Papurau Newydd Cymru

Chwiliwch 15 miliwn o erthyglau papurau newydd Cymru

Cuddio Rhestr Erthyglau

10 erthygl ar y dudalen hon

FUN AND FANCY.

Newyddion
Dyfynnu
Rhannu

FUN AND FANCY. "Now, Harold," said the teacher to a small but unusually bright pupil, "give me an illus- tration of the superiority of • mind over mat- ter." "I have to mind you. That's what is the matter (i Butcher (subscribing to a local charity): nie and the missis down for a guinea." Tout: "J see-a joint gift." But- cher: "Joint gift. What d'yer mean? We're going to give money, not meat." The Man at the Table: "Look here, waiter that. lobster is without a. claw How's that?" Waiter: "Y ou see, sir. they're so fresh, these lobsters, they fight each other in the pantry." The Man at the Table "Well, take that one away and bring me one of the winners." Droll, though not logical, was the reply of the tipsy Irishman, who, as he supported him- self by the iron railings of Merrion-square, was advised by a passer-by to betake himself home. "Ah, now, be aisy; I live in the Square. Isn't it going round and round, and when I see my own door come up won't I pop into it in a jiffy?"' "Hi.' boy, hi! said a hot-looking man with a bag, "what is the quickest way to get to the tramcars?" "Run!" yelled the boy; and the hot-looking man was so pleased with the in- formation that, if he could have got near enough to the boy he would have given him something—something that he would have re- membered. An Irish Board of Guardians was putting va- rious inquiries to a young doctor to test his qualifications for the post of parish doctor. "And now, docther," said one of them, "how would ye treat a case of small-pox?" "Small- pox, is it?" he replied; "small-pox was brought over by thim —— Saxons. Sure, and I'd treat it with silent contimpt." "Yes, brethren," said the clergyman, who was preaching the funeral sermon, "our de- ceased brother was cut down in a single night— torn from the arms of his loving wife, who is thus left a widow at the age of twenty-eight years." "Twenty-six, if you please," sobbed the widow in the front pew, as she emerged for an instant from her handkerchief. Dr. Johnson used to relate the following dream:—He imagined himself to be engaged in a contest of wit before a large literary party with an adversary, whose superior talents com- pelled him to retreat, filled with shame and mortification. "Had my judgment," argued the Doctor, "been as clear and active as my other mental powers, I should have recollected that my own head had furnished all the repartee of my supposed antagonist." < Having acquired at an auction a valuable "grandfather's" clock which he had been ex- tremely anxious to secure, Jones, loth to leave the treasure to the tender mercies of auction porters, set off home carrying the clock on his back. When rounding a corner he collided with another pedestrian, who was knocked to tho ground. Jones, confused, had hardly begun to think of apologies with which to meet the storm of wrath he expected, when the other man, having picked himself up, asked in the mildest of tones: "Excuse me, sir, can't you carry a watch?" An English armv examiner once had before him a stupid candidate. The candidate being apparently unable to answer the simplest ques- tions, the examiner finally grew most impa- tient, and in a burst of sarcasm demanded: "Let it be supposed, sir, that you were a cap- tain in command of infantrv; that in your rear was an impassable abyss; that on both sides of you there rose perpendicular rocks of tremen- dous height: that in front of you lay the ene- my outnumbering you ten to one. Wliat, sir, in such an emergency would you do?" "Sir," responded the applicant for military distinction, "I should resign."

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