Papurau Newydd Cymru
Chwiliwch 15 miliwn o erthyglau papurau newydd Cymru
15 erthygl ar y dudalen hon
-HOME HINTS.
HOME HINTS. VEAl;, BEEF, OK CHICKEN CROQUETTES.-—Pat one cup of sweet milk and three-quarters of a cup of bread-crumbs on the fire to heat, adding salt and pepper to taste as it boils and thickens. Take off and let cool. Have chopped finely one cup of cokl cooked meat, add one raw egg well beaten, one des- sert spoonful of parsley chopped fine, a teaspoonful of butter, and a few drops of onion juice. Mix thoroughly and add to the warm mixture. Mould into croquettes and let cool. Dip in beaten egg and bread-crumbs and fry in hot lard, and serve with cream sauce. POTATO CROQUETTES.—Peel, boil and mash one pint of hot boiled potatoes. Mix with the yolks of two eggs, one tablespoonful of butter, one teaspoon- ful of chopped parsley. Salt and pepper to taste. One saltspoonful of celery salt, half teaspoonful of onion juice. Mix all together, and when cool add the yolks. Rub through a sieve and then add parsley. Shape into croquettes and roll in cracker dust or bread crumbs and dip in beaten egg. Roll again in crumbs and fry in boiling fat. Drain well. HASH CROQUETTES.—One pound sausage meat, two eggs (well beaten), one tablespoonful of butter, quarter cup of milk. Place on the fire and thicken with minced cracker crumbs. Mix well and form into croquettes. Roll in beaten egg and powdered crackers, and fry in boiling fat. Drain well. Minced ham isz also very nice by this same receipt. CREAMED CHICKEN.—One fat fowl, 1 pair sweet- breads, and i can of mushrooms. Boil the chicken and sweetbreads-and when cold chop fine. Into a saucepan put 1 pint of milk or cream, and rub together 2 tablespoonfuls of butter and 4 tablespoon- fuls of flour, and when the milk reaches boiling point stir in the butter and flour, and stir until smooth and thick. Flavour with -1 grated onion, and season with salt and pepper to taste, and put, in a baking dish chicken, sweetbreads and mushrooms, well mixed. Cover with breadcrumbs, dot with bits of breakfast bacon and bake 15 minutes. LonsTER A LA NEWBERG.—Pick the meat from a large lobster and cut into dice. (If you cannot pro- cure the fresh lobster the tinned is very nice). Season with salt and cayenne and one-quarter teaspoonful of mustard and two tablespoonfuls of butter (melted); now thicken with flour; one-half pint of cream or milk, and when boiling add the.seasoned lobster, and then the beaten yolk of one egg. Place in shells, dust lightly with cracker crumbs, place in oven and serve hot. Peel and cut a cucumber in dice, cover with French dressing and serve on let- tuce leaf with lobster. It is also nice served with chopped peanuts, mixed with mayonaise dressing and laid between two slices of thin bread, with lettuce leaf on either side. PIGS IN BLANKETS.—Take as many large or' medium-sized oysters as desired wash and dry them thoroughly; pin each oyster in a thin slice of break- fast bacon with a wooden toothpick. Broil them until the bacon is crisp and brown; do not remove toothpicks; serve hot on toast; garnished with watercress and poached eggs. AUNT ELIZABETH'S PUDDING.— Take a breakfast- oupful of stale bread and pour over it one pint of milk. Let it soak half an hour, then beat it well with a fork. Next add a piece of butter the size of a walnut, a heaped tablespoonful of sifted sugar, the grated rind of a lemon, and the yolks of two well- beaten eggs. Bake in a good oven, and when suffi- ciently cooked spread a little apple jam over it, and pile over that some whipped white of egg. Return it to the oven for a few minutes, for the whipped egg to set, but not to brown. Time to bake, half an hotir. Suilicient for four or five persons. STEWED SHRImps.-Sbell as many freshly boiled shrimps as will measure one pint when shelled. Bruise the heads and shells, and boil them gently in pint of light wine and t pint of water, with a seasoning of salt, cayenne, and nutmeg. Strain the liquor, and let it stand a few minutes. Then pour it off, freed from sediment; put it back into the ilaucepan. and thicken it with flour and butter. Put in the shrimps, and simmer them till they are thoroughly heated. They must not boil, or they will be hard. Toast a slice of bread, cut it into small squares, lay it on a dish, and pour upon it the fish and sauce. Serve hot. Time to boil the shells, 20 minutes. PIQUANTlI SAuciL-The almost universal fault with sauce piquante is that it is too acid. Take a dessert- spoonful of chopped shallot, or Spanish onion, another of capers, and another of pickled gherkins. Place this in a frying-pan or saucepan with a table- !poonful of vinegar, and let it simmer gently till the vinegar has simmered away all but a few drops then idd quarter pint of good gravy. If the gravy is not -hiclc, add some brown thickening. Add also a salt- jpoonful of salt. Skim the saucs, so as to get rid of any grease. A pinch of thyme and a powdered bay :eaf will be found an improvement. Unless the vinegar is allowed to evaporate almost entirely, this aauce will be too acid. To MAKE PIGEONS TASTY.—Slice a large onion md put it into a shallow dish with two bay leaves, Dalf a teaspoonful of peppercorns, and a wineglassful )f vinegar. Lay two pigeons in this marinade or pickle, and turn and baste them twice a day for two days. If the birds are old they must remain in the marinade a day or two longer. Take them up, wipe them dry, and lard the breasts evenly then put :hem into a saucepan With loz. of butter, and turn :hem about over a moderate fire until they are brightly and equally browned. Lift them out, stir i spoonful of flour in with the butter, and mix it briskly with a wooden spoon until it begins to colour; then add 4oz. of fat bacon cut into small pieces, the liver of |the birds, a cupful of stock or water, the strained juice of half a lemon with lin. or 2in. of the rind, and a little pepper, salt, and grated nutmeg. Let this sauce boil, then put in the pigeons, cover them closely, and let them stew for half an hour. Serve the birds on a hot dish, with the sauce poured round them. Time to stew, about an hour Sufficient for two persons. STEWED OX-CHEEK.—Wash an ox-cheek thoroughly in lukewarm water, then put it into a large saucepan and let it simmer in sufficient water to cover it for GWO hours, then take it up, drain it, and put the liquid aside to cool. Remove the thick layer of fat which will collect on the top. and put the liquor back into the pan with the ox-cheek. Let it boil once more, then add a large onion with six cloves stuck in it, a basinful of mixed vegetables cut into small pieces, and consisting of three turnips, three carrots, two leeks, three sticks of celery, two or three sprigs of parsley, a small sprig of thyme, two bay leaves, a blade of mace, half a teaspoonful of peppercorns, and a little more salt, if required. Simmer two hours longer. Take up the meat, cut it into neat slices. Strain the gravy. Thicken lb pints of it with a little butter rolled in flour, and serve the slices in a dish with the sauce poured over them. A glassful of red wine may be stirred into this sauce, or it may be drawn from the fire for a minute or two, and then mixed with the well-beaten yolks of two eggs; or a little lemon-juice may be squeezed over the meat, and the sauce poured over nfterwards. Sufficient for half-a-dozen persons. SCALDING CALICO, &c.-Many people sew flimsily because they do not scald their colico before sewing, consequently the needle does not pass through the material. Calico and linen, and especially material that is stiff, should always be scalded before it is worked or, if it is not convenient fow this to be done. a little soap should be rubbed over the part which the needle is to penetrate. This will make it slip without being pushed. The scalding or soaping of linen is especially desirable when a machine is used. BRAIN CROQUETTES.—Clean one set of calve's brains, remove the red membranes, and soak in ice water one hour-. Then put them into one pint of boiling water and boil from five to 10 minutes, wHh one teaspoonful of salt and one tablespoonful of lemon juice. When they have boiled 10 minutes Jrain, and pour cold water on them. When cold, whop fine and add Ii cups full of cracker crumbs, one teaspoonful of chopped parsley, one large tablespoonful )f butter and yoke of five hard-boiled eggs. Enough pure cream to make moist. Mash and mix the butter with the eggs, and add to the other ingredients. Salt and pepper to taste. Roll in shape and dip in beaten egg and then in cracker dust and fry in boiling fat. Drain and serve with green sauce. DELICIOUS CHICKEN CROQUETTES-To one fat fowl chopped fine use one large tablespoonful of parsley, one heaping teacupful of bread crumbs, one cup of cream or rich milk, J pound of butter, or use the rich liquor from the chicken and not so much butter, and the yolks of eight hard boiled eggs. Mash and mix the butter with these, season with salt and pepper to taste. Make very moist by adding more milk if one cup is not sufficient. Roll in shape and dip in beaten e<rg and then in cracker crumbs, and fpj |n sm(>ting fat. Serve with cream sauce, and garnish with French green peas. THE CARH OP SPONGES. Sponges which are not properly cared for soon become disagreeable and slimy. The best means of preserving them is to squeeze the water thoroughly from them after use, and to avoid rubbing soap upon them, or letting them lie in soapy water. It is best to dry them in the air after use, and they should not be tied up in sponge-bags until they are dry. When they need to be cleansed, the most effectual way of dealing with them is to lay them in strong soda and water, or strong borax and water, for some hours, pressing and squeezing them occasionally in the centre while doing so. After being cleansed in this way, a sponge and squeezing them occasionally in the centre while doing so. After being cleansed in this way, a sponge may be laid for a while in a mixture made of one glassful of muriatic acid, and three pints of water. In the majority of cases, however, immersion in soda- [ water will accomplish tbe desired object withcat any- 1.^1$else being neceasary.
SCIENCE NOTES.
SCIENCE NOTES. Booa worms and other pests of books, for example, cockroaches, boring beetles, and" silverfish (Lepisma), can, according to Mr. Steel, of Sydney, in Nature, be thwarted in their depredations by coating the bindings with strong shellac in spirit, applied with a soft brush. Mr. Fletcher, librarian to the Linnean Society ef New South Wales, rid the library of cockroaches and silverfishett" by dusting the books with Paris green. IT is fitting that the native country of Pasteur should take a leading position in the development of the great science which has sprung out of his re- searches and a member of the French Chamber of Deputies, M. Emile Dubois, has submitted to the Chamber a project of law for the establishment in every department, at the public cost, of one or more bacteriological laboratories, for the conduct of re- searches with a view to the prevention of contagious diseases in general, and of tuberculosis in particular. The state of business renders it probable that a con- siderable time must elapse before the proposal can be reported upon and discussed. ACCORDING to a Berlin astronomer, the discovery of the minor planet Eros throws considerable light on the relationship of Mars to the other planets. "Since," says Nature, "the recent observation of the new asteroid; it is possible to regard Mars itself as having been included in the original planet which filled the gap, this view being supported by the fact of Mars having so small a mass and the great eccen- tricity of its orbit. If this turns out to be true, we shall in future have to speak of the Planetoid-ring between the Earth and Jupiter' in discussing the asteroids." Buoys and ships often drag their anchors or break the chains when a wave suddenly hoists them. This is owing to the shock on the chain which hangs loose. To prevent this accident Mr. C. A. Hutchins, superintendent of Lighthouses in Nova Scotia, has invented an ingenious device. It is a bell-shaped float or buoy, of metal, which is attached to the mooring, or anchor-chain, at a point intermediate between the bottom and the surface. It supports the slack chain in the water forming a bight in it, and when a wave lifts the vessel, or buoy, the strain on the anchor is relieved by straightening the bight against the resistance which the submerged buoy with its bell-mouth offers to displacement in the water. The device virtually makes the anchor chain elastic. The invention has another advantage. If a buoy sinks, as might happen in colliding with a ship, the chain is partly supported in the water by the sub- merged bell, and the buoy can be hooked with a grapnel and repaired. This invention might be use- ful in cable work. AT the last meeting of the Royal Geographical Society, Mr. Vaughan Cordish read a paper, entitled Illustrations of Wave Phenomena." By means of a long series of photographs shown as lantern slides, he illustrated the mounting-up of a swell on enter- ing shallow water, with steepening front and flatten- ing of the back; the gradual diminution in size of waves in approaching a gently sloping shore; the network pattern of the foam; and the foam bridges between pairs of whirlpools of dark water like the bright bridges of sun-spots. The crossing of diffe- rent sets of waves, giving dark sharp-pointed wedges or flashing mirrors of light, according to the posi- tion of the sun, was shown, and the placid sur- face of a lake on a calm day was seen to be rising and falling in swells when illuminated by the slanting rays of the setting sun which brought out the low relief. Turning to ship waves, he exhibited photographs of the waves following a vessel in her course, each preserving its relative position, but the rear of the group travelling at only half the speed of the ship, so that the train was ever lengthening. Canal-boat waves and the tidal bore brought him to the waves of streams, and he de- scribed some curious waves that travelled up stream, not as a bore, but without change of form. He next showed pictures of rippled clouds and ripple-marks mimicking organic forms, and of the ripple-ridging of hillsides. In conclusion he discussed the rippling of sand by wind, of which he had made a special. study. The shape of such ripples was approxi- mately constant for wave lengths from 1 to 145in., and was the same in desert sand as in that of the seashore. He had succeeded in reproducing them by the action of a steady artificial blast upon ordi- nary heterogeneous sand, but artificially assorted sand containing no fine particles did not give the phenomenon. Hence it was necessary that there should be particles fine enough to be tossed away by the eddy that formed in the lee of the larger grains. Sand dunes were built up by the wind on similar principles. Various photographs of desert sand dunes were shown, one of which depicted the recent encroachments of sand which had buried the road between Karachi and Clifton. THANKS to the Pletysmograph, one can (the Globe reminds us) to some extent know the state of mind by the changes of the pulse. It is the invention of MM. Hailion and Comte, physiologists of the College de France. The pulse, acting on a hollow rubber ball, works a recorder, which draws a trace of its beats on a revolving drum. We all know that strong emotions quicken or slacken the beats of the heart, as the case may be. They also affect the circulation of the blood and produce flushes or pallor. These changes of circulation also affect the volume of the members. It is not so well known, however, that some emotions which do not alter the beating of the heart or the countenance affect the circula- tion and volume of the members. MM. Binet and Courtier have shown that fear, such as the fear of going to a dentist, attenuates the pulse of children till it seems almost to disappear. A man of 32, who showed no apparent fear when told that his flesh was about to be pricked, revealed it by the trace of his pulse diminishing almost to a line. He was surprised at this result, lound it ridiculous, but still his pulse was depressed. Moral anxiety shows the same effects. A professor having to reproach a pupil in his laboratory, manifested no external sign of his emotion, but the expected approach of the student caused a sudden sinking of his pulse, and acceleration of its rate. Fear of any sort depresses the pulse. Physical suffering has not the same effect. It modifies the pulse but little, and 0 does not quicken it. Pleasure by presents caused a child's pulse to sink a little for a moment, then riso and swell above the normal. Music of any sort ap- pears regularly to accelerate the heart, the respira- tion, and excite the nervous system. There is lest acceleration when the music is purely sensory or devoid of ideas and feeling. Sad airs appear to ac- celerate less than gay. The intensity of the emotion caused by music has more effect than its kind, and strong emotions give strong effects. MENTAL disease (according to Science Siftings) is reported to have been cured by the artificial induce- ment of pleasant dreams. Beautiful and harmonious colours and music are the means whereby these dreams are induced. It is well known that bad dreams have a disastrous effect on both mind and body. The worries of life pass into the dreamer's consciousness, and there continue their evil work. Bad dreams are re-called in waking hours, and there prolong their deadly career. It has long been recog- nised that music and objects agreeable to the sight have a beneficial effect. The music and colour treatment banishes bad dreams, arouses agreeable ones, restores the tone of the brain, and conse- quently improves the physical condition. Such treatment begins during the moments of drowsiness that precede sleepiness. The soothing impressions are received into the brain, and there produce a happiness, peace and harmony that subsequeutly show themselves in the improved mental and physical condition of the patient when awake. For the suc- cessful carrying out of this treatment, it is, in the first place, necessary to make a kind of hood of canvas or soft leather, which, enveloping the whole head, extends forward and over the ears, so that the face- alone remains uncovered. Just at the point where the cap rests upon the ears the material is cut away, so as to allow of their free profusion. A kind of metallic saucer, just deep enough to afford the neces- sary room, is then placed over each ear, and sewed to the margin of the hood, just over the ears. Each of these metallic ear pieces is provided with a hollow metallic nipple, situated just above the ear and communicating with the enclosed air space. A piece of indiarubber tubing of small calibre, 25ft. in length can be attached to these nipples by a forked joint. The other end of the tubing is then connected with the reproducing mechanism of an Edison phonograph. The patient, being in position, a chromatoscope and the phonograph are both set to work. Fatigue soon comes, and with it comes drowsiness, and it is precisely in this state, which is half sleep, half waking, that the musical vibrations, surging into the internal ear and on to the sen- sorium, produce effects alike transcendent and indescribable. The ideas and feelings assembled during drowsiness constitutes, later on, the f-ii gossamer of dreaming, and the gradually acquiied art of vividly recalling these dreams, or many of them, on waking, makes it possible to achieve good through a kind of blending of the mentalisation of day with that of the night.
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> THE steamer Neptune is reported at St. Johns (Newfoundland) with 42,000 seals. Other boats have had splendid catches. „ FOURTEEN children in ten years have fallen to the lot of a couple in New York. There have been four pairs of twins.
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FnIEND Wlvat are you doing ?" Poet: Writing a poem on autumn." Friend But it isn't autumn yet." Poet: 'Twill be before the poem is accepted." JACK: "If I had known that you were going to drop in so unexpectedly, we should have had a more elaborate dinner." Kred (wrestling with, a tough piece of steak): "Don't mention it, old man; but 1 next time I'll be sure to let you know." HOJACK I dont know what to do with that dog I've tried a dozen times to give him away, but no one Will have him." Tomdik "Tried to give him away, | did you ? That's no way to get rid of a dog. Ask I £ 8 or £ 10 for him."
- DREADFUL HOLIDAY DISASTER.
DREADFUL HOLIDAY DISASTER. EXCURSION STEAMER WRECKED ON THE CASKETS. MANY LIVES LOST.-THRILLING DETAILS A terrible disaster took place in the Channel on the eve of Good Friday, when the London and South-Western Railway Company's passenger steamer Stella, which wa3 crowded with Ea3ter holfday excur- sionists, struck during a fo on the Casker rocks, between Alderney and Guernsey, and foundered in a few minutes. The Stella, commanded by Captain Reeks, set out on her fatal voyage from Southampton about 11.40 a.m. am the forenoon of the 30th ult. With a full passenger list and cargo, including a pan- technicon van, which was stowed on deck. All went well until three o'clock, when a heavy bank of fog was encountered. The vessel, however, continued at ordinary speed. The foghorn on the Caskets was heard just about four o'clock, and the course of the vessel was deflected a little to the westward in order to clear the dangerous rocks. The Stella, however struck with a tremendous crash, and remained fast. Although every man on board knew that they were face to face with a terrible disaster, there was no panic from first to last. Captain Reeks from the bridge shouted. Get out the boats." All the passengers provided themselves with lifebelts, and stood waiting for orders very white of face. to be sure, for the ship was palpably sinking, and it did not require expert knowledge to understand that she would not remain above water very long. Lower away the boats," called out Captain Reeks in a clear voice, "Women alld children first." The women and children were already standing ready. Pathetic farewells had been taken, and there was much quiet weeping and sobbing. The boats were loaded and lowered in a speedy and workmanlike manner beyond all praise. Within 10 minutes the boats with all the women and children and with just sufficient seamen to work them were well clear of the sinking ship, and they soon disappeared in the fog. The Stella was settling rapidly, but the bulkheads had so far pre- vented the sea from rushiug into the engine-room and stokeholds. No time was to be lost now, and Captain Reeks gave his last order, Let the men look out for themselves!" he shouted. Needing zo second bidding, the male passengers rushed to the boats, in each of which a couple of seamen had been placed, and they were soon filled and putting away from the ship. They had not proceeded far when the final catas- trophe came. The remaining bulkheads gave way before the enormous pressure, the sea broke into the engine-room and stokehold, the boilers burst with a terrific sound, the steamer was torn in halves, and foundered in deep water. Many passengers, probably more than 50, remained on deck when the last boat sheered off, and, with the captain still on the bridge, they all went down with the ship. Most of them must have been overwhelmed in the shattered remnants of the steamer, and were mercifully spared the agony of coming to the surface for a vain struggle with the inevitable. A few jumped clear as the ship went down, and, with the aid of lifebelts and deck-seats and other floating wreckage, kept themselves afloat. A few were taken into boats already somewhat overloaded, but most of them perished, being swept by the swift current and tide far away from the scene of the disaster. One of the boats, believed to be a collapsible craft, was found to be overloaded to a dangerous extent, almost before she got clear of the steamer, but it was then too late to remedy the evil. As the ship foundered this boat was nearly caught in the vortex. She escaped that, but soon afterwards she filled and sank. She had between 30 and 40 men on board, most of whom were lost. Several, however, were seen to reach the furniture pantech- nicon van, and floated away upon this poor ark. ALL NIGHT IN THE BOATS. The smallest of the boats, the dinghey, could scarcely keep afloat, but when the men in it saw a boat filled with women and apparently in diffi- culties they promptly took it in tow. The experiences of these people in the dinghey were common to all the boats. All the long night through the boats drifted or were occasionally rowed until passengers became exhausted by the damp and cold and the unaccustomed labour. Only the cer- tainty of succour when day broke kept them in stout heart. "Our vigil." said a man who was in the dinghey, lasted 15 hours. Some of us often had tumps in our throats, but we would not give in. Each man took his turn in rowing, and nearly every one of us when his spell was done dropped asleep, quite knocked up. About six o'clock in the morning a man suddenly called out 'There's a sailing boat coming towards UI r and sure enough there was a fishing-boat bowl- ing along, apparently to our rescue. We could scarcely contain ourselves, and some of us felt in- clined to cry. Before the sailing boat could get near us we saw to our extreme delight a steamer coming towards us. We signalled as well as we could, and were instantly observed. The steamer, which proved to be the Great Western Company's Channel steamer Lynx, steamed quite near to us, and then stopped and took the boatload of ladies and ourselves on hoard." The South-Western Company's Channel service steamer Vera, making her daily trip to the islands, came across two other boats, in which were 57 men and women, all of whom were safely got on board and landed at Jersey. Among them were Mr. Parton. manager of the American Trans-atlantic line, and his wife. They had a very painful experience, as they were for hours in doubt as to the fate of each other The husband and wife were reunited after 15 hours of suspense, and the meeting was naturally of a very affecting character. In several instances the women showed extra- ordinary pluck and energy, and several took a turn at the oars, and pulled as well as the men. Some young fellows utterly collapsed, and laid down in the boats, alternately weeping and praying but in contradistinction to this, one lady passenger sang, with a fervour and expression not likely soon to be forgotten by her companions, 0 rest in the Lord." PATHETIC INCIDENTS. Some pathetic incidents are recorded. Mrs. Wade, wife of the chief officer, went to the bridge where her husband stood. In the forlorn hope of saving her life he threw her into the sea. She cried to him to come, but he replied, I can't leave the ship,' and went down with the vessel. Mrs. Wade was picked up. A Guernsey lady coming over with her husband and child on a visit to her father was pressed with the child into the boat by her husband, whc refused her entreaty to be allowed to re- main with him. No, no, my darling," he said, c. pray go for the sake of our children." He re- mained behind and perished. This lady expressed surprise and admiration at the calmness and courage displayed by everyone. She noticed a lady friend of hers gathering up her luggage and a little boy arranging his toys as though there was no danger or need for hurry. Another lady lost her husband and only child. The husband forced her into a boat, and would not follow himself. A lady who lost her hus- band and child became almost insane with grief, and was seen driving about the island seeking for her lost ones. One lady was put into a boat, and her husband was going in after her when a seaman restrained him. As the boat pushed off she saw the steamer isijik, and he disappeared with it. THE SAVED AND THE LOST. We have been officially requested to deny a report published in some quarters to the effect that Captain Reeks was not on the bridge of the Stella at the time the steamer struck. Captain Reeks was at his post there, with the chief and second mates, and had been flMWA fni* an hnur before the catastrophe. It was estimated on the latest data on Tuesday morn- ing that about 70 or 80 persons actually perished. It is believed that 139 passengers left Southampton in the ill-fated ahip, and the crew was 42. Altogether 106 survivors have been accounted for, which makes the supposed loss of life 75, assuming that all those who are missing have perished. It is to be feared, however, that the precise number of fatalities will never be known, for the South-Western Railway find it impossible to compile a complete list of passengers travelling by the Stalla. Such a list could be furnished only by the ship steward's book, which was lost with the vessel. The company have, therefore, no other data to go upon in compiling a list than that supplied by inquiries for missing friends and relatives. As some of these may not have been on the Stella at all, the difficulty of getting out a complete list of the dead is apparent. The fouo tfing is the revised list of the saved:—Passengers Mr. G. Wonham, The Laurels, Phippesville, Northampton. Mr. Brierer, 104, Cambridge-gardens, Notting-hill; Mr. P. H. Beer, 53, Vernon-road, Sydenham; Mrs. Aylett, 1, East-hill, Wandsworth; Mrs. Barnes, Kensington Palace-road, Kensington; Mr. E. A. Stainer, Shep- port,OTa- Mrs. Stuart, Fryers, Chandler's Ford; Mr. and Mrs. Bell and two children, Holland-park, London Mr. T. Young, The Grangeries, St. Margarets, Twickenham Mr. P. Young, The Grangeries, St. Margarets, Twickenham Mr. Allen, 73, Mark-lane, London, E.C. Mrs. Allen, London Miss Moon, Hollo way-hill, Godal- ming; Mr. and Mrs. Little, 19, Clifton-hill, St. John's Wood, London; Mrs. Le Mare, Buahey, Hertford- shire Mr. and Mrs. Ayley, Peckham, London, S,E.; Mr. Murray C. Elnot, Wimbledon; Mr. and JIn. WaDi., 66, Orford Southampton; Mr. Stuart, 1. 69, Charles-square, Notting-hill, London Miss t Buckley; Miss Laurence Miss Veck; Alliswood (OJ Attwood) and child, 130, High-street, Southampton Mrs. and Miss Smith, Globe-avenue, Woodford- green Miss Baker, Nightingale House, St Thomas's Hospital Mr. Bush. Sydenham E II. Rolf (or Roff), Fore-street Warehouse J. H. Thomas (? Thos.), Barrymore, Surbiton; J. A. K I Birch, 54, Tourney-road, Walham G. N. C. IUra Coventry: Dr. Cullis, Hartley College, Southamp- ton H. Walker, Sheffield J. T. O'Callaghan (Mrs.), South Tottenham; Mr. and Mrs. Parton. American Line, London; Legalley (or Gallie), Jersey; W, Pick. Richmond; J. Helibron, 9, Mercer's-road, London J. A. Greener, 75, Golden-lane, London frs. Gooran and two children, 24. Gloucester-road, Manor-park, London Carter, Southampton Mrs. Greener, London Mrs. Wheatman, London Kirk- ley. Newcastle; Colonel and Mrs. Dickson, son and daughter, Sutton, Surrey; Mr. and ilrs. Chamber- lain, Chapman Hotel, Aldersgate-street, London Mrs. Agnew, of Guernsey; Miss Oliver, Guernsey Drake, Bow, London; Mrs. Welch, Hampstead, London; Misses Williams (2), Shepherd's-bush; J. and D. W. Bell, London; C. Jackson, Sidcup, Kent; Barker, Kent; King, 3, Snow-hill; Mr. Chir- vell (or Chivrell); Mr. Abinger Mr. Ward Mr. But (or Bull); Mr. Brisere (or Briser); Mr. Hor- field Mr. Robertson Rev. and Mrs. Bailey; Mrs. Wade; Miss Baker Mr. Barr Mr. C. W. Iliffe; lr. W. J. Iliffe; J. L. Reuss, Surbiton; J. M. Phillips, Brighton Edgar Anderson R. E. de Vesian, Harrow; the boy Arnold, London. Crew Reynolds, second mate; B. Wray, seaman; W. llartup, seaman G. Brown, seaman C. Webb, sea- man J. Allez, seaman; A. Etheridge, seaman; W. Vey, seaman; J. Balmunen, steward; Bowers, steward H. Martin, steward F. Bartlett, steward W. Martin, steward H. Lassiter, fireman J. Payne, fireman; C. Thorne, fireman; C. Osman, fireman; G. Grant, fireman; F. Carter, fireman; G. Bagley, trimmer; J. Palmer, fireman; two firemen (landed at Cherbourg), and the steward Vick. THE MISSING. It was ascertained on inquiry at the headquarters of the South-Western Railway in London that the following is believed to be a complete list of the missing passengers; Mr. J. W. Townsend, 25, High-street, Wimbledon; Mr. Green; Mr. Thos. Marshall and daughter Mr. Robert Stuart; Mr. Agnew and son (six years); Mr. Agnew, brother; Mr. Parker, Deacon's Tavern, W albrook; Mr. W. Scott and Mrs. Scott Devonshire- mansions, Bishopsgate-street; Mr. Herbert E. Sten- ning, solicitor, Leatherhead; Maj. Baker; Mr. and Mrs. Henney, 174, Fulham-road Mr. A. Cohen, 529, Holloway-road Messrs. Arthur and Albert Thomp- son, 43, St. John's-street-road, London, E.C.; Mr. Edger, Turnham-green; Mr. Barnes, Kensington Palace-mansions Mr. Maurice Roche and Master Rocbe; Mr. J. T. Baker, Arundel Lodge, Sidcup Mr. Alfred Jarwes Mr. and Mrs. Hurst and child and Miss Pollack; Mrs. W. C. Hatch Mr. Eld- ridge Miss Fanny Harris; Rev. G. Clutterbuck, Shoreham Mr. H. L. de Montmorency; Mr. W. Plummer Mr. Joshua Ie Mare, Bushey, Herts Mr. Cooper; Mr. E. J. Morgan, 39, Darley-road, Stara- ford-hill; Mr. Downing, 104, Cambridge-gardens, Notting-hill; Mr. T. W. Westwick (body recovered), 2, Blake-villas, Brownhill-road, Catford, Kent; Mr. V. T. Buxton, 3, Rockhall-terrace, Cricklewood; Mr. Edward Wood's two daughters, Lyndhurst-road, Peckham Messrs. John C. Collier (ex-Mayor) and Edward CollUr, Godalming; Mr. and Mrs. E. A. Roome, Ickburg-road, Clapton; Mr, and Mrs. St. Maurice Black. RETURN OF SURVIVORS. At Waterloo Station on Easter Monday evening there was a scene of considerable excitement in anticipation of the arrival of several of the rescued passengers, who had during the day been brought to Southampton from Guernsey by the South-Western Company's steamer Vera. The survivors landed at Southampton were Colonel Dixon, Mrs. Dixon and their son, of Sutton; Miss Ruth Dixon, of J Bromley, Kent; Mrs. and Miss Smith, of WToodford-green, Essex; Miss Baker, of Chats- worth-road, Brondesbury; Mrs. Welch, Constan- tine road, Hampstead; Mrs. Drake, Three Mills, Bromley; Mrs. O'Callaghan, Cranleigh-road, South Tottenham; and Mr. and Mrs. Willis, of Ox- ford-street, Southampton. Mrs. Willis, who had first been rescued, had announced her safety by telegraph to her relatives in Southampton, with the intimation that her husband was lost. Subsequently, however, he was picked up and taken on to Jersey in time to join his wife on the South-Western Company's steamer sailing from Guernsey. The unexpected ap- pearance of Mr. Willis, in company of his wife, caused expressions of the liveliest satisfaction. Large numbers of persons were present at Waterloo from an early hour in the afternoon awaiting the train due at half-past seven. As the hour of the train's arrival drew nearer their num- bers were largely augmented by a crowd of curious onlookers. The scene was an incongruous one, as, besides the grief-stricken relatives, the station was alive with joyous excursionists, sportsmen from Kempton, and large contingents of volunteers ,re- turning from the Easter Manoeuvres. Owing to the great traffic on the line, the Southamp- ton train did not reach the station until about a quarter of an hour behind time. When it drew up at No. 3 platform there was a rush to the various saloon compartments in which it was thought the rescued would be travelling. Of the arrivals Mrs. Welch alone attracted attention. She was reclining in a saloon in the front part of the train, accompanied by relatives. She was in an almost prostrate condition, and was led to a seat O the platform with some difficulty. The greeting of her friends and relatives was of the most affectionate description. In the bustle the other rescued passengers, who had travelled in various parts of the train, slipped away unobserved. Doubt was ex- pressed as to whether they had arrived or not, but on inquiry from the railway officials it was stated that they had been booked to come by that train, but even the officials on the platform had failed to observe them. NARRATIVE OF THE LAD ARNOLD. A Press representative who went by special boat on Monday from Guernsey to Cherbourg says that they passed some wreckage on the way, but no bodies. They also saw the South-Western Company's steamer South-Western ashore. She appeared to be very low in the bows. The French Government .has placed powerful steam pumps at the disposal of the South- Western Company, but it is feared by some that the vessel will share the fate of the Stella. On arriving at Cherbourg the correspondent saw the boy Arnold and other survivors. Arnold returned in the special steamer to Guernsey last evening. In an interview he said: The Stella appeared to strike the rock three or four times. My mother tied round my waist the football which kept me afloat. One of the seamen told us there was no danger, consequently we did not hurry much until we saw boatloads of ladies pushing off from the ship. We then tried to get a boat. It was just as the captain ordered the crew and men to look out for themselves. In the rush that followed I and my mother were left behind. My mother and two boys went down with the Stella. I felt a dragging sensation. On rising I hit my head against the top of a davit. This must have stunned me, for I remember I nothing more until I was put on the keel of a boat, where I and 13 others clung for about half an hour. I became dazed, and slipped off the boat once, and should undoubtedly have been lost had not Mr. Anderson fetched me back. After about half-an- hour men began to slip off the boat one by one. A stoker appeared to go mad, and clutched at the air with his hands, and finally disappeared. In another half-hour the boat righted itself, and those who were left got into it. Almost immediately one of the party died from exhaustion, and his body was thrown overboard. Everyone was too exhausted to even bale out the boat, and we had to sit in the water. which nearly reached the gunwale, for 17 houn. ) During the night the Alderney lights appeared, but p we could not reach them as the boat was waterlogged and rudderless. At ten o clock on Friday morning we were observed by the men at the Semaphore Station, and information was at once sent to Cher- ] bourg, where Vice-Admiral Maignet ordered the Government tug Massouin to our rescue. We were not picked up until three p.m. The captain of the tug had us taken aboard and gave us hot wine and clothes. At four o'clock we arrived at Cherbourg, where the South-Western Railway Company's agent took charge of us, and informed the English Consul of the rescue. We are all very grateful for the great kindness shown us by the French Government officials." BODIES RECOVERED. Early on Monday morning the Ronfleur, which had been cruising in the Ghannel. arrived at South- ampton < with the dead body o,f a gentleman on board. This proved to be Mr. Morgan, of Amhurst- road, Stamford-hill, and the friends, being at once cominuniaated with, arrived at Southampton in afternoon and identified the body. The quest will probably be to-day to admit of burial taking place, and full evidence will be taken at a later date. Several bodies have been ,n picked up by her Majesty's ship Kaven. Some have also been found on the French coast. There is at Guernsey a little girl, it is reported, who has lost her parents. She is unclaimed up to the present. The keepers at the Casket Light report having heard the steamer on Thursday afternoon W est of the rock, and also the shouts of passengers. No bodies have been washed ashore at Guernsey. POSITION OF THE WRECK. The Guernsey steamer Alert went out on Monday to survey the scene of the wreck of the Stella, and on return woorted that the steamer appeared to be on a rock named the Ortach, midway between the I Caskets and Alderney. If this is correct the steamer must have been going East of the Cas- quets, and not to the West, as previously sur- mised. GOVERNMENT INVESTIGATION. The Board of Trade will shortly hold an official inquiry into the whole circumstances of the wreck of the Stella. The probability is that the Court will sit at Southampton, that being considered the most con- vient place.
HOME OF THE ROTHSCHILD BEQUEST.
HOME OF THE ROTHSCHILD BEQUEST. T^e permanent home of the collection forming the Rothschild bequest to the trustees of the British Museum has been decided upon, and for its accom- modation and display various alterations are being carried out in the room selected, which is on he first floor, and lately devoted to Anglo-Saxon antiquities, and approached from the Central Saloon, through a smaller ante-chamber known as the Anglo-Roman Room. The apartment so chosen is a commodious one, and well adapted for the segregation, which is a condition of the bequest imposed by thelate Baron Ferdinand de Rothschild, himself one of the elected trustees of the British Museum.
FIGHTING IN SAMOA.
FIGHTING IN SAMOA. BOMBARDMENT BY BRITISH AND U.S. WARSHIPS. The latest advices from Samoa report that affairs in the island have now reached a most critical stage. In reply to Admiral Kautz's orders to disperse the rebels under Mataafa began active hostilities. The American cruiser Philadelphia and the British cruisers Porpoise and Royalist bombarded the natives' position for several days, and finally landed sailors to protect property in Apia. The sailors were fined on, and three of the British were killed. The Germans are holding aloof, but the British and the Americans are standing shoulder to shoulder. Fighting was still going on when the mail left Samoa. 11 Advices from Apia, according to another report, state that Mataafa and his chiefs having ignored a proclamation issued by the American Admiral in accord with the British and American Consuls, calling upon them to return to their homes, an ultimatum was sent ordering the rebels to evacuate the municipal limits of Apia. This being disregarded the British and American war- ships began a bombardment on March 15, the German Consul having meanwhile proclaimed his support of Mataafa's Government. The rebels at- tacked the town, and three British bluejackets and one American sentry were killed, while others were wounded. The Germans have taken refuge on board the German warship, while many of the native in- habitants have been received on H.M.S. Royalist. The reassuring statement from Berlin with regard to the co-operation of the three Powers in Samoa is confirmed at Washington. Its effect will be to allay the fears of a diplomatic rupture with Germany, and it is considered probable that the three Governments will endeavour to reach a settlement.
THE CRUSADE OF PEACE.
THE CRUSADE OF PEACE. Mr. Balfour has received at the Foreign Office a deputation from the International Crusade of Peace, including the Bishops of London and Rochester, Mr. Courtney, and Mr. Stead. A memorial was pre- sented stating that the result of public meetings throughout the kingdom had been to show the exist- ence of a strong feeling in favour of lightening the burden of armaments and averting the possibility of war, and that the action of the Government with regard to the Czar's proposal was heartily approved by the country. Mr. Balfour expressed the sympathy which the Government felt with the object the deputation had at heart, and said he himself was most sanguine as to the further diminution of war in the future. Speaking of the projected general treaty of arbitration with the United States, he said he felt sure that it would some day be arranged. A letter from the Russian Ambassador conveying the Czar's thanks to all who have com- municated with his Imperial Majesty on the subject of his peace proposals has been published.
I EXPLOSION OF ETHER.
EXPLOSION OF ETHER. Coroner Molesworth has concluded his inquiry at Rochdale into the deaths of Superintendent Nurse Evans and Nurse Barker, following an explosion of ether in the local workhouse surgery a fortnight ago. Among the witnesses were Nurse Cryer. who made a brave attempt to save the lives of the injured nurses, and two chemists concerned in the supply of ether to the workhouse. Dr. Pinck, medi- cal officer said that during her illness Nurse j Barker explained that she was replacing a bottle of ether on the surgery shelves when acci- dentally she knocked it against another bottle and broke it. The escaping ether fell on the floor and an explosion ensued immediately. There was a fire in the surgery at the time. The jury returned a ver- dict of Accidental death." The jury made the following recommendations—(l)that ether be placed ) in the schedule to the Petroleum Act, as an explo- sive (2) that it be kept in bottles stronger than those hitherto used in the workhouse surgery; (3), that the system of receiving medical goods at the workhouse requires considerable alteration; and (4) that the surgery doors at the workhouse should have handles fixed on the inside.
MUNIFICENT BEQUESTS.
MUNIFICENT BEQUESTS. After the funeral at Bristol of the late Mr. Vincent Strickey Lean, a Somerset banker, it was announced by the relatives that the will provided for bequests of £ 50,000 to the British Museum, £ 50,000 to the Bristol Corporation for purposes of public libraries, £ 20,000 to Muller's Orphan Houses at Bristol, and | £ 5000 to the Bristol University College.
EIGHTEEN MEN INJURED IN A…
EIGHTEEN MEN INJURED IN A COLLIERY. A shocking cage accident occurred at the Shipley Collieries, near Ilkeston, on the morning of March 29. The double-decked cage, with 18 men, was descending the shaft, when the engine went wrong and the cage dashed against the bottom. All the occupants were injured, some severely. Eight of the worst cases were removed to Ilkeston Hospital. The ascending cage wrecked the roof of the engine- house.
A MAD HUSBAND'S CRIME.
A MAD HUSBAND'S CRIME. At the Cardiff Police-court Charles John Cavell has been charged with murdering his wife, Margaret Josephine, on March 15. Mr. Belcher prosecuted on behalf of the Treasury. The couple had been married about five years and had two children. About a month ago they separated, the wife going to live with her father, and the husband with his mother, the home being broken up. Friendly 1interviews, however, took place subsequently between the accused and his wife. On the 15th of March prisoner left his mother's house, saying he was going to take his wife for a walk to put new life into her." He met his wife and the couple walked together along the banks of j the river Ely. Later the wife was heard screaming, Oh, John, for Christ's sake, don't." Medical evi- dence showed that death was due to drowning, but that the woman had three wounds on the neck, in- dieted, apparently, with a knife. The doctor also stated that the accused suffered from incipient insanity, and that he (the doctor) had recommended his removal to an asylum. The prisoner was com- mitted to the Assizes for trial.
[No title]
THE Sanitary Department at Cairo- has drafted regulations to come into force in the event of plague being introduced into Egypt. The number of Egyptian pilgrims to Mecca amounts to 1914. A HERON'S nest built almost entirely of wire, such as is used in some agricultural implements for bind- ing sheaves was shown at a meeting of the British Ornithologists' Club a few days ago. The nest was blown out of a tree at Stoke Park, Notts. With the aid of a field-glass it was seen that there were, in the heronry, other nests of the same character. A YOUNG man in Chicago has literally become a boy again. Twelve years ago he was struck on the head by a little playmate. Never since, till awakening from the anassthetics after a successful cranial operation the other day, has he spoken rational words. Then, taking up the thread of life where it had snapped, he inquired, What made you hit me ?" A STRANGB burial is reported from Amesburv, Massachusetts. Reuben John Smith, aged 71, 1 erected in his lifetime a marble sarcophagus con- taining a commodious chair. As his will directed, his corpse was seated therein the other day, attired in a morning suit, with hat and overcoat, the steel door was locked and bricked over, and the key was des- troyed. Of the entire human race it is estimated that 500,000,000 are well clothed—that is, they wear garments of some kind 250,000,000 habitually go naked, and 700,000,000 only cover parts of their body! Five hundred million live in houses, 700,000,000 in huts and caves, and 250,000,000 have virtually no | shelter at all. ACCORDING to the latest list of prices, the tariff for Italian titles is as follows: That of Prince costs 40.000fr. ( £ 1600); of Duke," 30,000fr. ( £ 1200) and of Marquis," 25,000fr. (ElOOO). Counts are r cheap at £ 800, Barons are literally thrown away } at £480. whilst the ordinarv Noble is only worth law.
FUN AND FANCY. -
FUN AND FANCY. MAMMA, I saw a dog to-day that had only three legs." Weren't you awfully sorry for him?" '"No'm: he had one more leg than I had." Hill: "That fellow over there cheated me out of a cool million." She: "How could that be He: Wouldn't let me marry his daughter." BOBBY Mamma, am I a lad?" Mamma "Yes. Bobby." Bobby And is my new papa my step- father ?" Mamma Yes." Bobby: Then ana I his step-ladder?" A SXART little boy is-or was-rather ambitious to be a postman. A short time ago he secretly secured a bundle if old love-letters that his mother had treasured since her courtship days, and distributed them from house to house throughout the neighbour- hood. THE only objection," said the stem parent, I have against the young man, my dear child, is that he has no noble ambition—no high or worthy object in life Why, papa, how can you say that ? He wants me!" How's this? You're already advertising again a dog lost. That's the third deg you've lost in a month!" Oh, it's just my luck! Since my daughter' hits been taking singing lessons, I can't keep an animal in the place TIIE examiner wished to get the children to express moral reprobation of lazy people, and he led up to it by asking them who were the persons that got all they could and did nothing in return. For some time there was silence, but at last a little girl who had obviously reasoned out the answer inductively from her own home experiences, exclaimed, with a good deal of confidence: Please, sir, I know-it's the baby." A CLERGYMAN tells a good story in which lie had a hand. It is his rule, he says, to use the plainest words possible in his sermons—a habit which might, by way of contrast, strike some congregations very forcibly. Once, after preaching in a strange church, he received a heartfelt eulogium, for the next day a sweep who had been in church was asked what he thought of the visiting clergyman. "I like him," he replied; he don't use no grammatical words." RICIIES take unto themselves wings and fly away," said a Board school teacher. What kind of riches is meant?" And the smart boy at the bottom of the class said: They must be ostriches." CAN dogs find their way home from a distance ?" is a question frequently asked. It's according to the dog. If it's one you want to get rid of, he can find his way back from Africa. If it's good one, he's apt to get lost if he goes round the corner. WHAT about the health of the place ?" Health?" said the resident. "See here. Since the town was started only one man has died, and he was a doctor." What ailed him ?" He starved to death." I LADY (engaging a footman): "Are you clever at table?" James: "Yes, mum." Lady: "And you know your way to announce ?" James: Well, mum; I know my weight to a pound or so, but I should hardly like say to an ounce." TOM So the heiress refused Jack ?" Dick: Yes it's too bad He made a very fair proposi- tion, too." Tom: "What was it?" Dick: "He promised to be a most devoted husband, and offered to refund the money if he did not turn out exactly as represented." MAUDIE'S papa is night editor on a newspaper a fart which Maudie apparently hasn't learnt; for when someone asked her a few days ago what her father did for a living, she replied: I div it up. I fink he's a burglar, 'tause he's out all night." THE great composer, Handel, was an enormous eater. It is said that at a tavern he always ordered dinner for three. Dinner is quite ready, sir, when the company come," said a waiter to him one day. Den pring up de dinner," said the Anglicized German I am de gompany I" A RUSSIAN shopkeeper has hit upon a unique form of advertisement. The reason wny I have hitherto been abie to sell my goods so much cheaper than any- body else is that I am a bachelor, and do not need o make a profit for the maintenance of a wife and children. It is now my duty to inform the public that this advantage will shortly be withdrawn from iliem, as I am about to be married. They will, there- fore, do well to make their purchases at once at the old prices." PorriN (just returned from America): "When I was in New York, I stopped at the best hotel." L'tidley: Rather costly, wasn't it?" Poppin: No I only stopped to admire it." PETE: Jim, do you know the height of impu- dence." Jim: 1 don't know the interpretation of the word impudence." Pete Well, it is taking shelter in an umbrella shop during a thunderstorm." DICK I wish we had a great big dictionary in the house." Father (proud of his son's thirst for know- ledge): "Do you want to look for soniethi ng Dick Yes; there's some jam on the shelf that I can't rea.;h standing on the chair/' SoTiiF.RN, the comedian, was extremely sensitive to interruption of any sort. Seeing a man in the act of leaving his box during the delivery of one of the actor's best speeches, he shouted out: Hi, you, sir, do you know there is another act?" The offender was equal to the occasion, however; he turned to the actor and answered, cheerfully Oh, yes—that's v.hy I'm going IT was a lecture delivered by a learned purveyor of liver pills, and illustrated by diagrams of the frame of man. That," he explained, pointing out a totally different spot, "is where man's liver is." Excuse me." observed the man in spectacles, but I am a surgeon, and that's not where the liver is." Never vou^mind where his liver is," retorted the lecturer, "If it was in his big toe or his left ear my pills would reach it, and shake it for him. On that you can bet your gig-lamps." HIGHWAYMAN Your money or your life." Lawyer: "Here's all 1 have." Highwayman: "All right. Now set out." Lawyer (taking him by the buttonhole: '• Wait a minute, friend. Don't you won't to engage counsel to defend you in case you should be arrested for this affair ?" EMPLOYER Late again, John can't you manage to get here in time ?" Employe: I can't sleep o' nights, sir, and am apt to be late io the morning." H'm. sleeplessness. Why don't you consult a doctor and find out the cause ?" I know the cause, sir it is six weeks old." INVENTOR I've hit a money-making thing at last. The preachers will go wild over it, and will set! like hot cakes. It's a church contribution-box." Friend What good is that ?" Inventor It's a triumph- The coins fall through slots of different sizes, and half-crowns, shillings, and sixpences land on velvet; but the pennies and halfpennies drop on to a Chinese gong." AT a performance of Faust," in Cork, the gentle- man who enacted the part of Mephistopheles was so stout that the trap-door was too small to permit his descent to the infernal regions, a.nd all of his body above the waist was still visible over the stage. One of the gallery gods, noticing his dilemma, exclaimed: Begorra, the place is fnlll" GOOD-DAY, Mrs. Clump. How is your husband this morning ?" asked one countrywoman of another, whose husband was ill. Well, 1 think he's a bit better," was the reply. He sat up for an hour yesterday, and bad a little appetite. He ate a couple of chops, a veal-and-'am-piei two helpings of apple J n*. J 1 T il 1 puuuujg. auu a snacx u iL tains oy LU- morrow he'll be able to swallow something substan- tial." NEAIL-SIGIITICI) OLD GENTLEMAN: Can you tell me what inscription is on that board over there ?" Irish Rustic: Sure O'im in the same boat son-! It was I moighty little schoolin' Oi had when Oi was a bhoy mesilf, sorr r' SMALL BoY: "Mother, please give me another I lump of sugar for my coffee; I've dropped the lump you gave me." Mother:" There you are. Where did you drop it?" Small Boy: •' In the coffee." VISITOR: "Can your baby talk at all yet?" Mamma: Yes, indeed t Baby, say mamma.' Baby: Oogle google." Now say «papa.' Oogle google. "Now say 'how d'ye do' to the lady." Oogle google." Bes its 'ittle heart, it tan talk mos' as dood as mamma tan:' .1 Doms your papa object to my calling upon you. Miss Dolyers ?" Not in the least, Mr. Spudds." "Does your mamma ?" "No." Do your brothers ?" J think not." Then X don't see any harm in coming." But there is one member of the family you neglected to ask about, and who does object to your coming most heartily." I thought I had named them all; tut now I think of it, 1 did omit to ask about your pug." "Oh, Fido doesn't mind you ?" Then who is it objects to my coming to see you?" It is only I, Mr. Spudds." I HEAR you have a little sister at your house said a grocer to a small boy. Yes, sir," replied Johnny. "Doyou like her ?" was the grocer's next question. I wish it was a boy," said Johnny, so I could play marbles with him, an' ball, an all these w things when he got bigger." Well," said the grocer, why don't you exchange your little sister for a boy ?" Johnny reflected for a minute, then said, rather gorrowly: We can't now. It's too late. We've used her four days!" I YOUNGLOVB (admonishingly): Now that you've opened a bank account you must bear in mind that the cheques must not be signed with any of your pet diminutives. Just settle on one name, and use that and no other." Mrs. Younglove (plaintively): All right, dear; IJ1 sign just' Maud. SCENE Barber's shop. Tonsorial Artist (survey- ing his victim): Your hair is getting very thin, sir." Victim Yes; I've been treating it with anti-fat. I never liked stout hair." Artist: You really should put something on it." Victim So I do-every morning." Artist: "May I ask what?" Victim: i "MYbtt." The reet wu silence. 0 J
AMERICAN HUMOUR.
AMERICAN HUMOUR. /OSH BILLINGS wrote: I have never seen a person yet who didn't know hiz nabor a grate deal bct,ô. than he did himself. Self-respeckt may never hav made a man a Christian, but it iz one ov the very best steps he kaa take toward it. Time iz an absolute tyrant; and az we gro older, and les3 able to bear his edikts, he grows mora exacting and intollerable. If an Ålnerikan can spend 6 months in Europe and not cam back a snob, it will do to let him gc agin. The more suffering and pain that a man kan endure without flinching, the more he is like a buL' tarrier. It iz easy enough to see how other people's yuna ones might behave better, but impossible to see how our own could. Error iz very numble at the start, but the staying qualitys of truth alwuss wins the race at last. A bully iz a fellow who allwuss measurea- hit courage bi the other phellow's timidity. A wag iz a kind ov seckond-rate drollerist, whc deals in kast-off jokes; he iz on the level ov the clown, and only one remove abuv the loafer. A dogmatist is one who beleaves too mutch, whila a skeptic iz one who don't beleave enuff. There is nothing that we luv to talk so mutch about az ourselfs, and nothing that others luv so- little to listen to. Civilizashun haz dun sumthing for the heathen after all, for they cook their mishionarys now instead of eating them raw. Dandys are hibrid, and they seem to me to be a karless cross between the piktures an a fashion plate and a rectiot for making hair die. The turtles are slo, but they havs won more races than the foxes ever hav. I would much rather hav a yung one that needs stearing than driving. It iz the hight ov wisdom to diskover that we are fools, and it iz the satisfaction ov wisdum to dis- kover that thare are sum who are bigger fools than we are. THE old practice of badgering witnesses has almost disappeared from many courts, but in some it is still kept up—sometimes, however, to the damage of the cross-examiner. Lawyer S- is well known for his uncomely habits. He cuts his hair about four times a year, and the rest of the time he looks- decidedly ragged about the ears. He was making a witness describe a barn which figured in his last case. How long had the barn been built ?" Oh, I don't know. About nine months, p'r'aps." "But just haw long ? Tell the jnry how long it had been built.'| Well, I don't know exactly. Quite a while." Now, Mr. B-, you pass for an intelligent farmer, and yet you can't tell how old this barn is; and you have lived on the next farm for ten years. Can you tell me how old your own barn is ? Come, now, tell us how old your own house is, if you think you know. Quick as lightning the old farmer re- plied Ye want to know how old my house is, do ye ? Well, it's just about as old as you be, and the roof needs aeeing to about as bad." In the roar that followed the witness stepped down, and Lawyer S didn't call him back. COUNSEL FOR THE DEFENCE: The lady talks about honourable dealing; but let her look t* herself. My client tells me that she promised to burn every letter she got from him as soon as she had read it." The Court: What has the witness to say in reply to the defendant's counsel ?" Plaintiff I thought they might be useful sometime, and as I didn't want to break my word I didn't read the letters." QUIBBLES: "Suppose a golf player should acci- dentally injure a pedestrian by hitting him with the ball, what would be the penalty?" Barrister (a golfiac): Why, it would simply be a rub of the green,' in which case the ball must be played where it lies." MRS. SLYBEL "The boy grows more like his father every day." The Caller: Poor dear! And have you tried everything?" WIFE, what a lot of grammatical errors you make I" What of it ? Aren't they as good as those your mother used to make ?" WHO is the smartest boy in your class, Bobby ?" asked his uncle. I'd like to tell you," answered Bobby, modestly, only papa says I must not boast." "OLD man, you look worn out. What's the trouble ?" Been spending the day with Brown, and the liveliness of his six children has nearly killed me." Why, I thought you were one of those people who always said you liked boys to be boys ?" "That's so, but I wish they'd choose some other place for being boys the company of men and women." I'M going to keep that man because I admire nerve," said a wealthy business man at his downtown office the other day. I don't know yet what he can do, but I'm going to find out and then put him at it, no matter if it's cleaning stablss and stoking fur- naces. He came to me recently when I advertised for an experienced coachman. Oh, yes, he knew all about horses, how to drive them and just how to care for them, as well as everything else about the barns. The truth was that he didn't have the first qualifica- tion. He buckled the harnesses together and then tried to put them on over the horses' heads didn't know a coupe from a surrey turned the hose on the silk linings of the brougham, and would have had a runaway on the first go off if the barn boy and a policeman had not lent a hand. I've been using him for a sort of an errand boy, but he doesn't fill the bill. My folks are away, and Tuesday 1 sent him to the house for a pair of fur gloves, telling him that there were two pair, one dark, one light, and urged him to be sure to bring mates. He came back with one of each. and I took pains to show him just how he had ■ blundered. But the other two don't mate no more nor these two,' was all the explanation he had to offer. I told him to get me 100 postage stamps, handing him a lOdol. bill. He brought back 100 ten-centers. The I next day he wanted a rise in wages. But I'll find something for him to do. He's too good to lose." AN old Dutchman had a beautiful boy, of whom he was very proud, and he decided to find out the bent of his mind. He adopted a very novel plan by which to test him. He slipped into the little fellow's room one morning and placed on his table a Bible, a bottle of whisky, and a silver dollar. Now," said he, ven dot boy comes in, ef he dakes dot dollar, he's goin' to be a beesniz man ef he dakes dot Bible, he'll be a breacher; ef he dakes dot whisky, he's no j goot-he's goin' to be a drunkart," and he hid behind the door to see which the boy would choose. In came the boy, whistling. He ran up to the table and picked up the dollar and put it in his pocket; he picked up the Bible and put it under his arm, then he snatched up the bottle of whisky and took two or three drinks, and went out smacking his lips. The old Dutchman poked his head out from behind the door and exclaimed: "Mine gracious-he's going to be a bolitician." I'LL never trust another man," she cried. Why not?" He promised to settle the bill at the end of the month, and it is still unpaid." She was in the floral business. But this is what all women who go into trade must look for. THE young man who was smoking a cigarette coughed violently as he went into the lawyer's office. Smoking doesn't appear to agree with you," com- j mented1 the legal gentleman, as he glanced at the smoking bit of white paper which the visitor held aw kwardfy in his left hand. Oh, yes it does. I've only been smoking tor a week, but I'm enjoying it immensely." He paused to cough and proceeded I'm already an out-az AoUtL cigarette fiend. I wam, to consult you about the validity of a verbal iagreement." There are circumstances under which such an understanding is binding.' "Well, I'll state the case to you. Last summer I made the acquaintance of a young woman who eats three boxes of candy a week, and goes to the theatre whenever there's anything worth seeing in town. She is accustomed to have her own way around'the house, and even if her little brother acts as if he were afraid of her. I didn't know all this when we became engaged. Moonlight night; music of the waves ocean tranquil and poetic, and all-that sort of,thing; you know." Yes. There's a great deal of nonsense talked under such circumstances." I want to find out if some of it wasn't in dead earnest." "Does sbo desire to break the engage- ment?" "She? No. But as we were wander- ing along the moonlit strand she happened to reark that she would never marry a man who I smoked cigarettes. How memory treasures those little things." And what I want to know is whether I can go into court if necessary, and hold her to Ithat ?" » WB must economise, mustn't we ?" said young ■ Mrs. Torkins. I am afraid so," answered her husband. Well, I'm going down town to-day, and I know you are going to be surprised to see how i cheaply I buy things. So as soon as you can you must write me a cheque for some money to economise with."