Abergavenny Chronicle

[ CLUB WINDOW. I One is never too old to learn. Socratet started to learn to play music at sixty; Cato, at eighty, began to learn Greek; and Plutarch, at the same age, started on Latin. Chaucer began his "Canterbury Tales" at thty,four, and Doctor Johnson began tc study Dutch at sixty. Mr. 134nar Law is Canadian born. New Brunswick was his birthplace, but while he was still a small boy his parents settled in Glasgow, and he was educated at the Gil- bert, Field School, Hamilton, and the High School, Glasgow. He followed his father in the iron trade, reaching a high position in the well-known firms of William Kidstone aud Sons and William Jacks and Co. Wil- liam Jacks was a prominent Glasgow iron merchant, and when he entered Parliament he thought he could not do bett^ than leave /his business during his absence in London in the hands of young Law, and straightway made him a partner. Mr. Law entered Par- liament in 1300 for the Blackfriars Division of Glasgow The first man to organise an army is said to have been the Greek general, Palamedes. J-Je formed an army in regular line of battle, placed sentinels around the camp and excited their vigilance by giving them a watchword. He did this in 1193 B.C., little thinking that his inventiveness would keep his name alive until toO-day-vver three thousand years later. 0 < To those who knew him a a a "boy the physical strength and endurance of the King of Italy are astonishing. He was so sickly and delicate that it was thought he would not outliva his boyhood. As a boy he was too weak to walk upstairs and was always carried, but in the end he triumphed over his infirmities, thanks to the untiring and -aiireniitt,ii)- care of his mother,, as well as to the English system of training, which worked wonders. Cold baths, open windows, hard work, riding in hail, Tain, or snow, strenuous gymnastics—such' was the course of training to which the present King of Italy was subjected, and which transformed him from a weakling into a fairly strong man, although he is the smallest living monarch, his height being 5ft. 3i i ir; his boots. » The Pope's Bulls are so called because of the "bulla," br round seal of wax, lead, sil- ver, or gold which is attached to the docu- ment. Bulls are formal and full in expres- sion, and written on parchment. 1 I "It is not an avenging afcigel, called Death, that kills us," said Lord Leverhulme in one of his speeches. "We kill each other by our clumsy, bad intelligence, by our ignorance, aad by lack of human sympathy one with A-nd Fo it h. a"othcr. And <-o it has gone on through all the ages, a!,cl the only thing that can put the world- right will, be that sense of brotherliness between nations, and between I etuh of us in small commifr it;?s, under which weach of us try to 11: vstand the other man's pciat of view, and zi, with per- fect justice." Sir Eric Geddes was originally intended for the Army. and was educated to that end the Oxford Military College, and at the Merehistan Castle School, Edinburgh. But he felt the "call of the wild," and went to Adlrica, where he had some interesting ex- periences in western lumber camps, and on the cattle ranges, before starting in as a e .'sua I labourer, or "handy man," in a sbAtion y on the Baltimore and Ohio Kailwav. it A shin built entirely of .mahogany still r name is "Matchless," and she is now used by the United States Coast Sur- voy. She was- built by pirates near Key West in 1859, w h o stole the mahogany from a .>trande3 vessel. All the timbers and frame are of solid Santo Domingo mahogany. # qiia i rit little M?'-ha? Fceh lives in ihe* quaint little town of Pionj?an. in Brittany. Very few of the townspeople have ever »een the great -oldier in uniform. One of them, who claims him as an old friend, on being questioned by a newspaper man, remarked: not bit proud. He talks just like you and me oud wouldn't, think of passing my door with. csit saving Good-day. I have never seen him except in plain, clothes—soft hat and -rhooting jacket- with big pockets, in one of wuÜh is a trove! xund in the other tree seeds. mad otL planting. There are plenty of jobs for him, too, for those before him sold an enormous lot of timber. He planted an avenue half a mile long all by himself— planted it all crooked, too. I told him so, and he said he did it on purpose.' Once when Mr. Will Crooks was giving evidence at an inquiry. he referred to the low wages of iiOIl'E of the Council's park attendants. He instanced one man who was receiving no more than ls. a week. "Hie in-ui's not worth more," remarked a member. "He's got a wooden leg." "Ye.?;, but he got a wooden stomach," came the retort from Mr. Crooks. Lord Derby comes of a fine old English stock. There have been Earls of Derby for mere than five hundred' years, the first of the line being Thomas Stanley, who placed t I- crown on the head of King Henry h'-i stepson, on Boswcrth Field. The present h of the title is one of the three "cat- sic: ti" ear's, the othci" two being Lord Shrewsbury and Lord Huntingdon. Their ancestors were privileged to wear four (in French "quatre") rows of ermine on their robes, because of their ancient descent, and "'quatre skins," changed in time to frca t- skins." The son of a Congregational minister. Sir Simon oV/es nothing to birth and in- jiuence. and has attained his present posi- tion by sheer ability-and. hard work. Wheu, ut 191í), he w,i-i appointed Solicitor-General he .was (,,u!. years of age,, and was his roputati -n tfeat at that time h1 retainers from almost every railway company in th country. When the Duke of Yorsgua, a Spanish nobleniaa, was in the United States, he dedred to ;t,,I) at Coloiiibits, Ohio, on his v/ ? y to WTashi.igtgn, and waated to send a telegram to the mayor informing him of tho t'aet. He inquired at a tekgraph office as to tiie cost. the operator replied, "for ten words, not including r.d- dress or sig""nat'sre." Whereupon the Duke wrote this message: "Mayor of Columbus: I shall visit your city next Tuesday and fit is said) he sigped it: "Christobal Colon de Toledo y iori-cwtogui de la Cerda Kami- revs de Baqriedancy, Gante Almirante y Ade- lantado Mayor de las Judias, Marques de Jamaica, Duque de Veragaa y de la Vega, Grande de Espono, Senor del Rciro, Cabal- lero de la ipsigne orden del Toison de Oro, Gran Cruz de la Conception de Villaviciosa, Gent.il Hombre de Caipara del Rcy de Es- paua. 1 < Mr, Herbert Hoover, the American .Food Controller, was a "mucker" once in the gold mines of the Grass Valley in California. A "mucker" is the lowest grade of miner, and Hoover's pay was two and a-quarter clollar,3 I a day. By renting a cabin and cooking his meals he managed to save the bulk of i hij pay for college expenses. He was dis- j charged from one mine because of alleged incompetency.

——————————————— — -I ——————— I" eI MOTHER AND HOME. I The woman who wears frowns on he\ j forehead, and has cross words upon hei j lips, is no more sensible than if shQ shoulc wear rags aM ugly garments when hel wardrobe was fille with beautiful eIQthing A VOID A DOUBLE CHIN. I If you would avoid a double *chm, yo? TnUBt I?aru to hold your head up. KF tb.) chin ri, too; don't allow it to si? towards the chest. Try and cultivate as long a line as possible from the tip of the chin downward. You cannot do this if you t^rm the habit of sitting with your shoul- dors hunched up and your chin nearly rest- ing on yoity chest," or if you stoop when you walk, y, oureyes cast on the ground. I WHAT A MAN WANTS OF HIS WIFE. I Her lova, her inherent innocence, her faith in him, her friendship, her companion- ship, her loving tenderness, the understand- ing of her compassion. WHAT A WPMAN WANTS OF Hrm HUSBAND, I His love, hi3 protection, his loyalty, his I friendship, his companionship, the tender- ness of his strongth, the compassion of his understanding. I WZDDrNQ-RINGS. 1 Although the wedding-ring has a long I histoiy, it is only in comparatively recent times that it has come to he worn on the t-hira finger. In the old English marriage service the bridegroom put the ring on the first finget of his bride, saying: "In the name of the Father then on the second finger, saying: "And of the Son then on the. third, saying "And of the Holy Ghost," ;MHI finally on the fourth with the word "Amen." The ring was left on the little finger because it was believed that a vein ran' straight from that finger to the heart,. I I POOR BAJIT J J I It is not good for the baby to swaddle it I so tightly round its .middle that its stomach I I is compressed in a manner that interferes I greatly with its power of digestion. To YOUNG WIVES. I "An old married woman offers the fol- lowing adviue to young wives: "One of the greatest mistakes a young wife makes is to try to live after marriage in accordance with some programme drawn up by herself before the wedding. The attempt is nearly always disastrous, for the man who appeared so pliant and accommodating before marriage is very apt afterwards to show that he has a wilt of his own, and often some small, stubborn prejudices. The result is that the wife's nice little plan i-s rudely upset. All thiy might be avoided if the wife were wise enough to ask the opinion of her husband on all matters relating to the home. Often I he will have no knowledge of the matters on which his advice is asked; but the mere I fact that, he has been consulted will couse him to agree with his wife. and she will get her own way. which, in nine cases out of ten, she would not do by acting without re- ference to her husband's views. And this is not due merely (as some people think) to egotism and obstinacy on the man's part. It is rather because, with his practical masculine logic, he sees that in a partnership of any kind one partner should not act i. any matter that concerns both without con- sulting the other." I HoMK-MADE BhEAD. • I When bread is made at home or contains potatoes, it should be left for at least twelve hours on a wire tray or a wire sieve, so that air can sutround each loaf. During this time cover it lightly with a cloth or paper. Neglect in this respect is often the cause of failure in potato bread. I SAVED ihaoM CINDElts. I Now that cleaning materials are so scarce and dear, it pays to collect the orange- coloured stuff that you will notice about the half-burned bits of coal.. This is called "crocus," and is always present when there is any trace, of Ir.m in the coal, as is often the case. the "crocus should be care- fully collected and put aside. When a suffi- cient quantity has been secured it is ground to a fine powder, and it is then ready for use. It will be found excellent gfor getting a finE) polish on steel objeots, or indeed almost any metal surfabe. It should be used with just a little water. I LiGHt THE GAS CAREFI-I-LY. I Reduoe the gas bill by using a little care I in lighting the gas. Hold the lighted match to the burner, then very slowly turn on the gas. If gaj is turned on full force before applying the match a slight explosion ensues, which affects the meter and sends j^as forward rapidly. I FATS FOR CHILDREN- I Children must have enough fats during the winter if they are to be healthy and sfciong. Fats need not be fat of meat only. Olwe. oil is fatty, so is butter, margarine, suet. any of the vegetarian nut butters, vegetarian suet, cocoanut, Brazil nuts. Fats aro also found in fish like salmon, herrings, etc. Whenever you buy a piece of bacon for boiliag, set the water the bacon was cook e d in and let it get cold, then lift off the cake of fat which will form on tho top. I* is a good idea to cut- a good slab of fat from the top of the bacon and sprinkle the top viith hr< WH c<<ars«. oatmejil. This slab of far should be T U', ir. the oven in a baking tin to render down into bacon dripping, which the children love. THE KITCHEN TABLE COVER. j A great saving in a kitchen table oilcloth cover will be noticed if strips of muslin are pasted on the wrong side of the cloth where the corners and edges of the table come. Another good plan is to put one or two sheets of newspaper on the table and allow tliem to come over the edges a little way. Tnis keeps the oilcloth from wearing on ac- count of any little roughness or defect in the boards oi the table. I — .1 I SOMK SIMPLE Remedies.. I To prevent a bruise from becoming dis- coloured, apply water as h6t as can be borne comfortably, changing tke cloth as it 'rets coui. If hot water is not to be had at once, meisten some dry starch with cold water, aiid cover the bruised part with it. For burns, take a good quantity of bicar- bonate of soda, in the hand, thoroughly wet with cold water, and lay it on the burn— miiking a thick plaster. Bind it on. and ke £ o wet, renewing the supply of soda if I nfcesszry. In a few hours it may he taken off. and she burn will probably be well. Should the burn begin to hurt again, put the plaster (n eite, more.. When a child has had a blow, put a little fresh butter or D'liv oil on to the skin immediately, and renew it every quarter of an hour for two or three hours. A MISTAKE SOME MOTHERS MAKE. I Much harm may be done to the nervous svstpsi of a baby by trying to make it "take notice" continuallv While it is' still under six months old, and by singing and talking to it when, if left to itself, it would sleep peacefully in its cot-t) i

,m 1' 11\\f \I 19 ??MM5?!???  I T a The Cold Frapie.-Op-on this on bright days, seizing the opportunity to remove damp and decaying leaves on calceolarias, pentstemons, violas, and other plants. Have some strawy litter at hand to cover the side and top of the frames in the event of severe frost3. Border Chrysanthemums.—There is little beauty left in these popular autumn flowers, and the stems should now be cut down to wittun 4in to Gin. of the ground. Should it be necessary to dig. the border lift the roots and heel them in temporarily. It is desirable to lift and divide the clumps in alternate years. » Training Wall Fruit Trees.—Before the weather becomes too cold, all training of wall trees should be accomplished. In deal- in? with established trees all the branches should be loosened by cutting the ties. It i3 best to remove all nails as well; they ?com,o away easily if tapped sharply as if to. drive them further in, before attempting to pull out. Those that are sound may be used again if burnt over a fire. Set the branches out, evenly, cutting away any that l would cause overcrowding. Whether the patent wall nail or string is urJ for secur- ing the branches, never let th( 'branch rest on the nail, as such contact is liable to set up a wound which may give rise to canker and other diseases. Leave the ties sum- ciently loose to allow the branch to expand. » Christmas R(-,sce.-Give these protection f now the flowers are showing. Single elumpa I can be covered with handlights, and if con- venient place a temporary frame over a group of plants. Remove dead and decaying ] foliage, keeping watch for' slugs and srSails, which soon damage the delicate; flower buds arid new leaves. Mulch with leaf-soil mixed r with decayed manure if available, or dried sow manure. 4 4 r < » Manuring the Lawn. — Comparatively little attention is given to the manuring of grass. Week after week during the summer and autumn the grass is cut, taking nutri- ment from the ground. To maintain good turf, manure of some kind, is necessary. A dressing of basic slag now at the rate of 71b. to a sqtuaro rod is one of tho best fertilisers. Wood ashes, ecot, and manure from an old spent hotbed are all beneficial. & Raspberries—Got the beds put in order at once. Prune out all needless growths and Secure those remaining to their supports. Shorten each cane by cutting back the thin, anripened growth at the tips. Put on a good dressing of manure if this is procurable. Cordon PeaTs.—Those who! wish to grow a number of sorts in a small space cannot do better than plant cordon trees. Pears fre- quently succeed well grown as cordons. They can be planted on walls or fences or on wires strained for the purpose, and only require to be about 2ft. apart when grown on single stems. A Turf Frame.—If a quantity of turves is .procurable and a spare "light" is avail able, an improvised frame can readily be made. Square turves should be cut and placed in position to form the walls. Whitst regularity on the inside is desirable, the out- side need not be so nniform, except for the sake of neatness. The length and width will be governed by the size of the spare "light," and range in depth from 18in. to 24in. in front to 2-lin. to 30in. at the back, after a llowance has been made for the turves sinking, unless well beaten down at first. For wintering, sweet peas ad garden peas, lettuce, caulitlowers, and other plants, a turf frame is valuable, whilst in early spring the uses to which it can. be put are innumerable. Red Currants.—In close pruning red cur- rants year after year, as is customary, we may carry the practice too far. It is advis- able to allow strong young basal shoots to develop at times. The old st-eiiis after bear- mç. heavily for a number of year3 are apt • to collapse. The bushes 1 have then a gappy I appearance and cannot carry their full quota of fruit. 4t Cleaning Vines.—This work is of consider- able importance where the vine has been troubled with insect pests. Remove all tha iocue bark which can be.riibl)-ed off with the i\2n,ds, but do not peel the rods. Wash afterwards with a scrubbing brush dipped :n strono- soft scap solution. The whole of the house must be thoroughly cleans-cd or the work of washing the rods will be wasted. Endive.—Fnlly developed plants should [ now be blanched either by means of "empty nov.er-pots pia,ced directly over the heart, Of by tying the outer leaves together in such a way as to exctydo daylight" from the r.rntre of the plant. j Shallots—Although these are less liable to decay than onions, it is well to keep a watchful eye over those stored in largo heaps or boxes where little air reaches them. Any showing signs of becoming soft should be at once removed. # Red Cabbage.—Where these are still un cut no time must be lost before getting them indoors. If left longer the heads will be liable to split badly; if this happens and much rain or fog follows, decay will set .in and the value t. the cabbages for pickling will be reduced. n Leaves for Forcing.—Owing to recent re- strictions regarding the use of coal and coke for heating frames ami greenhouses, fresh i fallen leaves from oak, beech, or elm trees will be eagerly sought after by those who value forced vegetables. The leaves are especially useful for starting rhubarb or sea- kale into growth, but should be stored in a dry place until wanted. j Chicory.—This is quite hardy, and except in the most exposed gardens will be safe m the open until the close of the year. When the blanched leaves are required to form Christmas salad lift a few of the strongest plants, and, after twisting off the leaves, Toplant in deep boxes, afterwards standing Tey,lant in cleep bl >Xes, these in a warm place, excluding light by means of boards or old sacks.

I THINGS THOUGHTFUL. Idleness has no advocate, but many- friends. » ■■ ■ « "The end of work," said Aristotle, "isvtc enjoy rest;" but, to enjoy rest, you must have gone through work. The idle and use- less person can never know rest. There is no such thing for him.—A. K. H. B. 0 Reader, what a world were this How unendurable its weight, if they '2? d 'did not meet Whom Death hath sunder'd did not meet again 1 —Southey. Duty is a power which rises with us in the morning and goes to rest with us at night. It' is co-extensive with the action of our intelligence. It is the shadow wfilch cleaves to us, go where we will, and which only leaves us when we leave the light of life,-W. E. Gladstone. Don't waste your feelings. Feelings f-re too rich cream to be skimmed for nothing. I THE SILENT VOICES. I When the dumb Hour, clothed in black, Brings the Dreams about my bed, Call me not so often back. Silent Voices of the dead, Toward the lowland ways behind me, And the suniight that is gone! Call me rather, silent voices, Forward to the starry track, Glimmering up the heights boyend me On, and always on! —Tennyson. Avoid inflicting on othera sufferings you dread for youzself.-Epicte.t ui*. I YOUR OPPORTUNITY. I The opportunities to make life count are surely as great to-day as they ever wtre in any day of the world's history. There are splendid things that need doing as many of theai as the world ever saw before, at one time, and there is the same old danger that they be left undone unless you or I or some mother man with his eyes open and oourage ia his soul undertakes to do them. There are lofty ideals that need lifting up and glorify- ing and exemplifying in the face of a world that tends to get unsympathetic and selfish and s&did. There are ?oapels <? righteous- ness and just?co and kindHneaa that need preaching with word of mouth, but most of all with the stronger and more effective word of example. There are entrenched wrongs that need overthrowing great causes that are crying out for fearless champions. The secret wheels of hnrrying time- do givo So short -a warning, and so fast they drive. That I am dead before I seem to live. The welfare of those who arc very dear to as, whose only support, hope, and stay we are--this, to a generous mind, is another sort of more important object of care than any concerns whatever which centre merelyin the individual.—Robert Burns. I REMEMBEE. j Remember me when I am gone away, Gone far away into the silent land When you can no mcDe hold me by the hantf, Nor I half turning go, yet turning, stay. Remember me whon no more, day by day, You tell me of your future that you planned; Oll: remember me; you understand It will be too late to counsel then or pray. Yet if you should forget me f r awhile -i, And afterwards reinember, io not grieve, For if darkne-s- and corruption leave A vestige of the thoughts' that cnce I had, Better by far yon should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad. —Christina G. Rossetti. ———————————— Don't argue with the inevitable. The only argument available with an east wind is to put on your overooat. I THE OLD FOUNTAIN.. I I In the old days of the Roman Forum, there was a bubbling little stream known as the Girls' Fountain. Passing centuries and many spoilers at last buried the spring under masses of rubbish and debris, but though forgotten, it did not cease to exist. In recent years, it has been uncovered again .nd restored to its old mission' of usefulness. There are hearts in which the old fountain of faith that refreshed and made glad the earlier life has been choked and hidden by the rubbiah of worldliness and the rank weeds of evil growth. But it has not ceased to exist. Whoever will pesitently and earnestly try to remove the obstruction, shall fiud it again a well of life. Be what nature intended you for, and you will succeed; be anything else, and you will be On thousand times worse than nothing. —Sydney Smith. Nobility is a letter of credit given you by your country, upon the security of your ancestors, in the full confidence that, at a proper period of life, you will acquit your- self with honour for those engaged for you. —Marmoqtel. í IF THOU WILT. J [f thou wilt 00 a. hero and wilt strive To help thy fellow, and exalt thyself, 1J Thy feet, at last, shall stand on jasper floors; j Thy heart, at last, shall seem a thousand j hearts— Each single heart with myriad raptures j filled— While thou shalt sit with ppdnces and with kings, Rich in the jewel of a..ra-osonied soul. To be in the world, but not of it; to use it without abusing it-this is the duty which we find it so hard to follow.—Dean Stanley. j ———————————— i WORK;, THEN. i It is sometimes well to remember that six days of labour are as much a part of the j Fourth Commandment as is the rest of the seventh day. Something to do and an ho neat and interested dbing of it appears to | be tho reason and expectation of man's | being pn* earth at all. "Get to work and stick to it," was the terse advice given to some young men. "Be good, but be good for something." The goodness that does not materialise into usefulness is some form,. is i Df very questionable order. Hands and brain, strength and education, are fine tools, but they are intended for work and not idle- ness, and while you are waiting for a fitting place, use them in the first clean task that nffers itself right where you are. Use brightens the tools and keeps them from i rusting. Take hold, and hold on. j I A tree withdraws not its shade from the j woodman about to fell it. Receive, then, i even thine enemy with hospitality.—The Mahabharata. i '■ A man has no more right to say an un- civil thing than to act one; no more right to say a rude thng to another than to kuock him down. fhnslon

 FUN AN FANCY.  1!  Gertie: "Fancy, dear, we've been engaged just a week to-day." Bertie: "What a ■memory you've got, darling." I Mrs. Jinks- "I want you to paint my por- Mrs. Of course, it must be pretty and a good likeness." Artist: "Well, madam, it'a for you to decide which it shall be." He: "Once and for all, I demand to know who is the master in this house?" She: "You will be happier if you don't find out." "Mary, has anyone called while I was out?" "Yes, ma'am. Mr. Bigg was here." "Mr. Bigg? I don't recall the name." NQ, ma'am; he called to cee ple." "I tell you, sir, the tarring and feather- ing of that miserable scoundrel was an un- pardonable outrage!" "Why do you speak so warmly?" "Because I'm a vice-presyksnt of the society that firmly opposes the use of feathers for personal adornment!" Buzzer (the dentist): "I'm sorry, but I'll have to extract that tooth." Mrs. Tung- twist: "Really? I don't want to lose it un- less you can fit me with a substitooth." Diner: "What do you call this stuff?" vWaiter: "Mock turtle soup, sir." Diner: "Well, tey the chef' he has carried hia mockery too far." Mrs. Newly-Wed: "Oh, Bert, I have fallen in love with that beautiful bracelet." Mr. Newly-Wed: "Come on, you've no busi- ness to fall in love with anything—you're married f Porter (as train begins to move): "Here's your ticket, lady; four-and-tuppence!" Flurried, Passenger: "There's four illingsq Keep the tuppence for yourself!" "I say," asked the first messenger boy, "got any novels ter swap?" "I got Snake- s foot Daa's 'R,'v('J!ge. "Is it a long story?" inquired the first messenger boy. "Naw! Ye kin finish it easy in two mes- sages. Professor (to his wife): "Elsie, I have promised to deliver an address to-morrow evening on the need to exercise the memory. Don't let me forget about, it." "Dorothy alwavs begins a. novel in the middle." "What's that for?" "Why, then she has two problems to be excited over- how the story will end, and how it wiU begin." Fair American (in Hyde Park): "u BritishTS seem to take a delight in running iown your own things! Now, I can't see. laything rotten about this Row!" Inexperienced Orderly Officer: "This for the men's dinner? Soup, I suppose?" Cook: It's, really tea, sir, but I can put a few carrots in and call it soup. They won't know the difference!" Rccruit: "Shooting at the.se target? makes rnr- realise how awful war will be. I'd die before I'd kill a man Otijcrr (who has watchod- him shoot): "You certainly would." "My dear Mrs. Croesus, may I not put your name down for tickets to Professor Pundit e course of lectures on Buddhislll ?" "Oh, by all means! You know how passion- ately fond I am of flowers." Old Lady (pushing her way into the crowd) "What's the matter, constable?" Constable: "Cat run over by a tramcar." Old Lady: "How s "1! Was the cat on the line?" Constable (fod up with asiiiine in- quiries): "No, mum, tram chased it up a tree." Billy: "Does your mother give you any- thing if you, take- your medicine without I crying?" 1 Wil:v: "No: but she generally ? -1 i gives me something if I don't." Young Softleigh: "Mr. Smith, your daughter has promised to marry me." Old Smith: "Great Scott! She said she'd get even with me when I refused to buy her that puppy the other day." They faced each other across the break- fast-table, he in the pink of. condition, and she worn cut with want of sleep. "I slept like a log last night," he informed her. "I know you did," she murmured. "I heard them sawing it." Lady of the Houe-e (to the beggar): "Go away! I will give you nothing!" At this- moment a barrel-organ at the corner struck up. The Beggar: "May I, at least, ask fcr the pleasure of this waltz, madam?" 'Pretty Cashier: "You might give me a holiday t.o recruit my health. My beauty is beginning to fade." Manager: "What makes you think so?" Pretty Cashier: "The men are beginning to count their change." The local artist had just completed what he considered his best picture, and had in- vited a lady friend to his house to view dt. After, studying the picture in detail she asked what it was called. Wood Nymphs,' replied the artist. "How silly of me to ask, she replied. "They're so natural. Why, anybody would think they were really made of wood." "Ignorance," remarked the talkative youth, "they say is bliss." "Oh! that prob- ably accounts for it," rejoined the old gentleman. "Accounts for what?" queried the vouth. "The contented and happy" look you usually wear," the other replied." The men were standing in groups of five The men were in groups of five end six. each murmanng together. "Wb.t- r' d is. each rauriii?ii-'I ,.lr men?" asked the ,?ver is the matter wibh the men?" asked the chaplain anxiously of the sergeant. -Fe d up, sir," grunted he. "Curious. Exceedingly curious," muttered the chaplain, as he walked away. "Yesterday they were com- plaining that they didn't got enough to eat. Bertie," said his mother, sorrowfully, "even time you are naughty I get another grey "hair." "My word!" replied Bertie; "you must have been a terror. 'Look at grandpa!" Mrs. Newwed: "Well, dear, I've found a flat, and the tramcars go right past the door." Hubby: "Won't the noise disturb your rest, my love?" Mrs. Newwed: "Oh, the landlord assured me that I wouldn't mind it after the first two nights, and you • • know, dear, we can sleep the first two uights at mother's." "I'm afraid I cl,.nt use this kind of stuff," the editor loftily as ho handed back 'tbe manuscript.. "All right! You needn't be to condescending about it!" retorted the contribiitor. "You're not the only one who'a refused that story, you know!"