The Pontypridd Chronicle and Workman's News

F AMERICANISMS. WANTED—BOARD FOR TWO. I believe," said Lawyer Cutely to bis wife, th; "that yon have full and complete charge ot •*r household hHairs ?" iiii t no ruler of an empire has a. more difficult, or trying tusk. These hired girls are •nougb to take the heart and soul out of you." "I di.»■!i!;e to invade your jurisdiction, my 4ear/' in his most judicial manner, out then? i.s> 'Hiin}?' radically wrong in y-.ur mai: .I am net. rightly -ij«ut'mte*' i of one kitchen giri 11, another jI'iis constant change domes- tic i i (y, I and inferior serv.e. Son- u," if: irw take charge of ".¡;, tb.«? tor -i ¡ dH> tili ondt.-rs --i r.iight<-ned Vil." (ini.i could I:.><•<■» 11 more iriv. v i • *iii ved hy the lr-df»oiue CI; • ■ I olijcct to y" 1 r cnf'.Tt;i.i!i.rig yur be >n the l<i<ci.cn every ni^ht,' ( lie kw v. < <■, ••niii- he Mud l.iken reiiuiu.uj. T ;'■> ic,• of y. u," wns ivt.'v," hut Jim i- !.))' ellllllJrv an' 1:1) vd lie Won (1 too bashful like in Lis" parlour, air Cutely recovered his breath dillienlty and retired to out n phil o;.reign. Next day his wife incidenlally r^nn ted a bior crush in the china, closet, a. neglect to the cloti.es to the, laundry, a burned balcli of bi.-e.nit and the top of the raii^e' shattered through an al tempt to liui-ry iip tije, lire hy the use oi tTn-ene. » I II soon stop that kind of biieiness," de- the lawyer ominously, we can't r.fTord to Ijn. ii.Hi out, to wear soiled (-i-e- mate onr bread supply or lay in a new stock of china every time we want to entertain. Then he bounced into the kitchen, told Jane not to handle a tiling that she could break without a hammer, charged her for ev erything that had gone wrong, alld her with the law if she didn't do better. inext morning there was no one to get breakfast. He ex- pressed himself as relieved, and hired a big raw-boned woman whom he was sure could do all the work. The first time he called her to account the picked him lip by the collar, whirled him around till he had no idea wlieii he was, threw him into the centre of a flowel bed in the back yard and made him go to thl front door to get, in again. Cutely prompt! I resigned, and tells his wife that they will gi to boarding whenever she feels like it. PREPARING FOR THE FUTURE. I'd like a leetle bit of information," be Wtid deferentially to the big policeman. "What's the trouble ? Somebody been try- ing to sell you a gold brick ? "No. I'm from the country, but I done live so fur back thet the newspaper can't git ter me. I don't ask fur no pertection. All I want is a name and an address an' then me an' Rufus here'll go 'long about our business an' not bother nobody, ner let nobody bother UI." Who's the party you're looking for ? I wanter find a good music-teacher fur Kufus." you going to do; put the boy in to grand ope I know it sounds funny, an' I don't blame yer fur laugh in'. A good scheme nearly alius sounds funny, an' makes people laugh tell it's understood. I ain't been a-readin' the news- papers fur nothin', though." Has he a good voice ? Wal, it's wliut yo'd call an active an' will- ing voice, though 'taint much fur tune. But there's no tellin' whut it may come up ter. The trouble in this here country is thet folks don't look out for posterity enough. Ye're alius readin' about city property thet some- body bought fur a song. My ancestors tier lived here fer ginerations back an' ef any oil ,am lied been able ter sing we'd her had corner lots an' four-story houses. But it's better late than newer an' I'm goin' to git Rufus the best mingizf teacher thet money kin hire so thet ef any o' them chances ever comes his way lie kin blaze ahead an' deliver the goods' an' •finch tlie bargain right on the spot." k a A HAPPY MISTAKE. "It might not always be pleasant to be taken for some one else," said the man who ■"WM asked for an experience, but in my case it was tlie most delightful incident of my life. Yon see, it happened in this way. I was going to visit an interior town of sftme sire, and my neighbour, old Jo Peters, who was rich and I grabbed and eccentric, but not a bad sort withal, asked me to call on a sister he had living there. I ain't seen her in twenty years,' he said to me, and like enough she don't care a picayune whether she ever sees or hears of me or not, but I'd kind of like to know how she's ftrai, since her husband died, a spell ago. Ydfi might just skirmish round and see how the land lays.' "When I reached F. the western town in which Peters' folks lived, I attended to my business first and then to call on his sister. Now I am not in the habit of using cards when I make a call, like swell folks, but I had a business card and it struck me it would be about right to send that in to the folks and wait in the parlour to see what came of it. Well, such screeching and shouting I never heard in my life, and I began to think 1 had struck a lunatic asylum, and a few minutes later I was sure of it, for three women came rushing into the room and they all began calling me Uncle Jo' and hugging me within an inch of my life. u, 088 at a time,' I said, for though the mother was handsome, the girls were. just peaches and cream,, and it was hard for me to tell them that I was not their uncle Jo. I had sent in his business card instead of my own, aftd that's how they made the mistake. The girls seems to think it a good joke, but the widow was awfully flustrated. However, the nfixt time I kissed her it wasn't any mistake." HIS REGULAR BUSINESS. "I saw yer kiss her," leered the naughty Willie Tenspot, after young Mr. Gilley had stolen a kiss from Willie's sister. "Oh—er—Willie," replied Mr. Gilley, in great embarrassment, "here's a dime. Don't say anything about it, there's a good boy." "A dime!" retorted Willie, scornfully. Mj regular charge is a quarter." A SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION. Distracted Mother (at her daughter's wed- ding): "Oh! Oh! Oh! What, shall we 00 The groom hasn't come, the guests are begin- ning to giggle, and my daughter is in a faint." Friend of the Family: "Calm yourself, madam. I saw the groom only two hours ago, entering the Great Dry Goods Emporium at the corner. He said he had forgotten to get gloves." Distracted Mother (suddenly breaking into wailes): Oh, then, it's all right. He's probably waiting for his change." "to ROMANTIC REVENGE. In Kentucky, a ploughman became enamoured 3f a milkmaid on a neighbouring farm. His addresses were rejected; and the disappointed iwain, full of melancholy ana vengeance, pro- mred a rope-went to the farm—and—tied all I he cow's tails together! Fashionable Doctor: "My dear yoi.g lady, I fou are drinking unfiltered water, which iwarms with animal organisms. You should lave it boiled; that will kill them." Patient: .1 Well, doctor, I think I'd sooner be an iquariiun than a cemetery." Walker: "Nothing succeeds like success." Talker: "That's so; a widow can almost ilways catch a becond husband." Genius will make its way through," as the »Mt remarked when he saw a hole in the ) dkow of the only coat he had. Lucy: "Clara's honeymoon was completely spoiled." Alice: "How?" Lucy: "The papers ( Kmtaiajng the account of tne wedding d><) Aot reach Tier." j In all D isenses, consult the eminent Specialist, Dr BrulrwKter, M.D., U.S.A., 18, Custom House i Street, Cardiff, 11 to 4, and 7 to 9. THE BISMARCK REVELATIONS. I j"tifewvT'.Ms "Pin■ EXTRAORDINARY TRAITS IN THE CP A 11. ACTER OF THE GERMAN STATES VLAN. 'IJ¡' Everybody is naturally impressed by the grandeur of Royalty and the august exaltation of noainas. Yet even those of us who are most 10;:al ..r(- apt to forget the enormous inHue. cc wb eh Kiii.'s ard Queens—to say nothing of Emperors and Fn.j»-es"». es—are still able, even in these democratic to exercise over the affairs of the world. 'Tiv.-ver democratic we may be, we have sc111 to admit that a monarch is a person who, holding a unique posi- tion, can wield even in consti utional countrs an enormous amount of authority. I remember onee, some years ago, says a well known contributor to the "Leeds Mercury," having the privilege of talk- ing to a great statesmm, who had he'd the highest office that any subject in this country can reach. I suggested to him that, in certain circumstances, a particular course was that which it wouid be most advisable to pursae. He assented to what I said, but added one thine;, "Supposing the Queen were not to agree to that course?" It was a mere observation casually dropped, and yet it opened my eyes to the fact that English politicians some- times forget that the Crown is a real power in the State; and whilst it cannot resist the settled will of the people, when that will has been declared in Parliament, it can often in a crisis turn the cur- rent in one direction or another. If one wshes for proof of the fact that our own Queen exercises an almost unequalled influence over the policy of Europe, it is only necessary to turn to the- book which has been published within the last few days in this country, and in which Herr Busch tells us the secret story of Prince Bismarck's life. From those volumes one learns how' incessantly Bis- > marck was oppressed by the thought of the in- fluence of the Queen of England. To say that he hated the Queen, and bitterly resented the power which she wielded, is certainly not to exaggerate the truth. It is difficult indeed for Englishmen, who have learnt to feel so true and deep a respect for their monarch, not to burn with indignation as they read the language in which Bismarck I speaks of her. Yet, all through this record of life, the fact is made evident that the Queen was one of the great hindrances to his policy of blood and iron. And a good thing for Europe and the world was it that she played this part. She it was who, according to Bismarck himself, prevented that I cruel and need'ess outrage upon humanity, the I bombardment of Paris. And again and again it is clear that it was owing to her influence that Ger- many was led to adopt a milder and more humane course than that upon which her great Chancellor would have urged her. This testimony to the ex- tent of the Queen's influence, coming from the lips of the man who was once all-powerful upon the Continent, but whose power seemed to be paral- ysed when it came into conflict with the will of our own monarch, is the strongest that any one could desire to the influence wielded by the Queen. This book about Bismarck is worth reading, not merely because of the testimony which it thus gives to the part that our own monarch plays in Europe, but because of the light which it throws upon the character of Bismarck himself. I sup- pose that he desired that this book should be pub. lished. It is true that he treated his biographer with uniform contempt. If Busch had been one of his own domestics, he would not, indeed, have treated him more cavalierly. But still, unless Busch is deliberately lying, it is evident that Bis- marck made him acquainted with all the secrets of h islife in order that hei might give these secrets to the world. And what a picture it is that we have now presented to us of the character of the Prince and the motives of the man who once played so great a part in the affairs of Europe I Readers of this column probably know that I have never shared in the admiration for Prince Bismarck To me, he has always seemed to be a man who embodied every doctrine that was most hateful— I will not say to English Liberals, but to every person who believes that right and justice ought I to be the ruling factors in the world. Lying, cruelty, odious system of bullying, and an ab- solute lack of scruple, have always appeared to me to be the chief characteristics of Prince Bismarck's statesmanship. Years ago it was my lot to main- tain this at a time when he was held up to the admiration even of Englishmen as a model of what a statesman ought to be. It is a melancholy satis- faction to find one's view of his character so amply confirmed by these revelations of his secret his- tory. As one reads the painful and shameful story in which we learn his duplicity, his malig- nity, his utter disregard of justice and right, it is impossible not to feel thankful that the great man whom England lost a few months ago was as far removed from Bismarck as the Equator from the Pole. The reputation of the Gørman Chan- cellor, great though it may be, can hardly survive the publication of these Memoirs. How different is the case with Mr Gladstone! '"Whatever record leap to light he never shall be shamed." Even if Mr Gladstone had a Busch hanging from his lips, and eager to proclaim to the world every secret of his policy and history, we need have no fear that he would produce a story like that which has just been published to the everlasting discredit of Prince Bismarck.

STKONGEST AND BEIT.-Hulth. FRVS Pare Coneentrated "J' Highee Honours Over 900Gold Med I. Awarded. j and Diplomai.

THINGS NOT GENERALLY KNOWN. WHICH VAGVLTT MOST NEARLY APPBOAO A 8IXTH SENSE ? What is called the muscular sense, or sense of weight. If we regard the senses as merely specialised parts of the nervous system, adapted for the reception and trans- mission to the brain of impressions of a special kind, then this is the sixth sense without question. Indeed, man's senses are regarded by physiologists as six in number, and this one is amongst them. In support of the claim of the sense of weight to the sixth place, physiologists tell us that the muscles have a peculiar sensibility, which is shown in that their nerves can communicate to the mind an accurate knowledge of their states and positions when in action. By this sensibility we are not only made conscious of the morbid sensation of fatigue and cramp in muscles, but acquire, through muscular action, a knowledge of the distance of bodies and their relation to each other, and are enabled to estimate and compare their weight and resistance by the effort to which we are conscious in measuring, moving, or raising 1 them. Except with such knowledge of the position and state of enchmufcle, we could lIot ten how or when to move it for any required action nor without such a sensation of effort could we maintain the muscles in contraction for any prolonged exertion. More obscure, but no less positive, is the sense of equilibrium, located in the semi-lunar canals of the internal ear. It is this which is affected by "dizziness" or giddiness." Among animals and fish the "homing instinct," or sense of direction, certainly comes under the question. It exists in some human beings, but it appears to be diminishing with Lhe progress of civilisation. MARCH OF GKNERAL MONK FllOM COLDSTREAM. On January 1st, lôÜÙ, General Monk commenced that march from Scotland to London which was so instrumental iiieffecliiig the Restoration, lie started with his little army of six or seven thousand men from the town of Coldstrea.m, in Berwickshire—a name which lias been commemorated in the title of a regiment which he is believed to have embodied at the place, or soon after. Monk had spent about three weeks at Coldstream, which was a favourable spot for his purpose, as the Tweed was there fordable; but he seems to have found it a dismal place to quarter in. On his first arrival he could get no provisions for his own dinner, and was obliged to content himself with a qiiid of tobacco. His chaplains, less easily satisfied, roamed about till they obtained a Uleal at the house of the Earl of Hume, close by. On February 3rd, Monk marched through the City and the Strand to Westminster, where his soldiers were quartered, and himself conducted to Whitehall. WHO INVENTED PUNCTUATION ? When was punctuation first invented; or, rather, when was it first adopted ? No absolute date can be given, but it is certain that printing had been for several years in existence before any regular system of punctuating came into use. A straight stroke passed obliquely through the line indicated a pause, and a full-point closed a paragraph. A colon was occasionally introduced, and the Lactantius," printed at Subiaco in 1465 (the first book printed in Italy) has a full-point, colon, and note of interrogation. Improvements by one printer were not, however, directly followed by others, and it was not until about tke year 1470 that we approached to our present-day mode of punctuation. THE MONUMENT'S ORIGINAL INSCRIPTION DISCOVERED. On August 20th, 1876, was discovered in Pudding-lane, where the Great Fire of London commenced, the stone whieh bore the original Knglish inscription that was placed on the Monument erected close by in memory of that event. This great fire covered with ruins 396 acresi extending fro»n the Tower westwards to the Temple Church, and from the north-east gate to iiolborn Bridge, destroying St. Paul's Cathedral and 87 other churches, the City gates, the Royal Exchange, the Custom House, Guild- hall, Sion House, which was then by Loudon Wall, and many other public buildings, besides 13,200 private houses, and laying waste 400 streets. About 200,000 persons were forced to encamp in tlie fields of Islington and llighgate; but only eight deaths were reported as result- ing from this conflagration. The Monument was erected according to the design and direction of Sir Christopher Wren, between the years lo71 and 1677. The pedestal is 40 feet high, and the edilice altogether 202 feet, that being the distance of its base from the spot where the fire commenced which it com- memorates. The staircase inside consists of 345 steps of black marble. It is the loftiest isolated column in the world, and therefore has proved a tempting position for persons of suicidal inclinations. In consequence of these fatalities a fence was placed round the rail- ing of the gallery in 1839. But though this Monument w rightly and worthily erected to eu ii. orate the fire, inasmuch as it led to so iittle loss of human life, and, moreover, to tht: city being rebuilt on more favourable sanitary principles, at the same time the English inscription that the dread and suspicion with wnich Roman Catholics were then regarded etui^ed to be place(I ulkoii it wits, all now allow, & false and groundless accusa- tion. There were three other inscriptions in Ltitin: but it was the English one, cut in 1681, that propagated this slander. The words inscribed were as follows: "This pillar was set up in perpetual remembrance of the most dreadful burning of this Protestant city, begun 4jid carryed on by ye treachery and nialice of ye Popish faction in the beginning of Sept ember, in ye year of our Lord 1666, in order to ye carrying on their horrid plot for extinguish- ing ye Protestant religion and old English liberty,and ye introducing Popery and slavery." The burning at the stake for their religious opinion of 277 persons in England and Wales during the reign of Mary, the repealed plots by priests and other members of the Romish Church to assassinate Queen Elizabeth, which occasioned the execuiion of Mary, Queen of Scots; gunpowder plot, in the reign oi James 1., to destroy King, Lords, and Commons, aU combined to make Dritish Protestants dread Pripery; and even if they did not suspect Charles 11. of being a Roman Catholic, which he Mas in truth, and avowed himself upon his death-bed, yet they knew that his brother, tiie Duke of York, who would succeed him as James 11., was professedly a member of that Jitwrch; aud therefore they had readily elieved in that." Popiflh I"lot," iviiiel, was lily a fiction of Titus Oats and others, but ■yt which the aged Viscount S< .fford was xecuted oil Decern her 29, lbt O, besides ^vwiteen other Roman Catholics..Naturally, >is inscription was obliterated by James 11., though it was revived in the i-eigii of V illiaui 111., to assist in justifying his taking 'te throne of that former sovereign, his t Iter-in-law, yet it was finally, as a ilsehood, rtHltonMlby order of the Common :'¡lIllcil of the City of Loudou on January 26, 8J1. KILLED BY THEMe A remarkable cause of delLth from fright, was one case of the f mous painter Poutnian. He .vas at work in ius studio, where there were I number of death's heads and skeletons, ;ieii he happened to fall asleep. During his "ep there was a slight shock of earthquake, d when he woke up suddenly, lie saw the eletons and skulls dancing round in the satest con fusion. He at once became nic-stricken, and rushed across the room d threw himself out of the window on 1.6 e pavement below. lie died in a few days ter, not from injuries received in the fall, • t from the ner ions shock given by the ncing skeletons, though the cause of the it ivity was explained to him. h., A Roman camp, a Saxon ten.). and three tliedrals have in turn occupied the site of ,I. Paul's, Lotidort. j :>•-

I CLAIM FOR A SHEEP. j I A TONYREFAIL FARMER FINED. ™" At the Ystrad Police Court on Monday (before Mr T. P. Jenkins, Alderman R. Lewis, W. Mor- I-I gan, Councillors E. H. Davies, D. W. Davies, J. D Williams), Thomas Davies, Caecurlaisisaf Farm; Tonyrefail, summoned Thomas Davies, farmer, Gelligron Farm, Tonyrefail, for the loss of a sheep, value £ 2 Alderman T. J. Hughes, solicitor, Bridg end, appeared for the plaintiff, and Mr J. Phillips, solicitor, Pontypridd, defended. The evidence of .the complainant was to the effect that on the 9th I inst., at 8 oclock in the morning, he visited his fields and found all the sheep there. Two hours afterwards he returned and Sl w a dog lying over I a sheep, the latter was dead, and from which I I warm blood flowed. The dog was eating the I sheep. On his appearance the dog ran away. Wit- I ness then went to fetch some witnesses, and on his return he found the dog there again. The sheep I was 60lbs in weight, and he valued it at L2. Wit- ness did not know whose dog it was. Evidence corroborating the above statement was given by William Davies, William Leyshon, and William Goodman. The two latter adding that when the dog left the sheep they chased him and found him on the premises of the defendant. The latter's wife admitted the ownership. When leav- ing the sheep the dog was covered with blood, but on the way home it went through a stream and washed itself. For the defence Mr Phillips said that the sheep I had been killed on the previous evening by another dog, and that the defendants dog was only eating it; it had not killed it. David Edwards, farm labourer, said that on the morning of the 9th he visited the field and found the sheep quite cold. It must have been killed the previous evening. There was no warm blood, it was cold and dried Their worships found for the plaintiff, and the defendant was ordered to pay 30& and costs.

YSTRAD POLICE COURT. 0 Monday.—Before Mr. T. P. Jenkins (in the chair), Alderman R. Lewis, W. Morgan, Council- lors D. W. Morgan, E. H. Davies, and J. D. Wil- liams. Morgan Evans, brake driver, Treorky, was sum. moned for plying for hire on the road at Pentre, instead of on the brake stand on the 17th inst P.C Onions proved the offence, and a fine of 5s and costs was imposed. Alfred Mansel Lloyd, grocer, Pentre, was sum- moned for leaving his horse and cart unattended on the highway at Treorky on the 13th inst. P.C. Griffiths said defendant was in a private house for twenty minutes, while the horse was unattended. Fined 5s. Ann Jones, late of Penygraig, but now of Aber- gwily, summoned her husband Thomas for de- serting her. She said defendant was of drunken habits, and continually assaulted her. Some time ago he left her, and, during six weeks time she hid only received 5s from him. She had two children, j one being four years of age, and the other a twelve month old. An order of 8s per week was made against the defendant. James Hughes, a Treorky collier, was summoned for being drunk on Sunday, the 18th inst. P.C. Griffiths said that on the day in question he saw the defendant at noon lying on the payment near the Cardiff Arms Hotel, Treorky. Defendant was helplessly drunk. A fine of 20 was imposed. J

i- THE BAPTIST UNION. The Autumnal Assembly of the Baptist Union of Great Britain and Ireland opened on Monday evening at Nottingham. Following a reception at the Castle by the Mayor (Mr Alderman E. H. Fraser, D.C.L., J.P.,) and the Sheriff (Mr Coun- cillor A. W. Black), which was very largely attend ed, a public meeting was held in Castle Gate Con- gregational Chapel. Mr G. Hoffmann (chairman of the local Baptist Union) presided, and spoke a few suitable words of welcome to the ministers and delegates present on behalf of the Hospitality Committee and the Nottingham Baptists general- ly. This was responded to briefly by the Vice- President of the Union. The President (Rev Sam- uel Vincent, of Plymouth) then took the chair, and several delegations were received from the Not- tingham and County Band of Hope Unions, and other local bodies. The speakers included Rev G. F. Edgcombe, M.A., the Vicar of St. Petèr's Church whose address was naturally received with much enthusiasm by the meeting. To-day is de- voted to the gatherings of the Baptist [Missionary society.

NATIONAL MUSEUM FOR WALES. CARDIFF ON THE QUI VIVE. j1 At a meeting of the Cardiff Town Council on Monday Councillor Ward moved that all questions in reference to a National Museum for Wales be considered by the Parliamentar Committee. He said the great question was as to the location of the museum, and it behoved Cardiff to watch the progress of events very keenly. Some time ago there was a Government inquiry into a matter which inpiqged upon this subject, but the Cardiff authorities received no notice of it, and were con- sequently not heard before it. Certain bodies in North Wales, however, managed to get notice of the inquiry, and sent witnesses up. Cardiff re- quired to be in close touch with the project if its claims were not to be overlooked. Councillor Symonds seconded the motion, which met with un- animous acceptance.

Messrs Ward, Lock and Co.. Limited, Salisbury Square, London, E C., have just published a beiu- tifuily-iliustrated Autumn Announcement List, which all book lovers ghoul,] write for. It will be sent post free on application

SCRAPS. T J"' -1' i;- ■' i.* i Figg: HI should think you wontit find it. t terrible bore to laan yourself." Eog^Ou the contrary, 1 enjoy it..An 1 have todoistotwk myself if 1 will have a hair cut, a seafoum an<! a.-iiampoo; whether I'll have my moustache (iyeti or curled, and whether I have a razor that waut", to be put in order; and t!it 1 fill in the rest of the time in %it conversation with )ii;,>»if in regard !.<■ ;nl kinds of things which 1 know nothing a In nit. wliv, I yoti, I hardly know the diiler- eiice from being in a h-ir-t^r's I Cttti t see what makes all these American girl* so crazy to marry a prince or no:;i»»thit. of the sort," said Mr. 1 reckon," Mrs. Jason," that they want to sin r of III' III-til tliel ili' about mutiior's cookiif." A' well-knu-.vu millionaire, wim-e nam* ne- I not be mentioned, arriv.->t at .'i»i.ar,u»,»hi'!V the early days of tin^ mining boom, will >. assets !<hvk a till ofcon lrn.^fii nn.k und a n.i1 kle a report, U¡at ":Jl:Ii;p, m way through tile" country, g.ive mr. i h*: it wiio.e c.ii: liity, with his nee.iie and five shillings pnr operation. wealthy capitalist, enj .viiiu (,•» )11•" 1. selling liquors within the picc:nc;s> ui v- Johannesburg Slock Exchange. "There is one thing 1 dont. ui:<it-r~ .n.l ..hout yon, i.i t, :1I;t;:I,'r to t)'e 111. is Lii;tL Every time you see the figure tin. r you call it, "011, that is eagily expiained." It') w ? "I used to be a salcsiuiA in Ll,e deoartment of a boot shop." Minister: "Never learn to swaar, .J ny. A good plan, when you I\re tèlllJi e'] I,. imrsh langirige, is to stop and count Uw. and by thai time Johuny (interrupting): "Yes, and by that time the other fellow will have you licked. A well-known physician tells a good story on himself, lie had just arrived in town not feeling well hatlleft his grip at the h and started out for a stroll about 0 o"cb« we!rill his tr¡H"eIJiug CIl', 1111,1 with ¡lis (' well buttoned up. In the shadow stood a ragged man. 't Look here mister," said he, U I haven't bad anything to eat to-night. Cau't you help a fellow?" "Strange," replied the doctor, clapping iiiin on the shoulder. "I haven't had a inor-t-, either, and do not kuow where 1 will get iuy supper." The tone of his voice had such a pathetic ring that the ragged man was touci, a I. Cheer up, old fellow," be said, stick to me and I will see that you get a good square meal." The physician was now touched, and invited his new-made friend into the beat restaurant in town where the two sat down together and ate a fine supper. A young minister in a country parish, who prided himself on speaking the purest English, told his servant to txlinguiih the candle. What's your will, sir ?'' said Jenny. "Put out the candle," said the minister. A few day afterwards, when he was entertaining some friends at dinner, Jenny asked if she shou.d extiiiguish the cat. "I say," said the regular customer, 1\8 h" stopped at the restaurant cashier's box to p..y for the dinner lie had had," where did you I get that beef that you are serving to-day ?' What's the matter with it?" aggressively asked the cashier, who scented another row. "Oh, there's nothing the matter with h! That's why I asked." in a country town a while ago the local champion liar was brought before the justice for disorderly conduct. It was a plain <n*f. and by the advice of his lawyer the prisoner said: I plead guilty." I This surprising answer, in place of a string of lies expected, staggered the justice. I' afraid," shid he, after a thoughtful pause, "in have to have more evidence before 1 sentence you." She: "I think your young friend is entitled to great credit for the way he is doing." He: "Yes, and the fellow gets it. He owes more than he can ever pay." "Oh, Henry," exclaimed his little wife, as she threw her arms rapturously around his neck, "I do love you so I Don't forget, to leave me 20 dols. when you go down town this morning, will you dear?" "And this," muttered Henry, softly, dis- engaging himself from her fond embrace, tTiis is what you might call being bard- pressed for money." pressed for money." The spouse of the man who wrote that cele* brated work, "Short Talks on the Care of ) Children," left him to care for their infant th" Other day while she attended a meeting of society of wives of Literary Men. When sim returned she found her progeny hitched up on I the hat-rack by its waistband, and her husband, in his shirt sleeves, admiringly contemplating an article which he had just finished. When she had successfully resisted a desire to faint, II she glanced over his shoulder at the title of the production which he had written. It waa In Warm Weather Babies Should be Kept from Worrying." It was. just after their first "tiff" following the honeymoon, and John was trying to make it up. Do you know why I call you the queen of hearts ? he asked. "Yes," she replied. this wasn't what lie expected her to say, but he had to go ahead. Why ? he asked. Because when I married I took the Jack, she answered. He made no further attempt to make it up for 35 minutes. Bragley never afflicts you with his long- winded stories. How is it you escape!" "I first lent him k5, then told him all the clever things the bady slid, and, last of all, I treated him to cigars my wife gave me on my last birthday. I've not seen him since." Farmer: By whing! but that there London girl of our John's has broken him off whist- playing and that sort of thing, after all!" Mrs. Meadowlot: "Good for her. But are you sure ?" « Farmer Meadowlot: "Sure? This here paper has got the announcement of their wed- ding, an' right down at the bottom it says' No cards,' just as plain as day." "This thing of being engaged to half a dozen girls isn't what'it's cracked up to be, this time of year." ? Wily not Because you have to make each an expen- sive gift." N on sense! Give each a trifle, and tell her that the more you save, the sooner you can get married." "Why Clara, dear, what baa happened ? It is not a month since jour marriage, and I I find you in tears already 1 Ah, Hilda, darling I George is standing as | member for the county, you know, asd I ve j only just learnt from the opposition papers what a really dreadful man I have married t" ) Q. and A.—Quixz: I say, now, do you really I believe that ignorance is bliss ?" Fix* I jon't know. You seem to be happy." I iw.N •• •'

I WESLEY AN METHODISM IN SOUTH I WALES. LfAs™rw!!jrr'^°c8 Price Hughe,. M.A. <lreted | conference in J„|r he convent onm *u • *°* ¡IOn. to, which a1l the office beare:'s in the Church offer. Naturally desirous to ,tart'h^ South Wales, where h. m uj.Si.rict was chosen to the ^-<1 the dates fix-j fnr o 28th and 29th 4T] n, September 1 cers ]wh 'r a sters and Church offi- bo.h E„gllstl and we!sh, been ,nr. wrn Z >° ^yp-o! Methodist* T th' *»MI. Head tiap.; Card* ■ 1118 J>KSi<ient *• Wednesday Jo.r; a ?t.s„n of mxter, only „,1! be ieid, who,, wi„ read by the Revs W MaltKv • trict) and T F JT of the di F- RawtafS of Swansea. 1„ ,1* tenoon a session win for f Vl*™ Will bo read br Mr Lew.'s Wil hams, J.P VVLJ- •, ard iff, and Mr Talbot, of Neath. he evening Sunday School teacher, guild offi Bop°worWs 2 i w.U be addressed by Mr T. Hutchinson Cta di1f, and Mr A, Roberts, Port Td.lbot. On Thura.. day morning there wil, be MolW -ter,. be add^sed by the R,,»T J r' kT WJelsh Weslevan minuter a Babb TauK t Urd;ff' Henry ards 7 afternoon the various stew have' rT °rganiStS' and masters will „ 6 tbeXr turn« aQd adddresses will be trvan K Messrs C. H. Slater q n White, Newport Th W. White, Newport Th W. tb° a a. VVe.st, representative. Notwith- «-du.g the wide area covered by the dirtrict «ess,tatag l„ng railway journey, aad th. li^ mg effects of the recent strik-* l Methodists for their Church aik sure to make this unique convention a magnificent auccess. Ia.

RATING OF ABERDARE CQLL R I.S. 22,657 STRUCK OFF THE ASSES MENT. A meeting of the Merthyr Union Assessment Committee was held at the Merthyr Union on Sat- urday, Alderman Thomas Williams, J P.. presid- ing, in the absenoe through illness 01 R. H. 1 Rhys. Mr James Lewis, J.P., Plasaraw, Aber- dane, represented by Mr Daniel, cash er to the Aberdare co eries, appealed against it rating of No. 8 Pill. Aberdare, on the ground th t the col- liery was id.vi-doned last October. The Chairman said there was no evidence before the,comm:Li, e? that th, pit was abandoned, where- upon Mr .ro' the overseer, said thjt in his opinion, ard 'so n the opinion of Mr r. H. Rhys, the cbi I'Tii r> he colliery was aband.<?d before the curr,T r 1 was made, and Aa. if hould be struck n1 the proposition of r J. W. Morgan ''1. seconded by Mr J(, Owen, it w-s • ke the rating off the p t, the BTTvri h ''J, 657 8s. .;1'