Cuddio Rhestr Erthyglau

9 erthygl ar y dudalen hon

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POET'S CORNER.

HER VENGEANCE

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FUN AND FANCY.

Newyddion
Dyfynnu
Rhannu

FUN AND FANCY. Beginning of a judge's career in Iowa; hGn- tlemen of the jury, you must now quit eating pea-nuts, and attend to the case. Pater: "Look here, Annie, that young man of yours should have proposed iong ago."—Annie: 'He did, father;, at least, he proposed that little Willie be absent the next time he called. They had had a few words over the quality of the dinner. "When you married me, shrill- ed the, woman, "you didn't marry a cook, re- member." "Well," said the man—and his tone was very bitter—"you needn't rub it in. His Mother: "What are you moping about the house for. Tommy? Why don't you go over and play with Charlie Pinafore?'—Tommy: 'Cause I played with Charley Pinafore yester- day, and I don't suppose he's well enough yet. She (sighing): "Oh, I met such a, lovoly, po- lite man to-day." He: "Where was that? She: "In the street. I must, have been carry- inc my umbrella carelessr* >cr he bumped his eve into it. I said, "Pardon me," and he said "Don't mention it; I have another eye left. Gardener: "Hogan's co; bruk into the I strawberry patch this inorpm, sorr, an its hivvy damages ye git from him. The Squire: It's no tlse, Patrick. He'll bo sure to •'wear it was somebody euc <s cow." Gardener: "The divil a bit 6orr he^can't. Oi shut the baste in them fur ividence." A friend who had been appointed to a judge- ship in one of the colonics was, long after- wards, describing to Sir G-eorgo Rose the pgonies he suffered on the voyage out from sea sickness. Sir George listened with much in- terest to the recital of his friend s sufferings, I and then said, in a tone of de-p commisera- tion, "It's a great, mercy you did not throw up I your appointment." A young man I>:nt on mischief recently at- tended an" anxious inquirers' meeting in Scot- land, and asked » clergyman whether he could i work a miracle. The minister, seeing; through I the le with which the question was put, i do-aed him firmly by the shoulders and threw him outside the ohurch door, saying We can- i not work niir?cl€s, hut wc cm cast out devils. "Oh, dear!" exclaijned the young lady who was being taken to a concert by a rather back- ward woeer; "I'm suro we shall miss the open- i ing number. We've waited a good many min- I utes for that mother of mine. —"Hours, 1 should say," growled the young man.Ou? Oh George! bow nice of you to say so at last., cried the sharp-witted girl, as she summoned up an approximate blush- "Ah," said a visitor, so you are back home from your fishing trip in the States. Well, what did you catch?" We <h.d pretty well, said the fond mother. Julia caught a ban- ker, Bertha caucrht a lawyer, Fannie landed one of the finest-looking Army officers you ever saw in your lite. Hattie was unfortunate. She a. young fellow with all kinds of money on tho hook, but just at the last moment he got away." A certain bishop staying »t a country house noticed that he was closely observed by his host's little daughter. At length she found an opportunity to question him. 'Are you really a bishop?" she asked. "Yes, of course, I am —really," answered the amused prelate. "Well. I don't believe it," responded the child, whose father was an ardent cheesplayer, rye watched you over since and your head isn't split down the ro.i.3dh tnd you don't walk comerways." It is safe to say that nobody but 5n Insuman cchild be the hero of the fGl!sitlt1: story. Mr. Murphy was inquiring of his friecd, Mr Doolan, how his wife WM feeling aftor the excitement of the recent wedding of their daughter. "She's well enough," replied the other, "excepting that she's grieving over a pair of illigant new kid gloves that got lost on her that evening. She's feeling bad about thim. but rye advertis- ed in the paper, and I'm thinking she'll get thim back again befoor long. They cost Mrs. Doolan foive shillings." Arent you afraid whoever got thim will be slow to answer tne advertisemint ?" inquired Mr. Murphy. "It's meself that knew how to fix that," returned Mr. Doolan. "I advertised thim illigant gloves was an owld cotton pair, burrsting away at the seams, and wurrth nobody's keeping." Hamish was a.thrifty Scot, and hke many of his race, an enthusiast over golf. But one day Hamish had such peculiar and unpleasant feel. ings thrt he reluctantly consulted a physician. overdtlM the matter of exercise, man," said the doctor, after Hamish had de. tailed hia symptoms. "You must give yourself a day's quiet now and then, and avoid ex. posure. How often do y°u. 1^ S°! ,• Every day but the Sawbatb,' «"d Hamish, rising.— "You must be more temperate at it," said the physician. "Twice a week in good weather is enough for you."—"Good day," said Hamish. moving towards the door. You ve not paid me for advice." said the doctor, who knew hia man.—"Nae, for I'm no takkin it, said Ham- ish, as he reached the door and made his escape. "Advice to Mothkhs-rc yon broken in your rest by a sick child suffering with the pain of cutting teeth Go at once to a chemist, and get a bottle of Mas. Winslow a Soothing SYRUP. It produces a natural, quiet steep by relieving the child from pain, and the little cherub awakes "as bright as a button." Contains no Poisonous Ingre- dient. Of all Chemists. Is- Hd. per bottle.

FOR THE YOUNG FOLKS."

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HER VENGEANCE