South Wales Echo

LONDON LETTER. •^Y JsPECIliXY WIRED.J J [IT Otrlt GALLERY CORRESPONDENT. ] I LONDON, Thursday Night. Lord Wolseley slowly and laboriously works out his plans up to a certain point, and thereafter moves with a rapidity that con- founds the enemy. He is now at this stage, and the little army is crossing the desert towards Metemnah as fast as camels will carry it. To-day General Stewart started with another batch from Korti, with in- structions to pass forward to Metemnah, a place which has only within the last few days become familiar to English ears. It practically answers for Shendy, being a 5mall village immediately opposite Shendy on the nearer bank of the river. Lord Wolseley's despatch from Korti yesterday does not seem to anticipate much fighting. He expects Stewart to cross the desert in seven days, although the second half of the journey after passing Gakdul is much more difficult than the first. Lord Wolseley's opinion appears to bo that Gen. Stewart will forthwith occupy Metemnah, notwithstanding a day or two ago it was reported that the Mahdi was there in consi- derable force. The difficulty of the Mahdi's position will forthwith develope itself. He must either stay and fight General Stewart, or, saving himself by retreat, will lose the reputation for invincibility which has I hitherto served him on the part of the Arabs. With the exception of some bell-ringing at the fashionable churches, and some extra display on the part uf the household troops doing sentry duty, scarcely any echoes of the festivities at Sandringham to-day reached London. Great satisfaction is expressed an the determination on the part of tha Prince of Wales, now oflicially announced, not to ask for a separate allow- ance oil b-iiaif of his son. Sucti a proposi- tion, even in the present Parliament, would have led to undesirable debate, and it is by no means sure that the result would have been the voting of the niouey. The request wou.d have been a distinct departure from usage. The money voted on account of the itoyal family at brief intervals during the last ten years, in addition to the Civil List and the special allowances to the Prince and Princess of Wales, has been agreed to upon a distinct principle. There is a tacit under- standing that the nation, in addition to the E425,000 annually allotted to the Queen, should provide for the Queen's children, the sons upon coming of age, and the daughters upon marriage but to extend this principle to the third generation opens up prospects that may alarm the most loyal of taxpayers, as there is no precedent for a special allow- ance for the eldest son of the Prince of Wales, and this does not appear a time favourable to creating one. Mr Parnell's victory at Tipperary yes- terday is one of a kind of which it would not be desirable to have too mallY. Ireland, it ever free from the domination of Eng- land, would fall under some such dictator- ship as that Mr Parnell has already hastened t<> assume. But the action of Tipperary has given a warning that is a little premature. Under strong pressure Mr 0 Hyan has been induced to iviire, but Mr Parnell under- stands that it will not be safe, except in very small and obscure places, haughtily and without consultation of the authorities, to attempt to thrust his nominee upon theig acceptance. A great assistance to Mr Parnell in ostensibly carrying his point was the somewlisy, too jubilant tone of portions ut the English Press. They hastened to point out that Mr Parnell was in great straits, and that if Tipperary insisted upon selecting its (lira mcmber,he would receive a blow from wLQh he would never recover. That was suttftient of itself to close up the ranks in Tipperary, and for present pur- poses has done so. Baron de Worms has been finally bowled out at Greenwich, and Mr Boord is now the accepted representative of the districts con- tained in the new borough. It is yet doubtful what the noble baron will do. Woolwich, the section of the old borough which, according to Mr Boord's statement, lie somewhat too acutely assigned to his col- league, is by no means a safe seat for a Conservative. At best it means a hard tight to be renewed at every general election. This seems a little ungrateful on the part of the borough to which the baron on two successive occasions took the principal per- sonages of the Opposition, and gave them a good dinner, which speedily came to be known as the Diet of Worms." Who is to look after foreign affairs if by an evil chance Baron de Worms is left out of the next Parliament 'I The resolution with respect to ques- tions of which Mr Borlase has given timely notice is not very new. It has fre- quently been recommended lu this column and others as the litest practical method of dealing with the curse of questions. The difficulty Mr Borlase will have is in finding an opportunity for bulging the point to an issue. There is a strftng belief that one of the first duties of the new Parliament will be to put the house in order on the whole question of procedure, and there is an •-•qually strong disinclination to deal with te matter piecemeal in the present Par- liament. Mr Gladstone, it is well-known, 1;14 made up his mfml not to go further into tb* matter. The proposal of the National Liberal Club to give a banquet to Lord Ripon on his return from India has been warmly taken up. Mr Gladstone, who has been invited, though of course without much expectation fhat lie would be able to attend, has written a letter speaking in the highest term3 of the late Viceroy. This letter will probably be read at the dinner. In addition to Mr Chamberlain, Sir Charles Dilke and other members of the Cabinet will be present. In fact, the meeting promises to be one of the most influential and representative of any recently held in London. The reason for this demonstration it is not difficult to understand. Lord Papon is not the kind of man to excite enthusiasm in tne breast of his personal friends and acquaint- ances. He is rather a cold, unemotional man, who takes no particular pains to make himself agreeable. But in him a large class of Englishmen recognise a champion of native races too apt to be overborne by the pride and strength of the conqueror. I happened to be in India last winter at the time when the outcry against Lord Ripon in the matter of the Ilbert Bill was at its loud- est. It would be impossible in reason- able space to give an account of the feeling towards him excited among the English community, more particularly on the Calcutta side of the peninsula. At every English dinner table nothing but the Ilbert Bill was talked of, and contempt and con- tumely heaped upon the head of the Viceroy. So great was the pressure that, as everybody knows, Lord Ripon was obliged to modify the bill, the simple object of which was to remove from native magistrates the ban by which Englishmen of whatever loose lives or whatever notorious character were free from their jurisdiction. They might try only natives. The lowest class of Englishmen were beyond their authority.

HARRY SEYMOUR; OR Incidents in the Life of a Cardiff Clerk. -0 CHAPTER IV. Bat all this time during which we have been following the fortunes of Louie and Blanche, we have lost sight of Lizzie Morton and Nellie Bur- bidge, the other two young ladies whom we intro- duced to our readers at the commencement of this story. Time had brought no changes to them. Lizzie Morton was still unwedded—still engaged and often wondered why her lover never broached the subject of their marriage. But she knew, he felt he was true to her, and though she was begin- ning to be tired of home life, and would gladly have gone out again,' in other words, gone as a shop girl, yet knowing that her affianced, Charlie Thornton, did not like the idea, she made herself as contented as it was possible for her to be. Her friends Louie Randell and Blanche Aubrey haviug married, were removed out of her sphere, but gentle Nellie Burbidge and Lizzie were still friendly. It was during the time that Blanche and her husband were separated that one fine evening in the early days of January, Lizzie and Nellie met by appointment near the Sophia Gardens. Charlie Thornton had told Lizzie the previous evening that he should be away to Newport on business, and Lizzie, having heard of Blanche's flight from her husband, was desirous of talking it over with Nellie. But to her extreme chagrin, Nellie reso- lutely, but quietly, refused to talk of Blanche's misfortunes, as Nellie termed them, and so ex- asperated was scandal-loving Lizzie, that she inconsistently left Nellie, and marched off hjnie indignantly. Nellie, grieved at Lizzie's disposition to gloat over other folks troubles, started off home again. She was walking along just beneath the Castle Tower, when a highly-dressed, eye- glassed, rakish-looking individual stopped in front of her, and said— Good evening, Miss, sorry to see a handsome young iady like yon, all alone. Shall I have the pleasure," offering his arm. Nellie .-aid nothing, but tried to pius him. N'.t so fast, my pretty girl; I don't have such a chance every day," and the reilow insolently tried to raise her veil. Just then another gentleman came on the scene, an i IS eilie excitedly appealed to him for protec- tien. The foppish rake insolently stared at ;-he gentle- nun appealed to,ana ixtdn him go "a :t!P: mind his own busiiii.-s. Oh, sir," said Ne:lie. prtv don't -eavs me; this man hps grossly aiaulte i me, and I never saw him before in my life." You had better be off," said corner, "or I'll give you ii charg The rakish-looking iadui.bui! m--ide a b:"W at the speaker, out the iatter avoided it. and laid nis stick smartly across the shoulder* d the ag- gressor, sending him away. Nellie warmly thanked her cLamp^n, who, however, ii t leave her until he had seen inr safely home. He wa, very yoiite and considerate to tier, asked her no unpertin ->it questions, and altogether made a favourable ..npression apon her. Next evening Nellie was invited to a private party, and was, it must be confessed, very agree- ably surprised TO tinJ herselt introduced to her champion cf the evening before. They were n.uurally attracteu towards each other, and de the night wa, over Nellie had promised Mr Roberts to meet him again. The acquaint- ance rapidly ripened into love, and they became engaged. Mr Roberts was nine years her senior, and had a house ready for her, for he had kepi a home for his widowed mother, and ilice she died he had been very lonely, and had been debating the idea of hulling a wife. i\>r a time all went smoothly with them. One day, about six weeks after Nellie's intro- duction to Mr Roberts, she meu Lizzie Morten. They had often met since their estrangemen, out hitherto Lizzie had appeared not to know Nellie, though the latter bore no malice, and grieved over Lizzie's apparent enmity. Now, however, she accosted Nellie with- Ali, Nellie, dear, I've heard some news. Is it true you're going to be married? I know your inteuded Mr Roberts, he's a nice young man, and in a good position, but — ".IJut what Lizzie?" NVell, if you don't know, it is right you should. I daresay you have found out that he is fond of music." Yes." said Nellie, I know that, because he goes to practise on the chapel organ sometimes." "But do you know he often ,i.-eti Nor- ton there, and they practise together ? Miss Norton has boasted in my hearing that Mr Roberts is her beau, :1nd-" A look at Nellie's white face stopped her. "There I'll say no more, I did not want to vex you, but one cannot help hearing such thillS." No, but you can avoid making mischief, Lizzie. Do you remember when Blanche tried to set you against Charlie, how indignant you were? And I must do as you resolved to do, I'll ask Mr Roberts about it. v Good day, Miss Morton." Miss Morton, indeed well I've put my foot in it this time, it seems, and no mistake. But who would have thought that gentle Nellie Bur- as she used to be called, would turn round on one like that. Mr Roberts is well-to-do, though, and I must make friends again with Nellie. They will be nice visiting acquaintances when we are both married." That evening Nellie told Mr Roberts what Lizzie had said. It is true, Nellie, that Miss Norton practices sometimes when L am there, but quite untrue that any thought of her as my wife ever entered by breast. She is far too young, and too silly but being the niece of the organist, I am on friendly c terms with her." But you will not leave me in the evenings when—after we-are married, to go practising?" No, Nellie, I am troing to purchase a har- L monium at Thompson and Shackell's, and we might as well go now, I don't think the shop is shut." They were politely received by the junior part- ner of the firm, and on requesting to be shown some harmoniums, were ushered intc the spacious show-room. Nellie soon picked out one, the ap- pearance of which she liked very much. Upon her affianced trying it, however, he pronounced it too loud for a parlour. At length an instru- ment which combined sweetness of tone with beauty of appearance was chosen, half-a-guinea was paid as the first monthly instalment, and the next day it was safely deposited in Nellie's home. t You will be able to take better care of it than I shall, my dear," said her lover, there are too many children at my lodging, How much more will you have to pay for it than if you had paid the whole cost now ?" asked Nelly. Only a guinea, Nelly, and I can better afford to pay that extra guinea in the course of the two years it will take to pay it all than I can pay the amount now." It became Nelly's delight to pass their evenings at her home. Sitting at her needle, she was con- tent to listen for hours to the harmony brought forth by the skilful fingers of her lover, occasion- ally accompanying with hersweet voice. "Surely," she thought to herself at such times, this is a foretaste of a happy life in store for us." CHAPTER V. The meeting between Blanche and her husband was a very affecting une. When Blanche was fit to be removed home, Harry Seymour went again to Newport, Will Aylwin accompanying him. The latter, however, remained in the waiting-room at the station, whilst Harry went to the workhouse to fetch Blanche. She was very much agitated, but decidedly improved in ap- pearance. Her illness had imparted a delicacy and refinement to her countenance which it had never worn before and the thought of her husband's love and tenderness had impressed a softened gentle look upon her features that charmed Harry. Why Blanche—Mrs Aylwin, I mean, you are looking better than ever I have seen you Will y u will be delighted to see his beautiful wife." But has he quite forgiven me ? Will our life be as happy in the future as it might have been in the past ?" Never fear, Will has resolved to begin afresh, and to regard you as he did on tha morning of your marriage.' "Then we shall indeed be happy. Oh Mr Seymour, words fail me to express the gratitude I owe you for the prospect of a life's happiness, instead of Come, Blanche—you will not be offended with me for so calli,.i, you—we are nearing tha station; put on a smiling countenance—Ah there is Will." Mr Aylwin could not wait at the station, and had come to meet them. As ifarry got out of the cab one side, Will jumped in on tile other. My darling wife," he began—but the death- like pallor that overspread Blanche's features stopped him. He was prepared, however, for such an emergency, and taking a smallbottle of sherry from his pocket, he made Blanche drink. This brought back the colour to her cheek. She hid her face in his bosom and wept-but they were tears of joy. Cheer up, my dear, dear wife we will begin life afresh, and nothing but death shall again separate us." By this time the station Was reached, and they were joined by Harry. The ride to Cardiff was a happy one, and when Blanche reached her new home, she was touched by her husband's kindly consideration. Mr Aylwin had taken a new house, in a neighbourhood where Blanche was not known, and not very far from Harry's home. He had furnished it even more elegantly than his first home, desiring to reconcile Blanche to the absence of the luxury and semi-splendour of her father's house. But he need have had no fear of the thorough change that had been wrought in Blanche. The first evening of their reunion Harry and Louie wisely resolved to leave them alone; and the happy young couple were glad of it. They sat up that evening in their cosy sitting-room, talking of the future, until Will began to fear Blanche would be weary, and insisted on retiring po rest. But long after they had done so, their conversation turned to Harry and his devoted wife. But for Harry Seymour I should still be un- forgiving, a hard stony-hearted, misanthropical monster, not fit to be called a husband." "Ah, Will, but for Harry I should have pro- bably been in my grave; for I should not have' left that workhouse alive-" Hush, Blanche, do not grieve me by referring to the past. Let us blot out from our life all reference to it, and only remember it in order to be thankful for present happiness." Next morning a letter, containing news of a surprising character was delivered to Mr Avlwin. An old bachelor uncle of his was dead", and had bequeathed him the sum of £ 10,000. Whilst Will and his wife were building castles in the air as to the disposal of the money, a boy brought a note from Louie. Come to me at once, if you care for poor Harry," it ran, he has been arrested for embez- zlement. I am sure he is innocent, but I want your help." Oh Willy, you must go to poor Louie at once." Aye, Blanche, thank God this money has came now, for we can afford to spend a part of it in behalf of Harry, who has done so much for us." Mr Ahvyn set out at once for Harry's abode, and found poor Louie in the greatest azonv of moid. The firm had discovered that one of their employes had been tampering with the banker's pass book and the cash book, and it lay between Harry and a fellow clerk, figures had been altered, and the alterations were generally testified to as being in Harry's handwriting. This was all that Mr Aylwin could learn from Louie but on making enquiries at the office where Harry had been employed, AV ill learnt that Harry was suspected more because he had lately lent another clerk, and he could not account for one of the notes which made up that amount, and which note ought to have been paid by Harry, being part of a sum he had received at the bank, in exchange for a bill. But the cash-book showed that the whole of the amount had been paid in, and this further com- plicated the matter. Mr Aylwin at once paid a vi.-it to a respectable solicitor, and bade him spare no cost in prosecuting a search for the real delin- quent, for Aylwin believed Harry was innocent. The solicitor, accompanied by Mr Aylwin, went to the office of Harry's employer, and requested to see the altered book. A close scutiny enabled him to detect a difference in the shade of the ink used in the erasures, compared with the rest of the writing. Who has access to these books besides Mr Seymour ?" the lawyer asked the manager. "No one ought to have but it is possible for Mr Dixon to get to them in Mr Seymour's absence." Mr Seymour was absent on leave for two separate days lately; who had charge of these books then?" Mr Dixon." Is it he to) wiinm Mr Seymour lent the R20." "Yes, but you don't surely siispect "I suspect nothing, but I'll get a warrant— ah, what's this," said the solicitor, suddenly opening the door. Oh, Mr Dixon," said the manager, what are you doing outside the door?" It sfoms to me he is playing the eaves- dropper," sarcastically answered the lawyer, "but he will not be si.'iirp enough this time. Mr Dixon, you bad charge of this pass book for two separate days late!}7, Did yuu take it out of the office ?" "N—no," stammered Dixon. "Are you sure? Pi-iky be c-treful. "Y uU have no right to ask me such a ques- Oil sce all -,tbout t'Liat. Will you ac- company us?" Where to?" "To the police-station." No, I won't. You are not justified in asking me to do that." Will you, then, see that he does not leave the office f,)t" ;m i!onr?" If he doe said the manager, I shall be justified in discharging him." And I shall give him into custody," said the solicitor. Mr Aylwin and the solicitor thn left, and were barely outside the door when Dixon rushed out, and wa-i starting off at full speed. A constable was coming down Bute-road. Stop that man," shouted the solicitor. Dixon ran right into the constable's arms. What have I done ? Why do you stop me ? l'il make you pay for this." All right, constable, you know me," said the solicitor. I will be responsible for what I am doing now. Take Mr Dixon to the station, and keep him there till I get a search warrant from the magistrates." A search warrant ? What for ?" asked Dixon. To search your lodgings, my good man." What do you expect to find ? I am not justified in telling you." Dixon here tried to make a bolt, but only suc- ceeded in the policeman's taking him by the coat- cuffs, and threatening to hand-cuff him if he tried again to escape. He was safely lodged in a private room in the police-station, the constable explaining to the inspector on duty that the solicitor had requested hiui to be taken care of whilst a search warrant was procured and his lodgings searched. This was carried into effect, and a bottle of ink was found of the identical tint used by the person who made the erasures in the pass book and cash book. The ink was taken possession of. Dixon's landlady was in a terrible state of excitement. Can you tell me, Mrs Davis, if your lodger ever brought home any large office books ?" No, I cannot, but my daughter can; I'll fetch her." The daughter, it was soon apparent, was Dixon's sweetheart, but not knowing why she was questioned the girl readily answered that he had brought home a big book one evening. Asked to describe it, she accurately described the cash book. The solicitor, the police-sergeant and Aylwin then left and were back at the police- court in time to see Harry brought before the magistrates. The evidence produced was deemed sufficient by the magistrates to clear Harry, and Dixon took his place in the dock. His employers, however, though satisfied of Harry's innocence, were not sure of Dixon's guilt, at least this was the reason given for their refusing to prosecute, though it was afterwards whispered that Dixon's betrothed had been to see the senior partner, and had so worked on his feelings as to obtain Dixon's discharge. A few evenings after Harry's trouble was over, a social party took place at his residence. Only the four friends we introduced to our readers at the commencement of this short story with their husbands, for it was uot deemed expedient, for Blanche's sake, to ask strangers. There was Lizzie Morton, now Mrs Charles Thornton, Mr and Mrs Roberts, and Blanche and her husband. Louie was still suffering from the shock consequent on Harry s arrest, but she strove to appear cheer- ful, and succeeded in making her guests enjoy themselves. After tea, music was called for. Louie's piano was much admired, and was played by Louie, Blanche, and Mr Roberts. "Did you procure this at Thompson and Shackell's ? Ah I thought so. I saw one like it the other day when we selected a harmonium." "Yes, the firm has become celebrated for the quality of the instruments they sell, and their system of doing business is a great boon to those who would never dream of purchasing a piano or harmonium had they to pay cash down." Ere they parted at eleven o'clock everyone de- clared they had never spent a happier evening. How true," said Mr Roberts, are the words of the pCbt- Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast. Yes," said Harry, did the working men of England only comprehend its power, the country would not pay such enormous taxes for its drink- ing habits." The party shortly afterwards separated, and within two months from that night were scattered over the world. Blanche and her husband, with their little fortune, went to Australizi; Harry Seymour and Louie to Spain, where he had been appointed representative of an English firm Mr Roberts and Nellie to Loudon, only Charlie Thornton and his wife staying in Cardiff. [THE KND.]

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YANKEE YARNS. I NO ENCOURAGEMENT. Colored washerlady to white woman: "Look heah whut yer gwine ter gin me fur er Chris'mus present ?" I don't know that I shall give you anything.' Mighty sorry ter heah' it, lady," and as she went out she muttered: "Now I knows dat I ain't gwine ter bring dat bed quilt back. How does da 'speck er pusson ter be hones' an' 'ligious when da doan hol' out no 'ducements ?" I ALL THE SAME. A well known railroad lawyer, while accom- panying several ladies on a tour of inspection through the penitentiary the other day, stopped in front of a cell where a grim looking fellow sat, and said: Ladies, here is an excellent specimen. How are you ?" addressing the convict. "Sorter slow at present." "You don't find life in here very enjoyable, I presume ?" Wall, it ain't as ful o' fun as it might be." What were you put in for?" Wall, podder, you an' me was about in the same business. I know you." In the same business ? What do you mcai-ag" Same business, that's what I mean. You are a railroad lawyer, ain't you?" "Yes." Wall, I am a train robber." SAVED HER. l'se mighty sorry to see dis young lady fotch up heah," said Ink Johnson, a justice of the por.ee, referring to a young coloured girl. "I ab alius been a galiunt man, myse'f and it pains me to see dat one o' LIe iar sex hab been gripped by de nippers o' de law. Whut' de charge ergin dis lady?" Wall jedge," replied the father of the girl, she tried ter run away an marry er yaller man whut I ain't got .no use for, nohow." ".Dat er fack Mighty .se'ius charge, young pusson.; one dat I woui' hato ter be fotcli ei-gm me ef I wuz er iady. How ole is dis good lookm' pusson ?" "Nineteen," replied the father. Got er good appetite lur de usual food 0 de lari', I ree'-oii Yrs, sah oh, yas." "Doan hanker airter fine fixins ?" "No, salI." Wall," said the justice, I'll jes grant myse'f er 'voice fruiii my ole wife, an' marry dis girl ter sabe her from de clutches o' de enraged law. Call in er preacher, Mr Constable." ASSISTED EACH OTHER. Look here," said a white woman, entering the kitchen and addressing the colored lady who had just been employed to increase the grocery bill, "what are you doirjg with ail these v/omen here ? I only hired you." "Tibbe sho yer dici." Then why do you bring so many women with you?" "Dis heah one, iady, is my daughter. She come ter »vait on me." "y 85, but those ot-,jeri Wait iady. Doan ba 'patuous. Dis udder one is my cousin Francis." What is she doing here?' "Gome ter wait on my daughter." "Great goodness, who is that?" pointing to another one. lJat's i\lrs XaplIltJoll." %Vfl,-ttiviglit tiik;i stio here ?" W'y she come ter wait on cousin Francis. Lady, I doan like de way yec's actin' ertall. White folks' place in de house, an 1 neber coul' do my work when da come pokin' roun' "Get ou., now, all of you." "Tibuo sho we will ef yer ain't pleased. Doan hanker airter workin' for 'culiar folks nohow. Good A DAKOTA DOMESTIC BLIZZAED. in. "tiler clay a Bismarck gentleman was com- ing up troiii Standing Rock, and stopped to see a, man who lives near the Cannon Bail River. In response to his knock at the door ho heard a, shrill, sharp" Come in!" and upon entering found a sh;u-p-faced angular woman sitting in the room uuder an open scuttle-hole leading into the loft above, with a shot-gun on her knee. Is the gentleman of the house in?" he asked. "\es, sir, he air." Can I see him a moment ?" o sir: you can't see a hide nor hair of 'im Why can't I, madam ? I would like to speak to him on business." If you was i dyiii', z,,nd JI:ni ivir the only doctor in Dakoty, ye couldn't sot an eye on hIm till ho give. in an'talks decent. At din- ner awhile ago he told me to pass 'im the apple soss, an' I tol him it wasu't soss, but sass, and he said he knowed better, it was soss, and I tol' him that w'en he tuk a notion that a little apple sass'd feel soothin' to his stomach to say so, and he said he'd have that soss or die. Then I tol' him I'd deiend that sass with life, and made a break for the ^hot-gun, an' he made a break up through the scuttle inter the loft. Wen his senses come to and he gives in that sass is sass, he kin cum down, but if he makes a break afore that, off goes the top of his head. Thar sets the sass, ^stranger, an' thar s Jim up in the loft, and that's the way the matter stands jist now, and I reckon you'd better mosey along- an' not get mixed inter the ru": As the gentleman moved away he heard her voice saying: .Jim, w'en you get tired o' yer durn foolin and want this sass, jes' squeal out And a gruff voice from the darksome garret respon- ded Soss 1" AN ARISTOCRAT'S EXCLUSIVENES3. I rne stuck-up exclusiveness of Home 01 tnese English noblemen is positively refreshing. The other morning, while Lord Loftus was breakfast- ins at the palace, a solemn-looking chap across the table suspended operations on his section of broiled rubber, and ejaculated, "Lord!" "he English stranger supposed the sad man was about to say grace, but instead of that the latter re- peated inquiringly, "Lord?" "Are you address- ing me, sir?" enquired the new Colonial Governor. I am, lord. I want to make a little business proposition to you. I've started about the red-hottest little watering-place in the whole State up in Sonoma county. Everything way up —sulphur spring bowling-alley, pianua in the par- loiir-ever,yt,hing. All I want is to advertise it a little. Now I notice you lord fellers are firs^-rate cards for hotels. S'posin' you come up and spend a few days at my lay out. You can stay a square month if you like, and it shan't cost you a cent —ceptin' for drinks, if you are much on the im- bibe. What yer say?" "Well, by Jove! said his lordship, putting up his eyeog-Iass. 1. I know it's a square-toed liberal offer," the chap went on, but I'm giving you the straight tip. All you'll have to do will be help carve, and mebbe sing a little with the lad;es, and play billiards with the boys. If there's a hop, well make you floor manager and- But the purse- proud autocrat had ordered the rest of his meal to be sent to his room, and walked frigidly out. These airy English never had any snap about a speculation I-San Franci.+j Paper. GREAT ON THE PIANO. 1 think," said a well-known orchestral leaucr to a San Francisco friend that the best joke ever played in this town was on an ambitious amateur pianist when Gottschalk was here. The amateur's father was the owner of a large hall, and he offered the use of it to Gottschalk for his benefit. There was to be a piece for eight pianos, and the amateur was to play one of the instru- ments. I was leader. I thought Gottschalk would have a fit when I told him that the amateur couldn't play three straight iotes of the piece. He is sure to throw us all out,' said I, 1 and ruin the performance.' Gottschalk swore like a rn^(?r> but it was no good. The bills were out, and ho couldn't go back on his programme, even if tho gift of the hall for the night was no consideration to him. At last I hit on an idea that fixed the whole business. The amateur came down to re- hearsal, and we praised him until he thought he was to be the star of the night. As soon as he left. we took the hammers out of his piano and made it as dumb as an oyster. I guessed iw ,i)uld never know the difference, with several pianos going at once. And, just as I thought, that ama- teur and his friends never discovered the trick. No; he just sailed in and pounded on that piano as if it was the worst enemy he had ever had. He was bound to show off among so many good pianists, and hammered on his key-board until the perspiration nearly blinded him. Now and then I looked at him approvingly to give him fresh courage, and every time I did so he gave the piano a lick that nearly made matchwood of it. His friends all around threw bouquets at him till he looked like a wedding arch and when it was all over his fond parent fell on his neck in the green-rocm and slipped a cheque for two hundred and fifty dollars into his hand. The old man didn't know whether he was standing on his head or his lieel^, lie was so tickled. Didn't he do fine, said he to me—' among so many first-class pro- fessionals to t I never heard an amateur do so well in public, said I; and, what's more, I meant it."

THE VERY BESTI I have examined the Pills known as KERNICK'S VEGETABLE PILLS. I certify their composition to be purely vegetable. I have also tried their effect, aud consider them one of the best Aperient Pills for consti- pated habits that I know of. (Signed), JOHN BALBIRNIE, I.A., M.D." 166. Sold by in 13id, aud 2a H boxe^

FACTS AND FANCIES. "UP TO Timu. "-Greenwich clocks. The nobbiest thing in boots.—A bunion. Stuff and nonsense-A big dinner and the post-. prandial speeches. POST THIS UP AT THE EXCHANGE OFFICES.— "Please banz up" is the polite telephonic for Hold your tongue." Why is wine that has been bottled for years like an unmarried lady of advanced years ?— Because it is old made, and none the worse tor it. Time works wonders," as the woman said when she got married after a thirteen years' courtship. The difference between sacred and secular music is not so great as it seems at first sight. You get the latter by the "sheet." the other by the choir." "Were you ever in an engagement ?" inquired an innocent rustic of a militiaman. Yes, one," replied the son of Mars, heaving a deep sigh, but she jilted me." The man who bragged all the summer about his being a good skater has dropped that subject since there is a chance of a frost, and is now boasting that he is a porpoise to swim." 7-- A little boy three years old, who has a brother of three months, gave, as a reason for the latter's good conduct-—" Baby doesn't cry tears, bccause he doesn't drink any water; and he can't cry milk." RELATIVES TO BE AVOIDED. Papa, are cannibals those that live on other people?" Yes, my son." "Then uncle George must be a can- ninal, for mamma says he is always living on somebody." TONAL' AGAIN.—Scene—A general merchants' shop in the north. Traveller: "Can you give me an ounce of good tobacco ?" Merchant: Och, ay putt she's sorry ta say she'll no' have ony till ta morn 1"—Bailie. Scene Still-room in an Edinburgh hotel. Waiter, reading Sir Garnet Wolseley had the honour yesterday of kissing the Queen's hand." Still-room lassie, interrupting Kissin' her what?" Waiter: "Her hand." Still-room lassie: A' wadna thankit 'urn. WHAT JAMES WOULD DO.—" What would you do, James, if you nuodeniy had a large bum of money left you ?" said a lady to her gardener, a respectable married man, a labourer in the vil- lage. I dunno, miss," was the auswer bv.5 I think I should have summat todrink. A story is told in the life of John Hill Burton of a Scotch judge who, on pronouncing sentence on an who had stabbed a soldier, did it in this way—" You did not only maliciously, wickedly, and feloniously stab or cut his person, thereby depriving him of life, but'did also sever the bsnd of his military breaches, which are her Majesty's." He was buying a tumbler of toughened glass in a china shop, toising it in his hand, hejasked, Is this really unbreakable?" "Yes," replied the shopwoman. May I try it?" said he. "I'd rather you paid for it first," was the rejoinder and when lie had paid she added, You had better not let the servants know it's unbreakable, or they will be sure to break it." IT is A PKOGRESSVIK AGE.—The boulevards of Paris are infested with deat-and-dumo beggars, more or less authentic, who distribute printed papers describing their misfortune's to persons seated outside the cafés. Ono of these pros- pectuses, after soliciting the public to buy a copy of a deaf-and-dumb alphabet, bears as a postcrips the words "English spoken." CONJUGAL AMENITIES.—^Wife: "I saw Mrs Boodle this morning, and she complained that on the occasion of her last visit you were so rude to her that she thought she must have offended you." Husband "Nothing of the kind on the contrary, I like her very much; but it was rather dark at the time, and, when I entered the room I thought at first that it was you.' A day or two before the Queen opened the Royal Courts of Justice, two Irishmen were, looking at some men stretching a rope across the Strand from one housetop to another, for the purpose of suspending some flags. Shure, and what will thev be afthe rdoing at the top of them houses there'?" said Pat. It's a submarine telegraph they're afther putting up, I suppose," replied Mick. EXPLAINED BY A FRIEND. A well-known aesthete was lamenting to a veteran critic that he could find no one ready to understann him. The woman," said he, "run after me, but the men scoff and turn aside. I am really no dif- ferent from other people, and only long to put my ideas before them-just as you do, for ex- ample. Why," added he, will they not listen to me as they do to you? Can you give me a reason?" "Because you don't cut your hair," answered his friend. A Nice journal announces that Baron de San Malato, the fantastic fencer, is to give a few representations of his art in that town during the winter. The journal adds that, in order to arrive at the degree of suppleness necessary for the success of his particular method, the Baron de San Malato trains severely, and eats only one meal a day but, before sitting down to table, he swallows two spooning of excellent olive oil. The Baron finds that this liquid makes him supple interiorly." And you say that you are innocent of the charge of stealing a rooster from Mr Jones ?" asked an Arkansas judge of a meek-looking pri- soner. Yes, sir, I am innocent—as innocent as a child." You are confident that you did not steal the rooster from Mr Jones ?" Yes, sir, I can prove it." How can you prove it ?" I can prove that I did't steal Mr Jones's rooster, judge, because I stole two hens from Mr Graston the same night and Jones lives five miles from Graston's." The proof is conclusive," said the judge. Discharge the prisoner." It is related of one Job Walmsley, a Yorkshire advocate of teetotalism, who was humourous in a rough way as well as eloquent, that he was waited upon on one occasion by a young gentle- men who was ambitious to shine upon platforms, after the manner of Jolbez Inwards, Simeon Smithard, and Mr J. B. Gough. Tha wants to be a public speyker, dos' tha, lad? An tlii thinks awm the chep to put tha up to a wrinkle about it ? Tha's reight, I awm Now harks tha! When tha rises to mek thy speycb, bit taable an' oppen thy mawth. If nowt comes, tak' a sup o' watther an' hit taable again. Then oppen thy mawth wider than afoor. Then if nowt comes tak' thy- sen off, and leave public speykin'to such as me." A United States post-office agent was inspecting the office at Iron Rod, Montana, with consisted of a saloon, a post-office room, and a faro bank. The mail-bag was emptied on the floor, the crowd overhauling the letters, registered and all, selecting what they wanted, and the rest were thrown into a candle-box. Where's the post- master?" asked the agent of the bar-tender. Out mining." "Where is the assistant-post- master?" "Gone to Hell's Canon; and, by thunder, Bill Jones has got to run, this office next week It's his turn." The government official demanded the keys of the office. The bar- tender coolly took the candle-box from the bar, placed it on the floor, and gave it a kick, sending it out of the door, saying, There's your post- office and now git!" The agent reported, Knowing the custom of the country, I lost no time in following this advice, and got." This is why the post-office at Iron Rod was discontinued. Before the shop-window of a picture-dealer in Vienna stood a lady, who appeared to take special interest in an instantaneous photograph of one of the principal streets in the capital, for she presently entered the shop and bought the picture. On closer inspection, aided by her glasses, she had no doubt in her mind as to the identity of the two figures in the street which had first arrested her attention. On reaching home, she subjected her daughter — a blooming lasse of eighteen summers— to a sever e cross-examination; but the latter denied in the most positive terms having at any time promenaded the streets in company with a young gentleman. On being shown the photograph, however, she saw that further denial was useless. The sun, according to the Germani proverb, had brought the truth to light. Nor could she prove to her mother's satisfaction that her fascinating young teacher of music, in taking her out for a walk, had improved the occasion by giving her a lecture on counterbass— on harmony, possibly. The carly-hairid pianist has been dismissed, and a white-haired gentleman of grave demeanour engaged in his place.

SOUTH WALES UNIVERSITY I COLLEGE. It will be a source of much gratification to the staff, the students, and all the friends of the South Wales University College to learn that the Lord of the Committee of Council on Education have placed the college on the same footing as Owen's College, now incorporated in the Victoria University, with regard to tho special arrangements for the instructions of science teachers. The college is also accepted as an institution at which persons to whom local exhibitions have been granted may pursue their studies. Thesearenotewotthy conces- sions, especially when it is borne in mind that the college has only been a little over a year in existence. The recognition by the department will, no doubt, stimulate ail who are connected with the institution to render it worthy of still further proofs of Government favour. The following is the letter from the Education Department Science ard Art Department, London, S.W., January 6th, 1885. Sir,—I am directed to acquaint you that the Lords of the Committee of Council on Education have considered the application contained in your letter of f-he 24th ultimo, and they are pleased to approve that the University College, Cardiff, shall be placed on the same footing as the Owen's College, Manchester, with regard to the special arrangements for the instruction of I science teachers. The college will also be accepted as an institution at which persons to whom local exhibitions have been granted may pursue their studies. A copy of the minute of my lords under which aid is granted to science teachers attending courses of instruction in the Owen's College is enclosed for your information, and I am to request that the department may be furnished with information respecting the subjects of instruction at University College, and the amount of the fees to be paid for such instruction. These details should be similar to those given in the nrnutes with regard to the Owen's College. I am to add that during the lifetime of Mr W. Thomas Lewis his endowment of £ 33 a year would be considered as satisiying the conditions of the science directory with regard to the local I' contribution to a local exhibition. But such local exhibition must be competed for at the May tiop examinations of the department. A copy of the science directory is forwarded I herewith in accordance with your request.-I am. sir. vour obedient servant, W. D. DONNELLY. Mr Ivor James, University College, Cardiff.

THE WRECK OFF HOLYHEAD. Board of Trade Inquiry. I A Board of Trade inquiry was commenced in Liverpool, on Thursday, into the loss of the ss. Pochard, which foundered off Holyhead a few weeks ago, all hands being lost.—Mr David Dunlop, who built the vessel, stated that the vessel gave every satisfaction, and was perfectly good in every respect.—Mr Henry H. Beale, one of the directors of the com- pany, said the vessel was insured for £ 26,000 there was no insurance on the freight. Mr F. C. Kelson, ship engineer, said he designed the vessel, and had been voyages in her. He was perfectly satisfied with the engines, and so was the chief engineer.— Thomas Harrop, manifest clerk for Messrs Wilson and Co., agents for the Cork Steamship Company, gave evidence as to the cargo, and said that the ship had had a greater cargo before in winter tizfie. --Patrick McGuinness, foreman stevedore to the company tor 16 years, stated how he had stowed a cargo,and said he was sure there could have been no shifting of it at sea. lie had watched her sailing OU 0 the river on her last voyage, and she was usual trim. The master made no to_ whatever. The enquiry was adjourned day (r, viday).

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SERIOUS CHARGE AGAINST A NEWPORT INSURANCE AGENT, Forging Certificates of Death in the Cardiff District Prisoner before the Bristol Magistrates. The Newport county police have arrested Lewis Williams, insurance agent, of Nor- ton Cottage, Maindee, Newport, on the charge of forging and uttering, well knowing the same to be forged, a certain certificate and copy of an entry in the registrar's book of deaths in the Cardiff district, on the 22nd of December last. The Newport police acted 08 a warrant received from the Bristol authorities. At the Bristol police-court on Thursday, th« prisoner was brought up in answer to the charge, Mr Yorke (from the office of Mr J. H. Clifton) was present on behalf of the accused.—Mr R. Wansbrough prosecuted on behalf of the Royal Liver Friendly Society. He said be was afraid the caarge against the prisoner was an exceed- ingly serious one. The 24th and 24th Victoria, chap. 98, sec. 3o, under which the proceedings were taken, provided that a person forging a certificate of death or copy was liable to penal servitude for life. The facts of the case were these. The society which prosecuted, as he hatJ no doubt they were aware, was promoted for the purpose of enabling poor people, by paying small weekly contributions, to insure their lives, so that at the time of their death their relatives might receive certain sums of money to pay the expenses of their sickness and funeral. The society had agencies in every town all over tha kingdom. The prisoner was a commission agent for the Prudential Company, which was a. society started upon the same principles as the Royal Liver Friendly Society. On the 5th of November, 1833, the prisoner sent to a Mrs Gay of Franklin-terrace, Totterdown, Bristol, a list of persons whom he wanted to have insured in the Liver Society, through Mr Thomas Hunt, a. Bristol agem, who lived in St. George's-road. Amongst the names was that of William C. Cook, Mrs Gay supplied Mr Hunt, the agent, with th. name of Cooli, a proposal form was made out and signed, and a contribution card was given Mrs Gay, and the contribution moneys paid from time to time by her. The moneys were received by her from Williams, the prisoner. He dared say their worships would know there was a rule in these societies that a person must contribute for six montiis before being able to receive benefit at all, and then they received half benefit supposing they died. After insuring for twelve months, their representatives received the full amount of m wrsoce. In this instance the insurance was couimenced on November 6th, 1885, and tie pay- meats duly kept up ili November 24th, 1884. Oa that date Is 9d was paid to Mr_ Hunt by Mrs Gay. Upon the same day a certificate of death, purporting to tu c! a i rue oopy of ar entry in the register at the registry otlice of Cardifi, was sent. It drawn up on a form which appeared to be authentic, aod was signed apparently at the registry. That certificate was sent by the prisoner to Mrs Gay, and it was sent by Mrs Gay to Mr Hunt, the Bristol agent. In due course it was forwarded to the head office of the society, in order that the amount due under the policy might be paid to the representatives of Cook. It seemed, from some cause or other, the head office had some suspicion. They sent the certificate of death to Mr Cross (the person who laid the information) their agent at Cardiff, who made inquiries at the registry, and compared the cer- tificate with the original book. He found that the certificate from beginning to end was a. forgery. There was no entry in the original book in the possession of Mr Watkins, the registrar, which would compare. with the copy which this purported to be. He found that Mr J. Milward, a surgeon, who "6 VlckJ pretended had attended Cook, had never attended such a case. The address of Win. Charles Cook, 4, Adams- street, Cardiff, was found to be fictitious, and the address of the person named Robinson, who was supposed to have been in attendance at the time of the death, was also false. There was, in fact, no such person, and it was an attempt to defraud from beginning to end. The premium had been kept up by the prisoner until the peraorr who was assumed to be the insurer got into benefit, a.nd when the certificate was forged and sent in the amount would have been paid in the ordmary way, had not these inquiries been made. There would be a number of other char- ges. He had there seven cases on cards, which were obtained through Mr Gay, containing the names of people who never had any existence, and on which these non-existent persons had been insured by the prisoner, and the premiums paid by him. In one case the person after getting into half benefit, was supposed to have died, ard a certificate of death was forwarded to the secretary and the money paid to Mrs Gay, and by her to the prisoner. The writing in* the certificate in tnat case was the same as that in the case in which the present charge was instituted. Mr Gore, having looked at the certificate in the case which the money was paid, said it was ap- parently signed by the registrar. Mr Wansbrough said he should ask for a remand, and should on another occasion prefer other charges. Mr York said be should apply that the prisoner be admitted to bail. He was a married man, a householder, and could get bail to the amount of £ 500.—Mr Wansbrough opposed this application on the ground that the prisoner had already kept out of their way. They had to watch his house three or four days before they caught him. It was a case of great magnitude. Thomas Cross,of Albert-road, Cardiff, insurance agent to the Royal Liver Society, said on the 22nd of December, 1884, he received what pur- ported to be a certificate of death of William Charles Cook, and made inquiries which showed him that the certificate- and persons concerned were non-existent. Mr Robinson then remanded the case for eight days, and said the charge was so serious that he could not grant the application for bail.

FRATRICIDE NEAR LEWES. Suicide of the Murderer. Intelligence was received at Lewes on Thursday morning by Mr Baxter, coroner for East Sussex, that a man named Barber, residing Langton, had been murdered by. his brother, the latter afterwards hanging himself. Both were quite dead when found one lying on the ground with his head severely Lattered, the other suspended from a beam. The younger had threatened to commit suicide, but no cause has been alleged for tha murder of his brother.

1) T Is YOUR CHILD III ? If so, try Williams'? 0 oi ^'orm Lozenges, which have besn in use over ^0 years, and eclipsed all other remedies. oid bf most chemists at 9id, and 2s 9d. Prepared trom the original recipe only by J. jDavies, Chemise., .53, HIg.street,. Swansea. The lozenges are agreeable, an<f ontain nothing injuriou 790 I FEKL SO WEARY AND TIlZD" Is tho exclamation of many whom we daily meet, yet-, they never pause to think or reflect upon tile cause of this feeling. It may arise from "sluggish vn4 impure, blood,' which, if neglected, is the forerun,er of serioua and chronic disorders. This weary and tired feeling is nature warning us that there is some tiling wrong, which must be set right, or a long and lingering illness I i 1,1 n will speedily follow. What does nature require so throw off this weary and tired feeling; he ;equires to have new life and energy impartod to ali the organs of the body, and the best means to do so -is to take "Gwilym Evans' Quinine Bitters," which purities the blood, and imparts new me and energy. It is invalu- able to those who are suffering from affections of the chest, indigestion, nervousness, debility in its wOrst forms, depression of spirits, and molancholy- GWILYM EVANS'S QUININE BITTERS. — THic VEGETABLE TONIC.-Ti-iis preparation is now exten- sively taken throughout the country by pu, U!uS K,;tfer. ing from debility, nervousness, r' :o;i, and, if any value be attached to the efficacy of this medicine has been succt^uljy estab- lished. Its claims have been t°ste j"1'1 Woven by the medical profession and others- riobora:ed by the written testimonials of e?,itaio„ sn-The Quinine Bitters contain not only f; quantity of Quinine in each dose, but the active prindp;ies of the f0il0wing well-known herbs—^tfron, gentian, laven- der, and dandelion "-not. ihe Use of Quinine is welt known, but it ^01I satisfactorily combined with these to eo:,s; derable diffi°". „ Proprietor was able ->> secure perfectly un PreParation, combining ali the essential f 01 the above plant.; in thei greatest, puri Y and concentration. It is now shed as » f-mily mehclne, and is increasing ill popular a,vour the more it is known and. tested. Owylim Evanss Quinine Bitters is a tonic "iek-me-up,' rs sciontmca.iy niix°d in napoy -proportions. MODE OF Action.— (And here lies the secret of the Keniedy.y—Xhe Quinine Bitters (being a vegetable tonic), by their peculiar power, strengthen th part of t}ystell1 which is weakest, and. therefore, mosti •liable to colds and their attendant msease' The in- gredients they contain cannot be put ■111o pills, but the patIent can follow his usual occupation without fear of exposure. UWILYM EVANS' QUININE BITTERS are recommended by Doctors, Analysts, Chemists. Sold in ~v Yd and 48 6d Bottles, and Cases containing three 4s 6d Bottles at Us tiel per cast, by all Che,Ai,"ts, or/torn the Proprietor, CLrriagt parcels post (un.ier cover). N.B— Xo one hould suffer without trying Gwilym Evan» Quinine Bitters."—Mr GWILYM EVAXS. F.C.S., Proprietor, aboratory, Xilanelly, South \Vy,ies. > 0368 Printed and Published by the Proprietors, DAVID DUNCAN <? SOK.S, at their Steam Printing W orks, 75 ami 76, St. Mary.street, and W estsate-streei in tho town of Cardiff in the County of oiaiiio"