeded to Durban in 1842. After a heroic resistance against an- overwhelming force of I Boerp, Captain Smith was relieved through the in- strumentality of a Natal farmer, Dick King, who rode through the enemy's country, a distance of 600 miles, to Grahamstown, in the Cape Colony, and thereby secured the despatch of reinforcements. The South. ampton flagship on the Cape station arrived shortly afterwards at Durban with the 25th Regiment on 1 board, and effected the surrender of, the Boers in June of 1842. The Republic of Natalia was finally abolished on May 10,1843, and on that day Natal became a British colony. -=

Too much care cannot be taken to get the soap that suits the akin, and when it is found to use no other. A dry skin requires an entirely different tind of soapJrom that used by the oUy skin. WwdHa the heavier-f-a pound of lead or pound of ounces •••il ciu."

ART AND LITERATURE. IN his excellent biography of Lord Playfair, Sir Wemyss Reid says that when Playfair went to London as chemist to the Geological Survey, he was incessantly employed in public inquiries, so that there was scarcely a month in which the Government did not demand his services. He found Buckingham Palace, where the Queen was living, almost as in- sanitary as the slums of Manchester, so bad that the Government never dared to publish my report." By the completion of the new rooms the Tate Gallery (says the Globe) has been rather more than doubled in size, and is now to be regarded as having reached its utmost limit of extension. Practically, the whole of the ground set apart by the Government is occupied, and the building erected by the rare generosity of Sir Henry Tate has taken on its per- manent and immutable form. Although it is even now none too large for the mission it has to fulfil, we may congratulate ourselves on the possession of such a worthy home for the pictures which will repre- sent for the benefit of future generations what is best in the art of this century. At least, we have now a gallery which for some years to come will be equal to all reasonable demands that are likely to be made upon it, and one that, when the time arrives for in- creasing the accommodation provided for the display of British art,will justify any plea that may be urged for official liberality. The new galleries, nine in number, are mostly of the same character as those in the older part of the building, spacious, well-pro- portioned rooms, with ample wall space and plenty of light. They are in every way fitted for the dis- play of works of art, and proclaim their purpose in a thoroughly practical manner. The largest of them is a fine hall, divided by a row of pillars, where will he Cplaced the many pieces of sculpture that have been hitherto lost in dark corners, and in corridors where they could not be properly seen. For the future they will be exhibited under admirable condi- tions and among surroundings of an appropriate kind. It is not at present proposed to use more than half the new rooms the others will be kept in reserve and will be gradually filled as the collection grows. As one of the chief sources from which year by year the Tate Gallery will be supplied with pictures and other works of art will be the Chantrey Fund, it is to be hoped that the Trustees of this fund will exercise in the future a somewhat wiser discretion than they have in the past. At present there is among their purchases quite a large proportion of things that cannot be said to be worthy of .perma- nent preservation in a national collection, and if the same type of art' work is bought the wall space at Millbank will soon be crowded with canvases that are neither representative nor interesting. Stricter selection and a somewhat wider scope in purchasing may well be recommended to the Trustees now that they are actually in the position of buyers for the nation. A CONSIDERABLE portion of the artistic work of Mr. W. L. Wyllie, A.R.A., is done on board a smart sailing barge named the Four Brothers, which the painter uses as an ordinary studio. Mr. Wyllie gives an interesting account of his career and experiences in the course of an interview—illustrated with photographs—in this week's issue of Chums. Mu. HENRY VAUGHAN, whose death at the great age of 90 has just been announced, was one of the most generous and untiring collectors of art treasures. Some years ago he presented the Print Room of the British Museum with his Michael Angelo drawings, probably the finest examples of the great master in this country. He was also a benefactor of the National Gallery and the South Kensington Museum. Constable's famous picttire, "The Hay Wain,1" is one of Mr. Vaughan's gifts to the nation, and for many years past some of the most valuable things at the exhibitions of Old Masters have come from his treasury. Mr. Vaughan was the son of a rich City man. He was, for many years, one of the few people who had known Turner, and of the still smaller group who had listened to the far-ranging and high- soaring talk of Coleridge on Highgate-hill. Mr. Vaughan never married. He was a man of retired habits, especially in later life. Tun Latin comedy selected for performance this year by the scholars at St. Peter's College, West- minster, is the Adelphi of Terence, and the dates are December 14, 18, and 20. The "Westminster Play is one of the oldest of annual events in the metropolis. It was instituted by Queen Elizabeth, whose affection for the Latin tongue was frequently I manifested. The Adelphi is over 2000 years old, as it was given in Rome at least 160 years before the Christian era, at the funeral games of Lucius yEmilius Paulus, the music for Sarranian or Tyrian pipes or flutes being composed by one Flaccus, a i'reedman of Claudius. The "Westminster" reper- toire has long been restricted to four plays—the Trinummus of Platus, and the Adelphi," the Andria," and the Phormio of Terence. THE new regulation, which is now enforced at the British Museum, that all copies made by students from prints or drawings in the collection must be stamped as copies before they are taken away, cannot be described as unreasonable. The art of imitating has been carried so far that it is quite conceivable that the drawing of a clever student might be doc- tored into a spurious piece of old work which would be plausible enough to deceive a great many people not possessed of expert knowledge. There are already far too many artistic forgeries in existence, and every device that tends to keep down the supply deserves to be encouraged. A (IRUESOMB story is told about the condition of the celebrated painting of The Last Supper," by Leonardo da Vinci. It is said to be fast disappearing from sight under a thick layer of grey mould, and the danger is so urgent that a committee of experts has been called together to deliberate upon the steps to be taken for the preservation of the work. Either way the picture seems threatened with destruction, by natural decay or at the hands of the restorer. Fortunately a good contemporary copy of it, by Marco D'Oggione, exists. It hangs in the Diploma Gallery at Burlington House. SOME idea of the pains taken by the Government to ensure the utmost comfort to the men now at the front, as well as to guard them against fatigue and ill-health, may be gathered from a special article on the subject—with several illustratiOns-^which appears in this week's issue of Cassell's Saturday1 Journal. To Americans a chief attraction of the Old Country is the old things which it contains. That is shown once more by a book on the ruined abbeys of Scotland which is just appearing. It is by an American, Mr. Howard Crosby Butler, and is the fruit of two summer visits to Scotland. Mr. Butler has dealt only with ruined Scottish abbeys, because, as he says, ancient buildings which get restored are apt to lose their interest. He note. that purely antiquarian volumes only treat of relics from one standpoint. He has sought to include all the points of interest, and the book is provided with illustra- tions. IT is permissible (the Globe considers) without reflecting upon the ability of Sir Edward Poynter, to lament the decision of the Board of Works to call upon him to prepare cartoons for the mosaics which are to fill the two remaining panels in the Central Hall of the House of Commons. Albert Moore's designs for these panels are in existence; they are small, it is true, but they are complete and detailed, J and could have been enlarged without losing the spirit of bis work by anyone in sympathy with his methods. To have used his designs even now, some years after his death, would have been to pay a well- deserved tribute to his memory, and would have removed some of the reproach that attaches to the officials for their neglect of a man whose decorative sense certainly far surpassed that of the artist now chosen to supersede him. A FRENCH writer, M. Seignobos, recently finished a political history of Europe for the period 1814 to 1896. Of this book Mr. Heinemann is to publish a translation. Beginning with a critical year, M. Seignobos sets forth the most important phenomena of European political life. He describes the organi- sation of nations, parties, and Governments, stating briefly the chief political questions of the age, and showing how they have been solved. He has, in effect, aimed at writing an "explanatory history as opposed to the more usual narrative' history. Tho result should be interesting.

LEEDS husbands may take heart. There has jus* been established in Leeds an institution the fortr and scope of which we believe to be new in English education. It is to be called the Yorkshire Training School of Housewifery, and ita students will be resi- dent. This very practical establishment is a creation of the Yorkshire Ladies' Council of Education, an organisation which, in existence now for a quarter of 4 century, has immensely helped to keep the educa- tion of women on good lines. The whole1 country was in debt to it for its part in obtaining grants for such work from the Education Department, and is now presented with this clear development. Its principal aim has been to elevate the domestic arts. AN extraordinary record in the matter of sohooi attendance has recently been accomplished by two pupils of the Leeds Southern Higher Grade School. One, Edith A. Wood, completed last midsummer a period of nine and a-half years of continuous perfect attendance, partly at that school, and partly at St. Luke's, Beeston-hill, never having been absent or late I' once during that period. The other, Lionel F. Wilson, had similarly accomplished 10 years of con- tinuous perfect attendance, partly at the Southern Higher Grade, and partly at Huuslet Carr Board School. Each had attended for two years at the School of Science in the Southern Higher Grade School, 'which-Edith Wood had entered as a Leeda County CouncU technical scholar.

THE WOMAN'S WORLD. UNLESS one's purse or one's credit (says" Janet," ia the Evening News) is very long, it is quite hopeless to sigh after the exquisite wraps that more fortunate women don when they go out in the evening, creations of silk and lace and fur that would take our dress allowance for the next ten or twelve years even to approach. But girls must have a wrap of some kind, and of course they want to look nice. So the prettiest thing to make is a shoulder cape of grey cashmere, lined with cheap silk of a pale pink or yellow shade. Make a collar, covered with piece lace and just a ribbon bow, with long ends at the neck, and fasten with hooks and eyes. In this you can defy criticism. IF want always to look well even on a very minute income, your best frock should always be a well-msde blue serge coat and skirt. With cuffs and collar of silk, and a dainty shirt-front of lace or silk, you look well enough to go to the biggest reception, wedding or musical; and any girl who. is at all clever with her fingers can add a little braiding to the cuffs and collar to make them look smarter, and, if these are made so as to be detachable, she can put on more simple ones for less grand occasions. ); To! improve carpets, rub them with the inside of a damp loofah after sweeping. RiNSiNa milky glasses in cold water before washing in warm water prevents them from being smeary. To mate baked potatoes floury, prick thorn all ever with a fork before putting them in the oven. WHEN cooking beet, drain off the water imme- diately when done, pour on cold water till cool before peeling; it will be a much nicer flavour when pickled. WHEN eatting tomatoes in slices, put them for a few minute* into boiling water: they will then peel easily and cut without waste, and in no way spoil the flavour. To clean white-handled knives, take equal parts of salt and letuon-juice, rub on with a soft piece of clean rag, and the stains will rapidly disappear. Polish with soft leather. QVITE the moat correct crawling-rug of the moment in the nursery is a white flannel blanket, which is worked with a border of odd figures and ouaint animals, letters, and landscapes, which are copied from the family's ancestral sampler, worked by a iong-ago dead relation. Nothing is prettier or quainter than these rugs, and they are what a baby's soul rejoices greatly in. Other delightful nursery novelties are musical reins and whip, in knitted wools of various artistic shades, and the bells of silver or brass. Prince Edward of York is the happy posses- sor of some of these musical reins, and is said to delight in them greatly. SOME of the most attractive of the newest fancy work that has been seen this season is that done on satin and fine glazed linen, with iridescent spangles. It is novel, pretty, and quite new. The designs are taken from old horn-books of two centuries ago, and are those of quaint, weird animals, impossible birds, and every variety of dragon and insect. These are worked in the spangles and with silks, and make most fascinating banner-screens, book and portfolio covers. Another new idea for a book-cover is to work on heavy white corded silk a strawberry plant, root, blossom, and fruit, with the leaves and in the left-hand corner at the top to work your friend's motto, crest, or monogram. IT is often said that if you put a thing away for seven years and bring it out again at the end of that time you will find it in fashion. At any rate, if it is not in the fashion, then put it away again, and bring it out in another seven years. This is certainly the case with fringe, which undoubtedly is one of our most popular trimmings at the present time, and those who put it away seven years or more ago will be glad to bring it out again for use now. Fashion- able overskirts edged with fringe are exceedingly graceful. If it has become discoloured by being put away, have it dyed, when it will 10:lk like new. THE fashionable fur of the moment is white fox. This is made into muffs and boas, the whole skin being used in either case. For a boa the head, tail, and feet are left on. A boa made in this way is both warm and becoming. The muffs are somewhat of the granny type, made entirely of the fur with the head appearing in the centre. On one side the tail hangs down, and on the other the feet are seen. These furs are also made of the natural fox, some of the American fur being extremely handsome in its natural colouring, but also. I may add (observes Janet," in the Evening News), very expensive. FURS are always largely worn during the winter, and it is wise to overhaul our belongings in the way of furs. Even small pieces are of great value in bringing a garment to a fashionable shape. CHKISTMAS being almost upon us again, it seems a fitting time, says a lady writer in a contemporary, for any suggestions in fancy work suitable for pre- sents. Crochet is much in demand,, and the newer patterns are more varied and show greater inventive skill than those of our grandmothers. The articles which lend themselves to decoration by crochet work are too numerous to mention but in recent wedding-gift "showl" we have noticed some handsome designs. One of the most effective and probably the least expensive amongst worked gifts was a set of Duchess toilet mats in Russian scroll design. The mats proper were stripes of the croched worked in ecru-tinted cotton about six inches broad. These were mounted on a pretty terra-cotta silk with frills all round—two and a half inches wide for the Duches8" and two inches and one and a half for the smaller mats respec- tively. The ecru tint goes well with almost any shade of silk, and is much more effective than pure white or even cream. There will be endless wear in those mats they looked rich and handsome, and cost only a few shillings. YELLOW is the Imperial Chinese colour. It is also the colour of jealousy, and perhaps on that account used to be much neglected. Yet it is an extremely decorative, artistic, and becoming colour, says the Graphic, as everyone may see who notes Mrs. Patrick Campbell's dresses in The Canary." She looks charming in a handsome yellow silk dress with graduated fringe trimming, and a deep silver belt, wherein a knot of rose-coloured velvet was cunningly tucked away. An enormous white hat and feathers completed the startling walking costume, which would look remarkably well at a garden party. The house dress Mrs. Campbell wears in the first act is a delicious confection of clinging yellow crape de chine, with a train of orange panne, garnished with silver embroidery. I A SLICE of freshly-cut lemon may be used with ad- vantage for a greasy skin. Let it dry on, and then wash it off with tepid water first, and then cold, and tap the skin gently with the tips of the fingers. For a dry skin you can rub in vaseline or oil of cacao, or the following ointment, which you can make at home: Fresh cucumber-juice, loi.; and fresh milk, 3oz. Boil, skim, and use. This will, of course, re- quire to be made fresh every day or two. How often have we heard the fashion of wearing earrings described aa barbarous. People wonder why women should bore holes in their flesh for the plea- sure of wearing an ornament. For a long time ear- rings have not been fashionable; now they are to the fore again, and the large gipsy earrings are most in vogue. Many people at the present time are wearing earrings who would scorn to have their ears pierced for the purpose, but many of the modern earrings are fixed to the lobe of the ear by means of a tiny screw, too small to be noticed, yet enabling one to dispense with the painful and barbarous custom of piercing the ear. AT a matinee this week I saw (says Christabel," a Parisian correspondent of Truth) a handsome gown that is a good example of the present style. It was of lavender cloth, embroidered with spangles and white beads J; the skirt, made with a wide pleat at the back, was bordered with sable at the foot. The bodice was tight-fighting, with points in front and at the back, and buttoned on the left side with crystal buttons. The front was embroidered like the skirt, the sleeves to match, with a row of narrow sable at the wrists, and sable also outlining the points of the waist and where the bodice is battoned. To furnish the neck, s, small scarf of Brus- sels lace went round the throat, and tied on the left side with a bow fastened with a brooch and a bouquet of violets mixed in with the i lace bow. You will see by this and by what I have sent you lately that blouse bodices are things of the i past, and that to be well dressed the bodice and akin; most match. A pretty gown I saw at a dinner, but which would do equally well for the theatre, was a black and white striped pekin, the skirt cut plain í with the front width en tablier, marked or ontlined, with a narrow flounce of the same, edged with a tiny ¡ line of gold braid. The effect of this was decidedly good. The bodice, high at the back and open in front, had long revers bordered with a small flounce like the tablier and the same gold braid. The xleeves were half long and finished with a frilL Bound the waist was a corselet of geranium-coloured panne. It gave a bright look to the dress, but I confess I t | should have preferred a black velvet one. 1

GREATER BRITAIN. THERE are now 222,618 persons in receipt of reliet in the Bombay Presidency, and new works are being opened weekly. Cattle are being sent by rail from Guzerat to centres where fodder and water are avail- able. The Bombay town relief fund amounts to 53,000 rupees. THAT there should be a deadlock in the political affairs of Newfoundland is (says a writer in the Morning Post on Colonial matters) nothing new, and that Mr. Morine should be the cause does not come altogether as a surprise. At the same time, after all the talk that has taken place and the protesta- tions that have been made, many people thought that things were going smoothly again, and that the periodical deadlock was a story of the past. The situation naturally causes the Governor much concern, and it will be interesting to see how the difficulty is smoothed over, for smoothed over it must be if any legislation is to be passed when the Assembly meets next month. Mr. Morine is un- doubtedly clever, and, if we except Sir William Whiteway, has played a more prominent part than any other Newfoundland politician in the affairs of the Colony. Both he and Sir William knew how and when to seize an opportunity, and it may be assumed that Mr. Morine has not resigned his. seat in the Cabinet-a seat that he ewes in no small measure to the views expressed in his favour by the Governor-except for some very good reason. As usual, half the Government party support him and half oppose him. In fact, there never was such a thing as unity in any Newfoundland Government, though before Mr. Reid took so many matters over there was more scope for disagreement than is the case at the present time. Doubtless the war in South Africa will be utilised by the colonists of Newfound- land to further postpone the permanent legislation which Lord Salisbury promised M. Waddington should be passed during the days of the last Conser- vative Administration, and which the colony, led by Mr. Morine, has always refused to place on the colo- nial statute book. It is certainly most unfortunate for Newfoundland that party politics have so great a hold on the population as even to jeopardise the in- dependence of the colony, for naturally actions such as that of Mr. Morine's encourage a certain section of Newfoundlanders to favour the proposal to join the Canadian Confederation. THE general elections come about in New Zealand in a few weeks time, and Mr. Seddon, who has now been continuously in office since 1893, expects to go back to Wellington with even an increased majority favourable to his general policy. So strong, indeed, does he reckon to be that he has declared his intention of reinstating in the Government his old colleague, Mr. J. G. Ward, who was forced out of the Cabinet a few years ago in consequence of his financial embarrassments. Mr. Ward declared at the time that he had been badly treated by his political enemies, who made the most of his financial collapse, and it would really seem now that he was right in saying this, for he has completely won back his old commercial position, satisfied all his creditors, and his character is now as clear as ever it was. Mr. Sedden has done much for New Zealand, and pro- bably he will succeed in retaining his place at the head of affairs. IT has now been settled that Lord Brassey, who has been Governor of Victoriafor a little over four years, shall leave Melbourne for good in January. The Vic- torians will be sorry to part from Lord Brassey. and, indeed, the ■■ hole of Australia will regret his depar- ture, for he has numerous friends all over the conti- tinent. He was well-known in the colonies, in fact, lOwing to his previous visits, long before he was sent out to govern Victoria, and in yachting circles he will be greatly missed. It rather surprised the Victorians that he was able to join so actively in all their sports, like his youthful predecessor Lord Hopetouh, for he took a hand at everything that was going-yachting, cycling, riding, and the rest—and got several spills in each department, which showed the colonist that he was only human after all. A TOUR of Australian athletes in this country, under the auspices of the Australasian Amateur Athletic Union, was contemplated for next summer, but mail advices from Australia are to the effect that the project has been abandoned. The negotiations that had taken place contemplated meetings with the best athletes of England, Scotland, and Ireland, but the necessary funds for the trip have not been forth- coming. A LARGB consignment of eggs to the number of about half a million is on its way from Australia to the London market. THE Sydney Herald, in its estimates of the New South Wales wheat crop. places the probable expert- able surplus at over 3,000,000 bushels. FOR a time the political questions which usually occupy the minds of Cape politicians have be'm set aside, and little or nothing else but the war is talked about, or thought about. Even the Bond leaders are temporarily silett. But there is sure to be a storm after the calm, and the political demise of Messrs. Hofmeyr and Schreiner will not take place without a hard struggle. In any event, however, the Imperial authorities must be firm on the point of settling the future of the two Republics without con- sultation with the Cape Ministry, and henceforth it must not be possible for a party having pro-Boer sympathies to be in office at the Cape. A British colony should be administered by a British Government, or at any rate by a Government loyal to the Motherland. And here I may, perhaps, be pormitted to remark (says the Morning Post colonial expert) that instead of writing hysterical letters about Englishmen not understand- ing what they are fighting the Boers about, Miss Olive Schreiner's pen would be far better employed by making the fact known north of the Vaal that the burghers of the State have been called on to fight under an entire misapprehension. Not one man in 100 would have taken up arms against the English had not Presidents Kruger and Steyn instilled intc their minds the erroneous idea that we wished to rot the Boer of his independency. From this text Kruger preached all through his presidential election cam- paign. Even Joubert remonstrated and tried to awaken a little political interest in himself by ex- posing the falsehood, but he could make no head- way against the Kruger avalanche. Again, there is scarcely an important despatch signed by Kruger I of late years that does not contain an allusion to his desire to maintain the independence of the Transvaal and it is entirely due to this cry that he has succeeded in getting the rank and tile to believe that England wanted the Boer country. The sooner people learn that Kruger is a despot, thoroughly unscrupulous, caring for no one but him- self and his own ambitions, the better it will be. Mr. Lecky has treated us to a fancy picture of the President. According to the historian, Mr. Kruoer is a man full of family virtues and kindness of heart, ever preaching what he believes to be for the;common good. All I can say (continues the Morning Post writer) is that after discussing Mr. Kruger with nearly all the prominent South Africans who are loyal to the British throne my opinion is very diffe- rent. When the new Federal Government is estab- lished in South Africa the political power of Cape Colony will undergo a corresponding change, and as soon as the question of British supremacy is estab- lished the Bond Party may be expected to break up. A Federal Government will be a loyal Government, and instead of Cape politics" we shall have only the politics of United British South Africa."

THE SOLDIER UP-TO-DATE. Some interesting particulars are given concerning the young soldier's position and prospects with the colours in Chamber's iatimal. During the past year an addition has been made to the Army of 980 men, so that in the estimates for 1899-1900 the number of men of all ranks in the total of the regular Army, ex- clusive of India, is returned at 184,853. The estab- lishment of British regiments in India is given as 73,157, practically the same as last year. When a re- cruit first dons his uniform he has, broadly speaking, we are told, the same chances before him that a youth has who quits his father's house to enter an office in a city of about 258,000 inhabitants. He may be said to receive in pay, rations, lodging, clothing &c., the equivalent of not less than 15s. a week, which sum gradually in creases according to his conduct and pro- motion. An ordinary sergeant of a line regiment gets 17s. 6d. a week clear money, acolour-sergeant £ l 2s. 2d., and a quartermaster-sergeant P.1 8s., while a regi- mental sergeant gets £1 15s., and a superintending clerk £1 18s. 6d. The last two now rank as the warrant officers of a battalion. There are two appointments among the commissioned officers that are filled exclusively by men from the ranks, namely, that of quarter-master—there are 345 of them in the Army, with pay at the rate of from 9s.6d. to 16s. 6d. per day—and that of riding-master, with daily pay varying from 10s. 6d. to 16s. 6d. After twenty-one years' service, should the soldier get so far, he is entitled on discharge to a pension varying with his rank as follows: Privates, gunners, &c., receive from 8d. to Is. 6d. per day; non-commissioned officers, from Is. 3d. to 3s 6d. per day; warrant officers, from 3s. to 5s. per day. It is clear that, regarding the matter from the m6^e business point of view only, there are worse trade* than that or soldier.

POST FREE. llWy ii'iJ ^0^ b if you for Manly i{*or, send fur the :¡ncl most valuable work 0:1 ATROPHY and VAREOOCELE, by M.D., Cit.M., with spcei&l chapters on the explanation of Vital Secrets, and the certain CURlE OF Prostration. DEBILITY and DECAY. This work is purest iruule in ESSENTIAL. SHATTERS, and treats in an exhaustive manner the puojevt of the various diseases which emanate from abuses of all kinds, as well as those which arise through JIO fault of the sufferer. A few of the ailments which the work treats of are Exhausted Vitality, Spermatorrhoea, Youthful Imprudence, Lost Manhood, Premature Decays Despondency, Loss of Energy, eakness, Varicocele, Dimness of Sight, Brain F,a_r, Nervous- ness, lllutcnes on the Skin, Loss of Memory, Melancholy, Noises in the Ears, Liver Complaints, Bladder and Kidney Complaints, and every form of disease peculiar to the Urinary Organs. It should be read by everyone, and will he found of inestimable value. Its compilation is the result of many years' experience in the treatment of these diseases, and the author is sure that it will be found a complete treatise on these distressing ailments. Write for a copy to-day, and I will send one FREE OF CHARGE. Address:—" Surgeon," 7 Bristol Gardens, Brighton, Sussex, England. Name this paper. l' JL.A'

AM LRICAX HUMOUR. A SOUTHERN family has an old-a very old—ser- rfiiu named Jeff, who is an inheritance from further back than anyone can remember. The other day he flkpd to get off, to see his aunt in Atalanta. "Why, J(:Ii,"S:Iidliis mistress, "your aunt must be pretty old. isn't she?" "Yes'm; pretty so; she's 'bout hunnerd an'live years ol', ah 'spect." A hundred and five years!" exclaimed the lady; "why, how on earth does she get along?" 'Deed, ah dunno, missus," replied Jeff; ".she's livin' up dar wif her ( I EAFFKRTY." said Mr. Dolan, "what's thirr* primary colors Oi hear me dau'ther Ann tellin' of since she tuck to shtudyin' art?" Wull," was the answer, "judgin' be all the primaries Oi wor iver i to, Oi should say they wor black an' blue." AN inebriate fell and struck his nose against the barber's pole. On being raised from the ground, he asked. "What's a thunder 'zat (hie (hie !) woman wi' striped stockin's on got (hie!) again me?" THE YOUNG P.AUTIIIIK;E: Aren't you afraid of the man behind the gun I The Elder Partridge Not when he is rigged up in one of those fancy hunting suits." "CAPT AiN MizzENTOPis an active officer." "Active? He was the first man on the lecture platform after the war closed." O'.BHIAN:" And so Javkers is proud av his descint, is her" MoTurk: Yes he is terribly stuck up about it." O Brien Well, begorra, Oi've a bit av a descint meself to boast about. Oi descinded four siories wasnt \N hin the ladder broke and niver sphilled a brick PARSON GOODMAN See here Don't you know where little boys go who play football on Sunday ?" Small Boy: "Yuzzir! dey goes to Yale when dey gets big 'enough Mits. UP.IOIIN" "Oh, Maudie! Maudie! How dreadful! See what you have done?" Maudie: "I've j spiiled a little coffee on my gown. That's all, isn't I it.?'" Mrs. Upjohn (wringing her hands): "Yes, but it's a tea gown." "So you've lost all your marbles, eh? Well, it I serveE you right. Boys always lose who play on Sundays." "|But how about the other feller who 1 won all my marbles ?" ] "WITAT strange questions children sometimes ask exclaimed the gentle-faced man. Sumph exclaimed the neighbour. "Your trouble hasn't fairly bpsun. Wait till they come home and ask you what 1 the weight of the whole fish is if x, y, z equal a lot of j things you've forgotten years ago." MARY ANN sat alone with her beau < For hours with the gas turned leau < When he said he must leave, She caught hold of his sleeve While she wept, and exclaimed, Eau neau I" I MANUFACTURER Have you succeeded in perfectly imitating Sharp and Company's goods?" Manager: All of them, sir." Manufacturer: "Very well. Get up a circular warning the public against vile I imitations, and put 'em on the market." DE SMARTE: Why do you persist in buying your clothes at installment houses ? De Sharpe: They always try to give me stuff that will last until the installments are paid." HOUSEKEEPER (excitedly): "lam in a terrible way about a servant-girl I can't get rid of. I have dis- charged her, but she won't go. She is a perfect giantess, and has a most horrible temper. What ¡ would you advice me to do ?" Great Lawyer (calmly): Keep the kerosene can full and the wood wet. Miss NOCIIICK So you have been married a year. Has your husband found out about your dyed hair, false teeth 01 glass eye yet ? Mrs. WedJate Mo, indeed; he's been too busy concealing the same defects in himself." Mit. 2UCEFELLO "I am told that Miss Bullion never wears the same dress twice." Miss De Pink (rival belle): "Yes, that is true, and I understand she has a different set of teeth for every day in the week." MISTAII EBONY How is youah good health dis mornin', Mistah Black?" Mistah Black: "I's all hunkydory 'cept my right a'm, Mistah Ebony. I's sufferin' from de golf elbow." Wot you been doin'?" Beatin'ca'pet." MRS. BLAVii The paper tells of a postmaster who was appointed by John Quincy Adams, and has held the position ever since. Was he an unusually good man, do you think ?" Mr. Blank (an experienced citizen): "Oh, not at all, not at all. It was an un- usually poor office." SHOE DEALER: "Shoes should not be worn right along, ma'am. They should be given a chance to get back their shape. Buy two pairs, ma'am, and wear one pair one day and the other the next." Fair Customer: "Will shoes last longer that way?" Dealer (with confidence): "Yes, indeed, ma'am; twice as long." NEIV OWNER (proudly showing horse): Rather high bred, don't you think, eh?" Horse Expert: Y-e-9, rather hybrid, that's a fact." BUNKERS: Why are all those theosophists rush- ing into that hall?" Winkers: "A lecturer from the Orient has promised to tell them what theosophy is." YOUNG DOCTOR: "I was just going around to see your brother. How is he this morning? Patron He is no better." Young Doctor: "What! No better ? That is certainly very strange! The pre- scription I gave him yesterday contained over forty different things." DAUGHTER: "Here is Bigg, Stocke & Co.'s great store. Let's go in." Mother:" No, no. No matter what we ask for, they will be sure to have it." SHE They held a mirror over her face to see if she was alive. I don't understand that." He Why, you see, if she was alive she'd open her eyes and look in it." "THIS scientist says that a future war may be decided by submarine fighting." That's good exclaimed Sagasta, with a gleam of hope in his eye. We have a lot of ships already on the ground." JACK: "Whv did you break your engagement with Marie?" Tom: "Her father offered to lend me money with which to get married." HE had come upon her dozing in a hammock, and when she woke up she accused him of stealing a kiss. Well," he said, I will admit that the temptation I was too strong to be resisted. I did steal one little kiss." One!" she exclaimed, indignantly I counted eight before I woke up." How can she marry a man with hardly a thing kiss." One!" she exclaimed, indignantly I counted eight before I woke up." How can she marry a man with hardly a thing to commend him but his money?" I suppose she has made up her mind to take him for what's he's worth. WHEN a Hastings (Nebraska) husband returned worth. WHEN a Hastings (Nebraska) husband returned home at night and knocked for admittance his wife opened the door just, a little and whispered Is that you, Will dear?" The husband's name is Tom, and he now doesn't care to wander from his own fireside at night, and the cunning little wife is telling her neighbour wives that her little ruse worked first rate. "YOUR mother seemed very much amused at the little story I told last night," he said, self-approv- ingly- Yes." she replied, ever since I can remem- ber, mother has laughed whenever she has heard that story." story." BROOKLYN LIFE" tells of a bride who was showing her wedding presents with great delight, but when her visitor paused before a fine etching of The Angelas "hor face fell. "How beautiful!" was the exclamation. Yes," the bride responded, but it is so Pad If it hadn't been given to Henry by his I favourite uncle I shou!d propose having it taken out and something else put into the frame. The frame j is lovely But it makes me blue every time I look at I the picture. There that poor young couple have just buried their little baby-their first-born, likely-h. I can't, bear to see it." 1 A MAN had his purse stolen, and, unfortunately, it contained a deal of money. One day, to his great surprise, he had a letter from the thief, enclosing a small portion of his property. The letter ran as t follows: "Sir, I stole your munny. Kemawse is j noring at my conshense, so I send sum of it back. When it nors agen, I will send sum maw. j FIVE-YEAR-OLD: Pretty useful, ain't I, mamma?" Yes, dear." Almost as useful as a man ?" Um, y-es." I don't mean Santa Claus or God, but any ordinary -an- TEACHER: "Why did the Normans and Saxons fight at Hastings? Pupil; "That's where they happened to meet, ma'am." DOCTOR, don t you think the illnesses of most women are caused by imagination ?" Well, the cut rates on patent medicines are responsible for a good many of them,"

FUN AND FANCY. MAMIE," said her father, "I can't tolerate that young man's presence in the house after 11 o'clock.* V1, hy, you oughtn't to mind so much, pa," she answered "I have to entertain him." Am I the first girl you ever loved?" she asked l.i:n, more as a matter of habit than anything else. I cannot tell a lie," said he. "You are not. You are simply the best of the bunch." Being a modern d, she was content with that! •' HAS the cookery-book any pictures ?" asked m young lady of a bookseller. Not one," replied the de.der in books. "Why," exclaimed the witty girl, what is the use of telling us how to serve a dinner if you give us no plates?" ONLY the homely girl gets mad because the fellow sitting opposite keeps looking at her all the time. Torsy: Money, yon know, is an evil." Wopsy: Yes, but I don't suppose people are to blame for it whan it's inherited." SITE: "If I were to die, you would never get another wife like me." He: What makes you think I'd ever want another like you ?" MARTHA: "Do you really believe those are real diamonds that Mrs. Karett wears?" Minnie: "I hardly know what to think. They look genuine but she talks enough about them to make one think they are only imitation stones." MAUD: "Did George kiss you last night when he It'ft.?'' Ethel: "Certainly he did not; why do you ask ?" Maud:" Nothing; only he just told me that he liked your cheek." A FAMILY is like an equipage. First, the father, the dratight-horse next the boys, the wheels, for they are always running round then the girls, they are always surrounded by fellows; the baby-carriage, the landlord; and the mother-well, what's a waggon without a tongue, anvhow ? THE person who is always trying to show off is the one who ought to be shown up. LOVER (bravely): "Sir, I want to marry your daughter." Father (coldly): Well, I'm not sur- prised at that. If I were in your place, I think I should want to marry her myself." THE katydid does all her singing with her legs. Now, if the young man who sits behind you at the concert, and hums the tenor softly were compelled to do all his singing by rubbing the soles of his feet together, how happy you would be! And he? Oh. he would sing about as well as he does now, and the musical world wouldn't miss him at all. MRS. HENRY PECK First we get horseless carri- | ages, and then wireless telegraphy. I wonder what | next ?" Her Husband (meekly): Wifeless matri~ mony, perhaps." i HAVE you 'Married in Haste?'" she asked of the young man behind the counter in the bcok store. I have," he replied, but it's all right now. I waft divorced at leisure." IT makes my blood boil!" he exclaimed. That's good," she replied. Good!" he cried. Certainly,- I she answered. Boiling is recommended to remove impurities in all liquids." LIFE is a peculiar thing. Three-quarters of it is a lie," and half of it is an if." A WOMAN needn't think she is going to be an angel just because she feels as if she should fly. STUPID people are entitled to eat. but they should not talk. Their mouths are all right as banks of deposit, but they were never intended as banks of issue. lkfiss CUTTING," began young Softleigh, "I—aw —would weally like to know one thing-" Yes, it's a shame," interrupted Miss Cutting: you really ought to know that much." FLOSSIE Captain Gorro is such an awful juggins —he asks such silly questions." Bozzie How, darling ?" Flozzie:" Why, he actually asked me if I cared for diamond necklaces. SOME people do as they would be done by if some- one else was smart enough to do them. HE had been out for a day's fishing, and as he proudly displayed the contents of his basket to his wife, she exclaimed: 0 John, aren't they beauties t But I've been so anxious for the last hour, dear." Foolish little one I" said John, caressingly why, what could have happened to me?" Ph, I didn't worry about you, love, but it grew so late I was afraid that before you got back the fish-shops would all be shut." BICHLY Money talks." Scrimpers:" Yes; but- through the long-distance telephone in my case." HE: Is there anything in the world that bores you more than flattery?" She: Only one thing that I now think of." He What is that?" She: Not to be flattered." SWEET are the uses of adversity," as the widow said when she went to buy her second mourning" outfit. YOUNG DOCTOR Congratulate me, old man. I'm just preparing to visit my first patient." Young Lawyer Good! I'll go with yon. Perhaps he hasn't made his •will." DEAR LOUISE, don't let the men come too near you when courting." Oh, no, dear ma. When Charles is here, we have one chair between us." Mother thinks the answer is rather ambiguous JACKSON: Excuse me, but it seems to me that I must have met you before. Are you not a brother or a near relative of Major Gibbs ?" Harper "No I am Major Gibbs himself." Jackson: Ah. indeed t That explains the remarkable resemblance." I'LL have to have these collars exchanged," she said. They'll never do at all." The one you have on looks all right," he asserted. Preposterous," she replied. It isn't high enough to feel uncomfcriable under the chin." IT you are looking for a fat job you might apply at some soap factory. WONDER how the first snuff-taker happened to get such a thing in his head ? TnE worst that can be said of little vices is that they won't stay little. BE thankful for what you have and console your- self with the thought that what you have not would render you miserable if you had it. DICK: I hate to be in debt." Harry: Don't like to pay interest, eh?" Dick: "No; it's the principal of the thing that bothers me." Miss CUTB: What made Miss Millions accept Cholly after first refusing him ? Miss Pert! Oh, he looked so cheap when she considered the matter, that she couldn't let the chance for a bargain escape her." HE You know you love me better than you do him, even if he has more money." She:" Yes; but I think it better to become engaged to him while you are making a fortune. Think of the lovely present he will give me I" Do you," said the clerk of the court, swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and-- "Oh, how lovely!" the fair witness interrupted; shall I really be allowed to talk all the afternoon if I want to ?" AT any rate, Miss Quickstep," said the young man, pale with the mortification and pain of his dis- missal, the lips that have so coldly and with such cutting scorn refused the offer of my love need never fear a visitation from the mosquito. I have the honour, miss, to bid you good-bye." "WHAT are you breathin' so hard for, Dustyr A shoemaker run me out o'town for most a mile.* Wot riled him ?" He runs a quick repair shop, an' he got mad 'cause I handed him a couple o* boot heels an' a shoestring, an' told him I'd call fer de shoes in half'n hour." A COQUETTE always has more fools than wise men on her string. No man who paints his nose ought to kick if his wife paints her cheeks. THE right kind of a ham sandwich is a little lean on the staff of life. THERE is nothing that will so ssj> the levity out of a man as sitting down on Is damp spot in this pants. LIVES of great men oft remind us We can be as great as they, And departing, leaves behind us All we cannot take away. Sffic: "Isn't that a magnificent sunrise? How I should love to see it on canvas." He: Youll very soon have the opportunity, my dear; the grocer opposite is raising his awning." I THINK. the man who works at that place acroee the street is the most faithful and conscientious workman I ever saw. He never takes a holiday, and always labours away till it's too dark to see any longer." "Faithful workman t Great Soottl He's (be proprietor of the shop!" A BALD-HEADED man wouldn't object to a true hitr* raising story.