Barry Herald

) FIELD AND FARM {From The Agricultural Gazette.") Steam cultivation is not yet (observes Proftwsof John Wrightson) general, although 40 years have elapsed since it first appeared amongst us. It was heralded as great revolutionary invention, and was considered to mark an era in agricultural progress. At the close of the century, steam cultivation remains an adjunct to horse cultivation rather than its IIUC: cessor. We may well ask why? Probably'the answer is to be found in the greater economy of horse tillages, although this theory attacks the very Citadel of steam. Horses cheaper than steam I So they seem to be in this particular case, for the verdict has evi- dently been given in favour of retaining the older power. When farmer* are* valuing their tillages they naturally put them at a rather high figure. Valuers put them nigh. In estimates of costs of crop culti- vation they are put high, and, compared wtyh such estimates, steam cultivation can be shown to be cheaper. But beneath the surface is the fact that horae tillages do not really cost so much as they are estimated at, while steam cultivation is liable to cost a good deal more than might appear from figures. Haif-a-orewa a day for -each-horse, and another 'half-crown for the man, comes; to 7s. 6d. a day It also comes to 10s. an acre for ploughing. This would not lie regarded as an unfair estimate, and ploughinglandis generally considered tooest from 7s. 6d. to 10s. per acre. Referring to Bayldon (as' edited by Norton in 1864), I find that" two horses ploughing upon light turnip soil is charged at 8s. per acre, upon land of medium quality 9s. and upon strong clay land 10s. per acre; if an additional horse is required, 2s. 6d, to 3s. per acre is added." Simi- larly, if two more horses are required, 5s. to 6s. ■would be added, bringing the total for horse plough- ling up to as much as 15s. or 16s. per acre. It even been asserted that ploughing certain stiff soils costs as much as 20s, per acre. With such Estimates as to the cost of horseiplougbing there appears to be iroom foreteam, butit has as yet failed tooust the horses. It may be remarked that 2s. 6d. per day charged for a horse means JE35 per annum, supposing the animal to work 272-days in a year, which 1he ordi- narily will exceed..J ■ i As A farm horse, with all his risb and liabilities. j cannotbe shown to cost the farmer £25 per anniim, there must be something weak about 2B. 6d. per day as a charge. It is some time since I discussed the knotty question as to the cost of keeping a farm horse, but I well remember my opponents were obliged to have recourse to £1 per quarter for oats, and to-supply them at an extremely liberal rate foi 52 weeks in each year in .order to eupport their side of the argument. I cannot get more than 2s. per bushel for 401b. oats, and I certainly should not give two bushels a week all the year round. I shall not trot out the calculation; again, bat if anyone is curious, let him chge oats at 2s.per bushel, and hayat2s.6d.percwt. Lethimalso credit the horses with a small sum for the value of their manure. Let him add costs for depreciation: ,shoeing, harness, brushes, combs, and buckets, wear and tear of buildings, veterinary attendance, risks, but not paid labour. This last item appears in hie pay sheet, but the horse is a slave, and works for hit maintenance without wages. Let anyone do this. It will be an amusing and useful exercise. Let him divide the year into-spring, summer, autumn, and winter, and feed his horses according to his fancy, but, nevertheless, ocoBOcucaHv, and I will make him a small bet that the sum total comes out below £25 per annum, or Is. 8d. per day, in a year of 300 work- ing days. He will be-entitled to add the wages of the attendant as a separate item on the ploughing, or whatever work the horse is employed upon. It is the low, absolute, or real cost of horselabouT which puts it on a par with steam cultivation. There are other aspects of horse labour which • ought not to be forgotten. The horse istmore avail- Able, and is therefore handier. He is anore versa- tile. He often does much good by trampling the ground and making it firm and, probably, on light land, Use treading of the horses is as valuable as, ttye 'treading of sheep. A horse may become old, but never second-hand or antiquated in his construction. Horses as a form of capital are more easily recon- verted into money than can a steam plough. If a man sells 10 horses at £30, and buys a steam ploughing apparatus for JE300, how much will the said apparatus be worth if put up to auction in two years: ? vWIHTJBR -AND LIV. STOCK. The coming of frost and snow some fortnight 'before Christmas this year may wall have reminded • us of the probability of a much greater demand on ifodder being made upon us than has been the case in .either of the two immediately preceding winters. We were so lightly treated (" T. C. G." remarks) during 'these two winters that we have, in several respects,: acted as if such treatment would be repeated. We IAII of us know that the hay crop of last summer was considerably below an average weight per acre, and we may learn 'from the preliminary state- ment of our Agricultural Returns, just issued, that our average of dover and rotation grasses mown for hay has tbi8 year been seven per cent. less than in 1898, And our average of meadow ihay four per cent. less. This reduction in ttye' land from which the season's hay crop to be gathered seemed reasonable last spring to many farmers, bemuse of the reserve of fodder in their hands." And lit may at once be granted that this reserve will •enableUs to meet the demandS of any winter of average severity, Happily the hay of last harvest, though considerably less than. an average in bulk, is i of. excellentquality, as is the-straw of the year, wi&k& we cair hardly estimate to be an average in bulk*. the vety general failure pf^fae turnip crop in many dis- >tricts must also be noted when considering the gross contribution to our winter supplies made by jail the hasvestsiof the yeipr. •< r. y A r. Thsre is still anotherjpoint which cannot .fail to have influence upon the .consumption of fodder during the winter, the first £ rip of which we are now feeling- This point is more a subject for congatula- tion than for anxiety. The number of the mouths to •consume, our stores of fodder is .greater than it was in either of the last two pointers, in both' of which the consumption was very Jight bacause of the mild- ness of the weather. Concurrently with an increase of 2*6 per cent. in cattle we have an increase of 1*8 per cent. in sheep. So fad? then as regards what the season has done in the matter .of mouths to fill and food wherewith to fill them, we have, more consumers -and a less supply. In connection with the increase in our cattle it is matter for congratula- tion to note that, notwithstanding the fact that cattle other than dairy cattle eiww a decrease, there is a considerable .increase both ion milking cows and in cattle under itwo years. We who are.dairy farmers know wall that herds used for ^bhe production of milk Are to a ^reot extent breeding herdalao. The de- mand for calves bred from cows having the double capacity of (producing beef and milk is likely to io- crease, if it be the truth that the American continent is unlikely to increase its export-of beef. Moreover, the growing demand in our home trade for young and ■comparatively ..mall carcases is all in favour of that quick return which of necessity uses up more speedily our head of cattle than fcbeoldpractifce &f making bigger-carcases from older animals. It is probable that both in South America and in North America the present practice of making into beef •only animals of three yws old and oyer #ill be^n- ttinued..And it is "impossible to deny -that the American carcase, although large, possesses a greater proportion of lea.a meat than isfound in our h^me- fed carcates of equal size. Werhave already imde considerable progress in feeding on the early maturity principle; and now by far the greater proportion of our home-fed beef .ef Brit quality is supplied by animals under three years of age. It is-in every wav deeirable that we should continue to extend the prac- tice of early feeding lor the reason that we have less competition in that line from abroad. At A matter of fact both dairy farmers and graziers employ in their busineessuch a large amount of food not produced in great Britain, that a much larger herd of stock is kept than would be otherwise pos- sible with our limited amount of fodder. It does not pay either the grazier or the dairy farmer to winter his stock badly. And so it turns out that, whilst both the maker of beef and the maker of milk are pushing on their business by a liberal use of bought foods, they are at the same time economising their consumption of hay and straw. But the mere fact of our pace be quickened carries with it this double lesson. Fitfst, that those, who have hay and straw for sale should not force them on the market.at an unreasonably low price; and, secondly, that those farmers who consume the hay And straw which they produce should not waste them. The best way to get full value for them is to use in conjunction with them those richer foods which are to be found on the market. That British farmers draw- itomease sup- plies of such foods from abroad, has been shown by the figures Ten by Mr. Crawford at the late meeting of the Statistical Society. It is sometimes held up as A reproach that we grow only two million acres of wheat. Mr. Crawford estimates that we consume, mainly by the live stock on our farms, the imported produce of six million acres. These figures seem to me all to tell in favour of economy in use of our home-grown fodder and against its waste.

JlL Bumt is an Awfully nice man, mamma." "IsheT Yel. Out on the porch last night he said to sister Lou, Aren't you cold ?' and then he wrapped the sleeve of his coat around her. WMnt that tbouptful P And his arm was in ø, too I"

GARDENING GOSSIP. {From Gardening Illustrated.") CONSERVATORY. There will sl ill be a good show of Chrysanthemums, Some growers depend altogether upon young plants but where many tiowers are required for eutting, w. find the yearling plants, shaken out in spring and potted on into 9in. or lOin. pots, throw a great many blooms of fine quality. The sorts we have treated in this way are chiefly late whites, such as Niveura and Princess Victoria. Cuttings of many sorts will be ready now, and should be taken off when about Sin. long and inserted in pots 01 boxes. Where many are grown for producing flowers for cutting, especially late sorts, tht cuttings may be struck in boxes and potted 08 as soon as rooted. This saves time and space, and in that sense is more economical. Roman Hyacintht are flowering finely this season. It is rather remark- able the Romans," which are to a large extent. grown in France, are so fine, whilst the Dutch Hyacinths are so poor. Some of the growers say itl is owing to the dry season, but this does not altogether explain it, as it was dry last summer over the greater part of Europe. Of late years, the Dutch growert have sold many of the small bulbeas miniature Hyacinths for forcing, and have too much reduced, stock. There is no handsomer plant in the conser.t vatory than a well-grown Camellia or Azalea, and Camellias last a long time jn bloom, and are not difficult to manage; but they are not often sees in good condition on a chalk or lime-stone soil. Even when grown in imported loam or peat they dc not thrive unless soft water is saved up for them. The same remark applies to Heaths, which are rarely seen in good condition in a chalk district. Steady fires will be necessary now; the night temperature should never be less than 50deg., and if the Chry-i santhemums are to keep in good oondition as long a* possible, the house should ,never he altogether closed. A free circulation prevents the condensation oi moisture on the flowers. The forced flowers are now coming in, and night air then will not be soimpor- tant. STOVK. White flowers -are always in demand about the1 New Year, and among the choicest of these will be Eucharis Lilies, Gardenias, and Lily of the Valley.! These are not difficult to obtain in a warm-house. Eucharis Lilies flower best when not overpotted, and they respond readily to weak doses of liquid-manure. Gardenias also may have weak stimulants from :the- time the buds appear. Mealy-bug, if there are any about the .place, are usually found on Gardenias and the Stephanotis. These insects ought to be got under before flower buds appear* Pancratium* are grand subjects for cutting now and onwards through the winter. Poinsettias will take nourishment in almost any useful form whilst the bracts are forming.' Gesneras, especially the cinnabarina section, will be' useful now. JMght temperature, 65deg. Carefùll watering will be necessary during the short, dark days. yios nr TOTS These may be -started mow, if well prepared, m a night temperature of 50degs., working up by degrees as the growth advances. There must be no check from irregularity of temperature or any other cause,' er the young Figs may fall. The water used for syringing and applying'to the roots should be of the same temperature as the house. Very little ventila- tion isirequired in forcing-house now, but on bright clays the ridge ^ventilators may be opened a little, it is a waste of fuel to give much ventilation to forcing- houses in winter. The rule ie, if we start a houee at 50degs. at night to give air in the morning when the thermometer runs np to 65degs., and this seldom happens in January, unless the sun shines brightly, kad then the house should be closed early in the afternoon,o:tl:tat the thermometer may be run qpltO 70degs.:byiieeping in the sunshine. PCRKSMMiROLASS. FerftB for. cutting must have a light position if the fronds are to-stand well, and the fronds should be dipped in warm water before using them in any decorative work. The demand for Adiantum cune- atum still continues, but Â. elegans is lighter in appearance. Â. Williamsi is useful for mixing with flowers in a vase, as i^ has longer fronds. Some of the Pterises, such as major, are very lasting in a cut state, Thetteniperature for the majority of the use- ful decorative Forns need not exceed 5odeg. at night;, and may drop down to [JOdeg..oncold nights. Plants standing near the pipes may require water every day, but under ordinary conditions three times a week will suffice now to give a look over. There is less danger of overwatering iFerns than most things. Still, it may happen, and when the soil gets sodden and MMtc, the plants -won go wrong. CAN 11 BATHS. A rooipyihouse filled with Cape Heaths-is always • full of interaat, soP. the wdder ia'thsHt seldom tact with nowadays. Heaths wilt not mix success- fully with other+plants. The Epacris comes nearest to it, hut even jthat does not in its wants quite fall into the same rank. Give the plants a light house to themselves* and Heaths afe hs easily growJuuany other class of plants. Of course, care is reguiredin potting, watering, and ventilating, fio long .as frost is kept out very little Bare is required. << 5'" ^WINDOW IGABDSnnTO. hyacinths .in grasses should be gradually inured tOfthe light »s<soon as the bulbs have formed roots in the water. Roman Hyacinths are lovely now. They want no forcing to be in bloom at theiturn of the year—only early .potting, to be plunged outside jn ashes till roots are formed, and then cold-frame 'treatment, or placed in the window. Clun^ps of Snowdrops lifted out of the border and jotted will < flpwer well in the room. This, in fact, is the beet way of liaving them, planting out afterwards. | (OtDTSOOB (rARDBk. i;M win be well to take continuous precautions II against frost now. For dwarf Tea Roses there is no I Better protection than the .charred matter which is obtained by smother-^burning garden rubbish. A mound of this ptttoad round each ,pl"nt, extending, I. four inches or five inches up the etems, will keep the base of the plants perfectly safe in a severe winter. 1 It is not necessary to .place this round the plants till I'tbefr-osfhss set. After tLe first nights of frost one ellin .move among the jpilants cleanly, and when the frost has disappeared tike charred matter may be levelled, and will 00 00 it the plants during the r sum Iller. Standard Tea Roses, if any are grown, In., be sheltered with a little dry Bracken thrust through the 1 head, or open sprays of Yew tied to the stem of the Rose, so that the feathery spray checks the wind in its passage through the branches. A mulch of dry .Bracken over the roots of any jplaat not absolutely .hardy in our climate will often <sa*e its life in A -seveM winter. A little charcoal matter placed round .Carnptions and choice Pinks after frost sets in will 'check its lifting power, and similar treatment will be ■beneficial to bulbs and other fresh-planted things. Planting and turfing operations may be carried on as long as the weather keeps open. Worn-out shrubs may be deared away and the ground trenched up for ibettef things. FRUIT GARDKST. 1 Old Apple or Pear-trees of superior kinds which "¡d'6 healthy may be regrafted next March with good kyids and be rapidly conert.ed,in profitable trees. But it is useless to regraft old, worn-out trees; fetter grub them up and after making due preparation of the site plant young trees. Those trees which aro I reserved for grafting may be sawn off by-«nd-bye a little above where the final cuts will be made for the grafts. Those: Who want to have a well-stocked fruit- garden should buy a few maiden-trees from time tp time and train to the required shape to fill vacancies, or a; small plot of ground may be given up the raising of a ffruit-trees. Though raising seed- ling may not be a paying business, seedlings do very well for stocks to work good kinds upon, either by budding or grafting. No fruit-grower,, should be satisfied with anything but the best, and though many of the shy-bearing fruits are excellent when they do bear they are npt protitableu all conditions and circumstances. To a large extent the fruit-grower has to select the varieties to suit hie wi ,climate. Some sorts, will do will do well in many places, such as the Victoria Plum, the Codlin among Appléà, pitmaston Duchess among Pears, and Sir J. PaxtoR among Strawberries. No one can do Wrong in planting these. VBGBTABLE GAKDSX. To a large extent the winter season prepara- tory time for the next cropping period., Land that has been deepened and exposed to the Atmosphere not liter than February is in a better conditipnpor crop- ping than when sealed up and perhaps covered with weeds. This is an extreme case, of course, but the more land is worked in fine weather the better its condition. ThD, during winter the cropping of the next Season has to be arranged with due regard to rotation of crops. Of course gardens cannot be cropped with the same exactitude as a farm on the Øtur course system. StiH, it is as well to bear in mind as much change as possible should be given, so that root crops and green crops should feftoweacrh other with a certain amount of regularity but above all things, beyond even the neoessUy for any particular rotation, is the necessity for digging deep and putting in manure suitable for the crop immedi- ately following. If severe frost come,, whioh is amt unlikely, Celery will require protection. Cauliflowers and early Broccoli mast have shelter, or they will perish. Lettuces and gndives, when hi. grewa, will beaa much frost. Dry materials should be pitted o»er them.

WHICH of Stiakflspear's characters suit a stinting ■nn ? Lear, with a strong dast.

HOME RINTS. HmirrBCJW comes from indigestion, and can often (remarks Janet," of the Evening News) be cured by taking in a glass of water half a teaspoonful of bak- ing soda, a pinch of powdered ginger, and half a tea- spoonful of powdered rhubarb. HOARSENESS can be relieved immediately by allow- ing a small piece of borax to dissolve in the mouth. It can be cured if the patient keeps silent and swallows a little glycerine from time to time. HICCOUGHS can sometimes be stopped at once by squeezing the left wrist with the first finger and thumb of the right hand. SPRAINS will be rendered less painful if bathed in very hot water or covered with cloths wrung out of very hot water or cold water and spirits (half and hall). SUEr will sometimes come immediately if a hot drink is taken. This draws the blood from the head to the stomach. In serious cases a hop pillow (made of one pound of hops) is excellent, having many of the good and none of the bad effects of drugs. A BURN can be relieved by frequent application of powdered charcoal to the injured part. Now that the winter weather has fairly set in, and so many people in our variable climate suffer from rheumatism, readers may be glad (a writer in the Rural World says) to know of the following simple and tltHcoorous liniment. Beat together the yolk of one egg, two tablespoonfuls each of vinegar and tur- pentine, and one tablespoonful of acetic acid. Keep in a well covered jar or bottle. INFLUENZA need not be the deadly malady it i s leaving such serious and disastrous consequences behind it, if we would only take it more seriously in the beginning. We do not take pains enough to stop its beginnings, partly because we do not recognise it. Sometimes it shows as sore throat; or with intense pain in the limbs; another time with terrible frontal headache, or in its French form as la grippe"—that is, in its old form of diarrhoea and sickness. Any and all of these forms are accompanied by high temperature, and the excessive and sudden weakness which is its peculiar mark. In any oase bed is the right place, and a diet for a few days of nourishing hot slops (hot milk being a powerful restorative), the right food. Patience, warmth, and lying still will do far more at this stage than any drugs; thus, hand- kerchiefs, &0., sprinkled with oil of eucalpytus, are a great relief to the patient's eyes and head, and pre- vent its spreading toothers. WHEN cleaning silver it should never (advises Spare Moments) be rubbed with flannel or cotton -cloth. When not used it will become tarnished if exposed to light and air therefore, to keep it in good con- dition, each piece should be carefully wrapped in white tissue paper. The plated ware will assume a dignity treated in this manner, and will always look bright and clean. WASHING MEN'S SILK TIM. The lining should ^always be firmly tacked in place before washing. If this is done it will not ruck up, as it would otherwise do. spoiling the appearance and rendering the tie more difficult to iron. FLUSHING m8 KITCHEN Sum.-All sinks where dishes are wished, greasy water poured down, or 'water in whidh vegetables have been boiled, should have a thorough flushing with hot water, followed by cold witter everv day; HAIR WAsn.—When your hair is dry and lacking in gloss, it -should be washed twice a month, using in the water (which should be fairly hot) a yolk of an egg, a little .powdered borax, and half a teaspoonful of baking powder. Rub the egg well into the scalp, then >rinse most thoroughly. This will be found an excellent remedy for dry hair. MAHMAI.AIVR TARTLETS.—Mis two ^ounces ofbread- crumbs and two tablespoonfuls of marmalade in a pint of boiling milk; beat up three eggs, melt two ounces of butter, and add all to the milk, &c., with sugar to btflte. Line patty-pans with short crust, then half fill with this mixture, and bake till set and the,pae»ry is done. Sift caster sugar ever, and serve. DUCHKSB PUDDING.—Mix a pint of milk with an ounce of cornflour; boil up; add two ounces of sugar and two tablespoonfuls «f crumbled sponge- cake. Beat sill well together, and when cool add four well-beaten eggs and half a glass of sherry. Decomte a mould with raisins^und citron peel, and steam 'the ,piidding in it for am hoar and a'half. Turn,onland serve with custard sauce. CIIEHSK BISCUITS.'—Place four ounces of Parmesan cheeseand four ounces of pastry fiotir in a basin. Add a little salt, and a small seasoning of cayenne. Rub intotthis two ounces of butter, and make into a stiff dough with the yolk of an egg. Roll the pastry out, thinly, cut it into rounds with a cutter, prick with a fork, and bake it in a «owl oven till crisp. Keep these biscuits in a tin till quite cool. GROUND RICE CAKES.—Beat the whites <of four eggs to a froth in three and a half ounces of lump sugar/rolled and finely sifted. Then whisk the yolks of the eggs thoroughly. Whip all well together, then etirincttrefulty about three ounces of ground rice, two tablespoonfuls -of orange or rose water, the rind of two lemoM, grated. Thoroughly beat all together for fifteen minutes. Bake inygreaeed moulds in a quiok oven. Apple JAM.—3Jo each pound of apple pulp add the strained juice of a lemon, the grated rind of half a SeviUe orange, and three-quarters of a pound of caster sugar. Stir, and simmer for fifteen minutes. Put the jam into ipots, and tie them down the follow- ing day with parchment covers. POTATO SOUP.—Put about a dozen peeled potatoes and six onions into a saucepan of boiling water. When boiled setft ipour away the water, rub through a colander <or coarse sieve with a wooden smasher, then add milk, pepper, and salt, and a piece of butter, making the soup fairly thick. With this croutons of bread, browned in a hot oven, should be served. FRESH HERRINGS.—This fish is most appetising if properly prepared. T.bey should be taken by the tail and the scales rubbed up towards the head. This will remove them without impairing the fish; then roll the fish in flour (oatmeal if preferred); fry them in pure salad oil, and when done lay them before the fire to get dry and crisp. Serve up with lemon-juice, cayenne, aad brown bread And butter.—L&ucUm Journal. CHEAP SMRQII Cake.—Three eggs, three cups of flour, two cups of sugar, half a cup of milk, -see teaspoonful of <cream of tartar, half a teaspoonful of soda, lemon. Bake quickly. A REMEDY roa SPASMS.—To cure this distressing form of malady, take twopenny worth of camphor and infuse it into one pint of brandy. Let it stand forty- I eight hours, and then it is fit for use. When the attack comes qR., take one teaspoonful in a wineglass- Jul of water. To MAKE Arrtn Jsaaxr.—Take two dozen golden pippins or russets, pare them, and cover with water; boil till the apples are reduced to a pulp, then strain through a jelly-bag, and to every pint of jelly add one pound of sugar. Boil it for a quarter of an hour, add a little lemon-juice, keep it boiling, and skim. Try a little in a plate; when it sets it is boiled enough. Foa chapped hands use glycerine and good olive oil, in the proportion of two parts of the former to four of the latter. After this has been well rubbed into the hands, and allowed to remain for a little time, and the bands subsequently washed with Castile soap and trepid water, a belladonna and collodion flexile should be painted on them, and the protection I allowed to permanently remain. HADDOCK TOAST ANO EGGS is Always popular at a late meal. Lay the flaked flesh of a cooked smoked haddott on squares of buttered toast. Cover them with thin slices of buttered toast, and place in the Oven to get quite hot, while you break three or four eggs into a small saucepan, with some salt, a good pinch of pepper, and two ounces of butter. Stir over a moderate fire till the mixture has become smooth and rather thick, then pour it over the toast and serve at once. ROAST SUCKING PIO.—Scald it; put some bread- crumbs, age, pepper, and salt inside and sew it up. Skewer the legs back; lay it to a brisk fire till dry. Rub the pig over with butter; dredge flour over it; scrape off the flour with a blunt knife; rub it well with a buttered cloth, and take off the head while at the fire; then take it up, cut it down the back and front, lay it. in the dish, chop the sage and bread very fine, and mix a little flour and plenty of melted butter. It may be served whole, in which case the gravy should lie poured into the sauce, and it should be garnished with bread sauce and currants.—Spare Moments.

< 'Y d, TYPICAL TIFF. No tea ready ?" "You always want tea just when you see I'm busJ with baby." And you always want to be busy with baby just when you know that I'm coming home to tea." V Well, I should think you could wait a minute or two, when you see what a difference it makes to me." Apparently I have to wait an hour or two—that seems to >be the general rule. If six o'clock doesnt suit you for tea, why in the name of wonder don't you alter it, and fix it for half-paet, or seven, or any otksrtimeyoq like, only, for Heaven's sake, do keep to it when you have fixed it. But every day now it's the sime th/n^—' tea at six, tea at six, tea at And then t'm kept waiting for it till five minutes toiseven, or Ifwn&JpM* JkAd if I say a. single word, you grumble and say that I'm so unreasonable, and so cross 1" So, you are. You are cross and unreasonable. Why in the world need you have come blustering in like that, just when you knew I should be putting baby to sleep? In another five minutes she would have gone off nicely, and I could have taken her upstairs, while tea was being set. You never care a bit how tiled one gets, and how one's arms ache, nursing the dear little soul. All you care for is tea, tea, tea, just to the exact minute." Well, why in the world need yon turn this room into a nursery every afternoon, when you know that I am coming home at six o'clock? There's a com- fortable nursery upstairs-wily can't she go to sleep there, and then I shouldn't disturb her? You cant expect a man always to walk about on tip-toe in his own house. However, she's wide awake now—let me have her to play with for a little while, and you ring the bell and see about tea." Now is it likely? It would be nine o'clock at the very earliest before I could get her off, if you were to excite her now. I don't know what time you are likely to get your tea, as it is—"I shall be at least half-an-hour settling her—you've roused her up so already." "confound it all! Then 111 go without tea!" You needn't loenfound it all,' and you needn't go without your tea unless you wish to. I shall take the baby away, and you canning the bell and have the tea brought in. You'll have to have it by yourself, for I-shan't be ready, but I don't suppose youll par- ticularly trouble over that—it's your tea, not your wife that you are always in a hurry for now—it always used to be the other way—your wife you wanted, not minding about your tea. But times have changed." So has my wife. For she always used to lore looking after me, but now she is always too busy." She isn't. She does love looking after you. But J'ou are so exacting and jealous, you want all the ooking after to yourself, and seem to think that the baby doesn't matter at all." And you seem to think that the baby wants all the looking after, and that I don't matter at all. I don't suppose youll think it matters much if I spend my evenings at the club, so that you can look after the baby without interruption." •She est alone that evening, thinking things over, ami musing after this wise—" I wonder how soon he'll come home. I'll have a lovely supper ready by the time he does. But if he has gone to the clpb it wen't 'be any use, for hell have supper there. I wonder why I have grown so cross and irritable lately. I wish I 'hadn't let him go like that. It isn't so very strange after all that a man should like to find his tea ready when he comes home tired. And it it quite true, all heeays. I "always used to be on the look-out for him, and I never let him find me not •ready for him before by came. Little precioUB And it isn't her fault. But I can't help her waking up at the wrong moment. Men are so unreasonable —'they seem to think babies can sleep to order—that they ought to wfcke up like alarum clocks, at the time you set them for. Well,there's not much of the alarum clock about <our baby, unless it is an alurum clock that is permanently out of order—she certainly wakes one up pretty effectually too. But she has never yet, even once, woken up at the time her daddy appointed for her, and I don't suppose ehe ever will, so what's 'the use of worrying? "I don't know what to dÐ-Im sure I try to de my best. But I can't bear to leave her to a young nurse when I hear her crying. As for friends- well, of ccurse, there are her aunties ready enough to help me, >and'her bwo grannies who simply idolise her. But then, I never can make myself believe that anybody-else <ban mAage my biby. "But, oh dear, this is rather dull and dreary. Charlie spending his evenings at the club, because I'm cross, and because he's ciross too. I never thought being married was going to be like this—I thought 'he was going to pet me, and coax me, and be a devot.edwonm.,per at the shrine of all my fancies, for ever and ever. Breaming dreams, and seeing visions, is all very well, as long as you're engaged—. but you «oon get disillusioned after you're married. The dreaming doesn't last long after that, and the visions dont come true. I wonder why the world goes on marrying and giving in marriage—we all get warnings enough, and yet wean go on justthesame. Each one of us says: Oh yes, but then, my husband won't be like that ease will be quite different from the ordinary run of marriages—mine will be a new and improved edition of marriage!' Bo we all think, poor fools that we are; and we get married, and we soon find out, that we might just as well have profited by the universal experience, and believed the popular doctrine, for my' husband turns out just the same as everyone else's husband after all, and my' case doesn't prove itself the noteworthy excep- tion we flattered ourselves it was going to be. I wish he would come home, and Jet me make it up. I'll tell him that I didn't mean to be so eross, and that I'll be quite punctual to-morrow. How slowly the time goes, but it's getting terribly late, and the little special make-up' supper will be quite spoiled." And he. He spent the evening at the club—but it wasn't very successful somehow. There were so few members in. The evegjngpapers were dull. The billiard play was popr- The cAe/ was not in his usual form, and dinner had been no treat. He couldn't get absorbed in his boofc—he supposed be was tired. Somehow, everything seemed awry, and he felt rasped all over. Every^ now and then his mind kept going bacjc l^his she certainly had been aggravating.' Jt.^as bad enough to keep a man waiting for his ^meals, biik to argue with him when he was hupgrv-—no wonder^ couldn't keep his temper. jSpt still, yes, he certaifflj had been a little harsfy \So. doubt slra was tired, perhaps it was true that fie didn't consider how a 1,t won't go to sleep, *sears one out; nor how tiresome,it must be to have it\f9used upragain just^at thectritical moment, Besides, too, he had noticed that the had been looking a Jittle over-strained and Worn-out lately, perhaps, she wanted. a change-pit-was a long time since she had any sort of a holiday—how stupid of him not to think of these things sooner, instead of letting theM drift jnto" su% eftreqgpjt. & Well, he would séW abut it to-morrow, and make arrange- ments to ^tak^. her off somewhere atonce. He wouldn't imjpntient. anofheritim^ and then per- haps things would run smoother. But still, of course-well there's, no use dwelling on it—better forget all about it, and go on as if nothing had hap- pened, and treat the holiday as if it had come in the natural course things. One can't always be living at a lover's high pressure of sensationalism." At last it was time to go home. What! Not gone to bed, Edie? Tears, too, land not had supper? Why, it's nearly eleven o'clock!" I was waiting for you. I wanted to make it up, because I was so cross just now, but I won't be late again." Don't be so absurd, child. Crying' over that. Why, Edie, we can't go on for ever being sentimental lovers, we must settle down into practical people at last. Don't think any more about it, and I won't either. I had supper at the dab, so I shall go on upstairs. You had better have yours quickly, and come too. Youll make yourself ill, sitting up so late." She had supper by herself. She would have pre- ferred to leave it and go on being a sentimental lover, whose misery affects the appetite. But then, be had said they must leave off that kind of thing, and settle down—and it's very dull being a senti- Sental lover all by one's self-.o she choked back the tears and the lump in her throat, and tried to swallow her supper like a practical person."— Marion ElUtton, in Pearson's Weekly Extra Christmas Number.

DE BUYER "If your Florida orange grove is as profitable as you say, why do you want to sell out for a mereeMg ?" De Belief: Well, the fact is, I | am a little tired of oranges." "Tired of them?" "Yes, I want to live where I can change off on beef- steak and potatoes once in a while." ROAMING JOURNALIST •• j hear that the present: owner of the Daily Blowhard is a rioh old snoozer, who made a fortune on hams. Does he ever writ. anything worth reading?" Blowhard Man: "Yon just bet he does. He signs the checks." 11 MRS. SHARPTONG: "I fear my husband's mind it affected. Is there any sure test?" Doctor: "Tell him youll never speak to him again. If he laughs, he's sane." j HUSBAND; "What was that you were paying, my dear? Wife: Did you like it?" Huaband: It was lovely—the tnelody divine, the harmony exquisite!" Wife: "It was the very thingl played last evening, and you-said it was horrid." ttusbnnd: i Well, the steak was burned last evening." j

ART AND LITERATURE. THE chief prize-winners among the Royt Academy students this year were Mr. F. M. Bennett Mr. G. W. Bayes, and Mr. H. C. Hide, who took the three gold medals and travelling scholarships foi painting, sculpture, and architecture. Mr. F. Apple- yard secured both the Turner medal for landscape nd the prize for a design for a decoration, Mr. A. G Ackermann the Creswick prize, Mr. Cowper the medal for a cartoon, and Miss F. E. Chaplin and Miss H. E. Thomas the medals for drawing the draped figure. It is worth noting that Mr. Bennett. Mr. Bayes, Mr. Cowper, and Mr. Ackermann re- ceived their preparatory training at St. John's-wood Art School, whence have come of late years many of the students who have made successes in the Academy schools. WHILE Lord Rosebery is studying the lives of emi- nent statesmen of the past—we mentioned his forth- coming book on "Chatham a fortnight ago—some- body, whose name we are unable to give, because We do not. happen to know it, has been studying his career from the cradle to the present time. The first of a series of articles on Lord Rosebery appears in the Woman at Home for January. These articles, when completed, will, we are assured, form by far the fullest biography ever published of any living celebrity. The life will deal with Lord Rosebery's personal as well as his political career. And, while no legitimate source of information has been neglected, the narrative will consist to a great extent of matter which has never appeared any- where in print. Research has formed only a small &nd secondary part of the writer's task. A nnique collection of pictures accompanies the letterprese. Great interest will naturally be aroused as to the authorship of this life of Lord Rosebery, but we understand that the identity of the writer is—at least for the present—a strict secret." If the work is all that we are here promised we may be able, in the excitement of its revelations, to find some consolation for the mystery of its authorship. In the first instalment, which deals largely with Lord Rosebery's ancestry, and is profusely illustrated, one of the most pleasing passages tells of Lord Rose- bery's first speech, delivered at the Scott celebration of 1871, in giving the tout of "The Ladies." He in- cidentally declared his opinion on women's franchise. It may fairly be argued," he eaid; that no rights ue required by those who possess an inherent prerogative to govern men, and that no Legislature can give them a suffrage worth having who are accustomed to receive the suffrages of all man- kind." THE speech of Sir Edward Poynter on the occa- sion of the prize distribution at the Royal Academy, was interesting on acoount of the wholesome advice it contained as to the methods of work which are best for students to follow. His plea for a technical system that is sure and straightforward and not likely to tweak down when tested by lapse of years, was well irorthy of attention, and was marked by sound judg- ment. His attack on Velasquez, whom he found to be lacking in invention, and on Van Dyck, whom he pronounced to be brilliant rather than original, may, however, seem to modern art lovers to be somewhat heretical. It was certainly inspired by convic- tions very much opposed to the present day point of view, and possibly was exaggerated of set pur- pose so as to make more emphatic his advocacy of such painters as Nicholas Poussin, and Claude, as subjects for study. As a purely technical criticism, his suggestion that much of the modem painting would in a few years time suffer appalling changes certainly deserves attention. In the Diploma Gallery itself there are some bad instances of the results of indecision and want of system in working; and it can scarcely be doubted that age will not im- prove the generality of the present day work as it has so many of the canvases of the older masters. But where students are to learn a sound system of prac- tice Sir Edward did not say. They will hardly acquire it by looking at pictures in the National Gal- lery, and they cannot be said to have it laid down for them at the Academy as things are there at pre- sent. There seems to be room somewhere for con- siderable reform. JEITETHA'S VENTURE," by Colonel Harcourt (Casseirs)is a fascinating story of the Siege of Delhi, and gives the reader a vivid impression of the life and action within and without the city. The hero and heroine, both creations of the authors' imagination are strongly drawn, and the whole story is told with the real ism and exactitude of the man who relates what he has actually taken part in. It is an unusually vivid picture of an ever-interesting period. BOME complications seem likely to arise over the proposed exhibition of works of art for the benefit of the War Fund. A committee of artists, with Mr. M. H. Spielmann as Hon. Secretary, has been formed to decide upon the best way of carrying out the scheme. But now it appears that Mr. Harry Quilter has been maturing a similar project, only on a larger scale, and be writes to a centemporary advocating his idea against what are precumed to be the inten- tions of the artists. It is a pity that there should be any division of opinion on such a subject, and it is to be hoped that there will be no attempt to organise two competing shows. Either the artists must give way to Mr. Quilter, who claims to have been first in the field, or Mr. Quilter must retire in the face of numbers. The exhibition most likely to secure the confidence of the public will be the one most worth carrying out. AT a moment when all eyes are fixed on South Africa Mrs. Trotter's volume on the homes of the early Dutch settlers in Cape Colony may be expected to attract a good many readers. By pen, pencil, and photograph Mrs. Trotter illustrates three quaint and picturesque buildings, many of which are in all pro- bability destined to be swept away at an early date. Short historical notes accompany the illustrations, and a chapter on the origin of old Cape architecture is contributed by Mr. Herbert Baker, the architect of Mr. Cecil Rhodes's country house at Groote Schuur. The book is in quarto form, and is published by Mr. B. T. Bats ford. MR. MORTIMER MENPES has not often done better work than that which be is now showing at Messrs. Dowdeswell's gallery. The small collection of etchings and drawings which he has brought together there is in every way remarkable. It reveals not only exceptional technical capacity and rare knowledge of the many details of the etcher's craft, but it makes evident also how great has been the recent develop- ment of Mr. Menpes as a draughtsman and as a student of character, and how solid has been his advance in artistic discretion. Brilliant he has always been, but here be shows as well as brilliancy true reserve and masculine decision, a grasp of his art that puts him amonglthe best men of his time. The exhibition, though a small one, is of the highest importance. A NEW and powerful novel which claims the imagination is Roxane," by Louis Creswicke (Cassell's). The characters are well drawn and I thoroughly alive; that of Roxane is a very charming creation. The whole story is brilliantly told. NOVELISTS offer us many and varied reasons for believing in their books. So many thousand copies sold, letters from Cabinet Ministers, praise from the pulpits, are but a few of the evidences of rare quality presented. But one of the freshest and most in* genuous we have seen for a long past is contained in a (printed) letter from a novelist, who assures us that Mr. Principal Librarian, has permitted me to give his name as a reference with respect to the sterling character of the story. The tale is one of high tone, dealing with war, love, and adventure." Is the time coming when we shall ask and receive references to the characters of books as we now do with regard to servants ? We may shortly expect to receive some such letter as: Dear Sir (or Madam), Yr. (or Miss) Fyers has referred me to you with reference to the character of his (or her) novel, A Lurid Night.' I shall be much obliged if you will kindly let me know whether the book is honest, straightforward, and careful, and whether it may safely be entrusted to young children." THE late William Simpson was reckoned during his life as one of the ablest of the many men who have undertaken the arduous work of the special artist. How justly he was entitled to the reputation he en- joyed for quite nnusual capacity is well proved by the exhibition of his sketches which is now open at Messrs. Graves's Gallery in London. These draw- ings are not less remarkable for their technical excel- lence than for their vivid realisation of subjects and scenes chosen primarily because of their illustrative fitness. They are handled with delightful certainty and force, they have often great beauty of colour and charm of atmospheric effect, and they are drawn with minute exactness that does not, however, dege- nerate into pedantry. The whole collection is fascinating as an artistic fact, and has besides an atmosphere of sturdy individuality that is most uncommon. In the same galleries there is a group of agreeable pastel drawings-portraits and figure subjects—by Miss Eva Withrow. They are mostly rather slight in handling, and are here and there little weak in design; but on the whole they succeed in pleasing, because they have a certain elegance that is sufficiently sincere to give them a touch of dis- tinction. Their manner is frankly decorative, but they show little real study of the solid facts of nature, so that they are open to the reproach of being superficial; yet their affectations are inoffen- sive, and their mannerisms not unintelligent. They are, in fact, essentially feminine. I

A MOKOPOLT is a good deal like a baby. A man is Opposed to it on general principles until he has one of his own. WHY is a young lady dependent on the letter Y? t Because without it she would be young lad,

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FUN AND FANCY. ) LoVERS wonder, they confess, j Why loneliness makes people sigh, < Their time of greatest happiness. Is when there is nobody nigh. FIRST TKAJdP (in the road): Why don't you gt in ? The dog's all right. Don't you see him waggin | his tail ?" Second Tramp: Yes, and he's growlin at the same time. I dunno which end to believe." TICK a NT (who has complained of water in the cellal I and leakages from the roof): "I certainly adhert 'I to my original decision that until these defects arc remedied I cannot pay any more rent." landlord: Then I must give the order to have you put out ou the pavement in the morning." Tenant: "Thanks I have no doubt it will be drier and more sheltered there." IN the morning, even fastidious people get up and I put on cast-off clothing. •'Tins." remarked the physician, as he counted Oil the quinine pills, is a bitter reckoning." IRENRY: "CFf course, it is no businass of mine. but f since you have changed doctors the neighbours have • noticed that your wife have been constantly growing worse." Slapford: I know, but then this physician is ever so much cheaper than the other." GKEEKK: "Miss Longhope always expected to be married some day." De Witt: Well, her dream has partly come true; she has eloped." Greene: "Why. I heard she became insane." De Witt: J Yes: her imagination ran away with her." i COUNT What ? You won't have me for a son- I in-law because I have no debts ? What do you mean by that ?" Capitalist: "Very simple. If I, don't have to pay your debts you won't have any respect for me as your father-in-law—and I don't want a son-in-law who's lacking in respect." ] IN childhood he clung to the bottle I And his was the pinkest of toes In manhood he clung to the bottle, And his was the pinkest of nose. HAVE you heard from your son in the Transvaal, Mrs. Perkins ?" Oh, yes, indeed, Mrs. Jones he writes regularly." And is his heart in this war ?" I don't exactly know. I judge from what he says that it is in his boots most of the time." KNOWALL: That hammock has a history." In- quirer: "What is it?" Knowall: "It has been through six seasons at the seaside with the Upjohn 9 family, and not one of the girls is married yet." EYE-; a good doctor may go from bad to worse. POLICEMEN don't need to go to a laundry to get their handcuffs ironed. THE BRIDE (rapturously): "Oh, Jack! isn't every- thing jufct lovely?" The Bridegroom (devotedly): Yes, dirling-and arent'you and I just everything ?" MRS. DAPPER: It does seem to me tha oMisa Rinkles is for ever making bread she was kneeding a batch just now when I called there." Mrs. Snapper: "Umph! She's been needing a 'bach* for the last twenty years." MRS. HABDUPPK John, the butcher we had when we lived at the other end of the town has found out our address. He called with that last year's bill, and was very impertinent." Mr. Harduppe (hotly): Impertinent, was he ? Well, now, we'll just let him wait for his money." Mit. WHITE," said a lawyer to a witness in the box, at the time these papers were executed you were speculating, were you not? Yes, sir." "You were in oil?" "I was." "And what are you in now ? Bankruptcy," was the solemn reply. Six into four you can't," as the shoemaker mildly suggested to a lady customer. JoiiNxy, did you take your cough medicine regularly in school, as I told you P" No, 'm. Johnny Budds liked it, an' he gimme an apple fer it." SYMPATHISER Oh, dont't despair! If your wife has run away with your friend, can't you forget her?" Hit: Yes, I can do that; but my poor friend-to think what he's got to endure." Af its. JONES: "Your son Thomas sick? :I'm sorry to hear that." Mrs. Greene Yen. The poor fellow was out painting the town, as I have since been informed by young Slater, who lives next door, and I'm afraid the smell of the paint was too much for him. His stomach is not very strong." WilEN my pa wouldn't let me go to the ball," said a merry young lady, 1 just set to and had a bawl at home." THERE isn't much difference between a grasshopper and a grass widow, after alL Either will jump at the first chance. BORNTIRED: You're werry fond o' beer, aint you, Weary ?" Weary: Of Well. I thought I was till a feller offered me a keg if I'd carry it two streets." ASSISTANT Here is an ugly old hat of the season before last. What shall I do with it?" Milliner: Put a ticket on saying, Latest Parisian model,' and hang it in the window." MAYBE they call ships she" because thoir mates are men. KISSING may be unhealthy, but nothing risked, nothing gained. WHEN does a budding young damsel burst into bloom ?—When she becomes the apple of somebody's eye. HO.IAX "Doesn't your friend Upson Downes imbibe rather freely ?" Dixmyth Well, I should sav so. Never knew him to refuse an invitation." MOTHER: Instead of beating the cat, Willie, I wisli you would amuse yourself with your doll." Will ie: Yes; but when I beat the cat he howls, and the. doll doesn't." YOU'RE a dead beet," a tramp said, when he shot a sherift". You artichoke," tne crowd said, when they caught him and then they choked him. FEW men can handle a hot lamp chimney and say there is no place like home at the same time. BILL Gill wouldn't think of fishing on Sunday.* Jill: No; but he'll sit around and lie about it, all the same." DURING a thunderstorm, two dogs, that howled dismally at night, were struck by lightning and killed. Howling dogs should cut this out and paste it in their kennels. BONKS Who was the greatest financier ever known?" Exchange: "Noah; because he floated his stock when thewhole world was in liquidation." HE: "I'm thinking of proposing to you." She: I hope you will postpone it awhile." He: Why J" She "I don't know you well enough yet to refuse you." WHAT'S that ?" asked the rich man, who was buy- ing a few paintings. That's Pegasus," replied the e-zaler. Pegasus, you know, was a winged horse." Send it back to the artist and tell him to put the wings on an automobile, and I'll buy it," said the rich man. THOMAS This wireless telegraphy is a great thing ?" George: I don't know; if my wife gets it I'll have so many bundles to carry home that they won't let me ride on the tramcar!" I HEAR," said the man wbo was hotel hunting, that no one can live in this place butdoctars. xon are wrong," responded the native; I liTe hen and I I am no doctor." Indeed! And "inight I ask what you are?" I, sir, am an undertaker. I'VE asked you to be mine, he said, And I have failed to win you. ? You say you'll be my sister.^ There t No kindliness within you. Ali, ves," she said, I mean it weR. Does not the Good Book plainly teB: Let brotherly love continue ?! Lrrru Bar: Mrs. Brown, mamma wants to know if she could borrow a dozen eggs. She wants to put 'em under a hen." Mrs. Brown: So you bite got a ben about to sit, have you ? I didat know you kept bens." Little Bov: No ma am we don t; but Mrs. Smith's going to lend us a hens that s going to sit, and ma thought if you d lend us some eggs, we'd find a **st oursdves." No," said the armless man, I have not 1M my hold upon life. I am still able to toe the mark." I "I HAD a few lines from Maud this morning," she wid; but I don't believe a word sWaajs." Dis- counting her note," he suggested. Yon wumeii hjfc very readily to business ideu." FATHER SIMPKINB and his wife arose with the one morning to discover that put of the washing that had been left hanging out overnight was missing from the lines. '• Silas, I jes' know it's the work o f them tramps that passed here." No, it wasn't them, j Mandy," replied the old farmer, with a knowing shake of his head. If it had been dottt by tramps they wouldn't have took no towele." i

AMERICAN HUMOUR. JOSH BILLINCS wrote: The resolute make their own terms with umuand with things. Don't let an opportunity slip; opportunitys are bard to made and seldum happen. Borrowers and beggars are haff brothers. Accidents are usually another name for careless- ness. It iz impossible to flatter the man who never flatters himself. Most wimmen would rather be admired for their duty than be respekted for their sense. Ekonomy iz nothing more than good sense applied to the affairs of every-day life. The desire to be captain izthe strongest desire of the human harte. When brothers fite, then cums the tug ov war." Too mutch religion iz just az bad az too much OT ennything else. We are told that virtew iz its own reward, and we kan see that wickedness always iz. The more a man knows, the less he iz an unbe- leaver in ennything. If yu kan't say ennything good ov a man after he iz dead and gone, don't make a buzzard ov yourself and disturb his remains. Sum people are not happy unless they are in pur- suit ov sumthing impossible. The lowest seat may not be the most pleasant one, but it iz generally the safest. MAGISTRATE "You are charged, sir, with dragging this young woman, forcing her into a cab, and driv- ing like mad to the ferry." Prisoner: Y-e-s, sir. I live in the suburbs. This morning my wife told me not to dare to come home without a girl, and I dido\ know of any other way to get one." Magistrate; 111 take this young girl home with me and place her under my wife's protection. I live in the suburbs myself. You'll have to catch another." Mm. Loimcntt Such a time as I do have get- ting the children off to school every morning. Schools begin at nine o'clock, you know, and ita dreadfully early to have breakfast." Caller: But doesn't your husband have to get his breakfast before that?" Mrs Lounger. "No, indeed. He's an agent of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Child- ren, and the matinees don't begin 'till two o'clock you know." Mys. SujauaB: "No more milk? What's the matter ?" Gardener The cow has stopped givia* milk, mum." Goodness me! Why ?" He cause she's dry, mum." Then why in the world dont you give her a drink ?" AH," exclaimed the youth, we have fallen upon evil times! What is there left for one who is over forty, nowadays?" "Well." the old man replied, "he can put in his time after trying to become as great as he thought he was at twenty." Do you believe in the observance of the goldee rule?" Yes. I always like to have other people keep it hi mind when they are dealing with me." This insult," said the British statesman, cam only be wiped out in-" Blood ?" suggested his secretary. "No; v land. But I fancy you had botter not put it in the speech just that way.' Now tell me," said the visitor to the penitentiary, if yon had had your life to live over, don't you think you would choose a different road ?" "You bet I would," answered the prisoner. I'd take the road through the woods, and they'd never catch me." FIRST CHICAGO GIRL Are you making much pro. press in tracing back your family tree?" Second Chicago Girl: dew, yes I Why I've already get back far as mother's first husband I" r INFANT SCHOOL TEACHER (giving an object lessom on sugar): Now tell me some of the things that sugar is used for." First Young Idea: "To put in rice puddings." Second Y. I.: To put in tea." I, S. Teacher: That's right; but sugar is used foe other things." Third Y I. (knowledge radiating from every pore): Teacher! I know—to put into sugai* basins." 11 Hi's vegetarian, is he Oh I the strictest kind. He won't even eat oyster plant." Is Lucie in love ?" She must be. She calls the twilight the gloaming." NEWELL LITTLE: "Dudham isn't very brilliant.* Newsome More: Brilliant ? Why, he's considered a fool even in the smart set!" Do you like fiction?" Well, I generally enjoy my husband's letters, whether I believe them or not." ARTIBT Now, give me your candid opinion of this picture!" Critic: "It is utterly worthless.* Artist: Yes, I know your opinion is worthless, but I am curious to hear it, nevertheless." LooK at this! They've discovered liquid air.0 The men will be happy now, I suppose; theyl drink it instead of breathing it." HXAD WAITER Shall I send a waiter to wait on you, sir T Guest (who has been waiting in vain for thirty minutes): I am compelled to request this ex- treme privilege, even though I know it disturbs your system." MRS. GoBBI I think it very strange that your friend Dobbs never married." Mr. Gobbs: (%, you don't know Dobbs. He isn't half such a fool ae he looks." CALLER: I would like to see your mother if she isn't engaged." Flossie (aged five): Engaged I Why, mamma's been married ever since I knew her." SENATOR BoRGum had been doing his best to carry on a conversation with the extremely sentimental girl, and was becoming disooursged. She was gazing through the window and exclaimed: See those dis- tant stars. Did you ever pause to think that they may be worlds ?" Yes, I believe I have." And that they may be peopled with beings that hope and struggle as we do ? Ob, did you ever think of those people?" No," he answered, "I never thought of them." Turning abruptly, so as to face him, she ex- claimed: "Why not?" The senator thought for -a moment and then answered coldly For the simple reason, miss, that they don't vote in my district." IT is strange how you can spot them if you watch for a little," said Bobson. Now, I am absolutely certain that this girl in the sailor hat—see her coming along? Im sure that she is going into the pawnbroker's!" They were standing at the corner of a street; the shop in question was a few yardn down on the other side. Now watch. See how stops near the .door and hesitates. She's looking round to see if any one is taking stock of her move- ments. She thinks it's All zkht, and she darts in. There, didn 11 tell yon so F' How do you manage it?" asked Slocum. I can tell them every time." continued Bobson, never failed once yet. Here comes another, this young fellow bustling along. He doesn't need to look at the numbers; he knows the shop well Yes, in he goes! What did I tell your It seems marvellous at first," said Slocum, who had caught sight of a carriage coming down the street; but it is ivery easy, after all. I could do it myself." I don't think you ean," returned Rob- son, rather huffy at the depreciation of his ability. I'll bet you that I can," said (Slocum. See this earriage? Well, 111 bet you ten shillings that the occupant will go into the pawnbroker's. That bsefct your performances to fits." Done!" The two men watched the carriage, which to I&obson'a surprm stopped at the establishment with tb* three brass balls. The occupant alighted and ogwsd- o. Well, you've won that fair enough," awaimed Robson, "and I'll pay up like a man. Lot's CO in here and have a drink." I shoaM lifts to know bow you could tell that the man is the earriage would go in,* he said, five minutes low, when he paid up, and they were discussing sof* lipoid refreshment. I'm pretty good at it edmit, but I could not do that." it's snoogh," remarked Slocum, in- differently, as he nniAea his glass and made towards the door. Xou see, 1 knew that the occupant of the carriage was the proprietor of the shop."

WHY >< drunkenness like a ragged coat t Because We a bad habit. I WHY is a fretful man litf a hard baked loaft? ildil- (pose he in crusty. WHY are fixed stars like jisns. ink an paper 1 BK they are stationary. WHICH bird was a famous English architect? Wrenn. How high ought a lady to wear her dress ? A littifc higher than two feet. WHY is a dog biting his tail like a good economist? Because he makes hotheads meet.