Barry Herald

BESOLTTTIOWS were passed on Saturday at a meeting to London of foreign and English journalist depre- cating the scurrilous French publications relating to the Queen. The chairman, who represented a St. Petersburg paper, described her Majesty as having "one of the sweetest characters the world had ever known." THBMI 4.7in. guns for the Pretoria siege train were despatched from Devon port on Sanday at short notice. TnJl Boers regard only genuine burghers as losses; they do nos reckon colonials, Hollanders, Germans, and half-castes. AMERICAS postal authorities are finding it difficult to transmit their foreign mails owing to Great weoaiMtion of so many transporta-

NEWS NOTES. HER MAJESTY THE QUEE is very anxious indeed concerning the progress of the war, and in order to be as near as possible to her respon- sible advisera-fit- a time of stress she postponed the removal of the Court to Osborne until after Christmas. It is a good many years since the Queen spent her Christmas at Windsor now, and the abrupt change in the Royal arrange- ments is upsetting the officials of the household considerably. THE selection of Lord Roberts to take the com- mand at the Capo will be immensely popular, especially as Lord Kitchener is to be his chief of staff; and the energetic action of the Govern- ment in ordering large reinforcements for quick, avail in South Africa meets also with the general approval. It is a pity that we did not realise at first the necessity of treating the campaign with the gravity which we now know it demands. But we have all been deceived, from the highest official of the State down- wards. WE cannot but wish that the intelligence de- partments of the Imperial Government, so to speak—the High Commissioner for South Africa, the British Resident at Pretoria, and those immediately associated with them, we mean—had apprised us of the real truth a3 to the state of affairs in the Dutch Republics of South Africa, and the Colonial Office and the War Office had acted thereon. Later on the country will want to know the reason why we have been kept in the ignorance which has rendered us unready. GREAT sympathy is expressed with Lord Roberts at the death of his gallant son, from a dreadful wound which was received in endea- vouring to save the guns at the Tugcla drift when Buller received his severe check there. He was the only surviving son of the brave old field-marshal, and was to have borne the title in due course. He was shot in the stomach, and all P:William MacCormac's skill could not save him. GENERAL HECTOR MACDONALD goes out to lead the Highland Brigade, in place of poor General Wauchope. He has won his way from the status of private to this proud position in the Army at the age of forty-two; and the career of the ex-ostler boy certainly is one of the most romantic in the annals of war. Fighting Mac they called him at Omderman. THE militia and volunteers are to have oppor- tunities of distinguishing themselves which they have not had for many a long day, and we doubt not that they will rise to the occa- sion. On the efficiency of the forces not of the Regular Army, and especially of those which pay be not unappropriately termed citizen soldiery depends our immunity from conscrip- tion. Englishmen would take badly to the con- script system; and if Government do not incline in peace time to deal too stingily with the Militia, the Yeomanry, and the Volunteers patriotic instincts will keep these supplements to the army up to the mark well enough. This war is teaching us several lessons. WE must win in the end, we know; and had we faced in the beginning what we are facing at this moment we should not be having to send another fifty thousand men to Table Bay. We thinksuch big things of our ultimate impregnability that we do not trouble soon enough and sufficieutly concerning any menacing circumstance. Our statesmen, thoroughly alive to the necessity at last, say emphatically "never again" shall we be caught rapping. That is right enough; but we have lost over seven thousand men in killed, wounded, and missing before the discovery and the conse- quent resolve. LORD CHARLES BERESFORD goes as second in eommand of the Mediterranean Squadron, and we may be sure he will be wherever his country may want him. He can have no part or parcel, so "far as wef can see, in the land fighting in South Africa, unless he be removed thither in connection with an enlarged Naval Brigade. A worse arrangement than that could be conceived. He would lead a strong force of Marines and Bluejackets a very long way if given the order. We wonder why, in any case, her Majesty's Jollies have not been called on. There are eighteen thousand of them scattered over the Empire; and when- ever the gallant marine has gone into action he has always distinguished himself. • —1— j THE Boers have had tne immense advantage of choosing their own battling ground up to now in nearly every fight with the soldiers of the Queen, and, moreover, the nature of the field of war has topographically such as favour them and their methods. For all that the Boers have fought splendidly both as regards personal valour and strategical handling. The skill they showed when they got Buller's guns at Oolenso was worthy of the finest seasoned and scientific General. We are not fighting untutored savages. The Transvaalers have spent the Rand gold in the procuration of up-to-date officers and war material. We have been hood- winked completely, and the awakening is far from pleasant.

-I TIIE Highland Light Infantry, stationed at Devon- port, on Sunday received orders to-furnish 100 men to fill vacancies created by the casualties at Magers- fontein. They will be under command of Captain Scraes Dickens, and will embark on the steamer Gaika at Southampton. IF the Victoria Cross were granted for each-cas8 of conspicuous gallantry at Magersfontein," says a correspondent with Methuen, it would -be necessary to distribute it by hundreds, for never in the history of war have so many acts of individual heroism been achieved." A CORPORAL of the Seaforth Highlanders was taken prisoner by the Boers, who took away his rifle and kept him in the trenches in charge of one of their comrades. When the others retired the cor- poral drew the bayonet from the rifle in the hands of the Boer, stabbed him, and escaped to the British lines. A LETTEK received from a naval officer who was standing by when Commander Egerton, of the Powerful, had his legs blown off, says Egerton was a very keen cricketer, and his last words were: 'That's put an end to my cricket!' He lit a cigar- ette, and calmly smoked as he was carried away on a stretcher." TilE KAISER'S children are noted for their courteous manners, and are most considerate for everyone who come in contact with them. The little Princess Victoria of Germany is said to have a decided will of her own, and will sometimes take a fancy to stand up in the Royal carriage when she is driving in Berlin 'with one of her ladies-in-waiting. The decorus lady- in-waiting will implore her to sit down, but the little Princess will get up again, like a jack-in-the-box, if the fancy takes her to do so. She is a very warm-hearted little child, however, and can easily be ruled through her affections. It ia no wonder if she is a little spoilt—the long-desired little girl, and the only, one in a family of seven. THAT from six to ten of every 100 physicians in America are opium-eaters is the conclusion arrived at by a committee of doctors who have been investi- gating the matter for nine years. The anndnncemenb was made at a meeting of the New York State Medi. cal Association, and details of the investigations were given. Of 3244 doctors in New England and the Middle" States and some Western cities, 24, per cent. were found to use spirits of opium to excess, and of these six per cent. used the drug openly. Another 20 per cent. used the opium in moderation, so called." Of 170 other physicians, 13 per cent. were found to use the drug openly or secretly, K THE appointment of Sir Evelyn Wood to be honorary colonel of The Devil's Own," as the Inns of Court Volunteers are styled, is specially appro- priate. inasmuch as the General, notwithstanding the many demands on his time, actually read for, and was called to, the Bar a quarter of a century ago. He is a nephew, also, of a former Lord High Chancellor —the late Lord Hatherley. His family springs from the 01 of which his paternal grandfather was twice Lord Mayor and represented in Parliament. No railway company buys a horse after it is seven years old. The Midland has 1350 horses; the Great Northern, 1300; the Great Western, 1100; the Sonth-Western 550; the South-Eastern, 275 and the Brighton, 2Lo. The London and North-Western has only 650 horses but Messrs Pickford and Co., who do most of the North-Western business have 4000 horses. Carter, Paterson's have 2000.' The majority of London railway horses work 70 hours a week. As a rule, the London railway horse is bought at £60. and is sold at £10 or £ 1&

CUTTINGS "FROM THE CHRISTMAS A NN IT A L S. CHRISTMAS GAMES. Why people should celebrate Christmas by playing games is at first sight by no means plain. What pos- sible connection is there between the Christmas anni- versary and the noise, confusion, and laughter of Christmas When the Queen's birthday arrives we do not feel it to be necessary to have our hair cut, or to sit on our top-hats and smash them. The recurrence of Whit Sunday does not bring with it an irresistible desire to break the household crockery or to kill the cat. Yet it would be quite as rational to do these things on the anniversaries just mentioned as it is to play games at Christmas. What, then, is the explanation of our universal custom of celebrating Christmas with games ? It will be noted that an invariable characteristic of Christmas games is their noisiness. The game with which the mistletoe is associsted is necessarily noisy Sir Roger de Coverley involves more or less uproar of an alleged musical character; and blind- man's-buff is little better than an insurrection. A quiet Christmas game is apparently never played. We thus see that noise is an essential feature of Christmas games, and this fact will probably give us a clue to their origin. The savage has but two ways of celebrating any im- portant event—either he over-eata himself, or he makes a horrible noise. If he can do both, so much the better. When Christmas arrives we imitate the savage with disgraceful fidelity. We gorge ourselves with roast goose or roast turkey, and we play the noisiest games that can be played cutfcide of the foot- ball ground. Of course, we are unconscious that we are imitating savages; our conduet is simply the result of heredity. Thousands of years ago our re- mote ancestor, the cave man, celebrated his chief holiday—say the anniversary of the day on which he killed and ate his worst enemy—by feasting on boiled leg of rhinoctros, and by subsequently drumming as loudly as possible on the upturned and empty kettle. In these days we are not cannibals, but at Christmas we approach as closely as possible to cannibalism by eating too much roast goose. We no longer take nleasure in beating on the bottom of a copper kettle, b it we feel instinctively that our greatest festival must be celebrated with noise. Thus we can explain, by the theory of heredity, the origin of our two chief Christmas customs. And the explanation is doubtless right, for, as we all know, heredity is now the correct scientific explanation of everything— from the shape of our skulls to the way in which we lie in our beds. While we can thus account for the noise of Christmas games, we have not yet accounted for the games themselves. Why, when there are so many ways of producing noise, do wo select games as the appropriate method of producing a satisfactory uproar ? What are. the conditions necessary to Christmas games ? They are-first, the presence of a large number of persons of both sexes, and second, their desire to endure one another with decency. Take twenty people of assorted sexes and shut them up in the drawing-room on Christmas night, and one feels that he must do something to enable him to live through the evening. To sit still and reflect that the quietj and secluded corner, which the safe digestion of the Christmas dinner so imperiously demands, is unattainable, and that the evening must be spent in conversing with uninteresting people upon tiresome themes, is something that no man will willingly do if there is a possible alternative, and to enable the Christmas sufferer temporarily to forgethis sorrpws. Probably they accomplish this end to some extent, but it may be fairly questioned whether the remedy is not worse than the disease. The supposition that there can be any pleasure derived from playing Christmas games connot be for a moment entertained. We all know that it is not true. Take the ceremonies of the mistletoe—cere- monies which have no real title to the name of game, although they are arbitrarily classed under that head. Can there be any pleasure in kissing the wrong girl under the mistletoe? Of course, it will be said that you may kiss the right girl, but if she is 'only one among a dozen girls the proportion of un- desirable kisses to the onedeired kiss is preposter- ously large. Then, can a man take any pleasure in seeing the girl of his heart kissed by other men ? No matter how heavily he may have drugged himself with roast goose, the spectacle is one which fills him secfet and inexpressible rage. There may bo a sort of mild pleasure in see- ing 1 a man whom you cordially detest groping around the room with a bandage over his eye, and occasionally abraiding himself against the sharp corners of the furniture, but is apleasure wholly un- worthy of a Christian man. The game of blind- man's-buff is exhausting, undignified, and certain tq involve one in difficulties with the girls whose dresses are torn by the unconscious feet of the blindfolded man. It is true that there are redeeming points, even in blindman's-buff; for is there not a case on record of a man who, while blindfolded, caught the family cat, and in his excitement mistook the Cat's fur for the back hair of his maiden aunt? His triumphant proclamation that he had caught Aunt Jane induced the latter to change her will the very next day, thereby depriving the blindfolded nephew of a comfortable legacy to which he had looked for? ward for years. Still, poetic justice seldom overt takes, the man who consents to be blindfolded, and those occasions when a Christmas guest finds i. possible to extract even the feeblest pleasure from blindman's-buff are extremely rare. Sir Roger is simply an athletic exercise, falsely called a game. It is as tiresome as golf, and nearly as exhausting aa cycling. And yet even middle-agecj men who have within an hour or two eaten a Christ- mas dinner are made to engage in the violent inani- ties of Sir Roger on Christmas evening. On the fol- lowing day, when in the' agonies of abdominal remorse, a man is ready to take a solemn oath never again to meddle with that fatal sport, but as sure as next Christmas sees him still alive, he will end Christmas evening with the inevitable Sir Roger. It may be unhesitatingly asserted that no one enjoys Christmas games who is more than ten yeari of age. It needly be said that children of that agt should be in bed on Christmas evening instead of being permitted to infest the drawing-room. Their enjoyment of Christmas games is, therefore, no ex- cuse for the latter. We might as well excuse bullf baiting on the ground that it givec pleasure to the dogs. We play Christmas games solely because an hereditary custom compeb us so to do. Nobody who has arrived al years of discretion enjoys them, andk ninety-nine people in a hundred deteot them. j Whea we think of the quiet, comfortable games with which Christmas might be colobrated, the ob- jectionable character of our present Christmas gamek becomes the more apparent. There is the delightful game known as Two in the Conservatory." It i played by a young man and a young womart. The two retire to a quite corner in the conservator where they are concealed from view by flowers and vines, and there discuss in a low tone such plead- ing themes as the Best Route to tha North Pole, or the Thinetic Theory of Gases. Any number of young men and young women can play at this simple bqt charming game provided a sufficient number of quiet corners can be found in the conservatory. It can even be played on the stairs almost as well as in the conservatory, and the same young man, if he is a sufficiently accomplished player, can play a half a dozen different sets with a half dozen different young wpmen in the course of a single evening. The enormous superiority of this game to anything that is done under the mistletoe must be apparent even to the most careless observer. It involves none of the publicity, the romping, and the other disagree- able features of the latter game, though it must be confessed that, in some instances, the loser has had good cause to regret that he ever attempted to play it. Then there is the pipe game. This is played only by men, but, perhaps, that is one of the advantages of it. The player withdraws to some quiet place, either within or without the house. Haying seated himself he fills an ordinary brier-wood pipe with good tobacco, and lights the tobacco with a match. Almost any match may be used, but as a rule the wooden match is used by the best players. The player can either finish the game in one innings with the pipe, or he can refill it and enjoy another innings. Men who habitually play the game assert that it is peculiarly adapted for Christmas evening, especially if the Christinas dinner has been a good one. That it is vastly preferable to blindiuan's-buff, or air Roger, is admitted by nearly all medical men; except, :of course, yaung practitioners, who are anxious to add to the number of their patients, and look upon the usual Christmas games, with their subsequest harvest of sufferers from dyspepsia, as something especially designed for the good of the medical faculty. I may mention one more admirable Christmas game. It is called Bedfordshire, and is one of the earliest games with which we make acquaintance in our childhood. The player retires from the draw- ing-room about an hour after dinner is over, and just before the orthodox Christmas games begin. When he reaches his room he removes the greater part of his clothing, puts on his night-gown, and after extinguishing the light, gets into bed. There he remains until half an hour before breakfast time •n the following morning. This game ought to be a great favourite, and when a man has once learned to play it on Christmas evening, he can never be mduced to play any other.—W. L. Alden, in CastdPt Magcunne Christmas Number. CHRISTMAS DAY IN SOUTHERN FLORIDA. Christmas morning, 1890, found us, at the verge of dawn, far away in the fragrant piney woods in search of a Christmas dinner for Aunt Easter—the coloured lady who superintended our cooking—had declared that the grey squirrels that occupied the red pines round our location weren't wuth gardensass to make a stew along of," so that we were making an expedition to a woodland drinking pond in hopes of shooting a leash of wild duck to grace our evening u.eal. Like the old Lady of Peebles, we were woke up very early in the morning" by the frequent and promiscuous salute of time- wors fowling pieces with which the niggers of the neighbourhood expressed their sense of the importance of the occasion; and very chilly and cross we felt as we pulled on our long top-boots by the meagre light of an ill-smelling kerosene lamp. However, a cup of strong coffee, and a handful of soda crackers, put a better heart into us and we stumbled over the clearing with our pockets full of cartridges, through the red pepper bushes that fringed the edge of the lagoon on which our pin built house was set, and succeeded at length in launching our clumsy boat, whose stout ribs showed frequent traces of bygone encounters with the ubiquitous coral reefs. The moon was bright over the watar, and each dip •f the oars sent a thousand arrows of phosphores- cent light shooting round our bows, while the sturdy branches of the live oaks, with their hanging curtains of grey Spaniard's-beard, loomed large and ghostly overhead along the banks of the lagoon, and, ever and anon, the harsh call of a startled crane set our nerves on edge as a flight of wild duck, or a solitary pelican, passed overhead with a whirring of wings into the darkness behind us. Presently our heavy boat rounded a little cape, whoze garden of young palmettos showed in silhouette against the bright spaces of the starry sky, and entering a bayou," or creek, fringed with banana-trees, we came ashore on the beach of an Indian shell mound. Then began a tramp of half an hour's duration through the ham&k land, with its tangle of oherokee briars, and hanging ropes of scuppernong vine, through glossy-leaved magnolias, and sturdy wild orange-trees, until at length we reached the clearer spaces of the rolling piney woods, covered with bushes of the saw palmetto, and gay with spires of mauve-blue larkspur, heavy with tropical dew. By the time we had reached our prospective hunt- ing-ground the first faint smoke of tawny erimson in the east told us that we must hurry to make our blind or the day would be upon us with its tell- tale splendours, for the sun is no laggard in these southern climes, and accomplishes his business with a despatch that is truly American. So we collected an armful of dry palmetto fans, and, fixing them up between a couple of adjacent palm-trees, set ourselves to wait the turn of events with an occasional skirl of the duck-calls which we carried in our pockets in company with an orange or two to blunt the razor-edge of a healthy morning appetite. Hands and feet were beginning to feel the cold grip of the rising mists before our patience was re- warded by the sight of a distant wedge of ducks flyiu towards us from their, nightly resting-places amid the mangrove islands of the lagoon, and we had bar-ly time to see that our guns were in order before a succession of heavy splashes told us they had alighted in the pond immediately in front of us. 1 A few whispered directions as to the method of shooting, a couply of quick shots from No. 1, fol- lowed by two more from No. 2 as the survivors rose from the water, left us with five plump widgeon at our disposal. These we hastily set up as decoys, by the aid of a few supporting sticks, and retired again to our shelter behind the palmettos, and a few minutes later a bevy of spoon-bills,, after circling doubtfully round Our little school of widgeon. came down to pay their respects. They were manifestly uneasy at receiving nd response to their friendly overtures, and we made haste to open fire upon them, but No. 1 in the un- certain light—for the 'marshy ground was full of cypress-trees — mistook the decoys for the new arrivals, so that, when the smoke of our cartridges cleared off, we found but one spoon-bill with his toes up, while another wounded bird was making off through the scrub, and we had an exciting chase over the brown palmetto-stumps to capture it. However, seven birds were quite as many as we could manage, as we were shooting for the larder and not for sport, so we decided to retrace our steps in search 6f breakfast, and on reaching the boat were surprised to! flrtd two occupants already in possesr sion, one Of them being a fine grey mullet, which #Setnfed to have jumped into the boat by mistake, an4 the other a great brown fish-hawk who was prepar- ing to make a larsre and early breakfast on the enters- prising visitor. However, he took to his wings with an angry remonstrance as we came in sight, and left ltII: masters of the situation, so that in the fulness of time we came tp our homestead and fed largely oil buckwheat cakes and molasses. Breakfast over, we called the dogs and went out through the orange-groves on the chance of a stray shot, and were fortunate in securing a few qtiail and I some stockdove*, though the latter were* very wary and diffi-tilt to shoot. One of the dogs was unhappily struck by a large j rattlesnake, which he attacked with all a terrier's pluck, and, after watching the poor little beast turn- ing frantically round aud round in his distress, we decided to shoot him and put him out of his pain. Needless to remark, his destroyer was hunted out and killed out of hand—indeed, we simply "browned" its long live-foot body with our duck Suns. We searched everywhere for its companion, for rattlers nearly always hunt in couples, but we saw no signs of it, though we disturbed several ooach- whip snakes, which made for the (neighbouring trees, and many of the beautiful grass-green tree snakes were twining in and out of the friendly branches lite satin ribbon. Heavy at. heart, we turned back in the direction of the ".Store," the only house in our neighbourhood, and here we found quite a large gathering of niggers and settlers lost in admiration of the schoolmaster, who was seated on a tub in the piazza with a blue cotton apron tied under his chin in process of having his hair cut, and a queer picture it was. From the bystanders we learnt that Old Man," Clihton had jumped two deer out of Turnbull Ham- mock on his way down to the store that morning, and that. it was proposed to have a big hunt in the afternoon to account for them if possible. The Schoolmnster.said he puessed ha'd be off efter them de jr like a jag-handle if he didn't have a sick wife to hum. hot got a tetch of chills an' fever, and he guessed he'd jest sit along of her," but he was obviously discomposed at the prospect. We naturally jumped at the idea, and, after having our own hair cut to show there was no ill-feeling, we went off to harness our ponies with the usual fore- and-aft hiffb-peaked Mexican saddles with their damsy wooden stirrups, and, when we joined the group at the store, we found them already under way. All of us wore broad felt hats, jack-books, and jean trousers, and every settler had a Smith and Wesson in his back pocket, and very fretty practice some of them made with their revolveis as we rode tip into the woods over the soft sand. A man would tear up an' ordinary playing-card into four pieces, stick each piece at random on a pine-tree growing somewhere near the road, and then put his horse to the gallop, and, as he passed the several marks, de- liver a rfhot which rarely failed to reach its billet. Many'of them had strong, good voj^es, a-nd as We. rode with loosened reins through the red pillars of the piney woods the IIrc-lias roof of dark green spikes echoed many a rousing chorus trolled from bare and sun-burntthroat8. But, needless to say. we became more cautious as we drew near our rendezvous, and presently we were posted along the edge of the marshy hammock within hail of each other, while our horses were tethered to the neighbouring trees at & convenient distance from the scene of operations. Thesun was hot, and the drowsy hum of insects and the occasional call of a bull-frog from a cypress Swamp hard by WfOre the only founds that broke the stillness of the sweltering noonday until, far off in the hammock, we heard one of the dogs give tongue, and then two ibote.in qhicklluccession apprised us of the fact that the deer was jumped," and we began to speculate, on the chance of alhot if a stag came our way. How our hearts thumped Ifor we werenovieel at the game, and were suffering a sharp attack of t. buck- féWr." h In a few minutes time—it seemed hours to our straining nerves2—the branches parted in the ham- mock in front of us, and a sleBder brown head peeped forth with handiome branching antlers. We were just making ready to are when the head was withdrawn, and, as we were prepared to anathematise our tardiness, the deer, frightened apparently by the dogs behind it, sprang boldly from the thicket and trotted quietly down upon our stand, for the wind-what little there was-blew upon our faces. This staggered us to such an extent that we quite forgot to fire until the deer, getting wind of us, suddenly bounded on one side and went off with a long, raking 'stride. Then at last we rose to the occasion, and blazed away Tight and left. Some one hit the deer high up in the neck with a charge of buckshot, and brought him to his knees; but he was up again in a minute, and. though bleeding profusely, as his tail showed, he led us nearly three miles at a breakneck pace ever fallen logs and treacherous gopher holes till he was finally overhauled and despatched by a leng shot from one of our rifles. Then we slung him over a led horse, and went home rejoicing in the certainty of fresh meat for many days to come, and the possibility of a well- earned pipe.—P. Shaw Jeffrey, M.A., in the Boys' Own Christmas Number. CHRISTMAS AT THE ASYLUM. DEAR SIR,—Hush Swear you won't tell! We've been keeping up Christmas! But They mustn't know it., or They might interfere. Of course, you know who They are. They are paid to wait on us. and yet They give themselves all sorts of airs. Goodness knows why! There isn't a titled person among them. And then, look at us You could hardly shut your eyes and heave a brick in any direction without hitting a duke. Well, I was going to tell you. The Hereditary Grand Prince of the Undiscovered Islands had a letter from abroad giving him secret information that Christmas was coming; so he made everybody pay sixpence, and promise not to tell the others; and then he imparted the ¡mysteriou8 news to each indi- vidual in strict privacy. But somehow it leaked out (the envelope was one of those thin foreign ones, and was gone at the cor- neri), and we soon found that we all knew it; but, all the same, we kept up the idea, because it is so nice to have a secret all to one's self, isn't it ? So at last we tailed a meeting, on very secret and important business," and a very delightful meeting it was. All were deeply excited and interested, and many came provided with suggestions and arguments of a most persuasive nature. Xhe Captain brought his half brick with him, con- cealed in the foot of a stocking—"for decency," he said. When asked why, he said that he had hung up his stocking at the foot of his bed when he heard the mysterious news, and that Santa Claus going his roupds had dropped a half-brick into it, he supposed. He said he imagined it was Santa Claus' joke. Any- how, he brought it along, as it might come in handy." The Sultan of Turkey, who claimed the post of chairman by virtue of his seniority, was again fur- nished with his yataghan. At least, that is what he called it, but to most of us it looked suspiciously like the kitchen chopper, over the loss of which the cook has, been making such a row for the last month or more. He wore on his head an enormous" ratty" old,topper, which fitted him like a dish-cover. He said it was an Imperial Hatt." He admitted, when pressed on the subject, that he had got it off a scare- crow in a neighbouring field, but he said there was nothing unusual in that; nobody could tell how Im- perial Hatts were produced; they simply occurred, like mushrooms," and he knew this was one the mopient he saw it—said he had a mental conviction. (I don't mind telling you privately that some of us think he meant a mental affliction.) assuming the chair he said that we had been summoned to consider the most suitable method of keelping Christmas, which he might tell us (in a hoarse whisper) was coming. (Sesation I) In fact he could hear it by placing his ear to the ground— and that he begged to propose a general massacre, to commence at once, if not sooner. He was in the act of drawing his yataghan when the Grand Vizier, rising, as he said, to second him, tipped up the chair, and the motion fell to the ground. So did the chair- man, and a very lively debate' at once took place, in which the Captain, with the aid of his stocking, con- vinced the Sultan and his supporters of the inadvis- abijlity of violent measures. When the subject had been thoroughly thrashed out Lord Macaulay rose frohi beneath the table, where he had taken shelter during the debate, and addressed the meeting. He said that, in his opinion, the old ways were the best, and that, for his part, he advocated a return to the ancient customs of Merrie England. He begged to propose, therefore, that we should commence by roasting an ox alive, and he would call upon the Gle Club to sing the "Roast Beef of Old England" in parts during the process. He said it would be peculiarly applicable, as the beef itself would pro- baply only be roasted in parts. This suggestion was greted with intense enthusiasm, and plans were eagerly discussed for procuring an ox (which one member proposed to compass by the aid of a mouse- trap and a, piece of cheese, while another suggested 'ferrets. and a gridiron to roast him on. As it was considered only too probable that he would prove a piece cla resistance if he got the chance, it was decided to have him on toast as an entree. A plum pudqing was next suggested, but met with Considerable opposition from the gardener on the ground that plums were all over long ago, and that there was not time to raise any from seed. However, be admitted that mixed pickles were then very plentiful, and would form an excellent substitute. This seem so rational a solution of the difficulty that it was unanimously agreed to order the cook to make a Plum pudding of mixed pickles, with a preference for onions.. But I must tell you about the gardener. He's a splendid fellow;—one of us, you know. He has more original idois on gardenitig than Anyone I ever met, He always grows his carrots, and parsnips, and Snbh things upsidfe down, so that the roots stick up in the air, and you can'see at once what you are gathering. Saves a lot of trouble, don't it? He says that as long as you stand on your head when you are planting them they don't notice the difference. Then you should see his fruit trees An arranged alphabetically. First a row of apple trees, then a row of axle trees, arid 110 on for the next a row of box trees, followed by a row of boot trees, &c., &c., for the B's; then cabbage tries, and crab trees, and cross trees, and so on, sol that anyone-can at onfedindtheftuit he wants as lobg as he knows the alphabet. It wa.s a first-rate idea, planting boot trees. You see, we were very hard up for boots in the establish- ment, and it occurred to him that if he could get some good cuttings of hoot trees and plant a row of tHem, in a couple of yeUrs he would be able to supply all our demands, and perhaps make a profit on the m^sfit,s. Unfortunately, in spite of all his care, the crop was a failure, as the-trees got the blue fly or the rod mange< or whatever it was, and the fruit never got further than the infant, worsted stage, so he told us. He said that one or two of them might have done for bedroom slippers, but even then they were rather down at the heel. Well, when we had settled the. question of the pluin pudding, he added that he supposed we should be wanting some Christmas trees. Now, wasn't that clever ? Nobody had ever thought of such a thing, but he did, you see. Comes of being familiar with tçees,. He said he had a whole row of Christmas trees in the orchard, planted between the crab trees apd the cross trees, because they were always inter- fering with each other, and the influence of the Cjhristmas trees was so good." He had tried graft- ing a shoot or box on to the stem of one of his Christmas treeSiWith 'a view tc growing Christmas kpxes, which, he understood, were a very paying variety, but he said the boys were so troublesome they got them all before he was np. He assured us that there was nothing like a Christmas tree for a buttonhole, so we ordered one apiece all round. Then, all of a sudden, like a streak of lightning, or fyck from the off hind Ipd of an ostrich, an idea, oc- curred to me. It is not my fault. I can't help it. A's like fits. I said, "Blow all this jaw! Let's have a ball!" That did it, you. know. Before you could say knife > we had forgotten all about the ox, and the plum- pudding, and the Christmas trees, and everything, and, clasping each other round the waist, Or the neck, or by the hair, we began to dance as hard as wel possibly could. The Great Mogul, with wonderful presence of mind, turned off the gas; Massa Johnson and one or two professional people supplied some temporary music on the fire-irons and the fender, with the aid of a brass waiter or two, and we spun round and round in the dark among the tables and ehairs in the fireplace, down the passage, over the stairs, by twos, by threes, by dozens! Capital! Never had such a ball in my life! In a short time we were knee-djep in bits of furniture and pieces of partners, and in the middle of it all, to add, if pos- sible, to the hilarity, someone raised a cry of "Fire!" abd then wo fairly boiled over with delight. It was jolly They turned up at last at the cry of fire, and, as we expected, threw cold water on the whole thing. We never can have a little harmless amusement without, their interfering. When the gas was lit again we found our chairman at the bottom of the stairs, moaning. He said his neck was broken in three places, at which we all phrieked with delight. The Grand Vizier, who had been sitting out the last dance on the stairs with the Sultan, was so alteed that we should hardly have known him; somebody had mistaken bis face for a doormat. The Great Mogul was with difficulty extracted from the furniture. He made a great fuss over one of his legs, which he said was smashed, but the gardener assured him that it did not matter, he could easily chap it right off and take some cuttings from it. I came off with very little to show—only a tooth or two loose, and my right eye in a sling; but my head's a bit swollen—can't get my hat on without a shoe-horn, you know. But it was jolly while it lasted. I wish you'd been there— you would have enjoyed it. Well, good-bye. Merrie Christmas, &c., &o^ &c. "You KNowWno" (Or if you don't you ought fa be ashamed of yourself). — Hamilton Williams, in The Captain Christum Ner.

EPITOME OF NEWS. EXPRESS trains pass each other at a velocity of 90yds. a second. ONE-TIIIRD of the recruits of our Army enlist in London and Dublin. PENS to the number of 3,500,000 are used through- out the world every day in the week. YORKSHIRE is the county in England which has the greatest railway mileage. The next is Lancashire. ACCORDING to the report of the Committee of Council on Education, the average salary of a certi- ficated master, which in 1870 was £94 2s. Id., is now !.l24 2s. lid.; that of a schoolmistress was £57 lis. Id. in 1870, and is now £83 Is. Id. ONE hundred years ago it was considered a wonder- ful achievement for ten men to manufacture 48000 pins in a day. Now three men make 7,500,000 pins in the same time. SEVERAL railroads in the United States are using rails 45ft. and 60ft. long. They have not so far proved entirely satisfactory; WINNING racehorses are generally bays, chestnuts, or browns and for every 100 bays among them there are 50 chestnuts and 30 browns. There is no record of an important race being won by a piebald. TnF: Russian photographers have a strange way of publishing those who, having received their photo- graphs, do not pay their bills. They hang the pictures of the delinquents upside down at the entrance to their studios. M. HAUSER, a Radical, of Zurich, has been elected President of the Swiss Confederation for the ensuing year. THE German Emperor has appointed Dr. Stubel, hitherto Consul General at Shanghai, to be German Envoy to Chili. Sm GEORGE KEKEWICII, Permanent Secretary of the Education Department, opened a new wing of the Froebel Educational Institute in West Kensing- ton. MR. J. F. SnIoNs JEUNE has been appointed Examiner of Standing Orders, House of Lords, in place of Mr. M. A, Thoms, retired. IT is understood that Mr. John Frederick Cheet- ham will be the Liberal candidate for Stalybridge, in opposition to Mr. Ridley, son of the Home Secretary. fR. Jomi BRANCIIER, who has been a member of the Mersey Docks and Harbour Board for the long period of 29 years, has intimated his retirement. THE Queen has telegraphed to Colonel Wingate, now at Cairo, expressing a wish to be godmother to his daughter, who was born on the day of the Khalifa's death. THE Sultan has issued a. special Irade accepting the plans of Professor Rieder for the erection, at Haidar Pasha, of a hospital in connection with the Military School of Medicine at Constantinople. INSTEAD of an engagement-ring, the Japanese lover gives his sweetheart a piece of beautiful silk for her sash. IN time of war, France puts 370 out of every J000 of her population in the field; Germany, 310; Russia, 1(). THE art of paper-making has reached the point where it is possible to cut down a growing tree and convert it into paper suitable for printing purposes wihtn 24 hours. GENERAL SIR HENRY RADPORD NORMAN, K.C.B., is lying seriously ill at his residence, near Chelten- ham. THE shiptuilding output on the Wear for the present year is returned as 70 vessels, with a tonnage: of 264,479. A BILL concerning the theft of electric power by tapping of the wires has been laid before the German Federal Council. ACCORDING to a report fiom St Petersburg, M. Vlassoff, Russian Diplomatic Agent at the Abyssinian Cpurt, will shortly be replaced. IT is stated in New York that a shooting contest between teams, representing American and ijnglish volunteer soldiers has been arranged. IN order to simplify calculations, it is proposed to make the United States "half-eagle" of the same value as the sovereign. A half-eagle is worth 5dols. (IT is posit,ively;stllited, that the Convention guaranteeing to Russia the exclusive right of con- structing railways in Persia, which was to havelex- pired next month, has just been renewed. NEWS has been received in St. Petersburg from Sqbastopol of the arrival in the Crimea of a large number of peasants who have suffered from the failure of the harvest in Bessarabia. THE German cruiser Stoach, according to the New l'ork Herald,has left Port of Spain for Puerto Cabello, in order to protect the interests of German residents, which are in danger. EDMONTON DISTRICT COUNCIL has for various reasons declined the offer made by Sir Samuel Mon- tagu, M.P., of 25 acres of land on which t,o erect artisans' dwellings for overcrowded Whitechapel residents. THE Athletic Association of the University of Pennsylvania will send a team to take part in the Olympian Games at the Paris Exhibition and in con- tests in London with Oxford and Cambridge athletes. THE New York Board of Health has now decided to permit the entrance of the British steamer J. W. Taylor's coffee into New York after it has been roasted. The bagging, however, is ordered to be de- stroyed. LORD KITCHENER, it is said, intends to have a zoo- logical gardens of his own. He has bought an island on the Nile, and is going to stock it not only with all kinas of plants and trees, but also with animals. Mr. Cecil Rhodes, by the way, already own a zoo H in South Africa, Ay Englishman spends on an avege.£9 12s. a year for food, a Frenchman £9,8s., a German £888., a Spaniard £6 12s., an Italian £ 416s!, and a Russian £4 12s. Of meat the Englishman eats 1091b. a year, the Frenchman 87lb., the German 641b., the Italian I 28lb:, and the Russian 511b. Of bread the English- man consumes 3801b., the Frenchman 6401b., the German 5601b., the Spaniard 4801b., Italian 4001b., and the Russian 6351b. IT is estimated that greater quantities of gold an4 silver have been sunk in the sea than are now in cir- culation on earth. THE annual sale of German toys ia Great Britain amount to £2,000,000, the greater portion of which might easily be made by British manufactureirs. THE tramways, omnibuses, and underground rail- ways in and around London, within a radius of five miles, carry each year, it is calculated, about 453,000,000 passengers. to., TIIE French Government is said to. be considering the abolition of the gullotine in favour of .electrocu- tion by means, of an helmet in which two needles pierce the temples when the current is put on, and so rupture the brain. It is expected to be painless. ALL the flags for British ships of war^ except the Royal standards, are made in the Government dock- yards, and the enormous number required may be judged from the fact that in the colour loft at Chatham alone about 18,000 flags are made in a year. THE Board of Trade have been informed by her Majesty's Consul at Philadelphia that it is officially notified by the Immigration Commissioner that aU alien seamen must be examined after discharge before they cad be allowed to land. 'c' THE war is expected to establish an unprecedented run of prosperity in the steel and iron workers' trade. Mr. Knight, of the Boilerworkers' Society, says the existing briskness is likely to continue for another two years. THE longest telephone line in Europe is that between Moscow and St. Petersburg, in Russia, It is 412 miles long. AN instance of rapid track-laying was the putting down of seven and a-quarter miles of 1001b. rails in the hours on the midland division of the consolidated system near New London, Conn., U.S.A. BRITISH census reports of family names give for England and Wales 253,606 Smiths and 242,100 Joneses. PARIS has a number of female bootblacks, and they are liberally patronised. THOUGH the distance is not less than SO miles, the sound offiringat Ladysmith is said to be so plainly heard at Estcourt that the reports of heavy guns (supposed to be the two naval 4.7in. guns, followed I by the bursting of Lyddite shells) can be easily dis- tinguished above those of the Boer 40-pounders and the smaller guns on both sides. MOTOR-CAR construction ia Fránce ia already a big industry. France has 600 manufacturers, not in- cluding the makers of parts, about 1000 dealers, and 1100 repair shops. THE Kaiser, it is said, takes a great delight in see- ing very big men in uniform. It is in the blood. Frederick the Great, when he had need of propitiat- ing his irascible old father, used to make him a present of a 6ft. 4in. or 6ft. 5in. Grenadier. That softened the heart of Frederick William. ANOTHER seam of coal has been passed through at the boring at Ropersole, between Dover and Canter- bury. The seam was 6in. thick, and of excellent quality. This makes the third thin seam passed through at this boring, which had been stopped for many weeks owing to a part of the machinery being lost in the operations. From fossitiferouS evidence it is believed that the boring is passing through the upper coal measures. If so, it is concluded that the carboniferous strata must continue to a very great depth in this part of Kent. PeorLK are right or left-eyed just AS they are right or left-handed, and just as the right hand is usually the more powerful, so is the right eye. Only one person in ten is left-sighted. It is very pro- bable that the use of weapons during countless ages has had something to do with the extra power of the right eye. r— I ENGLAND has the greatest number of lighthouses and lightships—one for every 14 miles of its coast- line.

UNION LINE forthe SOUTH AFRICAN GOLD FIELDS. Sailings from Southampton every Saturday*. Calls made at Lisbon, Madeira, and Teneriffe. Apply to the unio-, SEAM Slur CO., Ltd., Canute Ed., Southanipt. N,AA4: South African House, 94-98, Bishopsgate St. Within, Lr.adp^ BILLIARD AND BAGATELLI J" TABLES. A LARGE STOCK OF NEW AND SECOND HAND TABLES ml-wavB on hand. WRITE FOR PRICE LlgTfc _6. EDWARDS, 134, fclNGSLAND ROAD, LONDON, U.K. TOOTH-ACHE CUBED INSTANTLY BY BUNTER'8 Neuralgic Headaches and all Nerve Pains removed by HUNTER'S NKKVINK. All Chemists,'TS t^d. P S 110005000 m HA'PENNIES ALREADY SENT BY THE VINQLIA WAR FUND For the Soldiers' Families, Widows, and Orphans. ld. forwarded on every Tablet 2 Sold until end of Year. /j OF ALIL CH E &I I ST.% ■n:n n VkBF AirYramG YOU WANT. DS U vafar whatever it map be, i(yo>i wish to HhCC B9 D *et ,ilie t,e3t possible Bargain for TT HI EH VH yoHr money, through The ISazeuHr, BH JaBB BMt JSB n Exchange and Mart Nws a par, ■BHjffly H| which contains thousnmls of ata- ™ nouncements of aU kinds of pro- perty offered by Private Persons on the most favourable terms to clear. The Bazaar, Exchange and Mart Newaiuper may be got at all Hailway Book- 8tal Is and Newsagents. Price 2d. dfflUfK BH S| Host useful arid entertaining. Get a copy and see lor ycur- MHk. HL_ Through the name journal Hr^ 69 KH if you have anything you wish wJSM Mng EDMs to jdisiiofo of you can readily RHBSR CWHI

i DRAFrINGTHE- DEATH DUTIES < ACT.. Mr. R. Bf. Haldane, Q.C., M.P., the other evening the lecturer on the subject of The Death Duties and the Judges in the Old Hall of Lincoln'* Inn, before a numerous audience of members of -t,he Solicitors' Managing Clerks' Association. The chair was occupied by Lord Davey. Mr. Haldane. at the. ontset of his- address, said that at the time when Sic- j William Harcourt was Chancellor of the Exchequer j and contemplated the bringing in o€ the Deatlft y Duties Bill, the right hon. gentleman sent for him, and he found Sir William in his most genial mood. He said he bad received two drafts of the Bill io question, neither of which seemed to him to be quite suitable. The Chancellor of the Exchequer then re- t, marked, I am going to get you and Sir Alfred I Milner,; look both of you up in a roOQl by: yourselye8 without fire, food, or drink, and I shall not alloir you to come out until you have produced a oatisfac- tory draft, of the Bill," The result was that Sir Alfred Milner and himself (Mr. Haldane) together worked out a rQÍlh draft of the measure which sub- seqtiehtty (after altorhtions in various particulars) was submitted to Parliament, and became the, Death Dutieb Act of 1894.

¡ A HEW two-cylinder petrol motor from America it of about four horse-power, and is adapted for tricycles and similar vehicles carrying two or more persons. The mot6r is 27in. long, 'fin. wide, and 9iri. high, an9 weighs less than 901b. It Is of the air-cooled type, and being in tandem form so arranged that either one or both cylinders can bw used at will. The electrical ignition device may bar j varied to give any speed between 100 and 2000 re- 'J volutions per minute; ignition takes place alternately in the two cylinders.

COCOA-The National Drink. NEVER in the history of the world has Cocoa been so much held in favour as a national drink as it 'is at the,present day. Yet there are Cocoas and Cocoas. Mr.fSRS. FRY have gained no fewer than 275 GOLD MEDALS and DIPLOMAS, and their Pure Concen- trllttpd Coco-i iA th" result of an accumulated experience oi 170 which places this well-known Firni at an advantage far above all t he rivalry existing amongst 'hillS of latter-daj rrow:t1J. 'here is no beffor &@"rags than FRY'S PURECOMCENTRATED OOOOA Of which Dr. Andrew Cocoa. Sa i ideal ol perfection. I JTTST TSRBl WOBJ39 are necessary in order to get the right Cocoa, viz., PUTS PCTK B CONCETTTKA.TEP.

WITH the new year the National Telephone Cotn- pany will introduce a new alternative scheme of rates, whereby the telephone service will be brought within the reach of many persons who have hitherto regarded the telephone subscription aa prohibitory. Very briefly, the new arrangement will be that any person can. have the service laid on for JE3 3a. per year, plus the Government royalty of 7s. per aunuilk, and a payment of Id. per three minutes' oonversa* tion for every message which he initiates on the ex- change, tio charge being made for messages in which* he is called up by other subscribers. It is under- stood that this new arrangement is largely the out- come of the report of the Select Parliamentary Com- mittee on the telephone .qut;i.9.njlll M 4

WHEN FEELING LIVERISH REMEMBEg If that CARTER'S LITTLE LIVTER PILLS ^Touch'* "fche" Liver. They absolutely cure Sick Headachy Bilious* stoess, Torpid Liver, Indigestion, CoMtipatioflu BaUow Skia- Dizziness, Furred Tongue. Small pilV snu4 'dose, purely vegetable, forty in a phial.' "Dose One a|f ,'Hight. Is. lid. of all Chemists. < Be sum they are CABTEa BEAUTIFUL TEETH FOR jUJpUSE daily on the tooth brush a SOZODONT, ,the jple&faiitest dentifrice in the world. Cleanses the teetls and spaces between them as nothin? else win. Sound an& pearly white teeth, rosy lipa, and "agrani fcreath ensured* Agk for So £ oPOyT- 2s. 6d.

THERE is a movement tor providing Edinbutgla w.itk. a zoological garden as a source of recreation and instruction. Some £ 10,000 or E12,000 was raised in fonr days by the town for a recent show of the Highland Society, and it is believed that £ 3000 a year could be obtained for the garden. Edinburgh has long had a Botanical Garden, but partly owing to the climate, perhaps, no collection of wili animals. We may add: (says the Globe) that South Bronx-park, New York, the largest zoologieal-gnr&o. in the world, was opened recently. It covers 261 acres, while the largest in Europe, that of Berlia* comprises only 00 acres.