Barry Herald

JBKNY Miss Spellum wears all her best clothes at the office." Annie: Is she in love with anybody there?" Jenny: "No but she says it scares her em- ployer, so he doesn't give her much work to do." THE editor has discharged that new reporter, aid one of the old men. What for ?" He wrote a paragraph about somebody being the possessor of something, and neglected to say proud possessor,

THE WOMAN'S WORLD. PEARL-GREY is an ideal shade (says the Evening News) for brunettes, but any shade may be made becoming if a front and collar of white are added and this device is keenly appreciated by women who have lost the first freshness of their youth. Vert de gris is much worn, trimmed with shades of deep emerald green. Black and white schemes in evening dresses continue to be very popular. SPANGLED robes are abandoned for spangled tunics, worn over under-skirts of cream lace or kilted mous- seline de soie. Rosettes of bébé ribbon or cater- pillar chenille" trim many of the newest dresses; they are poised on the shoulder, nestle in the bodice, or catch up lace drapery, and are worn in the hair supporting an osprey or Paradise plume. Some gathered or bonne femme skirts have heavy lace flounces, but bias pieces of cloth with a cut edge laid one over the other are much more dainty. FUR, which is still on the pinnacle of favour, as it was last winter, is used in several new ways. It com- poses some very attractive hats. For example, a hat covered, crown and curling brim, with chin- chilla, is trimmed with a drapery of violet mousse- line de soie, and at the left side is a large bunch of violets. Fur boleros are much worn, short pile furs being selected for them. A bolero of otter opens over an ermine plastron, and has a flaring collar lined with ermine and large ermine cuffs. CAPK mantles are made on the lines of the old- fashioned visite. They have no sleeves, but are close about the shoulders and arms, and are curved in to the figure at the back. The richest materials are employed for them, with equally rich passementeries and applications. They are worn at the theatre, for ceremonious calls, and at church. The jacket is by no means thrown out of fashionable calculation, how- ever. It has a permanent place as a general utility garment, comfortable, warm, and convenient, and for walking, shopping, skating, &c., nothing takes its place. TJlERRare few things that exercise a greater influ- ence on a woman's personal appearance than the arrangement of her hair. Many a pretty face, says Lcach's Dressmaker is spoiled entirely hy an untidy or careless coiffure, and the most becoming hat or bonnet in the world loses its charm if the hair be badly dressed. So much, indeed, depends upon skill in this matter that the actual costume itself is sub- servient to it. People are often struck with the pretty neat coiffures of shop assistants, and it is because they realise the importance of these that the employers insist upon them as a sine qua non when engaging their employes. WOMEN should rest content with whatever coloured hair Nature has provided them with, since she knows better than anyone else what particular shade suits a certain complexion, style of feature, &c., and when a woman dyes her hair some unnatural hue her whole individuality suffers, and her colouring is crude and inharmonious. It is a mistake, too, to try and alter the nature of hair by flattening curly or wavy tresses, or by curling hair that is as straight as the proverbial rat's tail," and as obstinate in its endeavours to resist curling or waving as the familiar mule. NATURE knows quite well which style best suits the particular type of face the hair is to adorn, and any alterations of her plans are sure to turn out unsatis- factory. A Grecian profile and features could only be pretty with the smooth bends of hair character- istic of this type of face, whilst a bright, cheerful one seems to demand coquettish ringlets, partaking more or less of a childlike nature. Much, too, depends on the colour of the hair, and here many girls fall into serious errors. Black or very dark hair should never be much curled or frizzed, and on no account, should a heavy fringe be worn. Smooth bands and soft coiis with just a few stray curls clinging round tlll-l temples and forehead are the most becoming style of coiffure for this kind of hair. Fair hair is the easiest of all to dress becomingly, but even here neatness and lightness should be striven after. Bed hair, the cause of so much annoy- ance to many people, can be rendered pretty, and the colour less pronounced, if fluffed out into soft light curls, as, when separated in this manner, the colour becomes toned down and gains many pretty lights and sh¡de$. "No teeth, no health," is the decided dictum given by a great French dentist, and endorsed by all others throughout the civilised world. Quite apart from their value as ornamental adjuncts of the human body, they are absolutely necessary as health- givers and health-preservers, and it is necessary to guard them incessantly and with the utmost care to prevent the ravages of decay, which can never be altogether remedied when they have once begun. Scrupulous cleanliness is the first essential towards this result, arid children should have the importance of this frequently impressed upon them. There is a right and wrong way of cleaning one's teeth, and there is something to be considered when choosing one's tooth-brush. This latter should be small, and nearly Jound, not top hard, but sufficiently so to penetrate every corner of the mouth, and it must be rinsed in cold water and thoroughly dried after use, so that it. jnay be fresh and clean. By these precau- tions much pain and loss of teeth, not to mention ill- health and its attendant inconveniences will subse- quently be avoided. Do not on any account pick or touch the teeth with pins or metal pricks, quill ones being alone permissible. Also avoid hot drinks or very hot foods of all kinds, as these cause decay, and hurt and loosen the guns, besides injuring the enamel, and iced drinks are equally to be avoided. Cold air is injurious to the teeth, so people should always guard,against admitting the cold night air into the mouth. IN really wet weather most women go about in boots which are not entirely watertight, because they will not wear anything too serviceable to be elegant." Much can be done by mfeans of careful dressing to make light boots better able to resist water. Russian tallow, obtainable from any oil- chandler, should be rubbed all over the boot with a piece of flannel. This renders the leather water- tight, and it has advantages over many other dress- ings because it is easily removed from the surface, and does not render the leather difficult to polish afterwards. One of the best rough dressings for men's boots, and which is much used by mountaineers is ordinary mutton-fat. It is preferable to castor- oil because the latter renders the leather s^isoft that it does not protect the feet from sharp stones. OSTRICH boas are again favoured, and take the place of the chiffon and mousseline de soie neck ruches. THE need of warmth in petticoats and the scarcity of room for wearing the second one have evolved an extremely dainty model of French flannel, closely fitting the hips and reaching to the knees, where it is extended to the proper length with a deep silk flounce covered with any amount of rumes and lace frills the wearer may fancy. SOFT satin (says the Sun) is being rather exten- sively used for negligees, and is to be commended for its wearing qualities. A new shade called water lily combines beautifully with black. Rennaissance is the most elegant and effective of aU laces which enter into dinner gown making. CAPE-LIKE mantles are much worn with the more ceremonious class of gown, as they are easily put on and off, and do not crush the costume as does a coat. There are all varieties of mantles, from the plain, tailor-made style, tinishedwith stitching, to those of velvet, satin, or damask trimmed with fur and passementerie, not to mention evening wraps of the most elaborate and brilliant description. The short capes of the last few years are out-of-date. They way stIll e utilised, if they are in good condi- tion, by rounding the front corners and adding one or more circular ruffles. If the goods cannot be exactly matched, velvet may be employed. In that case velvet ornaments must be used on the body of the cape also, the collar and revers being of velvet. ———— REDINGOTES are having a growing success, and the loose sack is also making its way by dint of appear- ing in modest, tailor-made guise, and not rendering its ugly, undress aspect conspicuous by rich mate- rials and trimmings. Prettiest of all are the little boleros of cloth or fur, well fitting and smartly trimmed. ———— MOURNING apparel is divided into two classes— first and second mourning. The first is always of dull wool and crape, and only black wood, dull jet, or orape stone ornaments are permissible. Preferably none is worn during strict mourning. The gloves are of black wool, castor or suede. For the second period of mourning fancy black weaves are used, and silk and black face are also admitted, and fur may serve as trimming. Ornaments of bright jet or gun-metal are appropriate, as are glace gloves. These two stages are followed by half mourning, when combinations of black and white and all shades of grey and violet are proper. Flowers are worn in the hat—scabious, heliotrope, irises, pansiee, lilacs, periwinkle, and, in addition, white cyclamens, which are now very charmingly and naturally made. The fashion of making mourning costumes is the fashion of the moment modified and robbed of all odities and ttriking effects. There is no special style for mourm- iag garments different from the usual one. l

HOME HINT& BEFORE giving the orders for the day to the cook, writes out the menus for luncheon (and the kitchen dinner), dinner, and breakfast the following day. AVOID the constant recurrence of stereotyped dishes, and so far as possible provide a mixed diet which contains a fair proportion of flesh-forming and warmth-producing food. REMEMBER that vegetables have their own distinct value as food, and should not only be served as an adjunct to a joint of meat. Almost any kind of vegetable can be prepared so as to make a very satis- fying and appetising dish in itself, and thus can be utilised to keep down the amount of the butcher's book. To regulate the various supplies, write down on the kitchen slate each day, after arranging the various meals, the quantity of meat, milk, bread, &c., which is required. And in order to check the tradesmen's weekly accounts, ascertain from the cook the following day the exact quantities of the various things, and enter them in a book which should be kept in a kitchen for the purpose. THE bread pan should be inspected daily, and the contents-should serve as a guide to the number of loaves required. The pieces of bréadvJhicb are too small or too dry for table use should be disposed of either to keep up the supply of white and brown breadcrumbs, which are essential in every well- ordered kitchen, or they may be utilised for plain or rich puddings (both boiled and baked) in which bread is one of the principal ingredients. GIVB the cook instructions that, so far as possible, all the baking is to be done when the oven is hottest, so as to avoid the constant making up of the fire. Also let it be understood that in order to save the coal the cinders from the other fires are to be burnt in the kitchen range, either before the greater part j of the cooking is begun, or after it is over. Another simple way of decreasing the coal bill is to use a briquette when the oven is not required, to keep in the fire. WHEN in the kitchen, satisfy yourself that both it and the larder are scrupulously clean. Any defi- ciency in this respect should not be overlooked in the department where food has to be kept and pre- pared. If the kitchen tables are not a good colour they should be scrubbed daily with soft soap and silver sand until they are white.— Woman. MUTTON AND CHICKEN BSOTH.—Cut up small one pound of lean mutton, put it into a saucepan with one and a half pints of optd water, cover closely, and boil till the meat falls to pieces. Skin and strain, put in one tablespoonful of barley (previously soaked in just enough hot water to thoroughly moisten it); let this simmer for half an hour, stirring frequently now add the necessary seasoning of satt and pepper, mixed in four tablespoonfuls of milk and a sprinkling of finely-chopped parsley let it simmer fully five minutes after it has become very hot, subsequent to pouring in the milk. Watch carefully lest it should burn. Chicken-broth is made in the same way, with the bones well broken before they are put to boil. A most nourishing jelly is made thus Pound with a heavy pestle half a raw chicken, bones and all; place it in a pan with enough water to cover it well. Cover it up. heat it, and let it simmer till the contents are in shreds and the liquid reduced by one-half. Strain and press through a colander and a coarse muslin. Salt it, and put it on the fire to simmer six or seven minutes more. Stand it aside in a basin to cool; skim it. Keep this jelly on ice, and serve it cold, or between very thin slices of white bread and butter: also with unsweetened rusks.—Syhilla, in the Sun. NURSE'S PUDDING.—Method Boil half a pint; of new milk with two lumps of sugar, in a perfectly clean enamelled saucepan. When boiling sift ih a dessert-spoonful of semolina, and cook for, 10 minuted. Allow to cool, and then add the yolk of an egg and the stiffly-whipped white. Bake in a small pie-dish for 20 minutes. This quantity will make two nice helpings. When the yolk has been added the pudding may be divided into two, half the beaten white of egg being added to one of the portions, to be cooked immediately in a tiny fireproof dish, when the little souffle can be served to the invalid. The other half may be kept in & cool place for some hours without harm, and then when required later the rest of the white of egg, which should have been left on a sieve, can be added, and a fresh hot pudding be prepared at the suitable moment. POTATO SOUP.—Cut half a pound of peeled potatoes into slices (they should, be weighed after being peeled), and put them into a stewpan with an ounce of butter (or clarified dripping), an onion, and a turnip, sliced, and a few pieces of celery; coyer the pan and let the vegetables simmer for ten minutes without becoming in the least brown. Then pour in a quart of white stock (the liquor in which a piece of mutton, or a fowl, has been boiled will answer the purpose), and after it has boiled up let it simmer until the vegetables are quite tender. Re- move the onion, and pass the potato, &c., through a sieve; return the puree to the stewpan, and add half a pint of milk, which has been boiled, with a table- spoonful of rice ilour,or cornflour; season the soup with salt, pepper, and a little grated nutmeg; stir in about a dessertspoonful of chopped parsley, and as soon as it is thoroughly hot send it to table accom- panied by sippets of fried bread. COTTAGE SOUP, BAKED.—Cut a pound of meat into slices, put one or two at the bottom of ;an earthen jar or pan, cover with two sliced onions, then add another layer of meat and two sliced carrots. Add a pint of whole peas, which have been soaked over night, and a gallon of water, tie down the jar, and leave it in a hot oven three cr four hours. ORANGE PUDDING.—Soak one and one-third cupfuls of breadcrumbs in one cupful of cold water, and in 20 minutes add one cupful of sugar, one of orange juice, two eggs and the yoke of a third, slightly beaten one tablespoonful of melted butter and one- fourth teaspoonful of salt. Bake in a buttered pudding dish in a slow oven until firm. Cool slightly, and cover with a meringue made of the whites of two eggs, two tablespoonfuls of powdered sugar, and one-fourth teaspoonful CIf. orange extract. ROASTED DUCKS.—Choose a pttif of fine young ducks, singe, draw, wash and wipe itj; season each by rubbing one tablespoonful salt in and outside all over the ducks, truss them nicely and lay them in a roasting-pan pour over 2oz. melted butter, set the pan in a medium hot oven, and roast till they have obtained a light-brown colour all over, then add a small cupful giblet broth (made from the necks, feet, and giblets of the ducks); continue to roast, basting frequently till done, which will take about one hour and a half; if the gravy should brown too much, add a little more broth; then finish the same as roasted turkey. The ducks may be stuffed either with potato dressing or apple dressing or raisin dres- sing. SHRJKr SAUCE.—Mix in a saucepan one heaping tablespoonful flour with half cupful of cold water, add half teaspoonful salt, the yolks of two eggs, and one quarter teaspoonful nutmeg. Add slowly, while stirring constantly, half pint of boiling water, stir till nearly boiling; draw the saucepan to side of stove, stir and add in small portions one large table- spoonful butter add last half cupful rich cream, one cupful fine-cut shrimp meat and one tablespoonful lemon juice; then serve. SOUP A. LA RBINB.—Place a kettle with one well- cleaned chicken over the fire, cover with cold water when it boils add one leek, one onion, half table- spoonful of salt, and four sprigs of parsley tied together with two cloves and half a bay leaf, cover and boil slowly till the chicken is tender; take out the chicken, remove the white meat from the breast of chicken and cut it in small pieces, set it aside with a little chicken broth to keep warm strain the chicken broth through a napkin, free it from all fat and return it in the saucepan to the fire. Melt 2oz. butter, add 2oz. flour, stir and cook three minutes without browning, then add slowly three pints of chicken broth, stir and boil five minutes; then taste; if necessary, add eeit. Mix the yolks of two eggs with half a pint cream and add it to the •oup stir for a few minutes, taking care not to let it boil, put the chicken meat in the tureen, pour over i the soup, and serve. ¡ FILLBT OF FLOUNDER. Procure the fillets from two flounders weighing 1ilb. each; cut each fillet in half crosswise and season them with salt and pepper; lay the fish in a bowl with one large onion cut into slices; sprinkle over the juice of one lemon, lay half handful fresh parsley on top, cover and let stand one hour; then dry the fish on a napkin, dust the fillets with flour, dip them in beaten egg, and cover with breadcrumbs fry them in hot fat to a fine golden colour; dress the fish on a hot dish, and serve with Tartare sauce and potato balls. I TARTARS SAUCK.—Fill a pint measure three- quarters full with salad oil, and set it in a bowl of cracked ice; put the yolk of two eggs in a stone bowl and set also in ice let them remain twenty minutes then stir the yolks two minutes; add slowly the oil, a few drops at a time, while stirring briskly. When half the oil has been used, add one teaspoonful ■alt; continue to stir till all is used, adding as the Bauce thickens a little Tarragon vinegar, one table- spoonful in all; add one tablespoonful fine chopped parboiled white onion, one tablespoonful fine chopped capers, half teaspoonful English mustard and one quarter teaspoonful white "pepper, and add, if handy, two tablespoonfuls whipped cream. APPLE DRESSING.—Peel, core and cut into quarters eight large greening apples, place them with half cupful water in a saucepan over the fire, cover and cook till tender but not broken remove and when cold rub 4oc. of stale baker's bread without the rind into crumbs, mix them lightly with the apples; add two tablespoonfuls sugar, one tablespoonful melted butter, measured before melting, add the yolka of two eggs and use as directed I

'f ART AND LITERATURE. THE late Mr. William Stott, of Oldham, an artist of striking originality, whose work is far too little known to the general public, has died at sea in the course of a short voyage taken in the hope of recovering his health after a serious illness. He has been buried at Ravenglass, Cumberland, where he had his country studio. Mr. Stott was still in the prime of life. He began his art career in the studio of Gerome in Paris, and won distinction at the Ecole des Beaux Arts. His two early pictures, "The Bathers and The Feryman," exhibited at the Salon, were hailed as the pictures of the year. They gained a medal for the young artist, with the offer of purchase by the State. Mr. Stott's later work, beautiful and imaginative as it is, is of somewhat too uncommon kind to find acceptance with the majority of picture viewers in his own country, although it is highly esteemed in France and Ger- many. IT is a pity that more satisfactory answers were not forthcoming to the questions asked a few nights ago in the House of Commons concerning the recent fire at St. George's Barracks, and concerning the pre- cautions which are to be taken in the future to make j the National Gallery reasonably safe as a storehouse for art treasures. The fire, of course, was treated as a trivial affair, a little every-day incident not worth making a fuss about. It was caused by a soot door being loose," so the official explanation ran, and all the soot doors in the barracks have now been made perfectly secure." The explanation is sufficiently alarming, for it implies that soot doors which causes fires when they get loose are numerous in the St. George s Barracks, and it also hints that the looseness of a soot door is not discovered until a fire breaks out. Perhaps the most depressing part of the answer was its coaclusion, that every possible precaution had been taken to avoid danger from fire," a recognised formula which means that things will continue as they are. TIIE other inquiry, whether it is the intention of the Government to make the National Gall( ry ulti- mately a detached building, produced a reply no less disappointing, as it drew an.opinion from the First Commissioner of Works that the gallery is now practically detached," and that its appearance of being in dangerous communication with other build- ings is a kind of optical illusion. A statement was also made that the purchase of adjoining public houses and shop property, so as to open a clear space round the site, did not cQme within the limit of the Government scheme. Apparently the fact that neigh- bouring buildings are so close that it has been found necessary to fix iron shutters to some of the skylights of the galleries to keep unpffiqial fires from invading the premises is nothing to worry about. It would be interesting, however, to know exactly where the limit of the Government scheme is drawn, nearly every- thing that is important seems to be outside it. LETTERS to the Editor," and verses on war or other prominent subjects, fulfil a highly-important function in the prevention of nervous strain. That, at any rate, is the opinion expressed by Dr. Andrew Wilson in his book on Brain and Body." Such contributions, he maintains, represent a mental safety-valve for a large number of people. In each case there is a nerve storm generated in the brain cells, and if it finds no vent in some form of physical activity, it expends itself among the brain cells, and produces disastrous effects, varying from a mere explosion of temper or hysteria, to a fit. The use of pen, ink, and paper blows off the mental steam." THE twenty-sixth annual edition of Kelly's Hand- book to the Titled, Landed, and Official Classes," being the issue for the year 1900, has just been pub- lished, and the familiar and indispensable volume has expended to 1493 closely yet clearly printed pages. The accuracy and fulness of the information given is quite up to the high-established standard of the work, and all the necessary revisions and addi- tions have been brought down to the latest possible date, the New Year Honours being included, and deaths recent as that of Sir William Hunter on February 7 taken cognisance of. IT is announced that the manuscript of Sir Walter Raleigh's poem The Lie," in his own handwriting, is to be offered for sale this month. This was the poem which raised such an inky storm among critics as to its authorship, and it was ascribed by the disputants to no less than six different authors, the best known of whom were Jbshrta Sylvester, DaViSon of the "Poetical Rhapsody," Lord Essex, and Lord Pembroke. There was not much evidence, however, to back up the claims of any of these, and Dr. Hannah ultimately made Raleigh's title to the authorship sufficiently dear. MR. HUGH STAXNUS in his speech at the distribu- tion of prizes to the students of the Royal Female School of Art made a point worth attention when he commented on the manner in which of late years design and craftmanship have been separated. He has certainly hit upon a curious anomaly in our system of art education, upon a working paradox in accordance with which teachers who have no expe- rience of handicrafts train students to make designs that must be carried out by workmen who have no knowledge of art. The results of this disjointed arrangement have certainly not been happy. A ten- tative and unpractical type of design has been created something that is more showy than useful; and the real object of decorative work has been for- gotten. It would certainly be better if students could be taught to put their ideas into permanent shape instead of being obliged by the insufficiency of their technical education always to depend upon a mechanical executant. THE artistic contingent elected to serve on the com- mittee of the new Church Crafts League is sufficiently representative, and certainly seems to imply that the secession from the Clergy and Artists' Association has been a serious one. The names of Sir W. B. Richmond, Mr. Holiday, Mr. Goscombe John, Mr. Stirling Lee, Mr. Alexander Fisher, Mr. C. O. Skil- beck, Mr. Byam Shaw, Mr. Dressier, Mr. A. G. Walker, Mr. J. Philips, and Misses Ford and Lowndes, are to be reckoned among those of the most noted workers in various branches of design and we may fairly expect a society in which such men are the guiding spirits to give a very good account of itself in the art world. IN commenting on the extraordinary versatility of the late Mr. Traill, it is curious that no one has noticed the production of the play which he wrote in collaboration with Mr. Hichens. The Medicine Man was, perhaps, not a brilliant piece of work, but it was acted by Sir Henry Irving at the Lyceum, and pleased some of the severest of the dramatic critics. Its chief deficiencies were the result of the difficulty, inherent in all collaborated efforts, of properly wedding the work of two diverse intellects. SOME curious facts about old almanack are to bti found in a little privately printed baok published by Mr. Abel Heywood, of Manchester. At the beginning of the century, it appears, the Company of Stationers had a practical monopoly. Each almanac paid a shilling stamp duty to the State, the amount realised being £30,000 yearly. Many devices were resorted to in order to evade the stamp law, which was repealed in 1835. Richard Carlisle printed a calendar on calico, and pleaded that as "printed calico" it was not within the Act. This was too much for the Excieo officials. They compromised the matter rather than risk a prosecution. IN a new illustrated magazine the following gem appears: The untrained and illiterate persons whom it would seem are nowadays employed (we suppose for the sake of cheapness) on certain of the newspapers, if we are to judge by their deplorable ignorance of history, geography, and the rudiment* of grammar, to say nothing of foreign language^ appear to forget—if they ever knew—that in France the people speak French, in Germany German, in Italy Italian, and so on." It would appear from thit paragraph that ignorance of the rudiments of grammar, and, we might add, of English com- positien, is not confined to the Press. We need hardly add (says the Echo) that the author is Miss Marie Corelli. United Australia is the title of a "quarterly review for thinking men and women," of which the first number recently appeared at Sydney. The editor is Mr. Bruce Smith. In this opening issue are short contributions by Lord Brassey on Aus- tralian Naval Defence, Sir Samuel Griffith on Preliminaries of Federation," the Hon. Edmund Barton. Q.C., on After the Proclamation," and Sir Edward Braddon on his" Blot," as some of his poli- tical opponents describe the clause in the Common- wealth Bill with which his name is associated. The articles are opposite and well chosen. Their brevity so very uncharateristic of the quarterhes we are ourselves accustomed to, will no doubt be a high recommendation to the bu«y thinkers of either sex to whom the periodical is addressed. A point emphasised by Lord Brassey in considering the Admiralty scheme for Australia is that the rates of pay accepted in the Mother Country would not suffice at the Antipodes, and might have to be sup- plemented from the Colonial Exchequer, as in the caae of the military contingent despatched from South Australia. He also notes that while six months' continuous service at sea is desirable, yet if it be recognised that the colonial conditions render such service exceptionally disadvantageous to the Reservists some alternative must be con- sidered."

SUE Doesn't a man's second love usually differ from his first, Charlie ?" He: Yes she generally has more money." JONBS "There goes a man that I always envy." Wilkins: Why so?" He proposed to my wife eDoo, and she rejected him."

-4 'III POST FREE. ,glob., ,glob., 60ST if you wish for Manly Vieor, send for tjie hest and most valuable work on A TFOPHY and VARICOCELE, by M.D., Ch.M., with special chapters on the explanation of Vital Secrets, and the certain CURE OF Prostration, DEBILITY and DECAY. This work is .,he purest guide in ESSENTIAL MATTERS, and treats in an exhaustive manner the subject of the various diseases which emanate from abuses of all kinds, as well as those which arise through no fault of the sufferer. A few of the ailments which the work treats of are Exhausted Vitality, Spermatorrhea, Youthful Imprudence, Lost Manhood, Premature Decay, Despondency, Loss of Energy, Weakness, Varicocele, Dimness of Sight, Brain Fag, Nervous- ness, Hlotches on the Skin, Loss of Memory, Melancholy, Noises in the Ears, Liver Complaints, Bladder and Kidney Complaints, and every form of disease peculiar to the Urinary Organa. It should be read by everyone, and will be found of inestimable value. Its compilation is the result of many years' experience in the treatment of these diseases, and the author is sure that it will be found a complete treatise on these distressing ailments. Write for & copy to-day, and I will send one FREE OF CHARGE. Address:—"Surgeon," 7 Bristol Gardens, Brighton, Sussex, England. Name this paper.

AMEltICAN HUMOUR. I AMERICAN HUMOUR. Josu BILLINGS wrote: One ov the hardest things I kno ov to put yure finger on is human happiness a mau gits it and lozes it a good deal az he duz the meazles. Thare iz so mutch learning in the world just now that good, old-fashioned common sense looks like foolishness. Mere tallent, to a literary man, ain't worth more than haff az mutch az lively impudence. No man ought to chain himself to a pen and inkstand unless he haz genius. Yu kan learn virtew out ov the katekism, but to understand vice yu hav to mix in with it just a little. Even if we were going to exist for ever in this world thare would be a poor excuse for the manner in which most fill us live. Now that I have got older and kan choose mi plezzures, I kan safely say that I never hav been so happy since, and never expekt to be again, az I waz in mi boyhood, when I had a haff day's vakashun from toil and a silver dime to make merry with. Az a streak ov fat and a streak ov lean make tho most palatable meats, so duz good and bad ltlk, mix) in right proporshuns, giv the best zest to life, I don't think that enny one hz ever realized the amount ov happiness or misery he anticipated, Verv fu men bav ever made an ockashuti but ockashuns hav made menny a man. I think that I would about az soon be hated as to be pittyed. Justiss iz siyntimes slo, but it never iz uncertain. Sooner or later, right prevails. When a man reaches the top round in the ladder ov fame, he thinks he owns that round, and he can't make ermy room on it for ennyboddy else. Moral swashun and catnip tea are both good in mild ailments, but when the disease iz aknte the knife ;'>nd blister must be adopted. No man who iz unacquainted with himself can bf weil acquainted with others. The plauzible truths are wuss to contend with than the downright falsehoods. Yu can't bury a lie so deep but that it will sprout. No man can expect to be happy whose thoughts a!i center in himself. Honesty iz allwuss quoted abuv par, even amung thieves. Mils. DE FASUIOK What a gump that Mr. Fine- mind, the great poet, is?" Friend Is he ?" Mrs. D HIIShioll: "Huh! At the grand reception I gavf him, I had the most beautiful flowers I could buy brought, in and strewn in the path for him to walk I un, and, would you believe it, the clown actually walked round them, just as if he hadn't money enough to buy more." LITTLE DICK: "Why do all these dressmakers I have big signs sayin'theyis modest?" Little Dot I i dess they want folks to know it is their fault tht dresses is cut so lokv." FitiKsn: What on earth are you doing to that tire ?" Great Irtist: "lam rubbing a piece of mw meat over this rabbit in'the foreground. Mrs. Do Shoddie will be here this afternoon, and when shf see her pet dog smell of that rabbit she'll buy it." Mus. PAKEns: I wish to get a house in a quiet neighbourhood." Agent: "Yes, madam; we cam accommodate you. I have a vacant house in a street which is as quiet as a Sabbath morn all the year round. No barking dogs, no children, no nuisance 01 any kind." Mrs. Spanker: "That's exactly what I want. How lucky I happened to come to you 1 How many rooms has it?" Agent: "Ten." Mrs. Spanker That's just right. We need a good deal of room. We have nine children. I hope there'* space at the back for a dog-house. We have three.' STRANGER: "High steppers appear to be very fashionable here." Horse Dealer Yes, sir. No other kind can get around New York, sir, without breaking their necks." MRS. STRUCKILK Did ye meet the Queen while you were in England, Mrs. McShoddje?" Mrs. McShoddie: No, I didn't, and I was real sorrvj too. I wanted to get her receipt for English plum puddin' AMERICAN CITIZEN (adopted): "BrIng-a me-a pistoli." Citizeness: Here-a you-a pistyl. It-a loaded." Vera good-a. Now give-a me-a stiletto." Here-a the-a stiletto.' "Vera good-a. Getta one for yourself, and we go taka Sunday afternoon walka." DECIDEDLY the homeliest man in Congress is Eddy of Minnesota. He rather glories in the distinction of ugliness, especially as all his other characteristics are enviable. During his last campaign the enemies of Af r. Eddy charged him with being double-faced. He met the charge in a manner that disarmed all criticism. "Great Heaven," said Mr. Eddy to his audience, "do you think that if I had two faces I would wear the one I am showing you now." THEATRE MANAGER: Cut out all those old jokes." Actor: Y—yes, sir." Manager: And put in some older ones. The public like a change once in a while." WN have such a misorable cook," said Dimple- ton, that I've got so I hate to go home at night. This servant question is gradually disrupting the whole household." Witherby smiled a pitying smile. What do you keep her for ?" he asked. Why, we keep her," replied Dimpleton, because the chances are the next one will be worse." Witherby laid his hand on his friend's shoulder. My dear fellow," he said, that is the whole trouble. That is the key to the key to the entire question. Householders, as a rule, are too timid, or too lazy. I don't know which. You take anything you can get, and suffer, rather than change." But," interrupted Dimpleton, with some surprise, why should we change if it doesn't do any good ?" The point," replied Witherby, is right here. I've tried it, and know. My method is troublesome for a while, but it pays. I keep on changing until I get just the girl I want. 1 never engage a servant for more than a week's trial. Then, if she doesn't fulfil my requirements exactly, I try another one. I keep this up until I am satisfied. OF course, while you are doing this, it is more or less upsetting. But it's the only way." Dimpleton was thoughtful. "I don't know, but you're right," ho said finally. How long have you been trying this ?" Witherby sighed. About six- teen vears." he said. As you know," said Winkleton to his wife, who sat calmly engaged in the intricacies of a half-com- pleted sofa pilloir, I am not of a jealous disposition. I noticed at the dancing club last night that young Dribbton paid you marked attention. I have been thinking over the matter since then, and I aID glftdl to say that I have no petty feelings upon the subject. I have seen some men who would have been furious over even such a small matter as this, but I am glad to say that the whple evening I wasn't ruffled. It ig a pleasure-I may say a source of great satisfaction -for me to know that I am broad-minded enough to ignore a thing like this. Indeed, it was really a delight for me to know that you are such an attrac- tive woman. I should, I believe, have some secret chagrin—my pride would be touched-if you failed to attract any notice from other men. I really don't think, my dear, that there is one particle of jealousy III my whole nature.. I am glad to hear you say that, smiled Mrs. Winkleton, in reply. No doubt I have misjttdged you, but I did think that possibly yoa were annoyed by Mr. Dribbton." Never I" said Winkleton, firmly, never I Such a thing did not occur to me. At the same time, I don't mind saying this, and his voice rose at a bound from 70deg. Fahrenheit to 160 in the shade, if he goes one step farther, or even dares to repeat the smallest fraction of his odious attentions to you of last even- ing, 111 horsewhip him within an inch of his life JONAS called up his first wife at the seance last night, and what do you think he said to her ?" asked Smith. "Goodness knows," said Brown. "He I rlsked her if she would give his second wife her re- ceipt for mince meat." MAMMA (anxiously watching her little boy at dinner): My dear child, you really should not eat your pudding so quickly." Small Child Why not, mamma?" Mamma: "Because it is dangerous. I once knew a little boy about your age who was eat- ing his pudding so quickly that he died before he had finished it." Small Child (with much concern): And what did they do with the rest of his pudding, mamma ?" WHAT was the biggest political speech you eves J made?" "I think it was somewhere in the neigh- bourhood of ffty thousand," answered Senator j Sorghum. "Words?" "No, dollars. An' I toll ou it was nrettv hard to say,"

FUN AND FANCY. CRITIC That villain in your story is a per'ect masterpiece. Where did you get the character ?" Novelist: "I imagined a man possessed of all the forms of wickedness which my wife attributes to me ivhen she is angry." RESCUER Miss Properleigh. give me yo"r hand," Drowning Maiden (preparing to sink for the third time): Oh, Mr. Manley, this is so stidden-so unex- pected You will have to ask mamma." ArTra carefully consulting the restaurant menu he said, Bring ipie a roll and butter, a cup of tea, fcnd a little steak and kidney pie, and don't put any sugar in it." EMPLOYER So you want a fortnight's salary in advance? But suppose you should die to-night?" Clerk (proudly): Sir, 1 may be poor, but I am a gentleman." CLINICAL PROHBSSOR (to patient): What is your occupation?" Patient (with bronchial catarrh): "A musician, sir." Profetsor (to the students): Here, gentlemen, I have an opportunity of clinically de- monstrating to you a hot to which I've frequently referred in the lecture-room—namely, that fatigue und the respiratory efforts called for by the act of blowing on wind instruments are a frequent cause of the affection from which this man is suffering." (To patient.) "On what instrument do you play?" Patient: The big drum, sir." FOND Makma (showing the baby to visitor): "Sh-h—he's asleep. The little darling! Isn't he the sweetest you ever saw ?" Visitor (in awe-struck whiper): Decidedly. Can't he talk ?" Fond Mamma: "Talk; I should think he could talk I Why, he can say' goo' and ga' and yow.' Picked them up himself, too." A BIRMINGHAM man has a mania for collecting all sorts of queer facts in history, science, and so forthi but his wife has no sympathy with him in this direc- tion. The other evening he laid down his paper. I That's odd," he said to her. "What?" she in- quired. The statement that it would take 12,000,000 years to pump the sea dry at the rate of 1000 gallons a second." She thought over the statement pro- foundly for a fnfl minute. and then innocently asked: Where would they put all the water ?" DOCTOR: "I see what the matter is. You do not get sleep enough. Take this presciption to shemist's." Mr. Blinkers: "Thank you. I presume that's what's the matter." Doctor (next day): Ah, good-morning. You are looking much better to-day. Slept last night, didn't you ? Mr. Blinkers: Slept like a top. I feel first-rate." Doctor: How many doses of that opiate did you take ? Mr. Blinkers (in surprise): I didn't take any. I gave it to the baby." A YOUNG Irishman once went to a kind-hearted old squire for a recommendation. An elaborate one was written and read to him. He took it with thanks, but did not go. What's the matter with it ? roared the squire. Oh, nothin', sorr," said the lad, quickly, Well, then, why don't you go ? Sure, sorr, 1 thought on the stringth of a recommind like that you'd be wanting to hire me." EYERY baby is the sweetest baby in the world. Y were once considered the sweetest thing in the wod although you may not look it now. MADGE: Pa, that nice young fellow, Mr. Downing, is awful fond of kissing." Pater: How did you find that out, you good-for-nothing girl 1. Madge I had it from his own lips, pa." SOMEBODY has taken the trouble to write a book about "How to find the stars." Don't wait to read' it-step on a piece of orange-peel. GENTLEMAN Are you really so hard up" Tramp: "Hard up? Why, sir, if suits of clothes wuz sellin' at a penny apiece, I wouldn't have enoughr to buy the arm-hole of a vest." ONE of the hardest things in all public affairs is t8 keep the brass band from mistaking itself for the entire procession. BROWNE: "But why do you ask me to lend him a sovereign as a personal favour to you ? Are yoa under obligation to him ?" Towne: No; but if you don't, he'll come to me for it." Hz: "Her heart is as hard as glass. I can't make an impression on it." She: "Have you tried the diamond ?" What would you give to have such hair as mine ?" Jeannie: I don't know—what did yoa give ?" You may mend a broken reputation, but your neighbours will keep their eyes on the crack. MR. MOYEOFT Well, my dear, how do you find the neighbours here—sociable?" Mrs. Moveoft: Very. Three or four of them have sent in to ask if I would allow their children the use of our piano to practise on." "WHAT do you think of Dauber's picture* t Pretty bad, aren't they?" Yes and yet I know one man who thinks them very fine, and who owns tots of them." Who, for goodness sake JII8 Dauber." HE (pleadingly): Why can't we be married She (coyly): Oh, I can't bear to leave father alonfr just yet." He (earnestly): "But, my darling, he has had you such a long, long time." She (freezingly): Sir!" Two gentlemen walking together came by a statelf new building. "What a magnificent structure 1" said one." Yes," replied the other but I cannofr bear to look at it often as I pass it." That it strange; why not ?" Because it reminds me that the owner built it out of the blood, the aches, and groans of his fellow men-out of the grief of crying children, the woe of wailing women." Gracions I What is the owner—a money-lender, or a pawn- broker, or something of the kind ?" Oh, no be is a dentist." BRIDF'S LITTLE BROTHER (to bridegroom): Did it hurt you much when she did it ?" Bridegroom: "What hurt me?" Bride's Little Brother: "The hook. Did it go into your lip?" Bridegroom: "I don't know what you mean, Johnny." Bride's Mother: "Leave the table this instant, Johnny 1" Bride's Little Brother: What for ? I only wanted to know if it hurt him. You said that Sis had fished for him a long time, but she hooked him at last and I wanted to know if-" A WEEPING little midshipman, on joining his shipo 4.1 1.1 NO 1 L A. u" was tnu» 5 iae DJUH oia come, my little man, you must not cry on board ons of her Majesty's ships of war! Did your mother crj when you left home?" "Yes, sir." "Silly old tiling. Did your sister cry when you e.-Ame away p- "Yes, air." "Stupid little idiot. Did your fathet cry when you came away No, sir." Afd* hearted old beggar 1" X STOUT old lady, seeing at one of the railway stations an automatic machine from which, by drop* ping a penny in the slot, you receive t he portrait of a celebrity, carefully reconnoitered it. She dropped the coin in, and wearing her best am < t «ed herself in front of the machine for a few secum ? opened the drawer, and drew out a portrait. Ac!mating he» spectacles and looking at it, whi should meet hot astonished gaze but a portrait oi a Wv acrobat in costume. Well!"she ejaculated, "so this ia me,eh>S If I don't speak to the authorities about this, my name is not Maria Jenkins I" FIRST NuRsin GlItL: "So YOUVI) got a new place I* Second Nurse Girl: "Yes." First Nurse GirFs "Do you like it?" Second Nurse Girl: "Like jtJ Why, it is right in front of a police-station." HE (gently): "Are you not afraid somoone maji marry you for your mosey? She (sweetly): "0, dear, no. Such an idea never entered my bead" He (tenderly): "Ah, in your swe,t ÎnnOelJDCA you do not know how coldly, cruelly mercenary some mea are." She (quietly): Perhaps i." He(Mth sup- pressed emotion): I—I wou),: not for the worle) have such a terrible fate happen to you. The man who wins you should love you for yourself "ilone." She Hell have to. It's my coiwm Jennie has money, not 1. You've got us mixed. I haven't a cent." He:"Er very cold weather we're having." A GIRL in a Lancashire market sold a gentlemaifc a fine fat goose, warranting it to bp young. It brued out, when roasted, to be unmanageably tough. The next" day the gentleman said to the Qiarket girl, That goose you sold me for a young one was very old," Certainly not," said she. Don't you otU me young?" xes." "Well, J am but cineteen, and I have heard mother say oCu a that that goose was six weeks younger than me." DOLLY: Mrs. Candour intii. aw'^ the other night that your hair was not your JHitj." Tip false," said Daisy. That's erhe ¡r",Hi. itlurned Dolly.