Evening Express

COMPLETED STORY. Misadventures of Melville Jones-No. 13. BY J. LOUGHMORE. Aathor of The Bells of Castle Grange," Mickey Morgan." Ac., Aa MR. JONES. IN THE CHARACTER OF THE GREAT MORJAH, VISITS THE BALEARIC ISLANDS AND SEES A YOUNG LADY. For a few days Jones and I spent a very r pleasant time doing nothing in particular. We v. eve supposed to be getting an insight into the business, bLt, as this consisted in watching the great Morzah, we did not find the work very hard. The great secret of the trade consisted in finding the right kind of cases to be demon- strated on in public. This, contrary to expec- tation, we found to be easy enough. Whenever possible we were to nx tip on cases of genuine iheumatism, and if we found, even at the cost of a good deal of pain to the patient, that the affected joint could be Tient. the case was a good one. We were also to b3 careful to select men strong enough to be able to bear the pain of rubbing and bending. If weak and likely to suffer too much in our hands we would recommend them to buy the remedies and get their friends to apply them. The cases for the coach were, moreover, supposed to be well- known characters—people with a large circle of acquaintance, and if accustomed to solicit alms outside the doors of the churches so much the better. We were fortunate in the town allotted to us. "Friend Jones." said the managing Morzah one morning, "you must get ready to go to Palma. the capital of the island of Majorca— the most beautiful place in the Mediterranean, and upon my word I envy you." Both of us were delighted at this destination. We had, cf course, heard a good deal of the Balearic Islands, and had read in ancient his- tcry about the celebrated dingers, who were trained to oring down their meals from the trees by the accuracy of their aim before they could break their morning fast. We embarked with our smack and a band of seven musicians at Barcelona. We were, of course, the observed of all observers, as the coach occupied a prominent place on deck, and the fame of the great Morzah had been spread far and wide by this time. In accordance with instructions received from headquarters, we ce: the band to play just as we were starting out of the harbour, and as the musicians were very good of their kind the passengers were delighted. As both Junes and myself could speak French. we fonnd plenty of people to talk to on board, but, it being part of the business for the prin- cipal to preserve a kind of mysterious air. Jones left most of the conversation to me. We had as fellow-passengers an opera company, all of whom were very much distressed at our presence on board, or. rather, at our proposed perfor- mances in Palma. They had seen the crowds j we had collected in Barcelona, and were afraid that. in a comparatively small place like Palma. we should be such a counter-attraction that they would have almost empty houses. This, as j will be seen afterwards, proved to be a true forecast of what actually took place. Indeed, it was at a special performance given for the benefit of the actresses of this company the most remarkable incident of our Palma cam- paign took place, but of this I will speak later on The sea journey from Barcelona was per- formed during the night, and we landed at Palma about five in the morning, going at once to the best hotel in the place, the Fonda de Mal- lorca. where our agent in advance had engaged rooms for us. At that time, at feast-, this par- ticular hotel smelled too much of olive oil and garlic to suit our tastes, but it was, after all. the best to be obtained, and we had perforce to be content. Afterwards we discovered that olive oil and garlic are two very good things in their way. and a word to the waiter was always enough to bring about a restriction in their use. Our rooms were good. looking across the road towards the cathedral, and into a pretty garden. where yellow oranges were already peeping from amidst evergreen leaves. About mid-day the coach was parading the streets, the band giving a selec- tion of Spanish music, breaking off every now and then into Yankee Doodle," which was supposed to denote the American origin of the famous remedies. Jones and I got thoroughly sick of that tune, and, calling in Garcia, the band-master, we whistled the "Men of Harlech" to him. and in a few minutes afterwards he had it arranged, and serenaded us with it from the front of the hotel. It sounded homely amidst that ancient city. bringing back memories of Glamorgan- shire, and less agreeable reminders of Lord Templedare and the dead game-keeper. It was possible, we thought, that the Scotland Yard people were even now on the look-out for us. but we consoled ourselves with the belief that they would never look for us in Majorca, and would not in any case dream of finding in the Great Morzah the erstwhile Gerald Massey and the real Melville Jones. Though Palma contains little more than a hundred thousand inhabitants, there are five daily papers published there, and. as each one of them heralded our advent with flaming advertisements and complimentary editorials, there was not a child in the place that did not know of our arrival. The ground on which our miraculotis coach was to take its stand was called the Plaza del Mercado—a mis- nomer, for no market was held there. It was a pleasant square, well shaded with elm and acacia trees, and there every evening for a month we astonished, as the Majorcans say, "tot hom"—every one—by demonstrations of the miraculous properties of Morzah's oil and the Pampas Flower. The chief Morzah came over from Barcelona to open for us the first night. At the last moment he began to fear that Jones would not be able to do the thing with sufficient go; no, in order to instruct him still further, he came over. Charley Richards, to whcm we were indebted for the introduction to Morzah, was. unfortunately, unable to come with us as interpreter. Instead of him we had to put up with a native of Gibraltar-a rock-scorpion, named Rios. who afterwards got us into a good deal of trouble. This Rios had boxed the com- pass in the matter of occupations. He had been boots at a hotel, courier, cierk, bur-mail, tailor, a missionary out in Morocco, and what is called a souper in Ireland. Now he was interpreter for the Great Morzah—a very efficient one, it must be said, but the greatest I rogue that even the rock ever produced. When interpreting for Morzah, senior, he was always careful to follow pretty closely the words and spirit of the speaker, but at other times he simply said what he liked, sometimes giving all anecdote instead of a disquisition on the value of the remedies. At the samo time he knew his audience well. and what he said was generally much more appropriate than what he suppressed. We took a couple of rooms near the square to use for storing and consulting purposes, and the crowd of cripples was so great, even on the first day, that a couple of mounted police- men were set to keep the people in order. Morzah examined each one in turn, and prescribed in every case a dose of Pampas Flower ard a liberal application of Morzah's oil every day. Amongst the patients we were always able to find one who might serve for our public demonstration, and on that first night- we were lucky to find a man who for years bad been porter at the Town-hall, and had fcr a longtime been incapacitated through rheumatism. At seven o'clock Morzah, dressed in buckskin, and accom- panied by h:> brother." Jones, were driven down to the square amidst the strains of triumphant music. Then the performance com- menced. Morzah shouted out the well-remem- bered words, and Rios followed with his trans- lation. imitating every gesture and tone of the principal. Then the patient who had been accommodated with a eat beside the gilded conch, was ostentatiously carried up the steps. I* mattered nothing whether the patients -.verj able to enter the coach unaided, they had always to be carried. Then the catechism com- m°nc?d. "What's your name?" "Janne Ftrra-a." "Where do you jive?" No. 20. Calle Lopez." "How long have you been suffering?" "Ten years. "Have you tried any remedies?" "Yes; nearly all the remedies in the world." "Have you been treated by the doctors?" "By at least a score." "And they gave you no relief?" "Not a bit." "Have you ever tried baths, hydropathic establishments, Ac.?" "Often." "Still you were not cured3" "0, senor." "So that if I make you walk out of this cc a'-h to-night without, the aid of your crutches I will have done more for you in fifteen minutes than the doctors have been able to do in ten ye,! rs?" Yes, sir." "Are you well known?" "Everybody knows me." "Is that so?" said Morzah, turning to the audience, and when the interpreter asked the question loud shouts of "Si, si" '"Ye-, yes") came from all ouartsrs. "Well. let us see what. we can do for you." said Morzah, "but, first, I want a couple of gentlemen from the audience to ascend the coach and act as witnesses." Two gentlemen ascended the steps, the cur- tains were drawn, the band played up, and the cure commenced. How we did rub that poor fellow, and how we poured on the oil! We sold it at two shillings the bottle, but the intrinsic value was only about three-halfpence, so we did not need to spare it. After a certain amount of rubbing we began to bend the limbs, ignoring altogether the groans of the patient, and keeping at him until he declared that he was free from pain. Then we put him through a rehearsal, and the curtains were withdrawn. There was another speech, and the patient was asked to stand up, which he did with the two crutches on his shoulder. Then he walked round the coach and began to dance a jig with Morzah. The people cheered, and there was another catechism. "Do you feel any pain now?" "Not a bit." 'You are able to walk without the aid of your crutches?" "Yes, sir." "Well, ^o down amongst the people and let them see what you can do." It was my duty to make a road for the patient amongst the crowd-an easy task encugh in Spain, where the people are always courteous. Then, having made the round of the square, we returned to the coach amidst thj deafening vivas of the multitude. After that there was another catechetical examina- tion and a further speech, all, of course, to prove the unfailing efficacy of the Morzah medicines. As a winding-up to the speech the great man told the people of Majorca how h? himself would have to leave them, entrust- ing them to the care of his young brother IJ ones), who had already proved himself to be a very able man and a philanthropist in the truest sense of the word. "Indeed," said Morzah, in conclusion, "r am sure that when you get to know my brother you will all be glad that it is he and not I who remains. I have known him since he was little bigger than one of these medicine bottles, and I have never been able to find the least fault in his character. When the time comes that he also must leave you I am sure the universal cry will be, 'Don't go. The price of the remedies, ladies and gentlemen, is half-a- dollar the bottle-dos por un duro-which is really giving them away." The few Spanish words seemed to captivate the people completely. Then the sale com- menced, and as fast as we could hand them out they were bought by the people. We had a heavy bagful of silver when all was over, amounting to 5,000 pesetas, or JE200. for the night. It ,vas an auspicious opening. and. as was natural, we celebrated it by ordering a. dozen of Champagne Codorniu. Bat Jone& was in a quandary. As the coach was about to leave the square a note was put into his hand by a. young senorita, whom he described as the sweetest girl he had ever seen. "You should see her. Edwin," he cried, "such tyes and such hair, such a form, so dignified, yet so supple, and with such a pathetic look on the face' But the worst of it is that I cannot understand a word of what she says. See if you can make anything out of it, as I don't want that brat Rios to see it. Somehow I distrusted him, and it seems to me to be a sacrilege that a letter written by a girl like her should pass through his hands." I had set myself to study Spanish with all my energies, and. as I have said, was much assisted by the knowledge I had of other Latin languages, bnt, ail the same, I was unable to decipher the missive before me. Some few words, of course, I was able to make out. including the name and address, but the purport of the letter was a complete mystery to me. Like Jones. I did not like The idea of calling in Rios to our aid. but I hit upon the plan of coyping out the body of the letter, leaving out the name and address, and then asking the interpreter for a translation. This is what it said:- "I have watched you, dear sir. during the couple of days you have been in Palma. and I am sure that you are kind-hearted and good. I am a lonely girl with no one in th'3 world but a poor disabled mother, who for many years has been unable to stir from the house, and I want you to cure her. I am well aware that it is against your rules to visit patients at their houses, but I would beg of. you to make an exception in my case, and to come and cure my poor mother. If you do this I shall love you, and pray for you always." When Rios read this part of the letter he gave an impudent laugh, which so exasperated Jonas that he knocked him down. Rios got up smiling, though, as we had very soon rea- son to know, that blow rankled in his breast ever after. I must say for Jones and myself that at first we were a? convinced of the great efficacy of the Morzah remedies as the most credulous of the general public, and we quickly got the notion that we could cure almost anybody. This need not be wondered at when it is con- sidered that even medical studies in the uni- versity towns cf Great Britain and Ireland ■•vera declared partisans of Mcrpah—judging like ourselves from what they had seen. As my readers are aware, my friend was very tender-hearted, and it quite te-r:eved him to have to refuse the young lady. But, under the circumstance;. th?re was nothing else for it, as we had most imperative instruct»ons from headquarter* not cn any account to visit patients at their houses. How often this rule wa- afterwards broken I shall have occa- sion to refer to again, but, at prasent, we got Eire: to draft out letter to th-s young lady, sympathising with h^\ but regretting Mr. Morzah's 'Inability to visit h?r mother. What Rio: wrote and what we told him to write were, however, very different. His words, copied out In Jones's handwriting, < oaimer-di-'d Rios himself to the young lady a being equal to Morzah in every way, and declaring that he. Pios, would, on being applied to by the young lady, accompany her to the house and endeavour to cure her mother. It was not until some time after that we got to know this, and when we did Rics had a pretty warm time of it. As it was. the treachery of the rascal was nearly getting us •expelled from the island [X.B —The chapter following this was inad- vertently inserted in our issue of Tuesday.] (To be continued.)

Have you tried Phillips's IF. 6d. Tea? It is a Triumph of the Tea. Blending Art.and is distinctly superior to the so-called "finest teas." el636—3 1 V —

C I COMICALITIES—ORIGINAL AND OTHERWISE. Cora: "Did he get on his knees when he pro- posed?" Carrie: "No, but I did." Lalu: Dobson has been neglecting his busi- ness and losing money ever since he bought that villa in Lonesomehurst. Penndelf: Yes; he calls it his suburban han- dicap. Mother: "Johnnie, where have you been?" Johnnie: "Swimmin' Mother: "Didn't I tell you I'd whip you if you went into the water?" Johnnie (frankly): "Yos, mother." Mother: 'Then why did you dl' it?" Johnire: "The lickin' won't hurt more'n a few minutes, and the swimmin'll feel good for a week." "I see," said the star boarder, "that Billibus has either paid up or else the landlady has re- j linquished all hope of ever getting anything out of him." I "How's that?" the inquisitive man a:-kcd. "Instead of giving him the middle section of the watermelon she only allowed him to have one end of it to-day." "No man ever obtained anything worth having without working hard for it," said Mrs. Bickers to her husband, who was in a dis- couraged mood. "That's so," replied Mr. Bickers reflectively. "I remember that I obtained you without the slightest difficulty." A poor woman who had attended several con- firmations was at length recognised by the bishop. "Pray, have I not seen you here before?" said his lordship. "Yes," replied the woman, "I get me con- form'd as often as I can. They ten me it is good for the rheumatiz." The pupils of a school were asked to give in writing the difference between a biped and a quadruped. One boy gave the following:A biped has got two legs and a quadruped has four legs; therefore, the difference between a biped and a quadruped is two legs." Briggs: "I didn't know that you were near- sighted Griggs: "Near-sighted! Why, I walked right up to one of my creditors yesterday!" Jenny: "Why do you always take that old thing out? It's the worst looking horse in the stable." May: "Papa bought him very cheap, and I'm fond of driving bargains." Jimmy: "Didn't you hear the Sunday school teacher say your conscience is what tells you when you do wrong?" Tommy: "It's a good thing it don't tell your mother." "When I proposed to her she asked me if I was a new recruit." "What did she mean?" "She wanted to know if I had ever partici- pated in an engagement before." Billy: "I understand you've bought a dog to keep burglars away." Freddy: "Yes." Billy: "You are not troubled any more at night, then. I suppose?" Freddy: "Only by the dog." She: I fairly ran my legs off trying to get a place in the chorus. He: And then, of course, further effort was futile. Helen: What did you think of Kate's new tea gown? Mattie: It was made rather stylish, but didn't you think the colours rather weak. Helen: Yes; but they matched her tea. very nicely. Fond Mother: "What do you think baby will be when he grows up?" Exasperated Father: "I don't know; town crier, likely." "Mrs. Faddy has changed her style in pen- manship again." "Yes; the other day she came across one of her old letters, and made an awful fuss. She thought some strange woman was writing to her/husband,"

"THERE'S MAM A SLIP." Anions the many admirers who hovered about the cnce famous Mile. Reu. an actress as beautiful as discreet, was a. young Australian namsd Chisle. H'€ prolonged his stay in Lon- don for no reason other than to enjoy the charm of her receptions, and, when at last business concern; imperatively demanded his return home, he determined to bestow upon the fair woman a gift that should serve to hold the friendship in her memory. Somewhat learned in the ways of women, he made an effort to discover what inst then mademoiselle might be most desirous of acquiring, and easily learned that she was eager to possess a certain ruby bracelet, alluringly displayed in a Bond-street window. Mademoiselle raved over its beauty and bewailed the fact that the '.irice. 200 guineas, was beyond her present. means. Chisle, on gaining this information, promptly legged mademoiselle to accept the ornament as a souvenir of their acquaintance. M idemoi ;elle was overwhelmed with joy at r-rospect, and Chisls went away promising that she hould receive the coveted bracelet the next morning He was to 'eave London the follow- ing eve.n ng. Ah, well! who would not be a woman, that throughout life there might be the blissful emo- tions which the expectation of possessing gew- gaws ever arouse in the feminine bosom? All that night the -himmering glow of those rubies lighted the dreams of mademoiselle and thrilled her to roiiata ecstacy. When she awoke on the morn of the fateful day her first words to her maid were: — "Has it come?" Alas! u.gain and again she repeated that query, and always the answer was in the nega- tive. Mademoiselle made her toilet, but two o clock arrived and the bracelet had not been received. A wild anxiety moved mademoiselle to action. She determined to investigate, and to that end hurried to the jeweller's in Bond- -treet. Horror! There was the bracelet in the window. Mademoiselle knew" the pro- prietor very well; she must hear the truth. She entered, and in a. moment was asking: — "That bracelet, the ruby one, for two hundred guineas, has no one been here to buy it this morning?" "Yes," the proprietor answered, "a gentleman came here and looked at it, but he thought the price too high. He offered me one hundred aud fifty guineas, but I can't make any reduction; it's a bargain at two hundred." "And do you know his name?" "Yes, he gave me his card. a Mr. Chisle. He said that if I changed my mind I could send it to him at his hotel any time before six, when he leaves." An idea. had come to Mademoiselle; she would conspire. Two hundred guineas she had not; fifty guineas she had. She said: "Let me tell you a secret. He intended the bracelet for me. I will pay you the fifty guineas; you send the bracelet on to Mr. Chisle at the hotel, letting him suppose that you have decided to accept the 150 guineas he will pay." The proprietor naturally enough agreed to a. scheme which pleased at once his heart and his pocket. He promised to use every haste, and before Mademoiselle quitted the shop she saw a clerk set forth with the bracelet. Then she returned home, there once again to await the blissful arrival. The hours passed with deadly slowness. Each minute the bracelet must come-but it did not! Six o'clock, the time for Mr. Chisle's departure fiom London, came and went. but there was no knocking at the door. Of course, the mes- senger was slow, but it was most annoying. Mademoiselle was forced to go to the theatre, where she acted badly that night. On the conclusion of the performance she refused all invitations, and hurried home. Her first words were: "Has it come?" The answer was the familiar: "Not yet. Mademoiselle." But now Mademoiselle could wait no longer. She gave the order, and was driven rapidly to the hotel where Mr. Chisle had been a guest. There she asked that the clerk should be sent to her. On his appearance she questioned: "Has Mr. Chisle gone?" "He went at six o'clock this evening." "But didn't something come to him from— the jeweller?" "Oh, yes, a bracelet. I saw him open the parcel and pay for it. He said to me afterward that he got it at a tremendous bargain. He said something about hs being too handsome to go oat of the family—that, as his sister in Australia is about to be married, he weald give it to her for a wedding present." "Home!" cried Mademoiselle, shrilly, to the coachman.

An eminent Prussian statistician—Sussmilch —estimated in the time of Frederick I. of Prussia, that about one-twelfth of the popula- tion of Europe died of small-pox, and that nearly everybody had the disease. To-day hardly one person in 100,000 has it. Sirce in regions wnern vaccinal;3ii has not been intro- duced the disease is as virulent and deadly as ever. it is a fair inference that vaccination ha3 mado the difference.

SIR JOHN LUBBOCK'S BEST HUNDRED BOOKS were selected out of a great many thousands and hundreds of thousands. It v. as a very good choice, but it might not please everyone, becau-e there were so many other favourites in the field. It is quite different with Horlick's Malted Milk. No one who knows its merits would think of selecting any other arti- f.cial food for their children, because it is the best of all. All others require added milk; Hcrliek's h is only to be diluted with hot water. It is also the most nourishing of all, and is s) easily digested that no stomach, however deli- cate. will reject it. It is also an excellent diet for all invalids and dyspeptics. Your chemist will supply it. Price Is. 6d., 2s. 6d., and lis. A free sample will be sent. on application, by Hcrlick and Co., 34, Farringdon-road, London, E.C. Send for "Ircddy's Diary," post free. L15225 Remem-jer that the blood, whether pure or impure, circulates through the organs of the is diseased the body is diseased." In cases of human body—Langs. Heart, Stomach. Kich.eys. Brain. If it is laden with poisonous matter it spreads disease on its cjurse. "If the blood Scrofula, t/carvy, Eczema, Bad Legs. Skin and Blood Diseases, Pimples, and Sores of all kinds, the effects of Clarke's Blood Mixture are mar- vellous. '.Thousands of wonderful cures have been effected by it. Clarke's Blood Mixture is sold everywhere at 2s. 9d. per bottle. Beware of worthless imitations and substitutes. e7 What delicious bread! Where did yon get it from?" Oh, we buy it from Stevens, at any of their branches, or they will call" i67cm

OUR DAILY CARTOON. I Facts are Stubborn Things. I But Temperance Reformers have a method of their own of meeting them. I

OUR PRIZE SCHEMES DAILY RACING I COMPETITION. Entrance Fee One Penny. In response to numerous requests, we have decided to make the following alterations in our racing competition:- (1) We have reduced the entrance fee from Twopence to One Penny per Coupon. (2) We shall have a daily competition when- i ever the racing permits. (3 Each day we sha-1 publish a Coupon con- taining Three Races (instead of five, as heretofore), to be run on the following day. (4) Coupons, accompanied by a fee of One Penny for each Ccupcn, must reach this Office by Twelve o'clock of the day on which the races are run. (5) The whom of the entrance fees, subject to a small deduction for expenses will be awarded to the competitor whose predic- tions are adjudged by the Editor to be nearest, to the correct result, or, in the event of a tie. the money will be divided. (6) We shall publish each day the result of the previous day's competition, together with the Coupon for the succeeding day's I competition. CONDITIONS, I Opposite ihe name of each Race in the Coupon write the name of the horse you select. Place the Coupon in an envelope, bearing the words, "Racing Competition," and addressed to the "Evening Express" Office. Cardiff. Send as many Coupons as you like, but every Coupon must be accompanied by an Entrance Feo of ONE PEXNY in stamps. Sums of One Shilling and upwards may be in postal orders. Write your name and address clearly in the space provided for that purpose on each Cou- pon. The decision of the Editor must be accepted as absolutely final. No member of the "Evening Express" or "Western Mail" staff is allowed to compete. RACING COUPON. I TO BE SENT IN BY NOON ON FRIDAY. RACTi. WINNING HORSE. The Prince of \Vales>| Nursery Stakes. The Doncaster Stakes. -1 The Park Hill Stakes. Name Addrow — The PRINCE OF WALES'S NURSERY PLATE. The Sandall Mile. st lb Mr H V Long's Noble Dv.chcss colt 8 12 Mr H J King's Wild Irishman 8 10 Mr John Wallace's Queen Fairy 8 9 Mr G Edwardcs's Fairy Field 8 5 Mr A Eccles's Deuce of a Daisy 8 5 Mr J Waugh's Meifi 8 2 Lord Decies's All Scarlet 8 2 Mr W Sibary's Gold Digger 8 2 Mr J Porler's Crowborough 8 1 The remaining entries are continued in the next, column. Mr F Alexander's Quassia 8 0 Lord Dunraven's Morgante 7 13 Mr A Bailey's Oreo 7 13 Mr W M G Singer's Hearwood 7 12 Lord W Beresford's Tarolinta 7 11 Mr R Devereux's Strike a Light 7 11 Lord Ellesmere's Proclamation 7 10 Mr Douglas Baird's Ugolino 7 10 Mr Vyner's Veroscope 7 9 Mr Russel's Gentleman of France 7 9 Mr W M G Singer's Janitza 7 8 Mr H J King's Carhn 7 8 Mr J A Miller's Innocence 7 8 Mr Wallace Johnstone's Invermeath 7 6 Mr J H Houldsworth's Multrue 7 6 Mr L M'Creery's Esmeralda II 7 6 Lord Stanley's Lisbeth V- 7 6 Lord W Beresford's Jolly Tar 7 5 t-ir R Waldie Griffith's Landrail 7 5 Mr G Edwardes's Spice Box II 7 5 Mr J W Larnach's Pixie colt 7 5 Mr Fairie's Matoppo 7 5 Mr W M Clarke's Huntress 7 5 Mr L de Rothschild's Vinca 7 4 Lord Carnarvon's Dark David 7 4 Mr Pio Torterolo's Urugayo 7 4 Duke of Portland's Dismay 7 3 Mr L de Roth-child's Velleda colt 7 3 Sir R Waldie Griffith's Sweet Marjorie 7 3 Mr H J King's Schoolgirl 7 1 Mr Reid Walker's Simonsbath 7 0 Mr W Chatterton's Misterm,in 7 0 Mr Wallace Johnstone's Shotgun 6 13 Mr L de Rothschild's Chosen .613 MI H Barnato's My Boy 6 13 Mr Beade's Misunderstood 6 13 Mr Pio Torterolo's La Uruguaya 6 12 Mr L Pillsington's Merala 6 11 Mr E C Clayton's Euphrasia 6 10 Mr C Perkins's Spina do 6 10 Mr W I'Anson's The Watcher 6 3 Sir J Blundell Maple's Avidity 6 4. Mr F Hardy's Zenda 6 3 Sir J Thursby's Pheasantford 6 3 Mr W G Stevens's Mango 6 0 Lord Penrhyn's Loricula. filly 6 0 The DONCASTER STAKES of 10 sovs, with 500 added. One mile and a half, ever the Old Course. stib Mr Douglas Baird's Champ de Mars 9 3 Capt Fife's Airs and Graces 9 0 Mr Houldsworth's Lauarno 8 12 Mr C Perkins's Jenny Howlet colt. 8 12 Prince Soltykoff's Ninus 8 12 Prince Soltykoff's Canopus 8 12 Duk3 of Westminster's Batt 8 12 Lord Zetland's Pinfold 8 12 Mr Jas Joicey's Queen of the Brine 8 9 Sir J Miller's Santhia 8 9 Mr C D Rome's Valerio 8 5 Mr F W Lambton's Marciua 8 5 The PARK HILL STAKES of 15 sovs each, with 300 sovs added, for three year old fillies. Old St. Leger Course (one mile six furlong 132 yards). st lb Lord Ellesmere's Fairmile 8 13 Lord El'.e micro's Lissa 8 13 Sir R Waldie Griffith's St. Ia 8 13 Mr P Lorillanl's Chinook 8 13 Duke of Westminster's Lowood 8 13 Mr R G Garton's St. Lucia 8 10 Sir J Miller's Santhia 8 10 Mr II L Raphael's L, Novia 8 10 Lord Eosebery's Muuchliae 8 10 Mr L de Roth .child's Pie Powder 8 13 Mr M D P.ucksr'.s Dams Certain 8 10 Mr Vyner's Bird of March 810 Lord Wolverton's Woodbury 810 Mr J Abercrjinbie's Bed of Roses 8 6 Mr F S Barnard's Dainty Duchess 8 6 Mr L Brassey's Sylvestris 8 6 Lord Crewe's Vieux Rose 8 6 Mr Fairie's Cauliflower 8 6 Lord 1'arquhar's Ruby Gill 8 6 Mr R C Garten's Manx Girl 8 6 Lord Hastings's Fracas 8 6 Mr W I'Anson's Lottie's Girl 3 6 Sir R Jardine's Brnyere liny 8 6 j Mr E Melly's Blandishment > 8 6 j Sir J Miller's Sale 8 6 Mr J Osborne's Buoyant 8 6 Lord Zetland's La Fortune 8 6 I Mr E Cassel's Glenlara 8 6 i(" -p

OUR FREE GIFT OF BOOKS TO EVERY READER OF THE "EVENING EXPRESS." We are presenting gratis to every regular reader of the "Evening Express" one of the following high-class, cloth-bound, and gold- lettered standard works of English literature;- Shakspoare's Complete Plays and Sonnets; "Vanity Fair," by Thackeray; "The Caxtons," by Lord Lytton; "Ernest Maltravers," by Lord Lytton; "Alice, or tho Mysteries," by Lord Lytton; "Ivanhoe," by Sir Walter Scott; "The Scarlet Letter," by Hawthorne; "Mary Bar- ton," by Mrs. Gaskell; "Lays of the Scottish Cavaliers," by Aytoun; "Jane Eyre," by Char- lotte Bronte. The books will be given away at the rate of 24 every day until every reader has received one. Upon the top of the Second Page of the "Evening Express" each day will be found a number, printed in violet ink, which number will be different in every paper that is printed. Keep this number till the following day, and see if it is given in the list printed below. If your number is given, take it to either of our offices at Swansea, Newport, Merthyr, or Cardiff, and you will receive either of the above bocks. If you cannot con- veniently call, tear off the purple number and send it to the "Evening Express" Office, Cardiff, with your name and address and twopence towards the cost of postage, and the book chosen by you will be forwarded to your address. No person is entitled to a second book, even though he be the holder of a. selected number, until every reader has received "a book. Purchasers of YESTERDAY'S Evening Purchasers of YESTERDAY'S Evening Express" Bearing tne Following Numbers Printed in Violet Ink on the Top Left-hand j Corner of Page 2 a.re Entitled to a Book:- 052666 052805 052918 053200 055550 055700 055864 056111 058763 059542 064111 064336 064599 064S76 065211 069276 063411 069633 069844 069999 070386 070600 071338 071711 072633 073763

I A STORY OF THE NILE. Tommy Atkins finds time for "skylarking," even up the Nile, it appears. An officer who tells some stories of the Nile Expedition commanded by Lord Wolseley, in To-day," says: "My bat- man, like every self-respecting Tommy, was always 'in the know.' From him I first learned the story of the castor oil joke. It is told against Lord Wolseley. I am sure it will be quite new to the noble lord, and no one will laugh more heartily over it than he. Lord Wolseley, with that precision for which he is remarkable, before starting up the Nile, fixed the day he was to arrive in Korti. More, he planned a little surprise. He was to give a select little dinner after his arrival, and for that purpose had (so the story runs) two cases of champagne carefully packed and ia-belled 'Castor Oil,' to prevent accidents. This came to the ears of a few young bloods, who uncere- moniously unpacked and drank the champagne, filling the bottles with castor oil. At Kcrti the sight of the well-known bottles caused the eyes of the guests to sparkle. The host was beam- iing; but let us draw the veil." Castor oil in 12u degrees in the shade! Ugh!

WOOD FOR LEAD PENCILS. Two thousand two hundred acres of cedars are cut down every year 011 the Continent in order order to make wood cases for lead pencils. There are twenty-six pencil works in Bavaria, of which twenty-three are in Nurem- berg, the great centre of the lead pencil trade. These factories emp.oy from 8.00!) to 10,000 workers, and produce 4,300,000 lead and coloured chalk pcncils every week.

CADBUR\S COCOA is absolutely pure, being entirely free from kola, malt, hops, alkali, or any foreign admixture. Caution^ The public should insist on having CADBURY'S—sold only in Packets and Tins—as other Cocoas are often gnbstitatwi far$he sake of extra profit. e3435--4 4 -0," to M

FOR BOYS AND GIRLS ONLYJi I —————' Is,_ --w- The "Evening Express" Boys' and Girls' Club (established March 21, 1893) is formed for the purpose of promoting principle3 of kindness anongsi younr people, and tor the mutual interest and instruction of itli members. Boys and Girls, wherever resident, aro eligible for membership, provided their age be not lesg than six or more than sixteen years. The Club has now 2,831 members. Intending Memoers must all up the sub- joined Coupon, and forward it to Uncle Joe, "Evening Express," Cardiff. Their names and addresses will be published, and each new Member is entitled to a beautifully designed Certificate. Cardiff Memberll must call for their Certificates at the "Express" Offices, St. Mary-street. Other members must forward one penny stamp for pc stage. Only Club Members are eligible to compete for the Prizes given in this column Uncle Joe is always pleased to hear from his Club Members on any matter of interest, whether relating to school or recreation, and he invites questions and answers. Children writing to Uncle Joe must always add to their names their official numbar as Members of the Club. lBndt Soe'sf Club Coupon SEPTEMBER 5 TO SEPTEMBER 10. I desire to be enrolled a member of the "Evening Express" Boys' and Girls' Club, and I hereby promise That I will always be obedient to my parents, and kind to the aged and infirm. "at I will try and help less fortu- nate children. That I will be kind to animals. '.L.Iat I will try and do something every day to make things happy for those round me. Full name It Age /Address I Proposed by [Write very plainly in ink.] NOTICE. Special attention is called to the above rules, which have been slightly altered. Coupons for the current week must be used-old ones are no good. Uncle Joe wants only members who will interest themselves in the Club and keep the rules. It has come to Uncle Joe's know- ledge that one or two children have called at these offices for certificates which they have not handed to the rightful owners. If any of these offenders are caught they will be sorry for it.

THE TRAMP'S EXODUS. CLOVER HOTELS CROWDED OUT. The tramp's summer season is at its height. There is a rush for the main roads to the country. Fourpenny rope proprietors are disconsolate; doss-house kitchens are abandoned to cockroaches, local Hooligans, and fish-bones. Farmers bolt their doors o' nights with extra care. Fat poultry are strong on the wing and evince a keen desire to migrate during dark evenings. High winds have blown away a record quantity of drying linen from the clothes lines of Berkshire villages. The curious fact that the missing apparel is whirled direct to the nearest pawning establish. ments seems to merit the early attention of the meteorological office. Comfortable and clovery hay-stacks are crowded with visitors. There is a slump in dry ditches owing to a plague of earwigs and 'anderd legs." Tool and cow sheds are avoided, objection being taken to the poor nature of the bedding. Casual wards still fail to attract. owing to t'e unhappy and prohibitory practice of demanding the execution of tasks. Most of the London knights of the road have gone south-west, attracted by the pine wooda of Bournemouth and the sheltered nooks of restful Torquay. In these salubrious districts coppers are plentiful, although accompanied, experts consider, by a superfluity of tracts, pieces of bread, cold porridge, and good advice. Several distressing instances of high-handed cutrages have been reported at Spitalfields. In one case a so-called lady on the Southampton road deliberately withheld a supply of gravy from a plate of roast beef and vegetables which she was handing to a respectable professional, known as Long Mike; while a Basingstoke per- son had the incredible effrontery to offer water in a beery mug to a young artist who ably alternates the roles of deaf and dumb and injured at the bombardment of Alexander, in Egyp." Notwithstanding these drawbacks, a most prosperous season is being experienced, and when the beggars return to town, some may be in rags and others in jags, but many will be able to sport, if not velvet gowns, at any rate 25s. tourists' suits.

A STRANGE MEETING. Stories of wealthy crossing-sweepers and "poor blinds" who solicit alms in the streets while possessing good balances with their bankers have become classical, and the following occur- rence which took place the other day will add to their number. A sweeper, whose "pitch" is close to a fashionable West-End club, recently went to the Isle of Wight for a few weeks' holiday while his patrons were tempo rarily ousted from their quarters by the pain- ters. He was returning, a few days since, riding in a second class carriage, well attired, and -sporting an immaculate silk hat. At a wayside station one of the club members, an army officer, entered the -a me compartment, and was saluted with a "How do, general?" The gaiiant officer courteously responded, and then, puzzled to know who his travelling companion was, remarked, "You have the advantage of me. May I have the pleasure of exchanging car..o with you?" "I haven't one with me, general," was the response, "but I am the crossing-sweeper outside your club." In re- counting the adventure to an acquaintance the astonished officer asserted, with vehemence, that "not another penny" would the "gentle- man" get out of him.

I How is it after eating Stevens's bread you want to continue with it? 3d. per loaf, delivered. PHILLIPS'S Is. 6d. TEA is a Triumph of the Tea Blending Art. It is d"-tmotty superior to the so-called "finest teas." Have you tried it? e2 IMPORTANT TC MARRIED LADIES.—Send Stamped Addressed Envelope for most valuable Particulars and Testimonials (which are guaranteed genuine under a penalty of £ 1,000).—Beware of imitators.—A. DASMAIL, Box 387, Langdale, Waltha-mstow, London. Established half a century. e6966

THE GREEDY GOLDFISH. Within a bowl of water, Contented as could be, Two happy kittle fishes Were swimming in their glee; Until, alas! a stranger (Another goldfish) came To share their bath of water, To join their merry game. And he, though bright and golden, And beautiful to see. Was quarrelsome and greedy As any fish could be. One day, a wilful laddie. With mischief in his eye, Into the sparkling water Let fall a tiny fly. The greedy little goldie," In fishy language cried: "Oh! here's a dainty dinner!" He came-he choked-he died. Once more two happy fishes Are swimming in their glee, Within the bowl of water. As glad as glad can be. Our Little Dots (Religious Tract Society).

BENVENUTO'S SCORPION. Oh, grandad, 'ook here; 'ook at my 'ickle wee lobster," exclaimed a toddling mite of three years old, running up to a very old man, and holding out. in great glee, a little wriggling reptile clutched in his fist, the head sticking cut at one side and the tail at the other. The child did no. speak English, however; he was an Italian boy. and he lived long cen- turies ago. Little Benvenuto had been play- ing alone, and having picked up this odd crea- ture, was very anxious to show his treasure. Baby lobsters do not run about the home and gardon, '3ven in Italy; and when the boy's I grandfather saw what the reptile was he was very much alarmed, for he knew it to b3 a. scorpion, which could sting very terribly. He tried to coax the child to give it up, but Ben- venuto stuck to his treasure, and began to stamp and scream lustily when he thought it would be taken away. Every moment the old man feared the boy would be stricken by the venomous creature; but fortunately his son, the boy's father, hear. ing the uproar, came running in. He saw the dreadful danger, but he did not attempt to take away the scorpion from his boy; in doing so both father and child might have been stung. He snatched up a pair of scissors end cut off first the scorpion's tail where the sting was, and then its head, and killed it, leaving nothing but the body and big claws held fast in the boy's tightly-closed hand. Little Benvenuto was not at all pleased, he yelled and kicked with disappointment; but when he was tired and his passion was over, his father told him that the pretty toy he was so pleased with would have sent a terrible poison dart into his flesh, and perhaps have killed him. had he been allowed to play with it as he liked. The boy grew up to be a cele- brated painter, and to thank his father for having taken away what he had thought so charming. That is the way that folks play with wine. calling it pretty names and thinking it so plea- sant and harmless. Some of them only get stung a little, but many of them feel the dreadful poison-dart smiting them down and poisoning all their lives, at the last biting like a serpent and stinging like an adder. Boys and girls who abstain have chopped the the head and tail of their scorpion, so that, though he is often close to them, and they meet him every day of their lives, he cannot sting or hurt them.—"Band of Hope Review" (S. W. Partridge and Co.).

THE BLOW OF A CANNON BALL. An interesting comparison (says Science Sift- ings") was recently worked out by an assiduous sifter for the purpose of giving our readers an accurate idea of the tremendous force developed by big cannon nowadays. The largest guns used on naval vessels to-day have a 13in. bore. The projectile for a gun like this weighs 1,1001b., and a charge of powder amounting to 5001b. is ignited behind it. The shot acquires a muzzle velocity of about 2,000ft, per second. Few people have any notion of the energy that is here represented. Think of a locomotive engine weighing 100,0001b. iThis is 50 tons. Now, if the locomotive were moving at the rate of 40 miles an hour its energy would be scarcely more than one-thirteenth that of the cannon ball. In other words, if thirteen locomotives were to smash up against a stone wall at once, the blow which they would deliver would be no more severe than that of one shot from the 13in. gun, assuming that the muzzle of the latter was placed only a few inches from the same wall. Inasmuch as the projectile would be small, it would concentrate its action on one spot, and do more harm, apparently, than the thirteen engines. But the amount of energy would be the same. In one case there would be a small mass and a high velocity., and in the other a large mass and a comparatively low velocity. Forty miles an hour is a pretty good speed for a locomotive, but not for a cannon ball. It has been estimated by ordnance experts that if a shot from a 13in. gun should strike an armour plate only a few inches from the muzzle of the gun, it would pierce 26in. of Har- veyised nickel steel. The above calculations will give our readers some idea of the almost incredible force of the projectiles now used with such destructive effect by warships.

AMERICAN EAGLE WHIPPED THE SPANISH COCK. Back in the forties an American ship visited one of the ports of Spain, and while at anchor the officers visited a cock pit, and expressed contempt for the Spanish game cocks they saw. They boasted that they had aboard ship a "Yankee rooster" that could whip any bird ashcre. Tha Dons accepted the challenge. On the ship the sailors had an American eagle, which they proceeded to starve and trim of his feathers so as to resemble a Shanghai cock, and on the appointed evening carried him ashore for the battle. The Dons eyed him suspiciously, but he was dumped into the pit. The Spanish cock, a champion fighter, was brought in and likewise pitched into the pit. Strutting and crowing, he sparred for an opening at his silent and watchful Yankee eremy, and finally let drive at him with his Vsla-hors," knife spurs, and drew first blood. Aiouied. with one wild, scream the eagle lit on him, tore off his head, and, to the horror of the Spaniards, began to eat him.

HISTORIC SPIDERS. The familiar story of Bruce being prompted to further exertions by the example of a spider is not the only historic record of a spider's use- fulness. The tradition of the Rabbis states that David himself was saved by a spider when Saul was seeking his life. David had taken refuge in a cave, and when Saul's soldiers came to the mouth of this cave they found a spider's web across the entrance. Arguing that if anyone had eiitered the cave the web would have been broken, they did not trouble to examine it; but, of course, the web had been spun after David's entrance. An ancestor of the present German Emperor was also saved by a spider. An attempt was made to poison the King of Prussia by a, cup of chocolate, but by chance a spider fell into the cup just as the King was about to drink,, and he placed it on the floor for his dog. The dog drank and died immediately. It is said that a large golden spider adorns one of the rooms in the Winter Palace at Potsdam in remembrance of this event.

A BOON TO MANKIND! Sufferers from Gravel, Lumbago, Piles, Paint in the Back, Dropsy, Wind and Water Com- plaints, Diseases of Kidneys, Bladder, Stone, Sciatica, Rheumatism, and Gout, will find positive Cure in Holroyd's Gravel Pills, 'try a bmail Box, and if not satisfied your money will be returned. Price 1s. lid., of all chemists, or sent free for 12 stamps, from Holroyd's Medical Hall, Cleckheaton, Yorks. Don't be put off. If you cannot get them, write the proprietor, and a hox will be sent next post. Miss Maggie May, the celebrated Swansea actress, has left the stage, and is to be mar- ried in December. Some time ago we reported in our columns that the Rev. R. B. Jones, Llanelly, had accepted the pastorate of Hermon Baptist Chapel, Fishguard, but we now learn that the rev. gentleman has withdrawn his accep- tance of the invitation of the Church. The last and most successful of a series of promenade concerts was held on Wednesday promenade concerts was held on Wednesday in the Windsor Gardens, Penarth, under the conductorship of Mr. A. C. Toone, of Cardiff. Mr. Orchard, Aberkenfig, has been appointed to the postmastership of Porthcawl. By the death of the Rev. D. Jones, Welsh Congregationalism in Pembrokeshire has lost one of its oldest and most respected ministers. For nearly half a century he was pastor of Ford Independent Church, and was a tower of strength in every good cause. One of his sens is the Rev. J. GWllym Jones, Penarth, and the Rev. D. Lewis, Rhyl, is his son-in-law. A Triumph of the Tea Blending Art— PHILLIPS'S Is. 6d. TEA. Have you tried it? It is distinctly superior to the so-called finest teas." e1636-1 At a meeting of the Risca School Board held on Tuesday evening Mr. John Edwards, the recently-appointed attendance officer, sent in his resignation. Mr. Edwards resigned his post before commencing his duties.

NUGGETS OF NEWS. The largest Bible ;n the world is a manu script Hebrew Bible in the Vatican, weighin& 3201b. With only half as strong a fleet as the English, the French have 1,341 lieutenants and sub-lieutenants, while England has only 1.246. In fifteen years Russia has sent 624,000 per- sons to Siberia, fully 100,000 relatives of pri- soners having accompanied the exiles of their own free will. The hearing organ of animals is not always located in the head. In some grasshoppers it is in the fore legs, and appears on the wings of many insects. England hoJAs the honour of having first formed societies for the prevention of cruelty to animals, and of having first legislated for its punishment. An elephant 80 years of age is to be added to the Berlin Zoological Gardens. It came from India, where for many years it was the publio executioner. The mosque at St. Sophia, in Constantinople, is remarkable, among other things, for the fragrance of musk, which continues through the ages, though it is never renewed. In the neighbourhaad of the gold coast coast monkeys are now almost extinct, and last year the colony could collect only 67,660 monkeys are now almost extinct, and skins were exported. A ton of Atlantic water, when evaporated, yields 811b. of salt; a ton of Pacific water 791b.; a ton of Arctic or Antarctic water, 851b. a ton of water from the Dead Sea, 1871b. After the recent private performance of Roquelar's "L'Erreur Judiciare" in Paris, the audience was set upon by a mob crying "A bas Dreyfus! A bas les Juifs!" The play is a veiled justification of Dreyfus. The smallest and oldest sect in the world is to be found in the small city of Nablus, in North Palestine. They number about 150 souls, and have defied the ravages of war, poverty, and oppression for 3,000 years. Some of the natives in Australia have a queer idea of beauty. They cut themselves with shells, keep the wounds open for a long time, and when they heal huge scars are the result. These scars are deemed highly ornamental. Baby carriages are changed into cradles by a new device, consisting of a pair of rockers connected by cross-bars, with slots cut in the bars, in which the wheels of the carriage are placed to prevent them from turning while the carriage is being rocked. "Newspaper Ann," who. has sold papers for nineteen years at the New York end of the Brooklyn Bridge, a remembered sight, to say nothing of sound, to many visitors, and an intimate acquaintance of many regular users of the great span, is going to marry a sand- wich man. Evart, Michigan, is just recovering from the excitement caused by the appearance in that town of a large rat-the only one ever seen or heard of in the vicinity within the memory of the oldest inhabitant. The rodent was re- ported several weeks ago to be lurking in the vicinity of a rolling mill. A vigilance Com- mittee was immediately organised and the quarry was run down and killed. The big punch bowl v.hich forms a part of the silver service presented to the battleship Indiana by the people of the Hoosier State acquired added value in tne eyes of the officers and crew during the battle of July 3. A piece of exploding shell from one of Cervera's ships penetrated the cabin and firmly embedded itself in the bowl. thus making that vessel one of the most interesting mementoes of the war. It has just been discovered in Mississippi that an Act of the Legislature, supposed to have been passed, actually failed in the Senate by a vote of seventeen nays to fourteen yeas. I' reached the office of the Secretary of State enrolled in the usual way, yigned by tho Speaker of the House and by the President o the Senate, and duly approved by the Gover nor of the State. The Secretary certified it t- the printer, of course. A queer method of preserving beer is rf, ported from Bengal, India. In that country thunderstorms are a continuous performance from March until October, and for months hardly a night passes without one more or less severe. It is found that the beer will never go sour if it is hermetically sealed by having poured upon the top. This is poured into the barrel when tapped. On the other hand, without the oil the beer will not keep a week.

What^ delicious bread! Where did you get it from?" Oh, we buy it from Stevens, at any of their branches, or they will call." e6700 How is it after eating Stevens's bread you want to continue with it? 3d. per loaf, delivered. Printed by the Proprietors, Western Mail Limited, and published by them at their offices, St. Mary-street, Cardiff; at their o cae. Castle Bailey-street, Swansea; at tne shop of Mrs. Wesley Williams, Bridgend-all in the County of Glamorgan; at the "Western Mail' Offices, Newport;, at the shop of Mr. J. P. Caffrey, Monmouth, both in the County of Monmouth; And at the shop of Mr. D. Daviea, Llanelly. in the County of Carmarthen. THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER a. 1898,