Papurau Newydd Cymru

Chwiliwch 15 miliwn o erthyglau papurau newydd Cymru

Cuddio Rhestr Erthyglau

21 erthygl ar y dudalen hon

r, OUR LONBOM LETTER. I ,?

ATTACK ON MILITARY CAR. I

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 THE TRIBUNALS, i

A TERRIBLE STORY. I

SOLDIER KILLED BY MOTOR.I

"OLD BLIGHTY."

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IPRINCESS FINED.I —?—

ITHE WITTENBERG HORROR.I

BRITISH BOOTS FOR RUSSIA.…

GLASGOW STRIKERS FINED.I

ICANNOT STAND TOOTHACHE. I

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iN LIGHTER VEIN. BY THOMAS…

Newyddion
Dyfynnu
Rhannu

iN LIGHTER VEIN. BY THOMAS JAY. ILLUSTRATEID sy J. n. L C'NN. It is at this season of the year when w,3 are ordered by the poet to g'o forth into the Ldds and watch the nowers that bloom in the spring, tra, la. As a matter of fact, so debased have we become in our tastes that we have ignored the poet's command, and just at present can think of nothing but the Eudget and its tax&s. Professor Metchni- koS', the distinguished savant and discoverer of that aoominatiotf, the sour milk cure, does not smoke. He savs that he intends to live to a good old age, and to reach that old -)ge by giving up many things to which we have become accustomed to-day. I note with astonishment that among the things he has decided to give up I can find no mention of Budget's. The b.adgered taxpayer may we!! .vender how anybody can desire to live to a good old age without giving up Budgets. There is nothing to be said against the idea of wanting to live to a good old age, but in these days when he who hesitates is under the taxi, it is well to indicate a tew ways in which the ideal of long life can he achieved. It is well never to step into a lift well when the lift is not there, and .1 warning note !nay be sounded a;. to the folly of crowing the roads white the taxi traffic is at its height, for the simple reason that it ia always un- lucky to be killed by a taxicab. At 1 he present time the poets are fond of telling you that spring is in the air, but if you take the ad- SPRING IN THE AIR. vice of the writer, when the taxi is bearing' down upon you nlways spring into the air. Professor I notice, Las also given up a'1 Irinks except water, which I am told in reliable quarters really M a drink, but under such circumstances the worthy Professor is welcome to live to a good old age. I am all for the simple life, but not too simple. I am going' to make a grave statement or Mimission, and that is that I like spring cleaning. While you are reaching out for the whisky flask and getting over the shock, I will state at once that in the teeth of sixty generations of humorous writers who have snatched guineas galore by blackmad- .1)0- spring, I will say that spring cleaning i:s ° a sensible institution. For instance, it separates winter from summer. Without ?o on r I -lit -pring to tell us we should go on right through the summer thinking it was winter, <)nd the sight of men setting out in August far a few hours' skating would be ridi- culoua in the extreme. All the year round the chairs and tables are stuck in one place, !)ut during spring cleaning they are changed about, and the effect is good. The grand Diano is tucked a-way behind the fire-screen, ihe dining-table is leaning up against I;randfather'ø clock, .and the sweet scent of :,oft soap and beeswax permeates the atmo- ¡,phere. Another reason for my being in favour of spring cleaning is that in the process of re- r burning you discover things that have been i-iissing for years, while another reason ia that so many have written disrespectfully of spring cleaning that the only thing left 11 to say about it is in its favour. Another thino-" is that the head of the household maintains that in her interest spring clean- ing must be carried out. Germany may be beaten to a frazzle, or even a frizzle, kings may abdicate. President Wilson may ce:.tse writing notes, Mexico may become a. real warlike nation, Mr. Joseph King, M.P., may one of these days absolutely refuse to ask a question in the House-all these things I t,ay may happen, but spring cleaning will n'o on for ever. I knew it was bound to come, that sooner r.r later the blow would fall. I had noticed :.liranda's careworn appearance, and I knew :'lso that she was relentless, that she would insist on the. penalty being paid. For weeks <-n end the thing had haunted me, had been with me in the morning, in the afterglow of eventide, and it was with me in the still matches of the night. At breakfast the other morning Miranda brought matters to o the critical point. "Ebenezer," she THE BLOW FALLS. said, holing out in the eugar basin with a spoon, "I have made my decision." I grabbed at the air and swallowed several mouthfulg of it. Resigned to my fate, I hur- riedly left the room and entered my den. Would that I could pee it ever as I saw it then, its wonderful collec- tion of a",h-trays, its riotous untidiness, its feeling of comfort. I crossed, over to the pipe-rack. Dear old friends, many of them grown black in my i service; they were the real pals in a crisis like this. I plunged two of the best and coolest into my coat pocket, and snatching up a few treasures from the home which had sheltered me, I passed out into the street, a wanderer, an exile, and all because Miranda was relentless. She would insist on spring cleaning. There has been much comment on the pro- posal to tax matches, but all the argument in tiM worid will, I fe'ar, like superstition, in thc.-e days refuse to strike on the box. We may all ask, as did Goethe, for "More lio-ht! More light'" but the poor ratepayer will realise that if he wants more light to- day he will jolly well have to pay for it. One suggestion is that the automatic lighters should be taxed, and in this direc- Uon I have a word to say. With much painful experience behind me of the patent lighter mv humble suggestion is that more revenue would be raised by placing a tax on all automatic lights which autolight but do not. One reason for taxing matches is said to be that they are already taxed in Paris. And well they may be. When a man strikes a match in a railway ca.rriage in France, the passengers experience a strange feeling of pale pink, with green insertions. The air becomes thick, and the people for miles round sigh for death to relieve them from the smell. Matches in France are not taxed half so much as they tax the public.

WHEN YOUR CHEST GURGLES.

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I OTHER MEN'S MINDS,

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ITEA TABLE TALK. .

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