South Wales Echo

THE VERY B"KST "I have examined the Pills known as KERNICK'S VRGZTABLE PILLS. I certify their, composition to be purely vegetable. I have also tried their effect, aud consider them one of the beat Aperient Pills for consti- pated habits that I know of. "(Signed), JCHN BALBIRNIE. M.A.. M.D." lto Sold by*Il Chemists, ia 7id, l$d, and 2a 9d boxees

I "A RACE FOR A I DEANERY." II WHEELING" (published by Harry Ethrington, 152, Fleet-street) is the title of a periodical devoted to bicycling and tricycling. In connec- tion with it this year has been published an annual choke full of capital tales, most of them referring to adventures on the bike" or "trike." Mr Coleman and other handicappers have also prepared a list of the records for the year, together with a return of the winners of the various pro- fessional and amateur championships, with the times and distances. The Wheeling Annual" is one of the most attractive we have seen this year, W" take the liberty of quoting one of the best of 4 :-it is entitled A RACE FOR A DEANERY." Take it all in all, there is no finer exercise than wheeling, and, unlike some doctors, I can speak from practical experience, for I have fol- lowed my own prescription for more than ten years." Such was the dictum of my old friend and col- lege chum, Walter Marsh M.D., to whom I had pleaded gullto to sundry misgivings that I was getting into a bad way through insufficient exercise, and yet could not make up my mind as to what kind of exercise would be best for me. "Yes, my boy, wheeling is the exercise for you buy a tri., and use it, and your doctor's bill will be considerably shorter than you have been accustomed to see it, and if this isn't disinterested advice, I don't know what is." Here the doctor paused to light a cigar, and I followed his good example. The silence, however, was of short duration, for Marsh had mounted his hobby, and was off again. By the way, did you see the announcement of my uncle's appointment to the Deanery of Aylcester last week Yes, and I was uncommonly glad to see it; worth about £ 2,000 a year, I fancy." ■ Well, what would you say if I told you the old boy won his preferment by a bi. ride, eh ?" Oh I should say you were having a joke at my expense. Dr. Osborne on a bi., indeed, and racing for a deanery No, no I can't swallow that, old fellow." Don't you put a wrong construction on a man's words. I didn't say he rode the machine in point of fact, I did the riding, and he gained the prize. Would you like to hear the story ?" Very much, indeed," was my response. Well, fill your glass this is Glencoe,' and this prime do Irish mix for yourself. Preliminaries having been arranged to our mutual satisfaction, the doctor commenced. "Two years ago, I had a very pressing invita- tion from my uncle Osborne to stay a month at his place in Devonshire you know he was vicar of Elmwold—a scattered rural parish, five miles from the railway station. I didn't feel over well at the time, and really required a holiday, so away I went, forwarding my luggage by rail, and following on my bi. I'm not going to describe my ride, more than by saying I enjoyed it un- commonly well, and met with very civil treatment en route. "My welcome, both from my uncle and aunt, was all that could be desired, and within a week I had found out all the picturesque spots within a radius of 20 miles. I was rather struck, though, with my uncle's pre-occupation whenever we were together, and his scarcely disguised eager- ness to seek refuge in his study, and I half sus- pected he was preparing to embark on the troubled seas of authorship. My aunt, however, quickly undeceived me on my broaching my suspicion to her. Is it possible, my dear Walter, that you have not heard that your uncle is to preach before the Ethical Congress at Ambluston, on the 21st I thought he had told you, if, indeed, you require telling. I am sure it has been announced in all the papers I have seen." "Oh that is the secret of Uncle Frank's learned meditations. Well, I must confess I had not heard of it, and I suppose the London news- papers omitted to publish the interesting fact, or I must have overlooked it. So the dear old gentle- man is going to edify the learned pundits. I sup- pose, by the way, you will be in attendance Of course, I shall be there, and you also I trust," was my aunt's reply. Well, at length the eventful day arrived, and the sermon (enfolded in a new case specially worked for the purpose by my aunt) had received its last finishing touch. A fly from the nearest inn was at the door, and shortly after eight o'clock we were off. The nearest station, as I mentioned, was five miles away, and the train that was to convey us to Ambluston started at nine, covering the distance to our destination in the wonderful time of 43 minutes, the said distance being no less than fourteen miles. In due course we arrived at the station, being about 20 minutes before the train. Those minutes seemed about the longest I ever knew; the vicar fidgetted, Aunt Helen fidgetted, and both feared the train would be late. At last the wretched apology for a train rumbled into sight, and we took our seats, and presently were off. If you will excuse me,' began my uncle, I think I will just glance at my sermon,' and in another moment the MSS. was in his hand. A hasty exclamation burst from his lips, and the sermon fell to the floor of the carriage. In a moment my aunt and I bad seized his hands, and were about to loosan his cravat, fearing he had fainted, but he waved us off, and gasped out, The sermon, the wrong serman "Before I could utter a word, my aunt had the sermon in her hand, and had grasped the whole situation. The grand discourse, in its new case, had been placed on the library table, near his old familiar one, containing his last Sunday's exhortation, and by force of habit he had taken up the onfe to which he was accustomed. "Here was a pretty muddle! The savants would meet expecting an intellectual treat, and would be sent empty away, unless by some means the sermon could be placed iu the preacher's hands by half-past eleven. I made a hurried calculation the train would stop at a station about three miles away, thence to Elmswold would be seven miles. Elmswold to Ambluston, by the nearest road, 16 miles, total. 23 miles, time about two hours and a quarter. Could it be done? I would try. Uncle, I said, cheerily, don't be too sure that you will disappoint the pundits. Tell me exactly where the sermon is (and the text to prevent mistake), and I think I can undertake to put it into your hands by half-past eleven, if that will be early enough.' I No! no You can't do impossibilities; there are no more trains till the evening.' No trains but you forget my bi. at Elms- wold. See, uncle, the train is going to stop, tell me quickly where I shall find the sermon." Oh my boy, if you could do it-but no-, Again my aunt's good sense came to the rescue. There is a chance, Frank, let us try it. Give Walter your keys, and tell him where you left the sermon.' 'On the library table, and the text is "Paral- lelisms of Thought in the Writings of Ancient Greece and the Sacred Scriptures. to Seizing the keys, I leapt from the train before it had come to a standstill, and hurried out of the station. My object was to borrow a horse at the nearest hostelry, ride as speedily as the animal would go, to the vicarage, and thence by bi. to Amltmlston. As good luck would have it, I managed to get a tolerable horse at the Langley Arms, and within a few minutes was galloping towards Elmswood. Fortunately, I was tolerably well acquainted with the road, and knowing the importance of my errand, I had no hesitation in urging my steed to the utmost of his powers. The clock in the old church tower struck 10 as I rode up to the -vicarage door. I fancy I can see now the astonishment depicted on the homely countenance of old dame Perkins, my uncle's servant, as I burst upon her view, my horse covered with foam. and showing bv his heaving flanks how severe his task had been. Don't ;say a word Perkins,' I cried, 1 but send this moment for Teddy Giles, and let him rub down the horse, and then trot him back to the Langley Arms, at Langley Abbas. "In two minutes more I had the precious sermon in my pocket, and wa3 busily engaged scanning my trusty bi. Yes, it seemed thoroughly sound; a little oil might not be amiss, and then for the race—16 miles in 80 minutes. At first the roads seemed very fair, and I made good progress, causing, however, no little scandal to the stolid country folk wending their way to church or chapel. After the first three miles my difficulties began an ugly cross road, deep in ruts, and heavy with stones and'mud, intervened between me and the high road to Ambluston. To ride my machine, would be, I plainly saw, out of the question. There was no alternative but to walk and push my machine. The wretched lane seemed interminable, but like most things, it came to an-end. "With a sigh of relief, I gained the high road, and within five minutes had the satisfaction of passing a milestone, indicating 11 miles to Am- bluston. On I sped, as if a kingdom's safety depended upon my success, and now the old daring feel ing or recklessness and exhilarating sensation that I had so often experienced when riding to hounds, possessed me. The next five miles was covered in little more than 20 minutes, and I calculated that the an- them was just begun. If I could but keep up the pace, I should have a few minutes to spare. A steep hill now presented itself, and I elected to dismount and walk my machine up the incline rather than expend my muscular energy in riding. From the brow of the hill I had a fine view of my road for nearly a mile. In a moment I was in the saddle, and dashing along at racing speed. Three miles to Ambluston, and, bar- ring accidents, plenty of time to accomplish my task. I could reckon on 17 minutes at least. Presently the stately spire of the old church appeared in sight, and I imagined the Litany would now be well in hand. In turning a corner I almost ran into a gipsy encampment, and earned, or at least gained, a sandwich of oaths and curses, accompanied by a few stones, which, fortunately, did no damage, as I was out of range by the time the missiles were sent after me. "As I rode up to the church door, I saw a decent looking countryman strolling about the churchyard, who readily took charge of my machine, while just within the sacred building my aunt was seated, with one eye on my uncle and the other on the door. The gospel was just concludedoand I took advantage of the people rising to place the important sermon in my aunt's hands. Such beaming gratitude as she looked I never wit- nessed before or since. A discreet verger was close by, and by his agency the MSS. was speedily in my uncle's possession. I was rather disappointed at first with the discourse, but when I saw the close and intelligent attention the savants bestowed upcn it, I began to think that possibly I was not so competent to appreciate a learned sermon, as to convey it over a distance of 16 miles (walking and riding), in an hour and 12 minutes. Well, the sermon was fully reported in the Guardian, and led to a learned correspondence between my uncle and the Premier. A great deal of ink was used, and much Greek quoted, and the deanery followed. Take another glass, and don't forget my advice, buy a machine and use it.

ATTEMPTED POSTAL FRAUDS BY A CARDIFF MAN. Sentence upon the Prisoner. At the Bristol Quarter Sessions on Thursday, Frederick Johns, alias Lewis Jones, aged 27, described as a commercial traveller, was indicted for unlawfully soliciting, inciting, and endeavour- ing to procure Walter Fisher and others to forge and counterfeit a dye and plate and also a stamp at Bristol and Cardiff, during the months of October and November, 1884. The accused, who bad formerly resided at Cardiff, wrote about October last to Mr Walter Fisher, a printer, carrying on business in Broadmead, Bristol, ask- ing him if he was in a position to print some postage stamps for him from a dye which would be provided. Prisoner quoted the price which he was prepared to give per thousand and said that if Mr Fisher could give satisfaction he would be able to give him a large order. Prisoner further said that he had disposed of large quan- lities throughout the Rhondda Valley among tradesmen and shopkeepers, at 7s 9d per thousand. The suspicions of Mr Fisher were aroused by the prisoner's letter, and he communicated with the police, the result of which was that, after further correspondence with Johns, who was then living at Ferndale, in the Fihondda Valley, he was induced to come to Bristol, when he was apprehended. In the meantime it transpired that he hud been in communication with an engraver, named Glass, residing in St Mary-street, Cardiff, with the object of obtaining a die from which the stamps might be printed. A true bill was found by the jury, and the prisoner, when indicted, pleaded guilty. The Recorder, in passing sentence, said that the pri- soner had been guilty of a very grave offence, and n must have well known what ha was doing. He was liable to two years' imprisonment, which was very severe punishment, He very much doubted whether lie ought not to give him the full amount, because he said, in order to get Mr Fisher to commit this offence, that lie had been doing it for five years. Mr Poole, who was retained to prosecute by the Post Office authorities, said that inquiries had been made in the Rhondda Valley, for the purpose of ascertaininar whether any stamps had been sold there, and as to whether any such person existed in Birmingham as the manufac- turer described by the prisoner as having made the dies and stamps, and, as far as could be ascertained, these statements were entirely faise. Hi-i Honour said he was giad to hear the statements were false, but whether they were or not, the prisoner represented them as a reason why the prosecutor should be induced to commit this great crime against the Post Office. It was one of the most impudent offences he had ever heard of, as well as one which was very prejudicial, as tending to destroy the confidence of the public in the Post Office. He must impose upon the prisoner the sentence of 18 months' imprisonment, with hard labour. His Honour said that he believed such cases as the one just disposed of were very rare. Mr Osborne, solicitor for the prosecution, said that it was the first case which had ever occurred.

CARDIFF CABS COMMITTEE. A meeting of the cabs committee of the Cardiff Corporation was held at the Town Hall on Thurs- day, with respect to the question of the construc- tion of a cabstand inside the railings in front of Pembroke-terrace, Crockherbtown. which was suggested by a deputation at a special meeting of the cabs committee on the 4th December. It was now decided to allow the matter to stand over. It was resolved to allow four cabs to stand at the Town-hall end of the cab- stand, constructed opposite the County Club. It was likewise decided to recommend the council to permit the construction of a cabstand between the Parade and the end of Richmond-road, the stand to accommodate from four to six cabs. It was resolved to recommend that a cabstand be made between Lower Cathedral-road and the union, for six cabs. A proposal to allow three cabs to stand at the pier, opposite the bottom entrance to Bute-terrace, was not adopted.

A CARDIFF APPRENTICE DROWNED AT SEA. The following is an extract from a letter re- ceived from Capt. Edwin L. Davies, of the barque Caroline, of London, on a voyage from Cardiff to ColomboColombo, 24th Nov., 1884.—On October 24th last one of the boys, Albert Downey, lat. 40, 30 S., long. 25 E., at 7 p.m. We were taking 11l the mainsail at the time, when the vessel shipped a sea. It is sup- posed he was washed overboard with it, but no one saw him go."

The Central News is authorised to state there is no truth in the statement that the Right Hon. James Lowther is about to start for India. Ho has no present intention of leaving the United Kingdom. I FEEL SO WEARY AND TIRED" Is the exclamation of many whom we daily meet, yet they never pause to think or reflect upon the cause of this feeling. It may arise f:om "sluggish vncl impure blood,' -which, if neglected, is the forerunner of serious and chronic disorders. This weary and tired feeling is nature warning us that there is Something wrong, which must be set right, or a l"iig and lingering illness will speedily follow. Wh"t does nature require to throw off this weary and tired feeling? She requires to have new life and energy imparted to all the organs of the body, and the bet means to do so is to take "Gwilym Evans' Quinine Bitters," which purifies the blood, and imparts new life and energy. It is invalu- able to those who are saJlering from affections of the chest, indigestion, nervousness, debility in its worst forms, depression of spirits, aiitl melancholy. GVHLYM EVANS'S QUININE BITTERS. THE VEGETABLE TONIc.-This preparation is now exten- sively taken throughout the country by patients suffer- ing from debility, nervousness, and general exhaustion, and, if any value be attached to human testimony, the efficacy of this medicine has been successfully estab- lished. Its claims have been tested and proved by the medical profession and others, and corroborated by the written testimonials of eminent men. The Quinine Bitters contain not only a suitable quantity of Quinine in each dose, but the active principles of the following well-known herbs—sarsaparilla, saffron, gentian, laven- der, and dandelion root. The use of Quinine is well known, but it has never been satisfactorily combined with these preparations until, after overcoming consi derable difficulties, the proprietor was able to secure a. perfectly uniform preparation, combining all the essential properties of the above plants in thei greatest purity and concentration. It is now established as a family medicine, and is increasing in popular favour the more it ig known and tested. Gwylim Evans's Quinine Bitters is a tonic Pick-me-up,' scientifically mixed in happy proportions. MODE OF Ac,iON.-(And here lies the secret of the Remedy.)—The Quinine Bitters (being a vegetable tonic), by their peculiar power, strengthen that part of the system which is weakest and" therefore, most liable to colds and their attendant diseases. The in- gredients they contain cannot be put into pills, but the patient can follow his usual occupation without fear of exposure. UWILYM EVANS' QUININE BITTERS are recommended by Doctors, Analysts, Chemists. Sold in 28 9d and is 6d Bottles, and Cases containing three 4s 6d Bottles at lis 6d per case, by all Chemists, or from the Proprietor, arriage free, parcels post (under cover). N.B.—No one should suffer without trying "Gwilym Evans' Quinine Bitters."—Mr GWILYM EVANS, F.C.S., Proprietor, aboratory, Llanelly, South Wales. 70868

I YANKEE YARNS. Too-TooTLic.-This is the way a New York weekly journal describes a newly-arrived aesthetic lecturer—"He stands six foot two in his stockings, has a pair of shoulders like a prize-fighter, wears his hair like a Crow Indian, emulates Sign or Marra, the photographic colourist, in the lowness of his shirt-collar, and suggests rather the solid Muldoon of the nineteenth century than a pen- sive and frenetic Florentine of the fourteenth." I A GOOD IDEA. A member of the race of Moses who keeps a hand-me-down store on Main street, near the depot, wears a gorgeous diamond pin in hia 'shirt front. Last Tuesday a Christian gentleman went into the stores and made a small purchase. He noticed the pin, he admired it, and he ex- pressed his admiration. That is a very costly pin you wear," he remarked. "Yah, dot ish von fine pin ?" Do you know what I should do if I owned such a pin Veeping Rachels, vot you does if you owns dot pin, eh ?" I'd wear a clean shirt so that it might have a better setting." And the believer in the Trinity just, reached the door in time to avoid the scissors, which Mr Moses threw at him. I THE COMIO SIDE OF POLYGAMY. There is a comic as well as a pathetic side to Mormon polygamy. Among the Mormon women in Utah was one who accepted in full faith the polgyamic revelation. She had found in poly- gamy an ample compensation in the supposed right of the first wife to choose her husband's succeeding wives. This was her argument—" If the first wife selects the other wives, it has the effect of showing them that the husband thinks much of her judgment, and is willing to abide by it, and that they will have to do the same. This is, of course, as it should be. But, if she lets her husband choose his own wife, he is almost certain to take a fancy to some one whom the first wife does not like at all, and consequently her autho- rity is undermined. The first wife ought to have all the power in her own hands" The sequel of this lady's story is extremely ludicrous. After she had chosen two other wives for her husband, he was so perverse as to choose a fourth for himself, the fourth being not at all to her liking, as she her- self admitted. This is her own account of the matter— I tell you,' said I, I'm quite disgusted with you-a man with three wives—and me one of them-to go talking twaddle to a clattering hussey like that,with her cat s eyes and red hair! Gold- en hair, my dear,' he said Charlotte's hair is golden.' I say red-it's straight, staring red- red as red can be, I told him and then we had a regular fight over it. I don't mean that we came to blows, but we had some hot words; and he went out and left us two alone. Then that young hussy was impudent; and I don't know how it was, but somehow, when we left off our conversa- tion, I found some of Charlotte's red hair between my fingers and there," she said innocently, hold- u ing out quite a good sized tuft of auburn hair- there—I put it to you, Sister Stonehouse-is that red, or is it not?" FILIAL DICVOTION- I Not long ago a young man married and started for California with his wife. On leaving the old home his father bade him good-bye and gave him the parental blessing. My son," said the aged sire, shaking with emotion, "remember these words if you never see me again, Never go into a place where you would not take your wife." The couple settled in Mariposa County, and within a year the old man went out to them. He proposed a bear hunt, and they were fortunate enough to track a grizzly to his lair among some of the boul- ders in the chaparral. As the two approached, the bear roused up and sent forth a growl of defiance which shook the trees. Go in there and kill 'im I" said the old man excitedly. The son held back. further acquaintance with the bear seeming in some respect undesirable. "Count me out," he said. Have I crossed the seas and settled in America to raise a coward ?" shouted the father, brandishing his gun. "I but recollect your ad- vice when I left home." was the reply. How call I forget your sage precepts ? Didn't vou tell me never to go into a place where I couldn't take my wife ? Now how would Sal look in there with that bear?" The old man clasped his dutiful son to his bosom, and, as the bear issued forth, ex- claimed, Speaking of Sally, let us hasten home our prolonged absence might cause her neeedless alarm." about fifteen minutes they had reached the ranch, the old man a little ahead, and the distance was about four miles. A NEAH SHAVE. I » What 1 am about to relate," writes a travel- ler, ':aPPened in a rough mining town in (j^orado. There was a grand ball at the ranch of Whisky Jack, a. well-known character in the diLlgIDgS,' and the élite of the district responded to the call in full force. The party was held in a rickety old barn belonging to the host, and, with a few red strips of flannel, a grotesque accumula- tion at mountain roses, and a row of dripping candles, the appointments of the place were per- fect. My first partner in the giddy dance was the wife of the man who killed the village postmas- ter because he refused him a letter she was fat, fair, and forty, and danced with the grace Of a cow. My next partner was the daughter of this charming pair, a young girl just bursting into the loveliness of womanhood; she was badly freckled, and sported a wart on her nose. My next part- ner was a blooming grass widow, a fresh arrival; and then I rested. I began to comment on new faces in the room. My companion in this plea- sant pastime was a heavy-bearded miner, uncouth, roughly dressed, tobacco-slobbered, and very pro- fane. This was our first meeting, an(j I hoped it would be the last. There goes a hard-looking case,' I whispered, as the wife of the man who killed the postmaster sailed by C she's a tad 'un', 'Yas,'replied the man. 'I'd hate to have the crit- ter stop on me. What an elegant target she would make fr- a poor marksman I' I Yes,' I said, and turned my eyes on a tall raw-boned creature sailing towards us, supported by a. little man with sandy whiskers and red-top boots. I flere comes the boss.' 'How?' 'The boss, I say ain't she a lovely chimpanzee?' A what ? Chimpanzee He glared at me a moment and then reached for his revolver. What is a Chim- panzee ?' he growled fiercely, his red eyes grow- ing large. I saw that I had made some mistake, and hastened to explain. I Why—why,' I stam- mered, backing off, 'a chimpanzee is a lovely creature found in Africa—nothing so gorgeously beautiful as a chimpanzee That is the highest compliment a lady can receivo.' 'Oh!'and the man looked relieved. 'Yas, I think so myself stranger she is a lovely chimpanzee. She's my wife.' HAD TO WA1CH HER. I An old man and his wife were walking along the street. The wife persisted in looking back every time she passed a woman. What makes you carry on that way ?" asked the old fellow. 1 reckon I want to see Dan'l." But you don't hafter act like a cow that's bothered with hoss flies. Folks'll think you never was in town before." Well, now, jes' shet your mouth. I come here to see. You're allus a fussin' an a fussin', and nobody can't have no peace with you. If I want to see how a woman's dress sets it ain't none o your business, so there." Wall, if you must see how all the dresses set, let's stand here till everybody cits dun goin' by. It's distressin' to me to see you twist your neck round that way." Dan'l, for the goodness sake, hush. Folks will think that we hve like cats an' dogs. I do think a man is the beatenes' thing I ever saw. Fuss, fuss, from mornin' till night. Now, look at you, what air you gazin' at ?" Lookin' at a set o' harness hangin' up thar.' Folks will think you are crazy if you carry, on that way." Don't mind me," said the old man. An' don't you mind me," replied his wife. "I have to mind you when you twist your neck and hold your head to one side like a goose. You're in danger 0' hurtin' yourself. It's business with me, for I am lookin' out for a set o' harness." Meeting a fashionable dressed ladv, the wife looked back. but striking an uneven place on the sidewalk, fell sprawling on the ground. Thar I" exclaimed the old man, without mak- ing an effort to assist her. "Oh, the Lord fetches everything 'round all right!" My goodness 5" said the old woman, arising with difficulty, it mighty nigh killed me." Of course it did, an' it sarves you exactly right. Reckon you'll know how to act now, od ding it. Gape an' gaze; gape an' gaze all the time, it is a wonder that you hain't been killed-" "Dan'l, for the Lord's sake, don't scold. You don't do nothin' but fuss an' fuss all the time." The old man did not reply. He was looking at a saddle hanging out in front of a shop. Stepping on a piece of orange peel, his heels flew up and he came down with an awful thump. Good gracious, are you hurt, Dan'l?" The old man groaned, and scuffling to his feet said: Hurt ? that's a putty question to ask a dead man. Wall, this the last time you ever come to town with me. You keep a body watch in' you so close he can't see how he walks. "Dan'l don't fuss. Come on. Let's git them mules an' git outen here. I never saw sich a woman in my life." I-

KAY'S COMPOUND, for Coughs and Colds, i equally serviceable for HOT*?* Cattle. ajU, ta lid, and 2d 9d, 213

I FACTS AND FANCIES. Why should artists not affect slouched hats?— Because chimney-pots would make them draw better. A homely young girl has the consolation of knowing that, if she lives to be forty, she will be pretty old girl. Spavin says that the assertion Time is money is false, for he often has lots of time on his hands, but no money. A little child was addressed by a gentleman the other day. "How old are you,, my dear?" he asked. "Old!" said the child indignantly. I'm not old at all; I'm quite new! "That's what I call a finished sermon," said a lady to her husband, as they wended their way from church. Yes," was the reply; "but, do you know, I thought it never would be ?" It is hard to tell which is the more ridiculous, the young fool or the old fool; but the old fool has this advantage—he will never be a young fool, whereas the young fool may some day be an old fool. There is an awful state of affairs in a little Michigan town, where a compositor substituted the word widows for windows." The editor wrote—" The windows of the church need wash- ing badly. They are too dirty for any use, and are a disgrace to our village." "A friend of mine," a correspondent writes to to Truth, recently entered a barber's shop in Spa, and in the course of conversation inquired of the proprietor whether it was a good season. 'No, sir,' replied the man; 'not that there is any fall- ing off in the number of visitors, but they are mostly ladies, and they do not require shaving. Jeems is very fond of his little joke, but he sometimes goes a step too far. On a recent Sun- day evening he was escorting home a young-lady acquaintance who is not overwhelmned with ad- mirers and. as ihey passed Columbia Market, a policeman and two or three young men wer:* peering in at the closed gates, one of them remark- ing, I wonder who's in the market?" "You are, I'm told," said Jeems. I won't trouble you to walk any farther," said the fair one, now they meet as strangers. A y, John," said a Scotch preacher to one of his flock, whom he had missed for a good many Sundays from the Free Church, "so I'm told you've begun to think that we're not in the right road, and that you are going- back to the Estab- lishment ?" 11 Weel, sir," was the reply, "I winna deny but that hae been ganging that gate, and I canna just say that I'veony serious thought o' turning back in the meantime but dinna think, minister, that I hae ony fault to find wi' your road. It's a braw road doubtless, and a safe road but, och, sir, the tolls are awful dear An old Irish song embodies the superstition that the answer given to the question in baptism what the child's name is to be, however absurd, is sacred, and must be held to be the true name. In the song a dog, answering to the name Dennis," was making himself too busy at the christening, and had to be checked by the mother, with the result described. "What's his name?" says the priest. "Down, Dennis!" says she. So Down Dennis Bulgruddery they christened me." A similar incident is mentioned in a recent report of the Registration Courts. A claimant at litord was found to be registered "Michael Sir Shep- herd," and the explanation given was that his mother, at his baptism, on being asked to Name this child," responded respectfully, "Michael, sir." Accordingly Michael Sir" was his name. A small boy with vague notions of know- ledge, but:, settled conviction that he was per- sonally to blame for most things that happened, there bjing not even a, cat in the house to share responsibilities with him was sent most un- willingly to school. In due course it came to his turn to answer questions. The master, a stern- looking man, with a voice rendered harsh and grating by perpetual fault-findinsr and scolding, looked straight at him and thundered forth, "Now, sir, new boy, who made the world?" No answer coming from the startled lad, the question was repeated with still more emphasis. Still no reply from the new-comer, who trembled visibly on his seat. The master, losing all patience, brought his rule down with thundering violence and shouted once more, "Will you tell me, sir, who made the world ?" It was too much with deadly conviction of his own enormities, the boy sobbed, Please, sir, I did but I'll never do it again The Berlin Musik IVelt says that an eminent pianist was presented, during his late visit to Switzerland, with the customary Gewerbeschein- legitimation of craft—of the Canton Ie Valais, the tenour of which runs as follows Legitimation for strolling handicraftsmen and artits.-The Financial Department grants permission to Mr to pursue for one month his industry as pianist." Then follows the -,erson,,tl description of the individual, with the reminder that the bearer of this paper must be prepared at any time to show the same toa police-officer whenever asked for." At the foot of this formidable document the qualifications of the "strolling artist" are more particularly specified thus—" Strolling artists: comedians, singers, musicians, photo- graphers, circus-riders, tightrope-dancers, jug- glers, &c. also panoramas, menageries, and other exhibitions of art and of natural curiosities, thirty francs per month, and one franc extra for the stamp." The possessor of the Gewerbesehcin is moreover enjoined to have it visid, before every performance, at the local police office-cost 25 centimes—not to mention numerous other minor regulations of a similar nature. THE MAX WHO WATCHKD.—One day recently, soon after the hour of noon, an individual who seemed to be labouring under considerable excite- ment entered a grocery-store on Michigan Avenue, Detroit, and asked for a private word with the proprietor. When the request had been granted, he explained, I believe myself to be an injured husband, and I want to verify my suspicions by watching a house in the next street. This I can best do from the rear of your store. Have you any objection to my taking a seat at the back there by the open window?" The grocer srranted the favour, and the agitated stranger walked to the back and took a seat on a box of cod-fish and began his watch. His presence had been almost forgotten, when he returned to the front of the store with hasty steps and quivering voice and said, "By Heaven, I'll kill her Yes, I'll shoot her through the heart Your wife?" "Yes, my idolised Mary I can no long-erdoubt her guilt, and I'll be a murderer in less than ten minutes The grocer tried to detain him, but he broke away and rushed round the corner. Not hearing anything further of him for half an hour, the grocer oegan to investig-ato; and he discovered that fourteen rolls of butter, a crock of lard, two hams, and other stuff had left the back end of the store by way of the window at which the watchful husband had been stationed. A TYPE-GRUBBER.—It is told of the brother of Douglas .Termld-Hanry-that, although he did not possess the incisive wit of his brother, he could be elaborately sarcastic at times. Some twenty-five years ago he obtained cnsual employ- ment at a printing-office in Melbourne from the overseer, and, as Harry had just finished one of his overland tramps, his appearance was neither sweet nor inviting. He was hirsute, grimy, ragged, and sun-embrowned, and his eyes had the gleam of insipient insanity. The boss of the shop, a dainty finical person, came in and stared at the new hand very fixedly, after^which he indulged in several abrupt uneasy sniffs,^ contorting his visage into an ex- pression of deep disgust. Finally he ordered his foreman to dismiss Jerrold; but, as they were short-handed and pushed for assistance, the fore- man declined the 1 task; so the master-printer himself, with a deal of sniffing- and lordly affecta- tion, interjected to Harry, I say-all you are discharged go!" Jerrold, who had been no unobservant spectator of the other's antics, glared contemptuously at the speaker, and waving his hand, bawled, "Away you agglomeration of diseased cat's-meat! In the language of Colonial magpies, I demaiid-vho are you TO The printer replied irascibly, ia a transport of turkey-cock indignation, Ha, dash it, this is too much Fellow, I am the proprietor The proprietor!" echoed Harry, slamming down his stick on the upper case,and striking a splendid theatrical atti- tude. "The proper rioter Gracious Heavens"— modulating his voice for a tragical display- "wonderful and inscrutable are the ways of Providence Verily this is an annus mirabilis- or, to bring down my intelligence to your paltry level, it is an age of marvels. The world is turned upside down since here, at the Antipodes, am I, the brother of the renowned Douglas Jerrold, grubbing up type for a mountebank jigmaree, a semi-civilised chimpanzee, I believe. Go—go yourself to Jericho!" Then, bursting into an operatic bravura, "All is lost he sang so exceedingly well that his employer, who had a musical craze, was stricken with astonishment, asked Jerrold's pardon, and requested him to stop as long as he liked. Jerrold replied with a Shakesperian quotation, but when he got an ad- vance of ready money he disappeared, and his frame was to let again.

CARDIFF SCHOOL BOARD. A Question of Grants. A monthly meeting of the above body was held at the Town-hall on Thursday, Mr Lewis Williams presiding, and there being also present the Revs. C. J. Thompson, Vincent Sanlez, G. A. Jones; Messrs J. Cory, J. Gunn, T. Rees; and Drs Edwards and Wallace. GENERAL PURPOSES COMMITTEE SCHOOL GRANTS. The report of this committee stated that in the last Government schedule of grant to Severn-road board school a sum of J695 3s was shown to have been deducted from the gross grant earned by the school under article 114 of the new code. In calculating last month the 2-5ths payable to the teachers, the sum withheld by the Government was, with the sanction of this committee, first de- ducted, and the teachers were paid 2-5ths of the residue only. The committee, on re-consideration, were of opinion that it would not be fair to the teachers who had worked well during the year, and obtained the "excellent" grant, to subject them to a loss for which they were not responsible, and it was therefore resolved to recommend that they should receive two-fifths of the full grant. Applications from candidates to fill vacancies of the teachers were examined, and it was resolved to invite the following to attend the board meeting :—Wm. George Powell (Bargoed), Samuel Davies (Fochriw), Wm. James Hole (Canton), Dan Burn (Roath), James Davies (Blaina), and J. D. K. C. Davies (Cwmavon).-A letter, dated 19th December, from the Great Western Railway Company, was read. The company ask the board to sell them a small corner of the Wood-street playground, about 24! square yards in extent, for the purpose of improving at the turn a new road proposed to be made from the bridge at the end of Wood-street to the railway station.— It was resolved to recommend the board to com- ply with this request. In consequence of objec- tions made by residents and owners of property in Romilly-road to the proposed site, the com- mittee agreed to recommend the board to adopt another site in Pembroke-road, or near thereto, subject, however, to the following conditions :— That the owners consent to sell without a provi- sional order, and that all necessary roads and sewers be first made. After seeing the candidates for the vacant teacherships, the board appointed the following: Messrs Powell, Hole, J. Davies, and J. D. K. C. Davies. The report of the committee was adopted. TH HIGHER GRADE SCHOOL. The higher grade school committee suggested in a report that the following should be subjects of instruction in the higher grade school:—Boys chemistry, mechanics, animal physiology, physics, (i) sound, light, and heat, (ii) magnetism and elec- tricity girls botany, animal physiology, and domestic economy. The CHAIRMAN mentioned, with respect to the opening of the school by Mr Mundella, that he had received a letter from Lord Aberdare, whose guest the right hon. gentleman would be, stating that Mr iVIundella would visit Cardiff on Tues day, the 13th inst., to open the school in the afternoon, and address a public meeting in the Public hall. Queen street, in the evening. Intimations of the exact time at which the ceremony would take place—ne thought about 2,50-would be sent out, and he hopud all the members of the board would attend. The opening of the school, he thought, would be formal, and that Mr Mundella would reserve him- self for the evening. The Mayor was very anxious that the town should show its appreciation of Mr Mundelln's efforts on behalf of education, and he had decided to give a banquet on Wednesday afternoon, to which members of the school board were co be invited. The report was adopted. SCHOOL GRANTS. f The Rev. C. J. THOMPSON, in accordance with notice, called attention to the 114th clause of the new code of the Education Act, which he called a fining clause. A school might earn a large grant as the result of good management and great efficiency on the part of its teachers, but ac- cording to this clause the grant must not exceed the greater of two definite amounts. One was the capitation giant of 17s 6d on the average attendance. If the grant made by a school was in excess of that, then it was knocked off, but there was a saving' clause-that if the income of the school, minus the grant received, was equal in amount to, or greater than, the amount earned, then the whole grant might be received. This pressed very hard on all schools, he said. The Severu-road School had been mulcted, after the last inspection, in a sum of £ 95 on the grant earned, the result of which was a loss to the management of the school whilst it led to some- thing like a misunderstanding between the board and its teachers. Inasmuch as the government grant was intended to encourage good work in a school, and to support the school every school, he contended was entitled to the full amount of what it earned. The clause seemed to him to put a premium upon inefficiency, extravagant expenditure, and acted as a dis- couragement. He moved This board present a memorial to the Education Department setting forth tha hardships resulting from the operation of clause 114- of the new code, aud praying for its repeal or such a modification of its existing pro- visions as will allow an efficient school to receive in full the grant it earns in examination." The CHAIRMAN asked Mr Thompson whether it would not serve his purpose to oppose that motion upon the effect of the change on the Severn-road school. Mr THOMAS REES, who seconded Mr Thomp- son's motion, felt very strongly on this matter, and thought the arrangement imposed by the clause most unwarranted. There was one satis- iaction, and that was that the Education Act as well as the code were tentative in their character, and he thought that possibly a. strung representation as to the injustice and impolicy of the clause might lead to its alteration. It was quite out of harmony with the Education Act aud its intention. It was not a pleasant thing bv any means for a board or school management to contemplate earning £ 1 Os lOd for every pupil presented, and then to receive only 17s 6d. He regarded it, in tue words of Mr Thompson, as putting a premium UDon inefficient teaching. The CHAIRMAN thought Mr Thompson would recollect that there was a discussion in the House on this clause, and that the idea was to maintain and increase the efficiency of the schools. He thought it was a part of the compact made when Air Gladstone was asked to give an extra 25 per cent. to the voluntary schools. He knew it was shown at that time that the clause was a safeguard, and referred principally to the voluntary schools. The cJau\e had come into force since the voluntary schools obtained an increase of 25 per cent., and the view then taken by the education advisers in the House was that without such a clause many of the schools would be dependent solely upon the children's pence, and what could be got from the Government grant, and that unless there \Va, a qualification such as this, efforts would not be made by managers of the so-called voluntary schools to get up subscriptions. As far as they were concerned lie thought the reason course taken with respect to the Severn-roadB School was indicated clearly it they referred to the Government Inspector's report upon it last year aud this. It seated last year. The staff would bear strengthening Tt frirf s ,i the boys' school. This year the There have been vacancies m the staff were not promptly and propedy filled up. was (the chairman) took it that the IHth clause was intended to keep up the efficiency of the Js' the department thought that otherwis might secure the grant by merely Reaching tue three B's. He again suggested thau J sou should deal with the Severn-road bcnooi o ltSMr RKES thought the remarks of the chairman called for nis attention, as those which referred. to the staff at Severn-road School reflected upon hUD. The CHAIRMAN It is not a reflection upon y°Mr GUNN said it would not be creditable to them as a board, and it would not be justice to the ratepayers to punish people who had worked so admirably as the Severn-road teachers, There might be cases in which it was necessary to keep the teaching staff up to a standard of efficiency by such a clause as this, but in the present case the circumstances were wholly, different, if Mr Thompson would confine his resolution to the particular case of the Severn-road School he would support it, but he thought it would be r ith°r cut of the province of the ooard to expre. an opinion upon the working of the clause else- where, as they were not familiar with it. Mr REES said Mr Greig's school was referred to as being somewhat understaffed. According to the inspector's report, he found there was an average attendance of 297 boys there were occa- sionally to be found in tnat school about 305 boys possibly. Now, so long as the board provided a staff which the department demanded as a mum, what could the department say ? He, prepared to say tha* the board had gone a, i way beyond this. He gave particulars of 0 teaching staff, and said that 360 boys were pro- vided for, which was a long way oe- yond the Education Department minimum Then why should they be charged with keeping a low staff? 'With respect to tue girl's school be granted that there might have been times when the staff hinged on the minimum, but it could not be helped when teacners were ill and stayed away. Teachers were not kept 011 a shelf labelled and ready for us\ Aotwithstand- ing all this, charges oucu j-k brought in the inspector's report were more. He said they were all nonsense, and that they were made by men who wanted to justify their existence. In the course of some other remarks, it was mentioned that the Severn-road School was the most successful in Wales, it having passed 100 per cent., and obtained the highest possible errant. The Rev. C. J. THOMPSON remarked that there were four fining clauses, and that if the Severn- road Board School had been fined for inefficiency of the staff, it would have been fined, not under clause 114, but under another clause, and, there- fore, the remarks of the chairman with respect to the inspector's report did not apply. After some other discussion, and an amend- ment having been proposed by the chairman and duly seconded by Mr Gunn, the Rev. C. J, Thompson so altered his resolution as to meet the views of the proposer of the amendment, and the resolution which was adopted-read as follows "This board having hadjbefore it the last report on the Severn-road School (according to which that school suffers a deduction of £ 951 and clause 114- of the code, and having considered the question generally, present a memorial to the Education Department setting forth the hardships resulting from such clause, and praying either for its repeal or for such a modification of its existing provisions as will allow an efficient school to receive in full tbo grant it earns in examination.' IV There was no other business of public interest.

THE RHYMNEY RAILWAY EXTENSION. The new line of railway between Cyfarthfa and Quaker's Yard, which places the Cyfarthfa works and collieries in direct connection with the Rhymney and Great Weatern Railways, was opened for mineral traffic on Thursday. Mr Evans, the traffic manager of the Rhymney Rail- way, was at the new line on Thursday, The first mineral train consisted of 21 mineral wagons from the Cyfarthfa collieries. These were brought direct to Cardiff, and shortly afterwards trains of empty wagons went up and a regular service established. The new line will send an important addition to the minerals carried on the Rhymney Railway, as the whole of the traffic from the Cyfarthfa works and collieries will be carried over the new line, either by the Rhymney or the Great Western Railway Company, who are joint owners of the line.

LANTWIT AND BLACK VEIN COLLIERY, CAERPHILLY. Our district mining reporter, writing on Thurs- day night, states :-A great amount of conster- nation was created throughout Caerphilly on Wednesday evening, by a report that 100 hands had been dismissed at the above colliery. This rumour unfortunately proved to be true. When the men came to the surface on Wednesday after- noon a list was posted at the office, containing the names of those not required for future working. The reasons for such an action on the part of the company is quite a mystery to the men.

ALLEGED EMBEZZLEMENT AT MONMOUTH. At the Monmouth borough police court —before Messrs George Griffin, Thomas James, and T. W. Oakley, and Alderman Hyam —George Thomas Filton was charged on two counts of obtaining two sums of 158 and 12s 6d respectively from Walter Henry Worth. The prosecutor is an agent for the Royal Liver Friendly Society at Gloucester, and appointed prisoner as his sub-agent for Monmouth. Prisoner had sent him the two weekly returns produced each accompanied by a letter. The two sum named were advanced by prosecutor owing to the returns made by prisoner, which were after-- wards found to be entirely fictitious, no single insurance having been effected. Prisoner was committed for trial at the quarter-sessions on each charge. He applied for bail, which was granted, but he was removed in custody pending the sureties being forthcoming.

VOLUNTEER INTELLIGENCE. Presentations at Crickhowell. It being the- -desiruW-ttm-violunteers that there should be a public presentation of the silver tea. kettle subscribed for as a token of the respect of the C Company for their captain, on the occasion of his recent marriage, the Crickhowell volun- teers, with a number of friends, were invito to a cold collation at the Bear Hotel, on New Year's eve. Captain Davies occupied the chair and was supported by Col. Gwynne, Assistant- Surgeon Hill, Lieut. Whitting, Mr R. H. A Davies, Mr R. S. B. Sladen, and Mr R. Catnn" bell. Orderly-room-Sergeant Evans was the vice- chairman. Among the ladies present were Mr. E. G. Davies, Mrs Gwynne, Miss Ellen GrwynUe and Miss Bell. The usual loyal toasts having been duly honoured, Col. GWYNNE said that he felt it a great COm- pliment to be allowed to present this tea-kettle to both Mrs Davies and her husband as a marriage present from the past and present volunteers of the Crickhowell Company. The tea-kettle bore the following inscription. Presented by Col. Gwynne, on behalf 0f the p-i«t arid present officers and members of thg Crickhowell Company of the Breconshire VOlun. teers, to Capt. and Mrs 35. Graurex Davies, on their marriage, November 26, 1884. Mr R. H. A. DAVIES, the secretary of the local cricket club, then presented Capt. and Mrs Davigs on behalf of the club with a silver salver as a, token of regard. He said Capt. Davies had been the leading spirit of the cricket club for many y^ars—indeed, since its forma, tion. The salver was inscribed as follows •_ Presented by the members of the CrickhowelJ cricket club to Capt and Mrs E. Gratrex Davies on their marriage, .November 26th, 1884." es Capt. DAVIES said it was with the greatest pride he returned thanks for those ha d g es sents from his fellow volunteers and cricketers The CHAIRMAN then proposed the « Health of Col. Gwynne," who responded, and,in conclusion, begged them to drink the Health of their worthy Captain," who again replied. Other toasts followed, and in the course of the evening several songs were sung.

THE WELSH IN LONDON. [FROJI OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT I The members of the newiy.formefj Cambro- Briton Society met on Tuesday evening at the DevonshIre House Hotel to elect officers and to consider matters of detail. After a hot discus- sion, it was decided that the weekly meetings of the society shall be held at the Cannon-street Hotel. The attractions of the meetings, which will be devoted principally tc the reading of papers and debates thereon, are to be increased by the admission of light refreshments and per- mission to smoke. An attempt to introduce alcoholic drinks was frustrated by the strenuotia opposition of the temperance party. The elec- tion of officers proceeded v by nomination and ballot. Dr. Morgan Davies, of the London Hospital, was appointed president, and Mr Robert Parry, B.A., son of the Rey. Griffith Parry, Aberystwith, vice-president for the first session. Mr Maurice Williams, M.R.C.S Finsbury-square, was elected treasurer, andftfr T J. Davies, B.A., son of the Rev. Griffith Davies, of Cardigan, was appointed honorary secretary. The first general meeting of the society will be held on the 23rd instant On Wednesday evening a la.rg'e number of the Welsh poor of the East End waS treated to a tea at the Zion Schoolroom, Whitechapel. a public meeting was afterwardsJ beld> Mr H. Lloyd Hughes m the chair. Addresses were delivered by several gent: eme» i»terfste^ in We?sh migsion work in London and by elsh missionanes. Mrs Watts HugbeS £ pUpi!f added to the interest of the evening by contributing several •songs. Considerable satisfaction is expressed in p°Ufd0n r Rhys8 has been selected"3 to^jL ^he Hibbert fo.r 1885" ,Th6 chosen, Celti° Heathenism, is also one of the greatest interest to Welsh people. The R°v- John Evans (Egiwysbach) has completed the publication of the first volume of sermons preached by him at the City Road Chapel. The volume contains twelve discourses 011, amongst other subjects, the death of Hiraethog and of the Duke of Albany on the Temperance question, and 011 Religious' reform as a political good." I am given to understand that the Welsh Wesleyans are making strenuous efforts to signalise the stay of Mr Evans amongst them by completing the payment of the debt yet remaining on the chn,pel during the period of his ministration in London. 'I Printed and Published by the Prol)rictors, DAVID DUNCAN & SONS, at their Steam Printin Works, 75 and 76. St..Mary.street, and VV«st?ate-streeft in the town of Cardiff in the County of (liamorg"