The Rhondda Leader

AMERICAN HUMOUR. 1 II THE DISCOURTEOUS PAINTERS. t The boss" and little O'Flynn were going- through the newly finished five story building, when they came upon an unopened barrel of cement on the fifth floor. O'Flynn," said the boss, that's worth eight dollars, and I'm going to save it. Fetch mo a tackle, and I'll make it fast to a girder, then do you go to the street, and I'll swing it out of window to you." Everything was duly arranged, and as there were no workmen about except two painters on a staging outside the second story, O'Flynn t,,) r O F I x- i-, ri was to do the lowering alone, being cautioned by the boss to take a couple of turns of the rope round something before the barrel was launched. O'Flynn obeyed orders perfectly; he took a. couple of turns round his waist, and yelled up, "Let her ooojn!" She" ooom" very swiftly, while O'Flynn, weighing one hundred and fifteen pounds to the barrel's five hundred, as rapidly ehot up past the astonished painters. As he reached the top, the barrel reached the sidewalk and burst. Relieved of its weight, O'Flynn speedily descended, landing in the soft but choking heap. The painters were the first to reach hint, expecting the sight of a shattered and mangled O'Flynn. They found him sitting up in the cement heap, sneezing and digging the dusty stuff out of his mouth anil eyes. "O'Flynn. lad, is it hurt ye are?" they both cried, in unison. "Get away wid ye!" answered O'Flynn. "I just passed yez two twice, and yex never spoke to me! A REAL TOWN. I "And what sort of a town is yours—I didn t catch the name?" said the polite stranger on the train to the man who had been patiently listen- ing to a long description of a Wisconsin slumber- ing city. "Bates," said the other, promptly, "and she's a comer! Two months old. a good band, a soap factory, and more sparrows than can sit on the telegraph wire! Oh, Bates is the real thing I'' WHY HE WANTED A JOB. Civil service has done a lot of good, of course, but it has taken a lot of humour out. of life," a New England Senator remarked, smil smiling. "Just after I was first elected to the Senate a man approached me, recounted his services in my behalf, and remarked that he would like me to get him a Government position. All right. I'll see what 1 can engineer, 1 replied. Then, with an idea of finding out what department or bureau he would be best suited to, I asked, What can you do ? He looked at rne in astonishment. Good gracious, Senator he excla imed. If I could do anything, you don't suppose I would be after a Government job, do you?' "Brook- lyn Life. BINGVILLES BIRTH-RATE. just as we go to press wo near tnat ivirs. Joshua Hilderbrand gave birth to a 101b. baby girl. Being very busy at the last minute, we were unable to verify this report, but if it is not true there will be no harm done, because Mrs. Hilderbrand is already the mother of nine chil- dren,and one more or less won't make much differ- ence.—Bingville Bugle. A STROKE OF LUCK. i Arichold farmer who had moved into a Michigan village had a ne'er-do-well son who would not work. but insisted on ioaSng around the v'l!ago and living on his father, meantime waiting for the happy moment when the father might die. One morning the news came from the rich old farmer's house that he had had a stroke of apop- lexy and was dying. The good women of the village rushed over to see if they could do any- thing. They found the son sitting on the porch in a rocking-chair rocking slowly and rubbing his hands. "John," one lady said, "is this terrible news true? How is your father ? Well," replied John, continuing the rocking, all I can say is that I expect to be a rich man in a few minutes. '—Saturday Evening Post. DOING A WHITEWASHING JOB. I "Pay a man to dab a little whitewash on a fence!" Mr. Davis snorted, indignantly. "If I couldn't do fool work like that I'd sell out." Mrs: Davis sighed. You'll muss yourself all up," she protested, and it will hurt your back." Mr. Davis laughed scornfully. "Just you watch me," he said. with confidence. Then he went out and bought a whitewash brush. He paid a quarter for it; the dealer had tried to make him buy one for 75 cents. Then he bought a bushel of lime, and went home. The lime was a fine powder when it came, and when mixed with water became a watery fluid, with flakes of white on top. The lime stayed at the bottom of the tub. When he used the new brush it shed hairs, and, being wet, showed that it possessed two thin rows of hairs on either side and none in the middle. Also, when the whitewashing dried, the fence looked in no wise different from its for- mer ugliness. Mr. Davis considered. His back hurt. There was lime in his eyes, and ho was mad, clear enough. He went into the house and found Mrs. Davis preparing to go downtown, so ho went back to his work. As soon as she was safely out of sight, he headed for a negro shack he knew, and resur- rected Uncle Peter, who was seventy-six years old, and had been whitewashing and doing odd jobs for seventy years. He turned the job over to Uncle Peter, who threw the brush into the alley and emptied the whitewash and procured 2dol. from him. With a wheelbarrow. Uncle Peter disappeared, and shortly returned with a barrowload of lump lime and a brush and set to work. Mr. Davis sat on the steps with his pipe and watched him work. When Mrs. Davis returned her husband was washed and shaven and the fence was glistening white. Why, did you do it? she said. Her evident surprise nettled her husband. "Of course I did," he said: "I do all I set out to do." "All by yourself?" inquired Mrs. Davis, ad- miringly. "Well," confessed Mr. Davis, "I got Uncle Peter to sorter help me." Oh said Mrs. Davis, and went to take off her hat.-Galreiton News. WITH WRITS, NOT A GOOSE. A man with a bundle thrust his head and then his body into an office, says the Central Late Journal. The following dialogue then took place: "I've brought these clothes for you to press." said the caller. The man next door says you're a bird at pressing suits." Well," said the occupant of the office, "the man next door is right, only this isn't a tailor's shop-it's a lawyer's office." BRIEF DECISIONS FROM THE BENCH. ? The man who is getting the most out ot lite is letting the other fellow do the worrying. An ideal wife and an ideal husband are two of a kind; but they seldom make a pair. While it takes only two to make a quarrel, a third is usually present. Uncle Ezra is right in his decision that shop- lifting and souvenir-hunting are more closely related than first cousins. A physician asserted the other day that those who have heart disease should not marry. Some wag replied that there would be no marriages then, as only those with heart trouble get married. # The best cheque for literary aspirations has Please pay to on it.-Judge. SAID HE WAS NOT IN. You remember dat guy Jim Burke? asked an irate Bowery denizen. He's dat stiff dat's doin' time up der river—Sing Sing-boiglary- ten years. Well, you know all I done fer dat stiff. When he was pinched, didn't I put up der coin for der lawyers? Didn't I pay der witnesses? Sure, I did. De oder day I t'inks I'll just go an' see dat mutt, just t'leave him know his frien's ain't tied de can on 'im. So I drives out to d' gaol and goes into d' warden's office, and he says I gotter send me card in. Me card! D'ye get dat? Well, anyway, I writes me name on a piece 0' paper and ? ?uy takes it into Jim Burke, an' what d' you t'ink dat stiff teUs dat guy to tell me?" j I've no idea," said the listener. Ho tells him," concluded the angry one, f tell me dat he ain't in I "-Succes8.

——— THE SHOE AT A WEDDING. The old fashioned notion that a shoe sheuld: bring luck at a wedding is a superstition curious to explain. It. was in the senso of confirming a sale or exchange that the Jews understood the removal and giving of a shoe or sandal. When the kinsman of Boaz consented to waive his claim upon the parcel of land which Naomi would sell in favour of Boaz, he drelv off his shoe," for this was a testimony in L-rael." In a different sense the removal of a. shoe marks the winding up of negotiation'; among the laws and ord inances given in the Rook of Deutronomv. Wh en the Emperor Vladimar proposed marriage to the daughter of Reginald she refused him with the words I will- not take off my shoe to the son of a slav,2." In Anglo-Saxon marriages the bride's ft!'her delivered her shoe to the bridegroom, WHO touched her on the head witb Ü. in tokeD. of his authority.

WH*RK ECROPEAJTR FIRST TASTED POTATOES. Quito, the capitaJ of the Republic of Ecuador, in Western South America, seems to have thp honour of being the spot where first Europeans saw and tasted potatoes. The city of the Quitus. N "a race akin to the Quichuas of Peru." was oc, cupicd without bloodshed by Sebastian Benulcu- zar, a Spaniard, in command of an expedition, in 1533. Charles V. of Spain raised it to tho rank of a Spanish city in 1541. Two hundred and fifty years later. 110 less than 40,000 of its people perished in art earthquake. As the town is situated in the Andes, 9.500ft. above the sea- level, its climate is not too hot for the cultiva- tion of the plant. The native Indians seemed to have grown it extensively under the name of papa. This would appear to have been changed by the Spaniards into battata, whence the cor- ruption into potato is natural enough.

SPIDERS AS MEDICINE. In many country places in England spiders are esteemed as a remedy for ague and malarial fever, being usually worn in a bag round the neck. In Ireland, a sandwich made of black spiders laid between slices of bread and butter is eaten every morning by weakly persons with a tendency to tho waste," as this very unpleasant form of refreshment is supposed to be most strengthening! At the same time, it is thought unlucky to kill a spider, probably because of the legend that the little spinner is blessed for ever, since one of the race spun a thick web round the cradle of the Infant Saviour, to hide Him from Herod's messengers. A Jewish tradition declares that a spider spun a. curtain before the cave of Adullam to hide David from Saul. Pills made of cobwebs which contain the spider's eggs, are deemed a cure for ague, if they are taken for threo mornings consecutively. In the West of England a spider, rolled in treaele, was eaten as a remedy for the same disease. The use of cob- webs in staunching blood is still common.

Poison IN POSIES. Poison lurks almost everywhere, in some form or the other. But who would suspect it in the common flowers ? Yet, it is a fact that poison is to be found in the posies. For instance, the laburnum, which has been compared to a foun- tain of gold leaping into the sun, is one of the most poisonous things imaginable, inasmuch as it is poison in leaf and flower and seed. Even the grass growing beneath it is poisonous, by reason of its proximity to the innocent-looking blossoms overhead, and it has been found neces- sary to guard against cattle eating this grass for fear of fatal results. The bulbs of such dainty and beautiful lfowers as the narcissus, hyacinth, and snowdrop secrete the most deadly poisons, not to speak of the oxalis, the monkshood, and the foxglove, all of which furnish noxious liquors sufficicnr. to de- stroy life. Despite its innocent appearance, the laughing little buttercup is poisonous. Even the cow avoids it. HOW COULD WE DO IT? t i_ A beef bone will yield soup seven different times. No man ever has a knife in his pocket when asked for it, and yet we spend 40,000. QOOdol. a year for cutlery. Americans tip waiters and servants to the tuna of 5,000,000dol. a year. All this could go to- wards raising turnips. A tick stuffed with straw makes a bed that kings have slept on. If all the potato peelings now thrown away were made into raspberry jam we could do away with a thousand poorhouses. By sitting with bedquilts around us we could reduce the fuel bill one-half. Folks got along without forks up to the year 1665 and were happy. Two raw turnips will fill a man up just as much as a lOdol. dinner at Delmonico's. Heels are a superfluity on boots and shoes, and yet they cost us 80,000,000dol. a year. An old coat for a pillow would save at 6,000,OOOdol. a year in geese feathers. A man looks at his watch but once in tHe twenty-four hours, and yet the annual sales ar* 230,000,000dol. per annum- ANOTHER TRAGEDY. "Why was the engagement broken?" "Because of a misunderstanding," replied Miss Cayenne. Each considered the other lack- ing in etiquette. They subscribed to different publications, and weren't reading the same, Uinta on How to Behave in Sooietv.' Printed for the Proprietors by Messrs. Evans & Short, Tonypandy, and published by the Proprietors, The Rhondda Leader," Limited, at their Offices, Excel- sior Buildings, De Winton Street, Tony- pandy, in the County of Glamorgan.

WORDS OF WISDOM. By doing duty we learn to do it. fA pure conscience may defy city gossipe. 'All must respect those who respect themselves. He is a wise self mada man who takea the tag off. The youth of a nation are the trustees of posterity. Work well, and then you'll be entitled to play well. Knowledge is a treasure, but practice is the key to it. Faith opens the ways to understanding—un- belief closes it. Our habitual thoughts govern our unpreme- ditated actions. No man is bora wise; both wisdom and yirtø 4equire a tutor. The wisdom of the heart is worth all other wadom.—SOUTH ET. Doubt of any sort cannot be removed except by action.—CARLYLE. The greatest; happiness comes from the great- est activity.—BOVEE. Opportunity is more powerful even than con- querors and prophets. Blessed arc they who link justice and brothor- fiood to their patriotism. Fame has eagle wings, and yet she mounts not so high as man's desires. A truth told us is harder to bear than a hun- dred whioh we tell ourselves. Energy of will—self-originating force—is the soul of every great character. Cultivate not only the cornfields of your mind, (jut the pleasure grounds also. Action may not always bring happiness: but there is no happiness without action. Art is order, method, harmonious results, ob- tained by fine and powerful principles. We surely owe to men the same duty as wo owe to pictures-to try to see them in the best light. The greatest thing in life is to spread as much happiness as possible among those with whom wetive One of the first necessities of our life is that we should grow upward like men, and not sink Ciownward like beasts. A perfect love, even when lost, js still an eter- aal possession, a pain so sacred that its deep peace often grows into an absolute content. There are people who would do great acts. but, because they wait for great opportunities, life passes, and the acts of love are not done at all- If I err in believing men's souls to be im- mortal, I err willingly: nor would I have this error in which I de!'ght wrested from me as long as I live.—CICEKO. It is quite right to be earnest in play, and whatever we do to try to do it well, wrote Mr. Gladstone. But when play is made the business of life, and is so pursued, or so idolised, as to indispose us for work, it then becomes sin and poison. Straightforward, honest work, a determined endeavour to do one's best, an earnest desire to scatter flowers instead of thorns, to make other people a little better off, a little happier because of our existence, these are the only recipes for real happiness. Some things are perishable; some things are imperishable. To venture all upon the pensh- able things is folly of the most foolish kind, even when it looks successful here on earth. To Tenture all upon the imperishable things is the soundest sort of wisdom, even though it means daily self-denial and apparent failure. KINDNESS AND SYMPATHY. I Human kindness and sympathy are more com- mon virtues Than many of us seem to suspect, but we come into touch with them only when we have made our lives open to them, when we are looking for them. The matter does not stop here, however, for one of the most effective ways of cultivating these desirable traits in others, especially the young, is to act as if we expected to find them there, writes one who is studying humanity in a scientific search for facts. He has found the new, old truth that is repeated again and again in Scripture, history, and expe- rience, and yet which each one of us must learn for himself or never know it at all. The world is a land of echoes, and the message we call to it comes back to us from every side. In very truth we get out of life what we put into it. MATRIMONIAL CONTIDENCE. Confidence is everything between husband and Wife; and a woman who loves desires above all things to be trusted. She would not be glad when her husband is sad. She would not be ignorant of his troubles or his anxieties. Any- thing is better to her than to be shut out from the innermost of the life of one who should be all hers as she is all his. TRUTH. I The ralue of truth is that it is real. An un- pleasant truth is better for the mind than a pleasing lie that flatters vanity. A man should be grateful even to his enemies when they open his eyes to a sense of his own faults and failures. 1 Far more should he thank his family and friends | (for doing the same thing for him in a spirit of I love. To resent kindly rebuke is not a sign of spirit, but of stupidity. LORD HLVIN 8 RELIGIOUS VIEWS. I The scientific man in looking at matter, won- Sering what it will do, thinking over the results of certain combinations which he can impose apon it, declares that there is something beyond a mass of dead matter. His very thought is in itself a contradiction to the idea that there is aiothing but dead matter. Science can show rhat what we see in the world of dead matter and of life is not a result of fortuitous atoms. St. Peter I spasics of scoffers who said that "all things con- tinue as they were from the beginning of the creation," but affirms himself that "all these tilings shall be dissolved." It seems to me that even physical science absolutely demonstrates the scientific truth of these words. In science, as in raorals an d poliflc,, &Ii in morals and politics, there is no periodicity. Whatever we prophesy of the future, it will be 4nftike the past. Everything is in a .state of eva- flttidn and progress. The scianoe of clead matter, Ithwh has been ml ohief life itiady, IS strenuous IM the pofni that the age of the world ill definite. I SELF-SACRIFICE. I iWhat 13 love worth that does not show itsetf 1 In action? and more, which does not show itself I In passion in the true sense of that word iI teamely, in suffering? in daring, in struggling, in Sieving, in agonising, and, ifnocd be. m dying 1 ttor the object of its love? Every mother will give but one answer to that question.—CH.VRTM KQIOSLST. I THB WONDER OF A BUBBLE. ) Buoyant as the air itself, where else shall you find the like in lightness? So unsubstantial, so resilient that if, in voyaging through space, it ,strike agin-st &ome fixed object, so that, what im- pact there is, comes only of its own weight—that "weight is often insufficient to break it, and our bubble sphere bounds back to sail away un- lkafmod. Yet let yon thread of drifting gossa- mer, yon windborne parachute of tit (i<)Wn, crash into the frail sides-and thistledown of gossa- aaer will explode it and cause it to perish at a touch. Where else shall you find such faultless curves. I Buch perfection of form, such transparency and incredible tenuity of texture? That poppy pet al is coarse as a kitchen cloth beside it, and though, at God's bidding, the bubble sprang into being in a moment-a finished work and world of Art— the most cunning crvftsman this earth has known could not produce its like though he lived and toiled for a thousand years. II FRIENDS. I It is not the seeing one's friends, the having them I (within reach, the hearing of and from them, which makes them ours. Many a one has all (ttiat, and yet has nothing. It is the believing in Iftem, the depending on them, assured that they ,are true and good to the ooie, and therefore ICOdld not but be good and true towards every- libody else—ourselves included. Aye, whether we I deserve it or not. It is not our deserts which -two in question but their goodness, which onoe settled, the rest follows as a matter of course. (They would be untrue to themselves if they were insincere or untrue to us-—MIBS MTJLOCX. i.

'SCIENCE NOTES & NEWS. INTERPLANETARY LIFE LINKS. Spontaneous generation is required to com- plete the theory of organic evolution, and is, indeed, postulated as a logical necessity by many distinguished evolutionists. Yet the evidence is overwhelmingly against its occur- rence at the present day, or in earlier times under similar conditions. Hence the sugges- tion of Professor S. Arrhenins that life in the germ stage may pass from planet to planet is of considerable interest. If spontanoous veneration is impossible on our planet under present conditions, may it not be taking place 0;1 some other planets under different condi- tions? And if so, may not such spontaneously produced beings pass from their birthplace to the earth? Thus the elephant may be the last link of & chain derived from some lowly organism originating iu Jupiter, while the nrimitive ancestor of the tiger may have come from Mars. If this could be shown to be pos- sible, or probable, a great difficulty would be removed from the theory of evolution. I j\ METEORS OR AS COSMIC DUST? Many years a.go Lord Kelvin suggested that aenns might thus pa^s from world to world fri meteorites. It was then pointed out that the cold or inter-planetary spaces, and the intense heatmg of the meteorite on entering our atmosphere, would be equally fatal to the ocrms of life. Lately, however, it has been shown that Illany germs are extremely re- sistant to low temperatures, and that the heating of the meteorite is only superficial. Professor An-henius bases litti suggestion on the former fact. Low temperature, he main- tains, can so strongly check and diminish the vital activity that life may be sustained for millions of yea rs. He relies rather on cosmic dust than on meteorites as carrier, or per- chance the germs themselves may travel as dust. They are supposed to wander by means of radiation pressing from the planets of their birth. 2,000 PHOTOS A SECOND. I Apart from its spectacular interest and edu- cational value, the cinematograph is a most useful apparatus for scientific investigation, allowing such phenomena as are too rapid or too slow for direct visual inspection to be de- composed into various phases. A French scientific- man, Lucien Bull, of Paris, has, states Alfred Gradenwitz in Knowledge, developed a most ingenious method which greatly increases the scope of the cinematograph by augmenting its speed— that is. the number of pictures taken within a second—to almost incredible figures. Where- as the ordinary apparatus takes from thirty to fifty instantaneous pictures during a second, this high-speed cinematograph, in fact, en- ables as many as 2,000 views to be taken dur- iylg tliis tliort, interval. It is thus possible to decom pose the most fugitive phenomena, such as the motion of itisec-t, wings, as far as can he desired, and by projecting the component pictures on a screen in more or less rapid suc- cession, to study their very mechanism. It may be said that, by investigating the flight of insects, it is hoped to arrive at a true under- standing "f many problems met with in aviation. A WOSDERFVT. APPARATUS". It will be readily understood that no mechanical apparatus is able to open and clofie the shutter of a photographic camera 2,000 times a second. Moreover, the ordinary illuminams are far from possessing the inten- sity required for producing an efficient im- pression on the photographic plate or film during so infinitely .short'an interval. The inventor therefore avails himself of the electric spark, which unites two extremely valuable properties—viz., an instantaneous duration, aud enormous photographic effici- ency. His apparatus consists mainly of a pasteboard roll, which heart; on its circum- ference a photographic film, and which, under the action of all electric motor, rotates ex- tremely rapidly. A rotary interrupter mounted on the axis of this roll breaks the primary circuit of an induction coil a certain number of times during each rotation, and each break produces an induction spark be- hind an optical system used for concentrating the beam of light on the objective. EACH SPARK A PICTURE. After starting the apparatus, the sparks are seen to pass the more rapidly as the speed of rotation of the roller is higher. Each spark will produce a photographic picture on the portion of the film which happens to be in front of the objective. In order, therefore, to obtain on the film a series of images of an object situated ill front of the optical system, the objective should be kept open during the time of one rotation of the roll. The roll used by Lucien Bull is about one foot in diameter, and accordingly can receive a film about three feet in length, containing fifty-four photographs of the same size as ordinary cinematograph pictures. In order to allow the apparatus to be operated in full daylight the rotating roll is enclosed in an octagonal box, the upper half of which can be removed for the sake of in- serting the film. The objective is contained in a small wooden compartment or pointer at the front of the box, containing a mirror re- flecting the image of the object on to the ground-glass window, thus allowing the ap- paratus to be accurately adjusted. Before beginning the experiment, this mirror is fitted so to leave free the way to the objec- tive, and to provide a light-tight closure for the sighting window. LIKE A VIOLIN. I The proper •speed of rotation is best ascer- tained by gauging the sound given out by the sparks, which is of remarkable purity, being comparable U) that of a violin. As the film during an experiment should be exposed to the light of the sparks only during a single rotation of the roll, the apparatus m provided wi- b an electrically-operated shutter, which is opened rapidly at the proper mo- ment, and closed automatically again after the roll has performed a complete revolution. This shutter consists of a brass plate with two rectangular windows of the same dimen- sions and '"distances a6 cinematograph pic- tures. These two windows are closed pre- vious to the experiment by a small shutter of very thin sheet steel, which is disengaged at the proper moment by a. special electro- magnet so a" to open the two windows. At the end of the experiment another shutter (alc-o operated by an electro-magnet) auto- matically closes the windows. Just as it is not always easy to express our thoughts with simplicity and truth, and in such language as shall convey their real meaning to others, so it is not always easy to translate our feelings correctly. Both must be the result of culture. FROZEN LIFE AT THE SOUTH POLE. I During Lieutenant Shackleton's South Polar expodition the shallow lakes in the neighbourbood of Mounts Erebus and Terror were found to possess an abundance of micro- scopic animals and plants which exhibit a wonderful power to withstand vicissitudes of temperature. The lakes in summer may at- tain a temperature of 60deg. Fahr., while in winter they go down to 40deg. The miscro- soopic fauna survives from year to year frozen in the ice. Some of the deeper lakes do not thaw in ordinary summers, and yet. in them many animals were found at the bottom under 15ft. of solid ice, and still alive. They must have been frozen in for years. Experi- ment showed that these animals can endure, when dry, temperatures ranging from near the boiling-point down to 108deg. Fahr. But the sea animals close by, while performing all their ordinary functions at a temperature several decrees below the freezing-point, are killed if the temperature either rises or falls one or two degrees.

I WISE AND OTHERWISE. Is it true that Piker is financially embar- rassed? He is awfully in debt, but it doesn't seem to embarrass him nt all." What kind of a man would you like for a husband?" Oh, either a bachelor or a widower. I in not particular which." "Did you ever hear Gadby say anything par- ticular about me?" "No: he never was very N o; he liever waq verv particular what. he said about voll." Ethel, finding the sermon tedious, and think- ing it high time for the collection: Oh, mother, do pay the man, and let's go home I Youngster: "Father, that man over there can't hear it thunder." Father: Is he deaf?" Youngster: "No. it isn't thundering." No I't I Ti Mr. Robertson has just offered me his hand and fortune." "Did you accept? "No; the one was too big and the other too small! j Yes," said the humorist, it waa enough to j make a donkey laugh. I laughed till I oried." And he wondered why everyone smiled. I Mrs. Henpeck: "Yer kinder to dumb animals ¡ than yer are to me. Mr. Henpeck: Yes, an' I'd. be kinder to thee if tha were dumb! Judge: Prisoner, are you guilty or not guilty:" Prisoner: "Let my lawyer plead "not guilty for nie, Judge; I ain't got the nerve." The Gentleman with the Beard: "Surely you are splitting hairs, profe-sor?" The Gentle- man Without: "No; I am merely stating bald I facts." Sir, I want your daughter's hand." "You may have it with the greatest pleasure, dear boy, if -voil'it take the one that is always in my pocket." Miss Thynn: I saw Jack put his arm a.roUDrl you." Miss Piumpleigh: "You didn't, piffff." Miss T.: Well, then, as far around as he ("mid get, it!" Jones: "Whenever I try to borrow inoricv, I try to get it from a pessimist." BrtWn: "Why? Jones: A pessimist never expect to get it back. You seem upset, my dear. You ough to feel pleased having just gained a decoraion. What's the matter? There are too many who have them." Harlow: "I don't like Blinks, yet I thirk a lot of him." Barlow: "Why. how's th £ ?" Harlow: He has owed me ten shillings for three years." Miss Rigers: How did you imagine anytdng so beautiful as the angel in your pictuc?" Artist: Got an engaged man to describe his fiancee to me." M Husband: "Darling, I am willing to acknow- ledge that you were right and I was wro'K-" Wife: How can I have any respect for a nan who is so weak?" Friend of the Family How do you like our new mamma, Johnnie?" Johnnie: p £ tty good. I ate a jar of plums yesterday, and she blamed the servant." 1 "I hear your friend Thomas is maried again." "Yes. so he is. He's been a [ear friend to me. He's cost me three wedding Pre- sents and two wreaths." A man carrying a. looking-glass said 0 a street-boy: "Conie and look into this gl^s and you will see a donkey." How did voulind that out?" retorted the boy. Celestino: "And has Mr. Pry or s church "eh a small congregation?" Hilda: Yes, Every time he says Dearly you fel as if you had received a proposal.' Mistress: Tn the time it takes me to t.ellyou how to do the work I could do it mysfy" Housemaid: Yes'm Aud in the time it; rkes me to listen to you, so could 1! Mrs. Boyle: "I've found out where my band spends his evenings. Mrs. "WTiere?" Mrs. Boyle: "At home. YOU lee, I had to stay in myself last night." The Father: Did mamma punish you to-ay, Tommie?" The Bov: "Y os, sir." Wliatiid i she do?" "Made me stay in the house wiI.e she was taking her singing Jesson Don't be afraid." said the mother to ler child at a menagerie: "the lion is stuff)." "Very likely," responded the lad: "but pcrhPs he could find room for a little boy like me J Blibson: "How was Jones yesterday' cib. son: "He seemed to be la lxiuriiig uncle a. strange delusion." Blibson: "Indeed! I tho.)"! he was playing golf." Glibson: So did Jon¡' Artist: "Now give me your candid opirDn of this picture." Critic: "It is utterly WV less." Artist: Yes: I know your opinior worthless, but I am curious to hear it, neJr" theless. The Waiter: "Beg pardon, sir, but—alien~~ the gents here usually remembers my servicr The Guest (pocketing all the change): "0 they? They ought to be more charitable 'u forget them." Cross: "He has no regard for anyone he has no milk of human kindness." Pat*: Oh. don't bo so hard on him! He's a v'V small man, you know. Probably he has it, 1t it's condensed." "Tell us why thee's never married, A H. Patience?" he said, teasingly. "That is sin told, William," said the old Quakeress, calr,?- "It was because I was not as easily pleaseclls thy wife was." "My beau," said little Elsie, "is going tole an admiral." "Indeed!" replied the visif- "A cadet at present. I supposel" "Dh, c hasn't got that far yet; but he's had an ancF tattooed on his arm." Doctor (to wealthy lady, recovering a ftprft severe illness): Have you no cheery friep who could come and stay with you?" La<^ Oh. yes; but they wouldn't be a bit clicerfu I they knew I was recovering." I think I have discovered a. system to bot the bookies," remarked Mr. Gunson, lookg over the top of the morning paper. What need just now is a system to beat the carpet retorted Mrs. Gunson, decidedly. Reginald: Thought your dad wasn't go? to send you back to coll(,g-e! Clai-ence: y; dad did kick at the expense, but I threatening stay at home and help run the business, and ? j decided coHege would be cheaper. I Sandy, junior: "I want tae buy a rieckti< Shopman (showing some fashionable specimen* Here is a tie that is very much worn." San., junior: "I dinna want one that's very mue? worn. I've plenty o' them at hame." Mistress: Susan, why didn't you finish wir" ing the clock? You only gave it a couple 1. turns."—Bridget: "You must remember tit: I'm leaving you to-morrow, mum, and I'm r going to do any of the new girl's work." Sentimental Wife: "I expected to find an teilectual mate in you, but you have starved f mind. I asked you for bread and you gave mt stone." Practical Husband: But, good g' cious, woman, it was a £ 500 diamond! Ah, yes," sighed the love-lorn youth. "r passionately in love with Muss Fickel. I wi der if I will ever succeed in winning her aff' tions." "Why not?" replied his cousin Helt I know at least half a dozen men who have. Mrs. Wildman: "I can toll you this, JV Wildman, if you continue in your present life extravagance you'll surely pay for it some day Mr. Wildman: I wish, my dear, that my cre. tors had the same faith in my good intention; Dr. ISircft: First class in geometry stand i William Jones, what is a straight line? "Shci est distance between two points." "Give an < ample." "Line of railway from A to B on own map." "Give an example of a crook line" Same railway on map of oppositi line." A warder entering a prisoner's cell one moi ing found it hot and stuffy. Why have you p your ventilator closed?" he asked. The bu prisoner answered, plaintively: "Well, guv'n the last time I had the ventilator open a wtf flew in, you see, and carried off my dinner wb my back was turned." j The henpecked husband was loafing arour watching his hard-working wife endeavouring make a living. Said she to him: "Yer mis able, crawlin' worm, if yer was harf a man ye 'elp yer pore, slavin' wife to turn the mangl, "No, Sarah," he replied; "I may be a woi but I ain't the sort wot turns! Anxious Pasenger (waiting for his boat at t end of the pier): "I say, my man, is that b< going up or down?" Pier Loafer: "WI guv'nor, I really can't say. She's a leaky I tub, so she may be going down. But, then. 1 b'ilers ain't none too good, so I shouldn't surprised if she suddenly went up." A cabby was once standing by his cab wh a masher came along and stood quizzing at and the following conversation ensued: Masb. "Is that your cab? Cabby: Yes." Mashi I thought it was a cats' meat barrow." Cabt And so "will a lot more people if they see pi II pies smelling round. You will oblige me | shifting." i .1

I FORTY WET DAYS. The belief that if St. Swithin's Day—July 15th-is wet there will be rain for forty days afterwards is one that is still firmly fixed in many people's minds, although science has long ago demonstrated its utter falsity. Almost every country has its rainy saint.' whose anniversary in all cases falls at about the same season of the year. Thus the St. Swithiu of Scotland is St. Martin of Bouillon, Belgium; St. Godelieve, of Flanders; the Seven Sleepers of Germany: while France has two saintly rain- makers. St: Medan and St. Gervais. whose anni- versaries fall on June 8th and 19th respectively. In this connection it is on record that one Bulliot, a French banker, made a bet that, as it rained on St. Gervais's Day, rain would fall dur- ing- some portion of each of the succeeding forty days. So many people took up the wager that the banker's entire property was pledged. The- bet was lost, and Bulliot was ruined.

UNRIVALLED HORSEMANSHIP. The Rif irregular cavalrymen are without doubfr the most wonderful horsemen in the world. Cos- sacks have been seen to snatch a baby from its mother's arms while at full gallop, toss it in the air, catch it. and repeat the performance. Indians have sprung from their galloping steed6, picked up arrows, and remounted instantly in a standing posture. Rif cavalrymen, however, eclipse these feats. They will throw then swords and matchlocks into the air, catching them by the hilts and stocks; and on one occasion a rider galloped his mount down the sand 400 yards or so. A man who held a needle and thread in his hand rode towards the other, and then stopped. As the first horseman passed at full gallop, he took a cambric-needle and a piece of fine cotton from the other man's hand, and actually threaded it whilst travelling at a terrific speed. It is probably the only time such a feat has been performed.

COLLISION WITH A COMST. The theory that a large comet collided with the earth just 881 years ago appears quite plaus- ible. Geologists have reached the conclusion that the now famous crater near Coon Butte, Ari. zona. is the scar left by a great fall of meteoric; matter: and the fact that seven of the ten largest known meteorites have been found within 900 miles of this place suggests that all have been scattered fragments from the sa.me fall. They are similar masses of iron and nickel weighing from three to twenty tons each. Geological evi- dence at Coon Butte indicates that the collision occurred less than 5.000 years ago; and stunted cedars growing in the crater show by their an- nual rings that the time must have been at least. 700 years ago. Annals of Cairo, Egypt, seem very convincingly to place the date in August, 1029. The records mention a great meteroic shower, such as might be witnessed over the earth on collision with a comet; and there was not only a brilliant light, but a great noise, in contrast with the stillness of other meteorl,91 showers that have been known. 4