South Wales Echo

LONDON LETTER. i (SPECIALLY WIRED, j [ST OUR GALLERY CORRESPONDENT.] I LONDON, Thursday Night. Lord Wolseley slowly and laboriously works nut his plans up to a certain point, and thereafter moves with a rapidity that con- founds the enemy. Ho is now at this stage, and the little army is crossing the desert towards Metemnah as fast as camels will carry it. To-day General Stewart started with another batch from Korti, with in- structions to pass forward to Metemnah, a place which has only within the last few days become familiar to English ears. Tt practically answers for Shendy, beiii'; a small village immediately opposite Shendy on the nearer bank of the river. Lord Wolseley's despatch from Korti yesterday does not seem to anticipate much fighting. He expects Stewart to cross the desert in seven days, although the second half of the journey after passing Gakdul is much more difficult than the first. Lord Wolseley's opinion appears to be that Gen. Stewart will forthwith occupy Metemnah, notwithstanding a day or two ago it was reported that the Mahdi was there in consi- derable force. The difficulty of the Mahdi's position will forthwith develope itself. He must either stay and fight General Stewart, or, saving himself by retreat, will lose the reputation for invincibility which has hitherto served him on the part of the Arabs. With the exception of some bell-ringing at the fashionable churches, and some extra display on the part of the household troops doing sentry duty, scarcely any echoes of the festivities at Sandringham to-day reached London. Great satisfaction is expressed at the determination on the part of the Prince of Wales, now officially announced, not to ask for a separate allow- ance on behalf of his son. Such a proposi- tion, even in the present Parliament, would have led to undesirable debate, and it is by no means sure that the result would have been the voting of the money. The request would have been a distinct departure from usage. The money voted on account of the Royal family at brief intervals during the last ten years, in addition to the Civil List and the special allowances to the Prince and Princess of Wales, has been agreed to upon a distinct principle. There is a tacit under- standing that the nation, in addition to the E425,000 annually allotted !•> the Queen, should provide for the Queen's children, the sons upon coming of age, and the daughters upon marriage but to extend this principle II to the third generation opens up prospects that may alarm the most loyal of taxpayers, as there is no precedent for a special allow- j ance for the eldest son of the Prince of Wale8, and this does nut appear a time favourable to creating one. Mr Parnell's victory at Tipperary yes- terday is one of a kind of which it would not be desirable to have too many. Ireland, if ever free from the domination of Eng- land, would fall under some such dictator- ship as that Mr Parncii has already hastened to assume. But the action of Tipperary has given a warning that is a little premature. Under strong pressure Mr O'Ryan has been induced to retire, but Mr Parnell under- stands that it will not be safe, except in very small and obscure places, haughtily and without consultation of the authorities, to attempt to thrust his nominee upon their acceptance. A great assistance to Mr Parnell in ostensibly carrying his point was the somewhat too jubilant tone of portions of the English Press. They hastened to point out that Mr Parnell was in great straits, and that if Tipperary insisted upon selecting its own member,he would receive a blow from which he would never recover. That was sufficient of itself to close up the ranks in Tipperary, and for present pur- poses has done so. Baron de Worms has been finally bowled out at Greenwich, and Mr Boord is now the accepted representative of the districts con- tained in the new borough. It is yet doubtful what the noble baron will do. Woolwich, the section of the old borough which, according to Mr Boord's statement, he somewhat too acutely assigned to his col- league, is by no means a safe seat for a Conservative. At best it means a hard fight to be renewed at every general election. This seems a little ungrateful on the part of the borough to which the baron on two successive occasions took the principal per- sonages of the Opposition, and gave them a good dinner, which speedily came to be known as the Diet of Worms." Who is to look after foreign affairs if by an evil chance Baron de Worms is left out of the next Parliament 1 The resolution with respect to ques- tions of which Mr Borlase has given timely notice is not very new. It has fre- quently been recommended in this column and others as the best practical method of dealing with the curse of questions. The difficulty Mr Borlase will have is in finding an opportunity for bringing the point to an issue. There is a strong belief that one of the first duties of the new Parliament will be to put the house in order on the whole question of procedure, and there is an equally strong disinclination to deal with the matter piecemeal in the present Par- liament. Mr Gladstone, it is well-known, has made up his mind not to go further into the matter. The proposal of the National Liberal Club to give a banquet to Lord Ripon on his return from India has been warmly taken up. Mr Gladstone, who has been invited, though of course without much expectation that he would be able to attend, has written a letter speaking in the highest terms of the late Viceroy. This letter will probably be read at the dinner. In addition to Mr .Chamberlain, Sir Charles Dilke and other members of the Cabinet will be present. In fact, the meeting promises to be one of the most influential and representative of any recently held in London. The reason for this demonstration it is not difficult to understand. Lord Ripon is not the kind of man to excite enthusiasm in the breast of his personal friends and acquaint- ances. He is rather a cold, unemotional man, who takes no particular pains to make himself agreeable. But in him a large class of Englishmen recognise a champion of native races too apt to be overborne by the pride and strength of the conqueror. I happened to be in India last winter at the time when the outcry against Lord Ripon in the matter of the Ilbert Bill was at its loud- est. It would be impossible in reason- able space to give an account of the feeling towards him excited among the English community, more particularly on the Calcutta side of the peninsula. At every English dinner table nothing but the Ilbert' Bill was talked of, and contempt and con- tumely heaped upon the head of the Viceroy. So great was the pressure that, as everybody knows, Lord Ripon was obliged to modify the bill, the simple object of .r-Jc\ was to remove from native magistrates h. ban by which Englishmen of whatever looto lives or whatever notorious character were free from their jurisdiction. They might try only natives. The lowest clas§ of ç were beyond theis ÀQ¡¡Y .ø

HARRY SEYMOUR; 08 Incidents in the Life of a Cardiff Clerk. I CHAPTER IV. Ellt all this time during which we have been following the fortunes of Louie and Blanche, we have lost sight of Lizzie Morton and Nellie Bur- bidge, the other two young ladies whom we intro- duced to our readers at the commencement of this story. Time had brought no changes to them. Lizzie Morton was -still tiilwedded-still engaged and often wondered why her lover never broached the subject of their marriage. But she knew, he felt he was true to her, and though she was begin- ning to be tired of home life, and would gladly have gone out again,' in other words, gone as a shop girl, yet knowing that her affianced, Charlie T!> nn-m, did not like the idea, she made herself contented as it was possible for her to be. Her friends Louie Kandell and Blanche Aubrey haviu.. married, were removed out of her sphere, but gentle Nellie Burbidge and Lizzie were still friendly. It was during the time that Blanche and her husband were separated that one tine evening in the early days of January, Lizzie and Nellie met by appointment near the Sophia Gardens. Charlie Thornton had told Lizzie the previous evening that he should be away to Newport on business, and Lizzie, having hearcfr of Blanche's flight from her husband, was desirous of talking it over with Nellie. But to her extreme chagrin, Nellie reso- lutely, but quietly, refused to talk of Blanche's misfortunes, as Nellie termed them, and so ex- asperated was scandal-loving Lizzie, that she inconsistently left Nellie, and marched off home indignantly, Nellie, grieved at Lizzie's disposition to gloat over other folks troubles, started off home again. She was walking along just beneath the Castle Tower, when a highly-dressed, eye- giassed, rakish-looking individual stopped in front of her, and said- "Good evening, Miss, sorry to see a handsome young lady like you, all alone. Shall I have the pleasure," offering his arm. Nellie aid nothing, but tried to pass him. Not so fast, my pretty girl; I don't have such a chance every day," and the fellow insolently tried to raise her veil. Just then another gentleman came on the scene, and Nellie excitedly appealed to him for protec- tion. The foppish rake insolently stared at the gentle- man appealed to,and bade him go on and mind his own business. Ob, sir," said Nellie, "pray don't leave me; this man has grossly insulted me, and I never saw him before in my life." "You had better be oft," said the new comer, "or I'll give you in charge." The rakish-looking individual made a blow at the speaker, but the latter avoided it, and laid his stick smartly across the shoulders of the ag- gressor, sending him cursing away. Nellie warmly thanked her champion, who, however, would an leave her until he had seen her safely home. He was very polite and considerate to her, asked her no impertinent questions, and altogether made a favourable impresaion apon her. Next evening Nellie was invited to a private party, and was, it must be confessed, very agree- ably surprised to find herself introduced to her champion d the evening before. They were naturally attracted towards each other, and ere the uight was over Nellie had promised Mr Roberts to meet him again. The acquaint- ance rapijlv ripened into love, and they became engaged. Mr Roberts was nine years her senior, and bud a house ready for her, for he had kept a home for his widowed mother, and since she died he had been very lonely, and had been debating the idea of finding a, wife. For a time all went smoothly with them. One day, about six weeks after Nellie's intro- duction to Mr Roberts, she met Lizzie Morton. They had often met since their estrangement, but hitherto Lizzie had appeared not to know Nellie, though the latter bore no malice, and grieved over Lizzie's apparent enmity. Now, however, she accosted Nellie with— Ab, Nellie, dear, I've heard some news. Is it true you're going to be married ? I know your intended Mr Roberts, he's a nice young man, and in a good position, but-" But what Lizzie?" Well, if you don't know, it is right you should. I daresay you have found out that he is fond of music." Yes." said Nellie, I know that, because he goes to practise on the chapel organ sometimes." But do you know lie often meets Miss Nor- ton there, and they practise together? Miss Norton has boasted in my hearing that Mr Roberts is her beau, and—" A look at Nellie's white face stopped her. "There I'll say no more, I did not want to vex you, but one cannot help hearing such things." No, but you can avoid making mischief, Lizzie. Do you remember when Blanche tried to set you against Charlie, how indignant you were., And I must do as you resolved to do, I'll ask Mr Roberts about it. Good day, Miss Morton." Miss Morton, indeed well I've put my foot in it this time, it seems, and no mistake. But who would have thought that gentle Nellie Bur. bidge, as she used to be called, would turn round on one like that. Mr Roberts is well-to-do, though, and I must make friends again with Nellie. They will be nice visiting acquaintances when we are both married." That evening Nellie told Mr Roberts what Lizzie had said. It is true, Nellie, that Miss Norton practices sometimes when I am there, but quite untrue that any thought of her as my wife ever entered by breast. She is far too young, and too silly but being the niece of the organist, I am on friendly terms with her." But you will not leave me in the evenings when—after we-are married, to go practising 7" No, Nellie, I am going to purchase a har- monium at Thompson and Shackell's, and wo might as well go now, I don't think the shop is shut." They were politely received by the junior part- ner of the firm, and on requesting to be shown some harmoniums, were ushered into the spacious show-room. Nellie soon picked out one, the ap- pearance of which she liked very much. Upon her affianced trying it, however, he pronounced it too loud for a parlour. At length an instru- ment which combined sweetness of tone with beauty of appearance was chosen, half-a-guinea was paid as the first monthly instalment, and the next day it was safely deposited in Nellie's home. You will be able to take better care of it than I shall, my dear," said her lover, there are too many children at my lodgings." How much more will you have to pay for it than if you bad paid the whole cost now ?" asked Nelly. Onlyja guinea, Nelly, and I can better afford to pay that extra guinea in the course of the two years it will take to pay it all than I can pay the amount now." It became Nelly's delight to pass their evenings at her home. Sitting at her needle, she was con- tent to listen for hours to the harmony brought forth by the skilful fingers of her lover, occasion- ally accompanying with her sweet voice. "Surely," she thought to herself at such times" this is a foretaste of a happy life in store for us." I CHAPTER V. ) The meeting between Blanche and her husband was a very affecting one. When Blanche was fit to be removed home, Harry Seymour went again to Newport, Will Aylwin accompanying htm. The latter, however, remained in the waiting-room at the station, whilst Harry went to the workhouse to fetch Blanche. She was very much agitated, but decidedly improved in ap- pearance. Her illness had imparted a delicacy and refinement to her countenance which it had never worn before; and the thought of her husband's love and tenderness had impressed a softened gentle look upon her features that charmed Harry. "Why Blanche-Mrs Aylwin, I mean, you are looking better than ever I have seen you; Will will be delighted to see his beautiful wife." But has he quite forgiven me ? Will our life be as happy In the future as it might have been in the past ?" Never fear, Will has resolved to begin afresh, and to regard you as he did on the morning of your marriage." Then we shall indeed be happy. Oh Mr Seymour, words fail me to express the gratitude I owe^you for the prospect of a life's happiness, 1D«' Come, Blanche—you will not be offended with me for so calling you-we are nearing the station; put on a smiling countenance-Ah there is Will." Mr Aylwin could not wait at the station, and had come to meet them. As Harry got out of the cab one side, Will jumped in on the other. My darling wife," he began-but the death- like pallor that overspread Blanches features stopped him. He was prepared, however, for such an emergency, and taking a small bottle of sherry from his pocket, he made Blanche d?uik. This brought back the colour to her cheek, hne hid her face in his bosom and wept—but they were tears of joy.. Cheer UP, my dear, dear wife we will begin life afresh, and nothing but death shall again separate us." By this time the station was reached, and they were joined las 44f fyt, "The tide to Cardiff was a happy one, and when Blanche reached her new home, she was touched by her husband's kindly consideration. Mr Aylwin had taken a new house, in a neighbourhood where Blanche was not known, and not very far from Harry's home. He had furnished it even more elegantly than his first home, desiring to reconcile Blanche to the absence of the luxury and semi-splendour of her father's house. But he need have had no fear of the thorough change that had been wrought in Blanche. The first evening of their reunion Harry and Louie wisely resolved to leave them alone and the happy young couple were glad of it. They sat up that evening in their -cosy sitting-room, talking of the future, until Will began to fear Blanche would be weary, and insisted on retiring to rest. But long after they had done so, their conversation turned to Harry and his devoted wife. But for Harry Seymour I should still be un- forgiving, a hard stony-hearted, misanthropical monster, not fit to be called a husband." "Ah, Will, but for Harry I should have pro- bably been in my grave; for I should not have left that workhouse alive-" Hush, Blanche, do not grieve me by referring to the past. Let us blot out from our life all reference to it, and only remember it in order to be thankful for present happiness." Next morning a letter, containing news of a surprising character was delivered to Mr Aylwin. An old bachelor uncle of his was dead, and had bequeathed him the sum of £ 10,000. Whilst Will and his wife were building castles in the air as to the disposal of the monoy, a boy brought a note from Louie. Come to me at once, if you care for poor Harry," it ran, he has been arrested for embez- zlement. I am sure he is innocent, but I want your help." Oh Willy, you must go to poor Louie at once." Aye, Blanche, thank God this money has came now, for we can afford to spend a part of it in behalf of Harry, who has done "0 much for us," Mr Alwyn set out at once for Harry's abode, and found poor Louie in the greatest agony of mind. The firm had discovered that one of their employes had been tampering with the banker's pass book and the cash book, and it lay between Harry and a fellow clerk. Figures had been altered, and the alterations were generally testified to as being in Harry's handwriting. This was all that Mr Aylwin could learn from Louie; but on making enquiries at the office where Harry had been employed, Will learnt that Harry was suspected more because he had lately lent another clerk, and he could not account for one of the notes which made up that amount, and which note ought to have been paid by Harry, being part of a sum he had received at the bank, in exchange for a bill. But the cash-book showed that the whole of the amount had been paid in, and this further com- plicated the matter. Mr Aylwin at once paid a visit to a respectable solicitor, and bade him spare no cost in prosecuting a search for the real delin- quent, for Aylwin believed Harry was innocent. The solicitor, accompanied by Mr Aylwin, went to the office of Harry's employer, and requested to see the altered book. A close scutiny enabled him to detect a difference in the shade of the ink used in the erasures, compared with the rest of the writing. Who has access to these books besides Mr Seymour ?" the lawyer asked the manager. "No one ought to have but it is possible for Mr Dixon to get to them in Mr Seymour's absence." Mr Seymour was absent on leave for two separate days lately; who had charge of these books then ?" iNIr Dixon." Is it he to whom Mr Seymour lent the £ 20." "Yes, but you don't surely suspect "I suspect nothing, but I'll get a warrant- ah, what's this," said the solicitor, suddenly opening the door. Oh, Mr Dixon," said the manager, "what are you doing outside the door ?" It seems to me h,) is playing the eaves- dropper," sarcastically answered the lawyer, but he will not be sharp enough this time. Mr Dixon, you had charge of this pass book for two separate days lately, Did you take it out of the office 2" N-nc;, stammered Dixon. Are you sure? Pray be careful." You have no right to ask me such a ques- tion.' Oh We'll see all about that. Wiil you ac- company us?" Where to?" "To the police-station." No, I won't. You arc not justified in asking me to do that." Will you: then, see that he does not leave the office for an hour ?" "If he does," said the manager, "I shall be justified in discharging him." And I shall give him into custody," said the solicitor. Mr Aylwin and the solicitor then left, and were barely outside the door when Dixon rushed out, and was starting off at full speed. A constable was coming down Bute-road. Stop that man," shouted the solicitor. Dixon ran right into the constable's arms. i" What have I done ? Why do you stop me ? I'll make you pay for this." All right, constable, you know me," said the solicitor. I will be responsible for what I am doing now. Take Mr Dixon to the station, and keep him there till I get a search warrant from the magistrates." A search warrant ? What for?" asked Dixon. To search your lodgings, my good man." What do you expect to find? I am not justified in telling you." Dixon here tried to make a bolt, but only suc- ceeded in the policeman's taking him by the coat- cuffs, and threatening to hand-cuff him if he tried again to escape. He was safely lodged in a private room in the police-station, the constable explaining to the inspector on duty that the solicitor had requested him to be taken care of whilst a search warrant was procured and his lodgings searched. This was carried into effect, and a bottle of ink was found of the identical tint used by the person who made the erasures in the pass book and cash book. The ink was taken possession of. Dixon's landlady was in a terrible state of excitement. Can you tell me, Mrs Davis, if your lodger ever brought home any large office books ?" h No, I cannot, but my daughter can; I'll fetch her." The daughter, it was soon apparent, was Dixon's sweetheart, but not knowing why she was questioned the girl readily answered that he had brought home a big book one evening. Asked to describe it, she accurately described the cash book. The solicitor, the police-sergeant and Aylwin then left and were back at the police- court in time to see Harry brought before the magistrates. The evidence produced was deemed sufficient by the magistrates to clear Harry, and Dixon took his place in the dock. His employers, however, though satisfied of Harry's innocence, were not sure of Dixon's guilt, at least this was the reason given for their refusing to prosecute, though it was afterwards whispered that Dixon's betrothed had been to see the senior partner, and had so worked on his feelings as to obtain Dixon's discharge. A few evenings after Harry's trouble was over, a social party took place at his residence. Only the four friends we introduced to our readers at the commencement of this short story with their husbands, for it was not deemed expedient, for Blanche's sake, to ask strangers. There was Lizzie Morton, now Mrs Charles Thornton, Mr and Mrs Roberts, and Blanche and her husband. Louie was still suffering from the shock consequent on Harry s arrest, but she strove to appear cheer- ful, and succeeded in making her guests enjoy themselves. After tea, music was called for. Louie's piano was much admired, and was played by Louie, Blanche, and Mr Roberts. "Did you procure this at Thompson and Shackell's ? Ah I thought so. I saw one like it the other day when we selected a harmonium. Yes, the firm has become celebrated for the quality of the instruments they sell, and their system of doing business is a great boon to those who would never dream of purchasing a. piano or harmonium bad they to pay cash down." Ere they parted at eleven' o'clock everyone de- clared they had never spent a happier evening. How true," said Mr Roberts, are the words "of the poet- Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast. "Yes," said Harry, "did the working men of England only comprehend its power, the country would not pay such enormous taxes for its drink- ing habits." The party shortly afterwards separated, and within two months from that night were scattered over the world. Blanche and her husband, with their little fortune, went to Australia; Harry Seymour and Louie to Spain, where he had been appointed representative of an English firm; Mr Roberts and Nellie to London, only Charlic.1 Thornton aijd his wife staying in Cardiff. [THE END.]

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YANKEE YARNS. NO ENCOURAGEMENT. Colored washerlady to white woman: Look heah whut yer gwine ter gin me fur er Chris'mus present ?" I don't know that I shall give you anything.' Mighty sorry ter heah it, lady," and as she went out she muttered: Now I knows dat I ain't gwine tor bring dat bed quilt back. How does da'speck erpussonter be hones'an' 'ligious when da. doan hoi' out no 'ducements ?" ALL THE SAME. A well known railroad lawyer, while accom- panying several ladies on a tour of inspection through the penitentiary the other day, stopped in front of a cell where a grim looking fellow sat, and said: Ladies, here is an excellent specimen. How are you ?" addressing the convict. "Sorter slow at present." You don't find life in here very enjoyable, I presume ?" Wall, it ain't as ful o' fun as it might be." "What were you put in for?" Wall, podder, you an' me was about in the same business. I know you." n In the same business ? What do you mean Same business, that's what I mean. You are a railroad lawyer, ain't you?" "Yes." Wall, I am a train robber." SAVED HER. 11 Ilse mighty sorry to see dis young lady totch up heah," said Ink Johnson, a justice of the peace, referring to a young coloured girl. I hab alius been a gallunt man, myse'f; and it pams me to see dat one o' de fa'r sex hab been gripped by de nippers o' de law. Whut' de charge ergin dis lady ?" Wall jeuge," replied the father of the girl, she tried ter run away an marry er yaller man whut I ain't got no use for, nohow." "Dat er fack? Mighty se'ius charge, young pusson; one dat I woul' hate ter be fotch ergin me ef I wuz er lady. How ole is dis good lookin' pusson T "Nineteen," replied the father. a Got er good appetite fur de usual food o de t&n I reckon?" Y as, sah oh, yas." Doan hanker airter fine fixins ?" No, sah." "Wall," said the justice, "I'lljes grant myse'f er 'vorce frum my ole wife, an' marry dis girl ter sabe her from de clutches o' de enraged law. Call in er preacher, Mr Constable." ASSISTED EACH OTBER. I Look here," said a white woman, entering the kitchen and addressing the colored lady who had just been employed to increase the grocery bill, what are you doing with all these women here ? I only hired you." "Tibbe sho jyer did." Then why do you bring so many women with you?" "Dis heah one, lady, is my daughter, She come ter wait on me." "Yes, but those others ?" (I Wait lady. Doan be 'Vetuoiis, Dis udder one is my cousin Francis." What is she doing here?'* Come ter wait on my daughter." "Great goodness, who is that?" pointing to another one. Dat's Mrs Napoleon." What right has she here ?" W'Y she (come ter wait on cousin Francis, Lady, I doan like de way yer's actin' ertall. White folks' place in de house, an I neber coul' do my work when da come pokin' roun' "Get out, now, all of you." Tibbe sho we -,v ill ef yer ain't pleased. Doan hanker airter workin' for 'culiar folks nohow. Good mawnin' A DAKOTA DOMESTIC BLIZZARD. I The other day a Bismarck gentleman was com- ing up from Standing Rock, and stopped to see a man who lives near the Cannon Ball River, In response to his knock at the door he heard a shrill, sharp Come in I" and upon entering found a sharp-faced angular woman sitting in the room under an open scuttle-hole leading into the loft above, with a shot-gun on her knee. Is the gentleman of the house in V he asked. Yes, sir, he air." "Cairlsee him a. moment?" "No, sir: you can't see a hide nor hair of 'im Why can't I, madam ? I would like to speak to him on business." If you was a dyin', and Ji-,n war the only doctor in Dakoty, ye couldn't set an eye on him till he gives in an' talks decent. At din- ner awhile ago he told me to PASS lin the apple soss, an' I tol him it wasn't soss, but sass, and he said he knowed better, it was soss, and I tol* him that w'en he tuk a notion that a little apple sass'd feel soothin' to his stomach to say so, and he said he'd have that soss or die. Then I tol' him I'd defend that sass with life, and made a break for the shot-gun, an' he made a break up through the scuttle inter the loft. Wen his senses come to and he gives in that sass is sass, he kin cum down, but if he makes a break afore that, off goes the top of his head. Thar sets the sass, :stranger, an' thar's Jim up in the loft, and that's the way the matter stands jist now, and I reckon you d better mosey along an' not get mixed inter the row As the gentleman moved away he heard her voice 1 saying: "Jim, w'en you get tired o yer durn foolin' and want this sass, jes' squeal out! And a gruff voice from the darksome garret respon- ded: "Soss!" a gruff voice from the darksome garret respon- ded: I' Soss! AN ARISTOCITAT'S EXCLUSIVENFSS..I- I ihe stuck-up exclusiveness of some ot these English noblemen is positively refreshing. The other morning, while Lord Loftus was breakfast- ing at the palace, a solemn-looking chap across the table suspended operations on his section of broiled rubber, and ejaculated, Lord!" The English stranger supposed the sad man was about to say grace, but instead of that"the latter re- peated inquiringly, Lord?" Are you address- ing me, sir?" enquired the new Colonial Governor. I am, lord. I want to make a little business proposition to you. I've started about the red-hottest little watering-place in the whole State up in Sonoma. county. Everything way up —sulphur spring bowling-alley, pianna in the par- lour—everything. All I want is to advertise it a little. Now I notice you lord fellers are first-rate cards for hotels. S'posin' you come up and spend a few days at my lay out. You can stay a square month if you like, and it shan't cost you a cent —'ceptin' for drinks, if you are much on the im- bibe. What yer say?" "Well, by Jove!" said his lordship, putting up his eye-glass. I know it's a square-toed liberal offer," the chap went on, "but I'm giving you the straight tip. All you'll have to do will be help carve, and mebbe sing a little with the ladles, and play billiards with the boys. If there's a hop, we'll make you floor manager and- But the pur,*>e- proud autocrat had ordered the rest, of his meat to be sent to his room, and walked frigidly out. These airy English never had any snap about a speculation I-San Francif() Paper, GREAT ON THE PIANO. I I think," said a well-known orchestral Aeader to a San Francisco friend that the best joke ever played in this town was on an ambitious amateur pianist when Gottschalk was here. The amateur's father was the owner of a large hall, and he offered the use of it to Gottschalk for his benefit. There-was to be a piece for eight pianos, and the amateur was to play one of the instru- ments. Iwas leader. I thought Gottschalk would have a fit when I told him that the amateur couldn't play three straight notes of the piece. He is sure to throw us all out," said I, and rum the performance.' Gottschalk swore like a major, but it was no good. The bills were out, and ha couldn't go back on ."his programme, even if the gift of the hall for the night was no consideration to him. At last I hit on an idea that fixed the whole business. The amateur came down to re- hearsal, and we praised him until he thought he was to be the star of the night. As soon as he left, we took the hammers out of his piano and made it as dumb as an oyster. I guessed he would never know the difference, with several pianos going at once. And, just as I thought, that ama- teur and his friends never discovered the trick. No; he just sailed in and pounded on that PiaJl0 as if it was the worst enemy he had ever had. He was bound to show off among so many good pianists, and hammered on his key-board until the perspiration nearly blinded him. Now and then I looked at him approvingly to give him fresh courage, and every time I did'so he gave the piano a lick that nearly made matchwood of it. His friends all around threw bouquets at him till he looked like a wedding arch; and when it was all over his fond parent fell on his neck in the green-room and slipped a cheque for two hundred and fifty dollars into his hand. The old man didn't know whether he was standing on his head or his heels, he was so tickled. Didn't he do fine, said he to me-' among so many first-class pro- I fessionals to I never heard an amateur do so well in, PQ¡¡ç. said I; and, what's more,! meant it.*

THE. VERY EFSTI I hate examined the Pills known as KERNICK'S ■VEGETABLE PILLS., J certity their composition to be purely ?eg etable. I Have also tried their effect, aud coBsider them one of the best Aperient Pills for consti- pated habits that I know of. "(Signed), JOHN BALBIRNIE, M.A., M.D." loo^. It Sold b* all ChWfet?* W ?id, l&d/and & 9d fewjefc-•

FACTS AND FANCIES. J "UP TO TimE. "-Greenwich clocks, The nobbiest thing in boots.—A bunion. Stu and nonsense—A big dinner and the post- prandial speeches. POST THIS UP AT THE EXCHANGE OFFICES.— Please hang up" is the polite telephonic for. Hold your tongue." Why is wine that has been bottled for years like an unmarried lady of advanced years ?- Because it is old made, and none the worse for it. "Time works wonders," as the woman said when she got married after a thirteen years" courtship. The difference between sacred and secular music is not so great as it seems at first sight. You get the latter by the sheet." the other by the "choir." "Were you ever in an engagement?'' inquired an innocent rustic of a militiaman. Yes, one," am replied the son of Mars, heaving a deep sigh, "but she jilted me." c n The man who bragged all the summer about his being a good skater has dropped that subject since there is a chance of a frost, and is now boasting that he is a porpoise to swim." 0 A little boy three years old, who has a brother of three months, gave, as a reason for the latter's good,conduct-" Baby doesn't cry tears, because he doesn't drink any water; and-he can't cry milk." RELATIVES TO BE AVOIDED. —" Papa, are cannibals those that live on other people?" Yes, my son." "Then uncle George must be a can- nibal, for mamma says he is always living on somebody." TONAL' AGAIN.—Scene—A general merchants' shop in the north. Traveller: Can you give mo an ounce of good tobacco ?" Merchant: Och, ay putt she's sorry ta say she'll no' have ony till ta morn !Bailie. Scene Still-room in an Edinburgh hotel. Waiter, reading "Sir Garnet Wolseley had the honour yesterday of kissing the Queen's hand." Still-room lassie, interrupting: "Kissin' her what?" Waiter: "Her hand." Still-room lassie: A' wadna thar.kit 'um." WHAT JAMES WOULD Do, What would you do, James, if you suddenly had a large sum of money left you ?" said a lady to her gardener, a respectable married man, a labourer in the vil- lage. "I dunno, miss," was the answer but I think I should have summat todrink." A story is told in the life of John Hill Burton 11 of a Scotch judge who, on pronouncing sentence on an assassin who had stabbed a soldier, did it in this way-" You did not only maliciously, wickedly, and feloniously stab or cut his person, thereby depriving him of life, but did also sever the baud of his military breeches, which are her Majesty's." He was buying a tumbler of toughened glass in a china shop. Poising it in his hand, he asked, Is this really unbreakable?" "Yes," replied the shopwoman. "May I try it?' said he. "I'd rather you paid for it first," was the rejoinder and when he had paid she added, "You bad better not let the servants know it's unbreakable, or they will be sure to break it." IT IS ,JA PROGIIESSVIE AGE.—The boulevards of Paris are infested with deaf-and-dumb beggars, more or less authentic, who distribute printed papers describing their misfortunes to persons seated outside the cafes. One of these pros- pectuses, after soliciting the public to buy a copy of a deaf-and-dumb alphabet, bears as a postcript the words "English spoken." j CONJUGAL AMENITIES.—Wife: "I saw Mrs j Boodle this morning, and she complained that on the occasion of her last visit you were so rude to her that she thought she must have offended you." Husband "Nothing of the kind on the contrary, I like her very much but it was rather dark at the time, and, when I entered the room I thought at first that it was you.' A day or two before the Queen opened the Royal Courts of Justice, two Irishmen were looking at some men stretching a rope across the Strand from one housetop to another, for the purpose of suspending some flags. Shure, and what will they be afthe rdoing at the top of them houses there ?" said Pat. It's a submarine telegraph they're afther putting up, I suppose," replied Mick. EXPLAINED BY A FRIEND. A well-known Eesthete was lamenting to a veteran critic that he could find no one ready to understann him. "The woman," said ho, "run after me, but the men scoff and turn aside. f really no dif- ferent from other people, and only long to put my ideas before them-just as you do, for ex- ample. Why," added he, will they not listen to me as they do to you? Can you give me a reason?" "Because you don't cut your hair," answered his friend. A Nice journal announces that Baron de San Malato, the fantastic fencer, is to give a few representations of his art in that town during the winter. The journal adds that, in order to arrive at the degree of suppleness necessary for the success of his particular method, the B.mm de San Malato trains severely, and eats only one meal a day but, before sitting down to table, he swallows two spoonful of excellent olive oil. The Baron finds that this liquid makes him supple interiorly." And you say that you are innocent of the charge of stealing a rooster from Mr Jones ?" asked an Arkansas judge of a meek-looking pri- soner. Yes, sir, I am innocent-as innocent as a child." You are confident that you did not steal the rooster from Mr Jones ? Yes, sir, I can prove it." How can you prove it ?" "I can prove that I did't steal Mr Jones's rooster, judge, because I stole two hens from Mr Graston the same night and Jones lives five miles- from Graston's." The proof is conclusive," said the judge. Discharge the prisoner." It is related of one Job Walmsley, a Yorkshire advocate of teetotalism, who was humourous in a rough way as well as eloquent, that he was waited upon on one occasion by a young gentle- men who was ambitious to shine upon platforms, after the manner of Jabez Inwards, Simeon Smithard, and Mr J. B. Gougb. Tha wants to be a public speyker, dos' tha, lad? An tha thinks awm the chep to put tha up to a wrinkle about it ? Tha's reight, I awm Now harks tha When tha rises to mek thy speych, hit taable an' oppen thy mawth. If nowt comes, tak' a sup o' watther an' hit taable again. Then oppen thy mawth wider than afoor. Then if nowt comes tak' thy- sen off, and leave public speykiu'to such as me." A United States post-office agent was inspecting the office at Iron Rod, Montana, with consisted of a saloon, a post-office room, and a faro bank. The mail-bag was emptied on the floor, the crowd overhauling the letters, registered and all, selecting what they wanted, and the rest were thrown into a candle-box. Where's the post- master?" asked the agent of the bar-tender. Out mining." Where is the assistant-post- master?" "Gone to Hell's Canon; and, by thunder, Bill Jones has got to run this office next week It's his turn." The government official demanded the keys of the office. The bar- tender coolly took the candle-box from the bar, placed it on the floor, and gave it a kick, sending it out of the door, saying, There's your post- office; and now git!" The agent reported, Knowing the custom of the c mutry, I lost no time in following this advice, and got. This is why the post-office at Iron Rod was discontinued. Before the shop-window of a picture-dealer in Vienna stood a lady,. who appeared to take special interest in an instantaneous photograph of one of the principal streets in the capital, for she presently entered the shop and bought the picture. On closer inspection, aided by her glasses, she had no doubt in her mind as to the identity of the two figures in the street which had first arrested her attention. On reaching home, she subjected her daughter a blooming lasse of eighteen summers- to a sever o r cross-examination; but tho latter denied in the most positive terms having ai; any time promenaded the streets in company with a young gentleman. On being shown the photograph, however, she saw that further denial was useless. The sun, according to the German| proverb, had brought the truth to light. Nor could she prove to her mother's satisfaction that her fascinating younc' teacher of music, in taking her out for a walk^had improved the occasion by giving her a lecture on counter bass-on harmony, possibly. The curly-haired pianist has been dismissed, and a white-haired gentleman of grave demeanour eogaged in hie place.

Hoppible Discovery at the %i v Cardiff Cemetery. TWO DEAD INFANTS IN A BOX. f The Inquest. At the Roath police-station, Cardiff, on Thurs- day evening, the Borough Coroner (Mr E. B. Reece) held an inquiry into the circumstances connected with the finding of the bodies of two newly-born female infants at the Cardiff Ceme- tery, on the previous day. Thomas Pulfin, labourer, said I am employed I' and reside at the New Cemetery at Cardiff. I was working there on the afternoon of the 7th inst. at about three o'clock. Walking along the footpath to the Roman Catholic burial ground, I saw a box lying on a grave. I went to it and sent for the manager, but neither of us opened the box. I next went for a constable. He returned with me and opened the box. In it we found the bodies of two infants. The constable took charge of the box and bodies. At about twenty minutes to seven the same morning I had gone along the path, but did not notice the box, which was only two or three yards from the path. P.C. James Hughes said Thomas Pullin came to me yesterday afternoon, at about a quarter to five o'clock, and told me there was a small box on the green at the cemetery. I opened the box and found therein the bodies of two infants. Over them was a piece of cloth like bed-ticking. I brought them to the police-station. The box is pf the character of a raisin box. The cover was nailed down. Dr. Maurice Evans, Roath, said I saw the bodies of the two female infants to-day at twelve o'clock and made a post-mortem examina- tion on each body. The bodies were those of newly-born female children, ia size and measure answering to the description of those who had arrived at the seventh or eighth month of maturity. Probably they have been of the full term of nine months, supposing them to be twins. Neither of the bodies have been washed. The umbilical cords of both have been cut off by a sharp instrument, leaving about an inch and a quarter. The cords was not tied in cither case. The larger of the two bodies measured 13 inches in length, which is about the average of a full born child. It weighed 3ibs 9ozs. Tiie average would be from 61bs to SIbs. On opening the chest I found that the right lung filled the eavity of the chest, and was of a reddish hue. The left part filled the cavity, and was of a dark colour. On removing the lungs they floated freely in water, and on cutting in pieces and pressing them they also floated. This indicated that a certain amouut of breathing had taken place, but the lungs were not pink enough to indicate full respiration. There was very little blood in this child, the cavities of the heart being quite empty, indicating that the child had lost biood from hemorrhage. The smaller child was Ilj. inches in length, and weighed two pounds seven ounces. This child was fatter than the other, and the lungs filled both cavities. The right lung was much more pink than either of the lungs of the other child. The previous tests answered in a similar way. There was plenty of blood in this child. I am also of opinion that the child had breathed more freely than the other. I cannot speak as to either child having existed separately from the mother but if the mother, or mothers, had had proper atten- tion, both children might have lived. I have no hesitation in saying that both children were born alive. From the manner in which the cords had been cut, it is clear that the mother must have had assistance in each case. I think the bodies must have been at the ccmetery all night, as they were irozen, and some ice was found under the arm of the larger child. The birth had probably taken place within 24 hours of my time of seeing the bodies, which were quite fresh. The Coroner reviewed the facts under which the infants had been found, and, further advising the jury, said he thought they had better bring in an open verdict. If the mother of the children could bo found, the magistrates would proceed with the case under further evidence. But that was unlikely, though the case was a very suspi- cious one. Probably the chiidren were wilfully neglected and allowed to die, but they had not written evidence of it. The jury, after a minute's consideration, con- cluded that two newlv-born female infants were found dead in a LOK in the Cardiff Cemetery on the 7th January, but there is not sufficient, evi- dence to show whether they had been born auve or, if born alive, what was the cause of death in either case."

THE WRECK OFF HOLYHEAD. Board of fW, Inquiry. A Board of Trade inquiry was commenced in Liverpool, on Thursday, into the loss of the ss. Pochard, which foundered off Holyhead a few weeks ago, all hands being lost.—Mr David Dunlop, who built the vessel, stated that the vessel gave every satisfaction, and was perfectly good in every respect.—Mr Henry H. Beale, one of the directors of the com- pany, said the vessel was insured for £26,000; tl sere was no insurance on the freight. Mr F. C. Kelson, ship engineer, said he designed the vessel, and had been voyages inner. He was perfectly satisfied with the engines, and so was the chief engineer.— Thomas Harrop, manifest clerk for Messrs Wilson and Co., agents for the Cork Steamship Company, gave evidence as to the cargo, and said that the ship had had a greater cargo before in winter time. Patrick McGuinness, foreman stevedore to the company for 16 years, stated how he had stowed a cargo,and said he was'snro there could t ave been no shifting of it at sea. lie had watched her sailing out of tho river on hor last voyage, and she was in lie usual trim. The master made no c',nlJTii to- whatuver. The enquiry was adjourned day (Friday). day (Friday).

LINSEED LOZENGES, solidified hnseed tea, laxative and demulcent, 6d postage 2 J 23 Stockport, and all Chemists ATiACHPi! UNFAILING REMEDV FOK H^ADACAT^ KERNICK'S VEGETABLE PILLS, FOR INDIGESTION Sold hv all Chemists, &c., in 7iS, 13^(1, and 2s 9d boxes. Y BE WAKE OF IMITATIONS;

SERIOUS CHARGE AGAINST A NEWPORT INSURANCE AGENT. Forging Certificates of Death in the Cardiff District. Prisoner before the Bristol j Magistrates. The Newport county police have arrestee i Lewis Williams, insurance agent, of LNot, ton Cottage, Maindee, Newport, on tb9 charge of forging and uttering, wel'| knowing the same to be forged, a certalO: certificate and copy of an entry in the registrarJ r *book of deaths in the Cardiff district, on the 22n of December last. The Newport police acted of a. warrant received from the Bristol authorities. At the Bristol police-court on Thursday, tbe Prisoner was brought up in answer to the charge Mr Yorke (from the office of Mr J. H. Cliftoflli was present on behalf of the accused.—Mr# Wansbrough prosecuted on behalf of the Ro> Liver Friendly Society. He said he was the charge against the prisoner was an exceed' ingly serious one. The 24th and 24th Victoria chap. 93, see. 36, under which the proceedingo, were taken, provided that a person forging j' certificate of death or copy was liable to penaJ servitude for life. The facts of the case we^l these. The society which prosecuted, as he no doubt they were aware, was promoted for tbe; purpose of enabling poor people, by paying small weekly contributions, to insure their lives, SO' that at the time of their death their relative8 might receive certain sums of money to pay the expenses of their sickness and funeral. Tàø society had agencies in every town all over tbl kingdom. The prisoner was a commissioll agent for the Prudential Company, which was society started upon the same principles as t Royal Liver Friendly Society. On the 5th O. November, 1883, the prisoner isent to a Mrs Gatf of Franklin-terrace, Totterdown, Bristol, a list of persons whom he wanted to have insured in tbO Liver Society, through Mr Thomas Hunt. Bristol agent, who lived in St. George's-road' Bristol agent, who lived in St. George's-road' Amongst the names was that of William C. Cool*' Mrs Gay supplied Mr Hunt, the agent, with tb' name of Cook, a proposal form was mada out signed, and -i contribution card was given 'VICS? Gay, and the ccncribution moneys paid from to time by her. The moneys were received by ht from Williams, the prisoner. lie dared say their worships would know there was a rule in theso societies that a person must contribute for si* months before being able to receive benefit at al» | and then they received half benefit rupposia; they died. After insuring for twelve monthS" their representatives received the full amount of; insurance. In this instance the insurance w: commenced on November 5th, 1883, and the paY" ments duly kept up till November 24th, 1884. O"; that date Is 9d was paid to Mr Hunt by Gay. Upon the same day a certificate of deatbli purporting to be the true copy of an entry in register at the registry office of Cardiff, was ser> It was drawn up on a form which appeared to authentic, and was signed apparently at registry. That certificate was sent by prisoner to Mrs Gay, and it was sent by Mrs G¡\ to Mr Hunt, the Bristol agent. In due course V was forwarded to the bead office of the society; in order that the amount due under the policy might be paid to the representatives of Cook. seemed, from some cause or other, the α- office had some suspicion. They sent the certificate of death to Mr Cross (the person who laid the information) their agent at Cardiff, who mado inquiries at the registry, and compared the cef tificate with the original book. He found tht the certificate from beginning to end wa.s forgery. There was no entry in the original boofc in the possession of Mr Watkins, the registrar) which would conmare with the copy whiell this purported to be. He found that Mr J, Mihvard, a surgeon, who it was pretended had attended Cook, had never attended such a case* The address of Wm. Charles Cook, 4, Adam»' street, Cardiff, was found to be fictitious, and the address of the person named Robinson, wb' was supposed to have been in attendance at time, of the death, was also false. There was, i# fact, no such person, and it was an attempt tj defraud from beginning to end. The premium had. been kept up by the prisoner until the persoP who was assumed to be the insurer got int^ benefit, and when the certificate was forged and sent in the amount would have been pai^ in the ordinary way, had not these inquiries beeP made. There would be a number of other chai" ges. He had there seven cases on cards, which were obtained through Mr Gay, containing thol names of people who never had any existence-, and on winch these non-existent persons had bee*1) insured by the prisoner, and the premiums pai^ by him. In one case the person after getting into half benefit, was supposed to have died, and certificate of death was forwarded to the secretary and the money paid to Mrs Gay, and by her to the prisoner. The writing in' the certificate i" that case was the same as that in the case iØ which the present charge was instituted. Mr Gore, having looked at the certificate in the case which the money was paid, said it was ap' parently signed by the registrar. Mr Wansbrough said he should ask for » remand, and should on another occasion urefer other charge?. Mr York said he should apply that the pri3one( be admitted to bail. He was a married man, householder, and could get bail to the amount o' £ 500.—Mr Wansbrough opposed this application on the ground that tbe prisoner had already kep' out of their way. They had to watch his hons, three or four days before they caught him. 1 was a case of gréat magnitude. Thomas Cross,of Albert-road, Cardiff, insuranc agent to the Royal Liver Society, said on tbe 22nd of December, 1884, he received what puf ported to be a certificate of death of WillianJ Charles Cook, and made inquiries which showed him that the c^r:if:cate and person? concerned were non-existent. Mr Robinson then remanded the case for eigbt days, and said the charge was so serious that be could not grant the application for bail.

I FRATRICIDE NEAR LEWES. Suicide of the Murderer. Intelligence was received at Lewes on Thursday morning by Mr Baxter, coroner for East Sussetf' that a mau named Barber, residing Langton, had been murdered by his brotherol the latter afterwards hanging himself. BotP were quite dead when found one lying the ground with his head severely battered* the other suspended from a beam. younger had threatened to commit suicide, but o" cause has been alleged for the murder of hi3 brother.

Is YOUlt CHILD ILL ? If so, try Willia Pontardawe, Worm Lozenges, which have been in over 20 years, and eclipsed all other remedies, "old bf most chemists at 9d, 13 £ d, and 2s 9d. Prepared frorf tae original recipe oniy by J. Davies, Chemist, 33, High-street, Swansea. The lozenges are agreeable, an' ontain nothing injuriou 79e I FEEL SO WEART AND TIRED" Is the exclamation of many whom we daily meat, yet they never pause to think or reflect upon the cause of this feeling. It may arise fi-om xluggish vnd impur* blood,' which, if neglected, is the forerunner o. serioii'i anrt chronic disorders. This weary and ftRling i'\ nature warning us that there is gometning wrong;) which must be set right, or a long and lingering iUne9#| will speeciily follow. What does nature require vj throw off this wearv and tired feeling t Mie require* co have new life and energy imparted to all the orgaW of the body, and the best means to do so is to taM "Gwilym Evans' Quinine Bitters, which purifies tM blood, and imparts new lite ana energy. It is invalid able to those who are sunenng; from affections of tM chest, indigestion, nervousness, debility in its worsn forms', depression of spirits, and melancholy. J GWILTM EVANS S QUININE BITTERS. TH^ VEGETABLE TONIC.—This preparation is now exten' sively taken throughout the country by pat'eiits suffer1' ing from debility, nervousness, and gene*™ and, if any value be attached to human testimonyi tM efficacy of this medicine has been estab- lished. Its claims have been test5 thl medical profession and others. a"fc 1^r,ate|i by written testimonials of Tbe Qumin«i Bitter< contain not only a 01 Vuinin. in each dose, but tho of the- fol'?win^ well-known herbs-sa«a.Par"'a' saffron, gentian, laven. der, and -dandelion root, ine use of Quinine is wej known, but it has never neen satisfactorily combing with H.pqo nrep»ra" lulcu. after overcoming cons'< derable diffic»lticS' Proprietor was able to secure £ npElv unifon?. preparation, combining all essential properties of the above plants m thei. Neatest p»rity anj* concentration. It is now established a fanaity mefhcine, and is increasing m popula* avour the more it is known and. tested. Gwylifl# Evans's Quinine Bitters is a tonic "ick-mo-up> scientifically mixed in happy proportions. MODE OF Acxio.\ (And here lies the secret of the Remedy. )-The Quinine Bitters (being a vegetable tonic), by their peculiar power, strengthen that- part & the system which is weakest, ana. therefore. mo9f liable to colds and their attendant Ulseaso" Tae in* gradients they contain cannot be put into pills, bar- tw patieiit can follow his usual occupation fear GWILYM EVANS' QUININE BITTERS are recommended by Doctors, Analysts, Chemists. Sold in Us 9d aW ■'ts 6d Bottles, and Cases containing three Us 6(1 BotUes d> 13s 6d per cane, IV all CiurmU, or from the Propnetoft arriage fret, pArceU Pft (wi-'fr cover). X.B -No ofl« bould suffer without trying Gwdym Evans QuiniiJ' Bitters "—Mr GWILYM EVANS, F.C.b., Proprietor aboratory, Llanelly, South Wales. 708&8 Printed and Published by the ProprietotS: DAVID DUNCAN <fe SONS, at their Steam Printi"'1 Works,75 and 76, St. Mary.street, and Westgate-stree' in the town of Cardiff in the County of Glamer.-O