"A FRIEND OF MINE." Travellers who have gone "far countries for tlv see say tha.t they find hnmau nature pretty much the s'tme all the world over. They find wide variance in eolonr of pkifl. ic phys; cal contour, in mental charncteiisticB, h it in tbe PB- sential elements that control social conduct, the h man family is a brotherhood. The law, unwritten, found in no statntc hof>'r. 0> forced by no court decrees, but having on iufh. circumscribed only by the limits of f, sp.-w. i< the law ef kindness. Atnong peoples where crnelty to no" kin0 almost a fixeil habit, who are end as friends scarcely le^s to he dreaded, "h natures revel in fi.>nr?i3h atrocities, tjhere vet lingers the spark of divinity which lifts hi an above lh-» beasts. Sorrow meltr. the human heart wnpt'.v" fro"nd, "rd sympathy mineles it3 tears with grief ;¡!J the w< over. Where pitv does not dwell, there hv^s no t}..ip\! of htiman kind. lf is "the touch of nature that make., the whole world kin." What a terrible world this would be to live in were it not for the sympathy and shown us when sorrow come?, for it is tilit in all liv--M "some days must be dark and dreary." The thousands of voluntary testimonials which th- proprietors of Warner's Safe Cure have received i •> reaard to the efficacy of that remedy, reveal tl »• "touch of nature" in a peculiar manner. Tbe :n'f majority of them P-knowledtze that it was thr%ij!» some kind friend who, in pity for their sufferings, l»n >. made known to them the wonderful merits of this grpat remedy. The testimonial of Mr William H. Pearce, of 45, St. Anne Street, Liverpool, is a fair sample. For months; hewasgre-tly troubled with terrible pains in f,~ ■». small of his back, and was constantly obliged to I\t from bis duties. He ha.d no appetite, fo-d being ob- noxious to him, and his mouth in the m-ain!" tasted greasy, and hi3 tongue was thickly ccat^d. He ""1\- snlted his medical man, wboinforiiied hiri tbithe wpq suffering from kidney disease. He made use of the doctor's nrescriptio* s. but did not imrrow '.N t, Inst," he says, "a friend advised'me to trv Warner SaV. Cure, which I did. and eontinned tikin" ;t regularly, according to directions, for some thiw* months, with the result that to-day I am pe'-fe-t'y cnred man, and have none of the distressing s\mp- toms fiom which I previously snffered. How many men there are to-day in the wot-ld rOllniting ont lives of usefulness, making the worhv hapDier and better, who would have long since pas-el" to the other shore, had it not bpen for the )o\!n". kindness of friends shown in the practical way mertioned by Mr Pearce. This great remedy, of whose merits people from sill, qnsrters of the globe bear willing testimony, i" r sale by all chemists, at 41; fid per hottle, or can be Yi>vd. direct of H. H. Warner & Co., 86, Clerkenwell Road^ London, E.C.
YSTRADYFODWG LOCAL BOARD. The fortnightlv meeting of the above Board Wq" held on Friday afternoon last, at the Public OWi<•»•«?. Pentre, when there were present:—Mr J, Davies, Brynfedwen. (chairman)^ Messrs E. Evans, E. Witti- %ms, S. Smith, D. Evans. W. H. Mathias, T. Griffiths,, E. H. Davies, J. Davi,q (Portb), 3. Havard, W. Tax,, and D. W. DftviM. J.F. A letter WM read from the Merthyr Board saw-t- ing the advisabilitv of the various Boards who oppoi-eA the Bote Dock Bill amalgamating in employiti £ » oonnsel. T This was tmreed to. the clerk remarking that in "It' probability there would be no necessity for emplovin-t counsel, but still as a precaution it would be well to- make an arrangement. „ „ It was explained by the clerk (Mr W. H. _Mor«-;<V: that owing to tbe death pI the late Mr Lewis Di^'ia^ Ferndale. it wonld be necessary to appoint sr»meb<>dv in whose name £ 2.000 wortb of consols belonging to. the Board should be held in trust. Mr T. Griffiths remarked that inasmuch ai Mr D. Evan", Bodrincallt, was the late Mr Davis *P- resentative, and. as M*WEvans was an old and faithtul member of the Board, it would he a graceful act on-, the part of the Board to appoint Mr Evans himself. Mr E. Evans bad great pleasure in seconding th-.t proposal, remarking that the Chairman, heinR the other trustee, would act in conjunction with. Mr- Evans. It was resolved that Mr D. Evans be appointed. Graigdda Road was wrdered to be taken ove- by the Board. Four tenders were received for the construction rf pavements at Yttrtd Rhonddt. that of Mr Wililimov, Mathias, at £980 9s 6d, being accepted. Mr E. H. Bevies presented the report of the finance* committee, which stated that cheques for wages and| salaries amounting tof289 161 5. had been signem that day. Mr D. Evans proposed that the Board meetings int fntnre commence at three o'clock, remarking that it was a pity that the finance committee, who, as now" were going oat of the room to do their business while-, the Board sat. It would he better for the finance committee to meet half-nn-hour previously, so as tnfc give them time to transact their business before the, meetings comm,-neea. The Clerk was instructed to employ the necessary persons to assist the returning officer at the forth- coming election. Mr T. Griffiths moved that the Surveyor Be ibstrnc- ted to report on the condition of North Road, Porth,. and *f constructed to his satisfaction that the Board- should take it over, and if not that the Board tthe- the matter in hand under the Private Improvement Act. He believed that the people had already At- tempted to pni the road in repair twice, and 1* any- thing was necessary it wasowm^to their ignorance.- as to what the Board really required. This was agreed to.
FRAUDULENT REIOYAL OF GOODS AT PORTH. At Ystrad poliee eoort en Monday fbefore- the ytip«rdiary, Messrs J. Da»i*s, and T. P. Jen-, kirs.) Mra Glbby was eharjy»d with this offence. Mr D. W. DavWff said on Tneaday week last he* was informed that defendant had cleared away the- furniture at three o'clock !n tbe morning from a house his property. He went with lDspeofr>rv Jones and saw a lipht, which was immediately pnt. out. There were £ 3 rent dne last January. rr"'n: daughters were in fctie shop, but they i^fuseA trK give an account of t.h<5 goods. The furniture Wdt worth ,£12. Another quarter would be dne next. Monday. A distress warrant was issued for £ 15, and ioo, coats.
CORRESPONDENCE. [We do not bold ourselves responsible for the opinions of oar correspondents.] LOCAL BOARD ELECTICI. To the Bditw of the Chronicle. Sir, wnen I opened your edition of the- Chronirle for Satnrday March 24th, and s-»w njfc a idrees fro-n 3Ir Jabe* TCvoma, setting forth hjp p Iiey in the Local Board in case he 118 elected it- t e impending sttugcle I felt rather grieved. I; have been sskinr myself the probable reason for I- not publishing a short explanation of his future policy. Certainly it eannot be the want of terms? f .r he haa a rattling array of that cl*ss of aseful. servants, b it shr old he in dove-tailing then*_to- gether quarrel with Dr. Syntax that is very im-. material for him personally, as that is the rw¡1, and not the exception with members of our Local B'ia Cs. It is a dingerona policy these days to, 0 act men as nor representatives QD, Boayds with ft Carte Blanche. W en a candidate commits him-, self to a certain policy on the one hand hie con-, stitoents can call him to a -c nnt if he sworv. < from his policy, while he on the other can face the people as a mnn of integrity in case he keep* his preorsea. T have h ard enquiries made by- i r itepayrrs who sympathise wib Mr EvtBN 'to. the course he would lake to prevent future H>iga- ition .rod unpleasant dealing* with onr fellow— r townsman. For these and other reasons I won] U ask Mr Evans to at once publish an addreae, I statinp in as lucid a manner as possible *h« 000*0 he would adoet if elected or. the B-iard. e Y 0.'8, & l A Neighbour
C41\ I1\ 0\ G10BGFS IHFAHTS POWDE I ] Brynhyfryd, Aberavon, Glam., Jan. 31, 1887. SIB, Three years agJ one of my little boys, who httd been convoked for hbout seven weeks, was ^Uoice given up by the doctor attending, when, as a last resouice, I telegraphed for a supply of your Powders. The effect of giving him one was indeed marvellous, n less than twelve hours he was free from fits, and has never had one since. I needu't tell you I nlwaye keep a stock in hand, and should feel obliged by your sending me another packet -stamps enclosed. Yours faithfnlly, R. W. LLOYD. Mr B A George, &c. GPiNICKS' OF TEE PEiSS. BABIES IN HEREFOROSBlItE.- Tbe Registrar- Oeneral, in hie recently issued "Quarterly returns," refers to the fact that the Dumber of deaths of in- "&mtB has been far less in Herefordshire than in way other oounty, being only 65 out of every 1,000 "Wrths registered, while in other counties it ran fcom 154 tc 180 per thousand. This great local cÐ1,QOO JKJKii Aiittu Will be paid to any person that will prove the above powders contain A Thousandth Part of a Grain of Opium in a Ton of them- The Proprietor guarantees them perfectly harmless to the youngest babe, and that they are more active than any in the market, one fair avd unprejudiced trial will convince the most sceptical. Read the remarkable and interesting testimonials around each packet. "For Fits, Convulsions, ndammation, Looseness of the Bowels, constant Vomitting, Bronchitis. Sm ill Pox, scarlatina, Measles, tevers, and all the roubles while Teething, they will be found invaluable if given according to the special directions around each Packet. PROPRIETOR AND INVENTOR- B. jSL. Manufacturing and Dispensing* Chemist, PENTRE and TON, Rhondda Valley. blessing h ■■■■ I Herefordshirs mothers giving their infant* "George's Infants Powders," or Europa LIft Preservers." of which one chemist alone in Here- fordshire (Mr P. Rtlph) selig more than all otie: babies' preparations put togetber.-llerejd'!Î Journal. MR B.GEORGE'SMEDICAL PREPARATIONS.— With all the advantages of wide publicity, article? in them- selves worthless can have no enduring hold on the public; bat if they be of value, then it onh requires to make them known in order to creatt and maintain for them the advantages of public demand. This has been the case pre-eminently with Mr George's Medical Preparations—r.otablj his Eoropa's Infant Powders, which have tounc their way throughout the United Kingdom, the English Colonies, and the United States, and are appreciated by all heads of families who admiuistei them to their little ones. Mr George, havine found a remedy for the many ailments incidental to infante, deserves the acknowledgement of the public for his enterprise in making his preparation* known, and we are glad to hear that in addition to the gratification he most feel by the Many testi. moDials he receives of the efficacy of his Infants Powders and Cough Balsam, his commercial re ward is secured.—Merthyr Teleprapk, May 11,1887 MW MUSIC SHOP ■ £ PONTYPRIDD. NEW HIRE SYSTEM FOR PIANOFORTES FROM Kb MONTHLY. 1THOMPSON & SHACKELL, LIMITED, P QUEEN'S BUILDINGS, CARDIFF. Ac., Ac., &e. NEW HIRE SYSTEM FOR AMERICAN ORGANS FROM 10s MONTHLY. THOMPSON & SHACKELL, LIMITED. # NEW HIRE SYSTEM FOR HARMONIUMS PROM 10s MONTHLY THOMPSON & SHACKELL, LIMITED. LARGEST AND BEST STOCK OUT OF LONDON TO SELECT FROM. .J.V.. Catalocfve iriih rhoioorapfis fwd fully datmled particulara, sent, post free, on application- THOMPSON AND SHACKELL, LIKtlTED, ,SS,A-FF ST., FOHTYPE-IDD h -0.- A..B~»List of BAKU AIMS FN* CA?n j published Tuning orders promptly attended t.4,, ^GiiAiSD Display of SPRING FASHIONS ) Queen Street, Cardiff, are NOW SHOWING :t,' "1- ALL THE LEA JUNG NOVELTIES f r .1 'f '1 ,• XN v ■ Hanties, Jackets, Costumes, Millinery, Straw Hats and Bonnets, Laces, Ribbons, Gloves, Hosiery, I 'Dress Materials, Washing Dress Fabrics, Black and Fancy Silks and Velvets, Sunshades and Umbrellas. ALSO THE VEKY .Best Valae in Every description of Household Drapery y p I A VISIT KESPECTF ]JhhY SOLICITED. > 0; l I '*ATTRB*S POST FREE. TKKM9 CAS IT. —I t ME OIC A Ij ADVISE (Beautifully Illustrated). Post frree v >lh unJ /or > ej (W«, (antkr covcrj, f) *'«»']>« ID 'JL'W ILLUME ip: D I POM W"*B* M.V, 82, WARI8CHAL ST., ABERDEEN. THE PACKET MEDICAL ADVISER. Successes. «»* otU.r <*»'* A boou to iwll do77< iu; 1 cure »tauut, w- Mttse to phytic or tbe family doctor.—Medical N. • A coavtry jwmn writes thrYonr Guide feta cared ami y»r*stfW*> Spupkiikks should procure this h<*oay Referea Ailments, and thus avoid dootors1 >W ud 9bje9tioaabld rojdiciuu.—G<xr;etf»e 'jf Vide—&1 Adviser. » jilt; THE PUHL(C HEALTH I Is of HI" utiDoet importance. Nothing citin )>-e- neiv^ it lik-, ij UOtUtll' bwoou Pats. Try « H«x of tMt-m fctio y >n wül he Cl nviuoed of their marvellous iofluenci- t..r all Mood, SHn. "nd Nww oisenw. Prio* l«. 1 > 1- Od., and U. 6.1. Of ail Tnedkiij; v<eniir»B. OADBTIRV diroot fttt«ntif»n tt. tue Dutch Cocom aiul ut'ier Kn«?li*h itmUtions sr. c Mpnre Cocoa, t., which th mt4 per etlt. of M'tti. Md other tk^ent-; are t > «i*e app^ant svra th to the lfcfior, bv rn%k»n4 it tv d%rk caloor. ,1 Uv9 a m»v b d-t«ct»'d by «»•« ooeut wbwi » ia w frenhty opeiiel. No G >•* «•"» be rtronaer ti-va ,(Jiv« bnry n which is (Ju.vratilJO'l A^SOjpUTKLl l'"(VE • ^ONSUMPTIOII; <It; have a positive temt dy fur the abeve disease; by it* >49 /nHiKinds of case* of tl»e worst kind aud of K>ng etond tuvf i>eeu cured. Indeed, wo stK'nj ia my faith in iti efliuiMfl tn it I will «end TWO BOTTLE FRBE, togetiuur tn It I wiU ænd TWO BOTTLE FRBB. togetiuur witb. VALWAULB TKK.VTISB on thi. t» any euffen» Oive Addi«>» ia full. Da. T. A. 6UX>OM,9tghmTimO^ Btraet. rm. INFANTS' POWDERS, Marvellous are the effects of "GEORGE'S lIP INTS' POWERS" Upon the Infant System. They are not only the very best and safest Medicine mothers can give their little ones during the anxious period of Teething, but they act as a certain Specific for Fits, Inflammation, Bronchitis, Diar rim, Small-pox, Scarlatina. JeaJles, etc., etc. Sold by most Chemists, in paokets, 1/11. or from the Proprietor, B. GEORGE PENTBE, PONTYPRIDD British School, Tetrad Rhondda, Nov. 17th. 1878 Dear Mr George, Please(aocept my moat sincere thanks for the Powders that you sent me, for l really consider that they have saved the life of our little Maggie, who had ail the symptoms of Convulsions, whicb began to abate in LESS THAN AN HOURAFTEJB 8HE TOOK THE FIRST DO-SK. I beg most heartily to commend them to every mother aa the best medicine 1 nave ever seen used. Yours obediently W. G. ROWEL). .IIFAlTr POWDERS. 243M m BaKtvosimiBB.—9%b 240bom 6tnenM»ia Ui ceeeatlj 10 ml PMmi, refers to the hot tot the aimi of deaths of in* lasts has bees hr loss in Hereford* ahire tUn ia esy ediar eoanty, being eaW oat of every thoasand birthf MgiatMad. while fa other ooantiea it ran from t66 to 180 per thoosaed This |Nu| local Messing is largely doe tOthc^eoeral praoticaof HarefordBhira mothers irlving their iafants "Grouse'* r Im^trcs' PvWoSKS," of which one ch» mist alone ia Herefordshire (i4r P. Balpb) sella more thm aH othar babies' pre para ftfou pat Cogather. • The above an a few of the many thoasand exfreeaioBs of the pnblic as tar the onhmseal esteem in which they an held by an who have tested their nndonbted power upon infants aud f onng ohiMtea* IVFOSTAHT.—The Proprietor wisbes those that give wi eSOSSZ'S mTAITTS' POV7?S?.3 ) a trial, to eaderstand tbat the firat dose often prodneee voaititing, this I most not alarm them; it is «n!y a I proof that the medieine is prodaeing hopefnl aifaeta. ^AOTIOW.—When TO* ask for GSIEGE'S INFANTS' POWXEES "ef't tb&t yuii ppt them, as other y ctwp hot nnrtltless bc' e tnny be offered hy ttnprincfpled p"r- ties. Kwry oenvine packet has the |»ruprr label, and the In^enter's >>ig- I rjht,ul-. written on the Government btuaij. Potior.—The title G20ESE'S EvT ANTS' TCWZZ&S | ia c*|«yright, and regiscered under the Trade Marks Act. 8.. Avoid mi) Soothintr fi^nps and HO. Willed Ptttrdere cmtaiuiat; i >titi rn tliey kill icore infafts UIOD all tLe dioeuaee put together. StJld IHI rrtnxf C.'her>iiutf> '.nf-l e, Vertihw tverjiirhrre* tit 1/1 i per packet. I THE LATEST MARYEL Mr k. A Gaftiton,- Si>,— H« t(uod Kaomirh to ferwaK m* another tfroas nl y< ai Balaam,' the sal» of which i« ravi«4t* ia«raastag ia this diatrict; ,1. I h*v aevar knowe any Cu. tuat has se atiatrb oblaisked sreat a »*le, «ad given IMS nniveraat ■ausUenaa. I dtor 8ir, Voara faianfnlly, i'HiudP RALrm siab Taw a, 4m«nat *7 1*79 I ADVEHTISJB IN TTIK firBOKKLE
JfOlt THE LITTLE FOLI,i-& OLD SAWS IN RHYME. An honest confession is good for the soul; As thin as a rail, as black as a coal. A hen that is setting will never grow fat; As wise as an owl, or as blind as a bat. As the twig first is bent, so the tree is inclined; As many opinions as people we find. Better wear out than rust out; the under dogs kidr Bmptv waggons make most noise; Tom Harry ana Dick. A lick and a promise ill news travels fast; If you're not rich at forty your chances are past. The harder the storm, the sooner it's over; Bo just before generous; living in clover. After storm comes the calm it takes two to fight; Blessings all brighten when taking their flight. Between hay and grass; there are tricks in each trade A game's never won till the end of it's played. Every man's his own doctor; clothes borrowed doal fit Brevity always the soul is of wit. j Birth may be good, but good breeding is more; Afraid of your shadow don't stick in j~our oj*. Poverty makes for us bed-fellows strange Hanging's too good for him sweet is revenge. j Never swap horses while crossing a stream; Always by contraries goeth a dream. By rogues falling out honest men get their due; By distance enchantment is lent to the view. Jack of all trades but a master of none; Conscience makes cowards of every one. There's nothing so bad it cannot be worse; To some people money is only a curse. Unadorned beauty the most is adorned; Home's where the heart is; forearmed is fon. warned. There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the Hp; The little leaks often will sink a big ship. Blood's thicker than water; all cry and no wool; A proud heart is made by a stomach that's full Many go out to shear and come home again shorn j All's not gold that glitters; a man's made to mourn. It takes two a bargain to make; sour grapes; Taxes and death are what no one escapes. > WEIGHING WITHOUT SCAI.KS. An Indian writer relates an intonating anecdote concerning Shajee, the father of the Aist ru!i:n,' prince of the Mahrattas of IIiudo<ian, who lived itt atxuj the beginning of the seventeenth century. On <■!», occasion a certain high official made a vow that lie woald distribute to the poor the weigltt of his own elephant in silver money; but the great difficulty that i at first presented itself was the mode of ascertaining what this was; and all the learned and clever men of the court seemed to have endeavoured in vain t<; construct a machine of sufficient power to weigh the elephant. At length, it is said, that Shajee came i forward and suggested a plan whiafe was simple, ami yet ingenious In the highest degree. He caused the unwiekliy animal to be conducted into a flat-bottomed boat; and then, having marked on the boat the height to which the water reached, after the elephant had weighed it down, the latter was taken out and stones substituted in sufficient quantity to load the boat to the same line. The stones were then taken to the scales, and thus to the amazement of the court. was ascertained the true weight of the elephant. ehctim'S BMTTS. The black bear ia a hybernatirtg animal, going into its den—which generally consists of the taoltow of a tz-ee or a cave in the rocks—about the middle of October, and remaining in an apparently sound sleep until the first of May, not having a mouth- j ful of food in all that time. Yet he comes out in nearly the same condition as he went in, but looses flesh rapidly on leaving his den. The young are brought forth about the middle of February, generally three at a birth, and are nursed from that time until they leave the den, Vdthout the old bear taking nourish- ment, but supporting her young on the stored-up fat of the autumn before. At the time of leaving the den the young are about the sue of a fcur months' old kitten, ahd follow the mother wherever she goes. The onlytime a black bear will attack a person, as far as my experience goes (says an American backwoods- man) is when the young are meddled with, and then he is an ugly customer. Bears are go<*d tree climbers, and generally come down backward, but sometimes adopt a. novel as well as expeditious way *f cotfcing down. They will swing under a limb, Irunaj. up their backs and drap to tit" ground with a tremen- dous thud, without siTsfaivueg the toast injury. I have seen them drop in that war from a limb forty fHot. from ttte ground, and not eren stop to take breat-b before loping off at a rattling gait. And this reminds me (continues the same writer) of another popular error in regard to them, and that is that they are slow- running animals, when the facts are, that unless tln-y are uncommonly fat. there are but few dogs that can eutrun them. If a dog were so very unlortunate as to overtake one, he would rep-prit. of his temerity, as a 1 single stroke from the paw of a bear will kill the largest dog. The bear will fat ahnoxt any kind ot flesh or fish, berries or small fruit, green corn or .Is, toads and frogs, as well as various kinds of roots aud nuts. I have seen them feeding upon raspbrjTy leavet with apparent relish. They are also especially fond of black tints, and will gnaw away at an old log for hours for the purpose of getting at a colony of these insects, ^ey are particularly fond of honey, and will suffer aiijmmount of stinging.to obtain it, eating and grow ling, but never beating a retreat as long as their appetite holds out and the feast of honey lasts.
SP»;A* ?V<; at a Conservative meeting at Hampton, Mr. Ashmead-Hattlett said the main characteristic of the present Ministry was that it was a Government of order. It was, in fact, a Government; it ruled and administered it did not shuffle, wobble, and sur. J render to foes abroad and anarchy at home. Lord Salisbury's fiovernment was restoring order in Ire- land, and it was giving protection to tl»e honest and loyal against tbe eutragemonger, the extortioner, ths I boy cotter, and the assassin. I I 1 FIBST young lawyer to second: Rumour has it that you have a client. Can I borrow him ?" Second lawyer: Sorry, but have already loaned him to Smith." PA," said Samantha to Deacon Bodkin, u what was that story you were telling at^the post-office yesterday afternoon ?" Oh, nothin' much," said the deacon. It was about some of his pranks when he was a young man, 111 be bound," said Mrs. Bodkin. Oh, do tell us!" chorused the girls. Wal," said the deacon, it was when I was just about one and twenty, an' I was down to the grocery one day a talking politics with the boys, when in comes Black John." Who was Black John ?" asked the girls. Wal, he was a curis old Mlow, as black as the ace of shovels, as the fellow smd. He was a character, Black John was. He used to drive a grey hoss about a-peddlin'. He was almighty proud of that hoss, and he bragged that he could beat any hoss in town a-trottin'. Wal, Bill Trent, him as is Square Trent now, was there, and he bet Black John a gallon of mollasses that he could beat the grey with his roan mare in a race to the corners, round the old red^chool-house an' back. Black John tuck him up, and the bosses were saddled and brought round. Black John liked his gin pretty well, an' while he was filling up, one of the boys got One of them," said Martha it was you, I believe." One of the boys," went on the deacon, got a clothes line in the grocery and tied one end to the ring in the back of John's saddle, an' hitched the other end fast to the feed trough in front of the grocery. One of the fellers went up the road a piece and dropped his handkerchief for a start, an' they went off together. Black John gave a yell and dug his heels into his horse's side with all his might. The next minute there was a spill. John fetched up with a yank fit to take his head off; the saddle girth broke; the hoss slid out from underneath John, laid his ears back and tuck to the woods. John, of course, came down all in a heap in the road. We all ran to help him up, and to unfasten the rope and get it out of. sight. But he scrambled up before we could reach him, and shook off the dust and said: Golly! If my hoss hadnt stumbled I'd a won the race ehuah!' You'd orter be ashamed of yourself, deacon," said Mrs. Bodkin, "that you had a part in such a thing, and I dont see how you can laugh at it now. I do hope, girls, you dont never play such tricks on nobody. But you are both as bad as your pa." WHEN you see a man wheeling a baby carriage, you may know that the baby it contains is his first one. HE was a great, beefy, vicious-looking man, and she a pale, thin little woman, with a dejected, brow- aeaten look. She walked timidly, meekly, and obediently behind him as they entered the officc of a lawyer in company with a real estate buyer. The beefy despot was about to sell 10 acres of land, the proceeds of which he would put so far down into his own pocket that the meek little woman would never see a dollar of it. She had come along for the privil- lege of signing the deed. Here, Sary Jane," said her lord, you sign your name right there on that line." "Bill." she said slowly but firmly, "I aint goin' to." "What!" roared Bill. I ain't goin' to, liili-at least not jest yit." u You put your name dowu thar now, quicker, nor wink." Shan't do it,' Bill." "Lookee, here, Sary Jane, you know me!" An' I'll make ye acquainted with me, Bill Jasper," she said, sweetly. 44 Lookee here, Bill; ye hev heerd of wo'ms that turn, aint yeP" "hoohee here, Sary Jane, if you doa^t—" Of Well, Bill, I'm one 0' them wo'ms. Bin, you're goin' ter git fifteen hundred dollars fer that land, ain't ye ?" That's nothin' to you." If Haint ? Now lookee here, Bill Jasper, not—one—single—little— scratch of the pen will I make until I've had my thirds o' that money ceunted out to roe." Sary Jane, what do you take me fer P" Count 'em out, BiU-500 doCarril give the name o* Sary Jane Jasper to that dockymiDt." He ncged, be roared, he swore, he shook his clenched fist, bat the turned a wo'm' never even flinched nor spoke, excepting to say, Count 'em out,, Bill." And when they were counted out, and he had boasted of the surety of having them an back again before night, 6ary Jane walked out, saying as she did so, Ta, ta, Bill. When you git home you'll find my dude an' most of the other things, an' my two cows goue over to my paw's, an' I'm goin' there too an' lookee here, Rill, dont you ever dast show your face there—dont you do it, rtill. Let me git holt of you once, with paw an' maw 'an my brother Buck to back me, an' I wont leave enough of you to scrape up on a shingle. That's the kind of a turned wo'm youi Sary Jane is. Ta, ta, Billy." SAMOO was up agam before the magistrate. if oat birings you here this time V asked his worship. De pTiceman, aah; de same what brung me heah last time." I mean what did you do ?" 441 was just passin' a shop when I struck my head agin a ham what was hanging by de dore. I tuk de ham down to put it Rnmewheres whar It would be safe from folks bwstiu'dar brains CIGt agin it. when de fust I knowed a pliceman tried to get de ham away from me, and becase I woumnt let the ham go he jess brung me along too." rom A CUTTTUT sentenced to be hanged in America escaped recently, but was considerate enough to send the sheriff the following letter, which explains itself: —•• Mr. Sheriff.—Dear Sir,—Please allow me to tender my regrets and say that, owing to pressing I business elsewhere, and too much very good health, I will be unable to be present at the hanging on the 33rd, which you were so kind as to arrange for my benefit. "Believe me, it would afford me great pleasure to grace the festive occasion, knowing that I should occupy the post of honour on the stage and in the attending ceremonies. I feel sorry that, owing to my unavoidable absence, it wiU not be the success which could be desired, and am egotistical enough to believe I shall be missed. At first I intended to be there, and expecting to be called upon for a speech at the opening of the entertainment had gone so far as to prepare one. I am pained to think that it will be like the play of Hamlet' with the ghost gone. You might fill my place with a more deaervingman, and let the little social event proceed. Am sorry I cannot lend a hand, but any way, go ahead just as if I were there. Believe me, as other great men say, I shall be with you in spirit.—Yours, SACS. BBOWNK." YorNo man (to waiter) t "Waiter, I want some roast turkey. Give me the outside slice off the breast, a nice large piece of the liver, and, as I am hungry, you might bring me both second joints." Waiter Yes. air; anythin' else ?" Young man (contemplatively): 1, YM, there is something more I intended to order. Lot— um>—see." Waiter: 441 guess it must be the earth. Jlow'il you have it cooked P"